When Peter was eight he almost drowned.
He had been visiting Long Island Beach with Ben and May, celebrating his uncle's birthday for the weekend. At the time Peter had been ecstatic, having never been near an ocean and wanting to dive in the moment they arrived. However, May had been adamant that he stay close to her side as Ben set up the umbrellas and towels for the day. Peter had listened for a minute or two, but he was nothing if not a curious child.
He seized his opportunity while she was lathering up in sunscreen, running towards the sea and not hesitating to embrace the waves as soon as he reached them. It was a moment that could only be described as ecstasy as he let himself float, completely mesmerized by the way the salt water moved before him.
He had seen plenty of photos of the sea growing up, but to experience the thrill of it was something new entirely. He looked past the sun and tried to find the end of the ocean, but the blue waters appeared to go on for infinity.
Peter smiled as he took a step forward, accepting the challenge.
He chose not to think as he sank deeper into the water, swinging his arms forward and kicking his legs until he was no longer able to touch the shore. He imagined himself as a sea creature as he fully immersed himself into the ocean, and he couldn't help but think that this was the most fun he would ever have in his life.
But then another wave hit him, and suddenly it was no longer exciting to Peter. He attempted to keep himself afloat but the task felt impossible as the sea began to pull him down. He opened his mouth to call for help but the words were muffled as he choked on salt water instead.
Peter continued to thrash around though he was aware he had no idea how to swim. Elation had quickly turned into blinding fear, and the knowledge that he wouldn't survive this weighed even heavier than the waves above him. With the realization, he relaxed his body as he began to lose air, and he almost felt at peace when he finally closed his eyes.
Just when he thought he had actually reached the end of the ocean, strong arms grabbed at his shoulders and he was suddenly pulled forward.
Unknowingly at the time, he had allowed the sea to swallow him whole as if it were inevitable, and to this day he is unable to describe the feeling of waves crashing into him as he simply accepts his fate. The moment of peace still haunts him at night when he tries to sleep.
He sometimes wonders if that was what death feels like.
He remembers the lecture he had gotten from Ben and May that day, and he swears he has never felt more guilty. May had been sobbing at that point and Ben was absolutely furious, holding him tight and physical shaking as he tried to explain to Peter why he was not allowed to do that.
Peter had been defensive despite knowing what he had done was wrong. He yelled at Ben with a childish rage and twisted away from his grip, not understanding the severity of the situation until his uncle explained it a different way.
"What if it were May, would you have wanted her to stop swimming?"
Peter had shook his head, not even wanting to fathom a scenario where either of them were in danger. Tears begin to form in his eyes but Ben pressed on relentlessly, desperate for Peter to listen.
"I don't care how hard it is, you always keep your head above the water."
"But I don't even know how to swim."
"Then you learn, you ask for help and if there's no one around you figure it out yourself."
The words were stern at the time as they were practically spat at him, but even after all these years they still stick with Peter. He has since then learned the importance of waiting before diving into the water.
This is why he hesitates when his hand touches the doorknob of the apartment and the hairs on his arms inexplicably stand up. A chill runs through his spine and there is no mistaking the warning signs of his Spider Sense.
For a brief moment Peter is skeptical as he had only just finished his school day a half hour ago. He hadn't gotten a lot of sleep in the past few weeks and his Spider Sense had given false alarms in the past. Still, his shoulders tense up and he halts in his steps.
The only person that should be in the apartment is May, but if something was telling him that he was in danger, then that would mean she was as well.
Peter suddenly feels sick to his stomach.
His heart tells him to open the door and check on May, but he's certain that it's not the smartest way to go about the situation. At the same time, his fight or flight response leans to the first one, and he's tempted to throw himself to the potential threat only so he can protect his aunt in the process.
He ignores the urge and forces himself to take a deep breath instead. There was a possibility that everything was fine inside the apartment and he could simply be overreacting.
Though Peter has never been one to have luck on his side, so he pulls out the phone in his back pocket and contacts the first person that comes to mind. The text is short and quick, but he thinks it gets the message across nevertheless.
It takes a lot of courage for Peter to take a step forward knowing that he may as well be walking into a trap, yet at the same time there was no chance he could wait for help to arrive while May was in there. With that thought in mind, he steels himself as he moves towards the door, but it swings open before he can even touch the handle.
A man that Peter doesn't recognize stands in front of him and his Spider Sense flairs even more, thus confirming his suspicions that he wasn't safe here. Despite the uneasiness in his stomach, he tries to stand tall as the stranger peers down at him.
"Peter Parker, nice of you to finally join us."
The fact that the man not only knew Peter's name but had apparently been waiting for him in his own apartment causes anticipation to stir in his gut, but he further ignores the feeling as he looks around the room, searching for May.
The worry must have been clearly written on his face because the man laughs and takes a step back, allowing Peter to enter the apartment in a haze. It's only the two of them in the living room, and Peter feels trepidation at the observation.
"I assume you're looking for your aunt?"
He faces the man once more, taking note of the suit he was wearing as well as his balding head of hair. While they have clearly never met each other, he looks at Peter as if he knew every last detail about him.
Peter has so many questions in his head but he starts with the most important one, "Where is she?"
Baldie ignores him and instead sits down on the couch as if he had been invited in the first place, and Peter forces himself to stay calm as he picks up the family photo on the end table. It was one that was taken while Ben was still alive, and it looks plain wrong in the hands of the untrusted stranger.
"How did your uncle die again?" He asks this as he brushes his thumb against the frame before placing it down with gentle hands, but Peter still feels as if he is being taunted with the action. It was a silent reminder of how he has already lost one.
