well, dear readers, it's been more than a year since i've given you any content. this is a story i wrote a couple years ago that i've edited and posted as a result of me desperately missing college. i won't bore you with a big long life update, so i'll leave your with this: thanks for sticking around, and enjoy 💖
"Come on, Remus, you have to come! It's a party for all of us!"
I sighed for what has to be the hundredth time that day, preparing to disappoint my friends once again.
"Guys, seriously! We've been over this. Isn't it ironic that Emma is throwing this supposedly wild party for a bunch of English majors? Like, we have to have clean social media so that we can actually get jobs - it's hard enough to do already. What if someone takes a picture of me with a drink? What if I black out and I do something stupid? What if the cops come? What if-"
"You can 'what if' until the cows come home," Peter interrupted me, "but you'll never be able to control everything. You're going. That's final."
"I know, but..." I trailed off, not wanting to get to the root of the issue. My friends and I had never really discussed partying. We all lived in different areas around our university, so we hardly ever saw each other outside of classes. I knew they went out on the weekends, but they're also of legal age. I was still under 21, and my life consisted of way too much of rule-following to just let loose and party like they want me to.
"What if you be the DD?" James said, his eyes lighting up at the idea.
"Yes!" Peter exclaimed, his voice rising two octaves in a loud crack. He glared at us for laughing before continuing. "That way you can keep an eye on us like I know you want to, you can avoid drinking, and you can still come with us!"
I had to admit, being the DD for the group seemed like the perfect solution. I do really want to spend time with my best friends, along with everyone else in our major before we leave school for summer break. I looked up at the hopeful faces of my friends.
"Just to put the cherry on top of this perfect plan, I heard Sirius is definitely coming," James said, wiggling his eyebrows as Peter laughed and I blushed. I snuck a look over at Sirius, who was in deep conversation with our professor about an upcoming assignment. He caught me looking and gave me a heart-melting smile with a grey-eyed wink.
James elbowed me, noticing the exchange and the way my face burned a brighter red as I turned away. "Well? You definitely can't back out now."
I rolled my eyes as we walked out of the classroom, sneaking one last glance at Sirius on my way out. "Fine, yeah, whatever," I relented.
"You won't regret this, Remus! We're gonna get smashed, and you'll be there to see it!" Peter yelled as he fled from the building, trying to get to his car before he got a parking ticket.
James grabbed my arm as we laughed at Peter. He dragged me along as he started making run-on plans with incredible speed. "Okay, well, I know you're probably already freaking out about your homework for the weekend so we're going to the library tomorrow morning and getting shit done. Then I think I have lunch with Lily - gotta check on that to make sure - but either way I'm asking her to the party, too. We'll pregame at my apartment at nine and head over after. Hey, don't give me that look - you don't have to drink, just be there before the party. Seriously, Remus, I want you to experience this. You deserve a night to let loose, even if you're not using the free-flowing drinks that will be provided."
I looked at James with a mixture of amusement and fear in my eyes. "What did I just agree to?"
James's eyes sparkled with mischief. "The best weekend of your life."
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Stepping into the party was like entering another dimension, but not something cool, beautiful, or even remotely enjoyable like movies and books lead you to believe. I knew this dimension was totally out of my element, so I immediately retreated to the wall by the door. I had to laugh at my friends as they stumbled over themselves, grabbing drinks on the way to dance with our peers. They had pre-gamed way too hard prior to their dramatic party entrance, and I wasn't sure how much more all of them could take.
I surveyed the landscape in front of me like a researcher in a lab instead of a college student at a party. There were only about 25 of us in attendance, but the small space made it feel like there were a hundred people present. Alcohol was found on every surface possible, both in containers and spilled by drunk party-goers. I shook my head and leaned back against the wall as everyone sang along to a song I didn't know. How do people enjoy this kind of thing?
A voice in my ear pulled me out of my examination. "Not your thing either, huh?"
I looked to my left and found Sirius, looking breathtaking as he leaned against the wall next to me. His typical graphic band tee and tight jeans were accented tonight by a blue flannel, making his eyes pop even more than usual. His long black hair kept catching the flashing lights, giving him an additional glow. In his hands were two bottles of water, one of which was extended out to me.
I quickly grabbed the water and thanked him. "Yeah, can't say that I'm meant for the party scene," I yelled over the music, getting closer to him so he could hear me. "But I have to drive my favorite idiots home tonight." I motioned to the middle of the room where James, Lily, and Peter were attempting to dance and take shots with a few other people at the same time. Sirius stifled a laugh as Peter spilled his all over herself.
He leaned in and said, "Come on, let's go outside. We can hang out out there until these guys are done doing...whatever that is." He pointed back at the dancers who were drunkenly fighting over who got to go first for limbo. Where they got the stick for limbo and who got it in their head that it would be a good idea to play, I'll never know. I happily nodded and made my way outside with Sirius, breathing in the fresh May air to replace the sweaty alcoholic acid that I had been breathing in inside.
"Better?" He asked, smiling at me as we made our way to the line of cars.
I blushed, just like I did every time he smiled at me. "Y-yeah, thanks."
He led me over to his car as I tried to make my face go back to a normal color. He hopped on the hood, leaning back against the windshield. I stood next to him, uncertain if he really wanted my sitting on his car. He grinned and scooted over, patting the space next to him. As gracefully as I could manage - which wasn't very, if we're all being honest - I clambered up and took my seat. The noise of the party faded away as we sat in comfortable silence, gazing at the constellations above us.
"Why did you want to become a writer?"
"What?" I asked, looking at him in surprise. We had never gone very deep with our conversations, just some casual talks about our classes, so I was surprised that he would suddenly ask me about this.
"You know, why do you want to be a writer," he repeated, putting his arm behind his head as he continued to stargaze. "What drew you to it?"
I looked back up at the sky. "There were a lot of reasons, I guess. The main one was that I really think that a book can change a kid's life. I was affected, both positively and negatively, by what I read when I was little; we all were. If I can take one of the stories bouncing around in my head, put it on paper, and get it to an audience who's affected by it, that's the best thing I could ask for. Even if it's just one person who thinks it's important. If I can save a life with a story, what job would possibly be better than that?" He was quiet after I prattled out the explanation that I had only recently tried to work out myself. "Does that make any sense?"
He nodded quickly. "Yeah, definitely. I was just trying to come up with something to follow that. It's not going so well."
I laughed. "I'm sure you've got a good reason for being an English major; we all have to, otherwise we would have given up with all of these papers a long time ago. Tell me!"
He pursed his lips, quickly looking at me before clearing his throat. "Well, I actually really want to work with kids on their poetry skills someday." He said this rather quickly, almost as if he was embarrassed by the statement.
This answer surprised me a little; based on what little I knew about him, I didn't take him to be a poetry guy. I realized my silence probably didn't help with his apparent embarrassment, so I smiled and said, "Any particular reason?"
Seeing that I wasn't going to tease him, he relaxed. "I think learning how to write poetry is a part of the process of creating great songwriters. I've always wanted to write my own music, but I feel like I missed out on the chance to learn how when I was a kid. I figure if I could help some kids learn the basics of poetry writing and encourage them to write original stuff, they might be able to do what I never could."
I tried to hold in the "oh my god that is the sweetest thing I've ever heard" that was creeping closer to escaping my mouth. Instead I steered the conversation down the path he opened up: music. "So if you could write songs, what artist would you want them to be influenced by?"
We launched into an easy conversation about our favorite songs, albums, and musicians. We talked about classics throughout the ages, groaned about songs we couldn't stand, and laughed about current trends in the charts. He even admitted to being a fan of boybands. Eventually we landed on the question that I think is the one of the hardest to answer: what's your favorite song?
After he asked me, I gave my standard response. "I don't have a favorite song. It changes based on what's going on in my life."
He rolled his eyes playfully. "Fine. What's your favorite song at the moment?"
I started to answer, but then stopped. Truthfully, my favorite song of the moment was one that made me think of him. Listening to it gave me a glimpse of what I think it could be like if we dated. How do you tell this to a cute guy while sitting on the hood of his car on a beautiful spring night?
"Um..."
"Come on, it can't be that bad," he prompted. "I told you I like boybands! It can't be worse than that!"
I laughed and looked away. "No, it's not that bad, I guess. It's called 'All About Us,' by a band called He Is We."
"I haven't heard that," he said. "Can we listen to it?"
This was exactly what I hadn't wanted him to ask, but I felt like saying "no" would bring more attention to the the fact that I was embarrassed about the link I made between him and the song. I pulled out my phone and brought it up in my music, pressing play and placing the device between us. I closed my eyes, letting the familiar notes wash over me as the song began.
Take my hand,
I'll teach you to dance,
I'll spin you around,
Won't let you fall down...
Sirius was quiet as the song progressed. I didn't look at him, fearing that any eye contact would shatter the moment I was pretending we were having in my head.
'Cause lovers dance when they're feelin' in love,
Spotlight shining, it's all about us
It's all about us,
And every heart in the room will melt
This is a feeling I've never felt but
It's all about us...
Sirius shifted and slid off the car. I got the feeling that he knew why I picked that song; why else would he just get up and leave in the middle of it? God I'm such an idiot, I thought. This isn't a movie. It's not like this was just going to magically work itself out.
Evidently I had thought too soon. Before I could register what was happening, Sirius was grabbing my hand and tugging on my arm, indicating that I should stand up with him. I looked at him in confusion, not daring to hope that what I had dreamt of happening was actually coming true.
"Dance with me?"
With my heart pumping loudly in my ears, I nodded as he helped me climb off the car and pulled me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck while he placed his hands on my hips. We swayed softly to the music, turning in circles under the starry sky. I laid my head on his chest and his arms tightened. His heartbeat became our new metronome as the song ended.
I couldn't tell you how long we had been dancing by the time he moved one hand to tilt my face towards him. The moonlight had turned the world around us into a black and white photograph, draining the color but leaving the magic.
"We..um...we should...we should go check on everyone," I said, struggling for coherent words with his face so close to mine. "Make...make sure they're good. We haven't seen or heard anyone from the party in awhile..."
"Mmhmm..." he responded absently, his eyes flickering to my lips. "Nope, they can wait."
"Sirius?"
He leaned in and kissed me, adding the finishing touch to this perfect evening.
"Just us right now," he whispered, leaning his forehead against mine. "All about us."