Peter bites on his lip, trying to figure out how he knew about Ben. He watches the man lean back and rest his arms on the sofa, patiently waiting for Peter to gather his thoughts.
"He was shot," Peter eventually responds, telling the truth solely because he didn't know what else to say. The man nods as if he knew all along.
Baldie then smiles at the answer, letting out a small chuckle that turns Peter's vision red. The menacing grin quickly drops when he looks back at Peter, and he can hear the unspoken threat just from the gaze in his eyes.
"She's safe for now," Baldie finally says, answering his initial question.
Peter's blood runs cold, but before he can further interrogate the man he stands back up, heading towards Peter with such intensity that it momentarily leaves him paraliyzed on his feet. He stops when the two of them are face to face, and it takes all of Peter's willpower not to flinch away from his hot breath.
"I know your secret Spider-Man."
While Peter had been expecting this to be about his secret identity, to hear the words spoken with such hatred causes his breath to catch in his throat. It was much easier to fight villains when he had his mask to rely on, but now he is forced to keep eye contact as Baldie glares down at him.
Peter lets out a shaky sigh, attempting in vain to defend himself, "Look man, I have no idea what you're talking about."
The reaction is instantaneous, and Peter has barely any time to catch himself as he's roughly shoved back by strong hands. His shoulder hits the coat rack behind him though he hides the pain that flourishes from the impact.
The man screams much louder, and the volume rings in Peter's ears, "That's bullshit, we've seen you visiting this apartment multiple times."
"Maybe that's because I live here."
"That's funny, most people don't enter through the window."
Peter feels disgusted with himself as all of the missing pieces form in his head, and it was abundantly clear how his identity has been discovered. He was usually careful whenever travelling as Spider-Man, and more often than not he made sure to change in an alleyway before heading anywhere near the apartment.
Yet there had been a few times, instances where it had been too difficult for Peter to take those precautions. Whether it be because he had gotten stabbed in the back, or hit in the head one too many times to the point where he was quite literally seeing stars as he walked home.
These were the moments where there were more pressing issues to attend to than protecting his identity, and the fact that it has started this ordeal in the first place causes Peter to hate himself more than he ever has before.
He opens his mouth only to close it seconds later, not knowing what he could say to convince the man that he was wrong in his accusation. At the obvious hesitation, the man grins in triumph as he takes another step closer to Peter.
"If you know what's best for May Parker you'll come with us."
Peter was confident that he could take down the man in the matter of seconds. In the past has fought off villians that were triple his size, and now should be no different. Yet the mention of May's safety forces Peter to hold himself back, and he can't help but feel useless as he peers into Baldie's unforgiving eyes.
"Where is she?" Peter asks again, and while the question is supposed to be fueled with anger it instead comes out with a hint of desperation. The man smiles again, looking him up and down as if he were a lab experiment.
"Bring her out gentlemen," he says with a snap of his fingers, and suddenly the bedroom door was thrown open. Two burly men walked out with May physically dragged behind and tied with rope, and while there was duct tape covering her mouth, what she wanted to say was clear in her eyes as she looked at Peter through a combination of fear and fury.
Peter ignores all of this however, because the only thing he can focus on was the gun pressed against her head, leaving an indent on her temple as she pushes against their grip.
A small part of Peter is impressed that May is able to hold herself together while her life is being threatened, but he honestly isn't too surprised when considering how strong of a woman she is. He wishes he could do the same, but with his heartrate picking up and his breaths coming out more as gasps for air, he knows that he is seconds away from a panic attack.
He's already lost Ben, and he would never be able to forgive himself if he somehow managed to lose May as well.
The Boss of the operation looks back at Peter and observes the way his posture changes. It was obvious to all of them the bond that he and May shared, and Peter ridicules himself for being unable to properly hide his emotions when it matters most.
It's impossible to camouflage anything when he stares at the pistol aimed at the only family he has left.
"If you come with us no one will get hurt," the man reminds with a sing-song tone. The sound is like nails on a chalkboard to Peter, but he ignores the sudden nausea as he attempts to pull himself together for May's sake.
"How do I know you'll keep your end of the deal?"
"You don't," Baldie says with another grin, looking far too pleased with the turn of events.
As if it were second nature, Peter turns and does a quick scan of May to gauge her reaction. While doing this he notices that there are no obvious injuries on her face or body, and despite the situation he can't help but feel a little bit grateful. Since his time as Spider-Man he has learned to appreciate the silver linings, and this was no exception.
He looks back up and sees the message so clear in her eyes; she did not want him to agree to the exchange.
Peter shrugs his shoulders the slightest bit, offering a silent apology as he directs his attention back to Baldie. If he was being honest with himself, he didn't want to follow through with the arrangement either, but once again seeing the gun directed at her head was a blatant reminder that he didn't have a choice in the matter.
He feels like he's drowning as he takes a step forward, allowing the guards to push him into handcuffs that he could easily break out of in seconds if he wanted too. He resists the temptation as he's dragged away from May, headed out the apartment and into a white van that looks around thirty years old.
It's such a cliche that it causes a small laugh to rise out of Peter, but he's headbutted with an end of a pistol as soon as he makes the sound.
"Try anything and we'll shoot your aunt with no hesitation, all I have to do is say the word."
The laugh is cut off in an instance, and Peter can only nod in response.
He tries to keep his head above the water like Ben had asked all those years ago, yet it feels impossible as terror pulls him under. He's helpless as he's thrown into the back of the van, and he doesn't dare move a muscle with the fear that May will face the repercussions.
He may be drowning, but at least May was far away from the water. There was a silver lining in that, and Peter clings on to the thought as the van drives away with no bystanders trying to intervene.