Chapter fifteen: Truth and Confessions
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"Tell me. What happened?"
"I don't know. It happened too fast."
Daniel told her as flashes of them dancing happened after the two went upstairs into his room and surprised Renesmee with the change of clothes he had prepared laid across the bed.
Daniel Choi
Renesmee Lockheart
She looked up to him with that sweet melody in their heads. He nudges himself to Renesmee so he can leave for her to change but she knew he didn't want to be alone-she stops him from leaving. There really weren't any words exchanged, just their movements, their actions were more important than some words that can be misinterpreted.
She basically told him to get changed as well. Daniel grabbed his things and saw her grab hers going towards the bathroom; he snickered, turning her around to change in his room as he went to the bathroom to change into something comfortable.
Before leaving he stood there in front of her, bending down a little to look her up and down then smiling, placing a gentle kiss upon her cheek.
There was nothing else to be said. They left that room, that house, those people, and all behind them as they drove. Daniel and Renesmee drove everywhere until they reached an unknown street with the streetlights on and parking on the side of the street surrounded by houses with a lot of trees but open fields. Sitting there quietly wasn't the hard part it was starting up the conversation and the outcome of it all. Renesmee got bold enough to ask the vulnerable boy about what happened and this is where the beginning was started, this is where it'll all come to an end.
"Start off from the beginning, Daniel."
"You, you, and Kylo being dismissed from the table. It started there when you both left."
His shaky voice did it for me, so soft and smooth of needing Kylo and me sent chills to my skin. I disappointed him, leaving him like that and with no explanation. I was foolish, I am still foolish but that will all change.
"I got worried. I was just about to follow the both of you when my mother... she-she such a." Daniel got so choked up by his mother his words never could come out right about her. Good or Bad she was still his mother.
Daniel took a while before thinking about what happened at the dinner table but when he spoke of it, it was as if he was there again. The dinner table was full of food. It was complete nonsense when thinking about it, the way it could fill up twenty people but only five people were present. The way there were more maids, guards, and chefs there that would enjoy this more than the people sitting at the table.
"I could have thrown a fit right then and there."
"Why the sudden thought?" I asked him as we were still there in the truck.
He laughed in pain. Trying to hold back his tears that build up in those dark eyes that turned soft just for a second. I had the chance to stop him from thinking about it earlier but if I stop him now how would I understand him, the things that have been said about him, why is his official title 'PlayBoy: Daniel' there will be no more setbacks or fighting the truth about who might Daniel be.
"What am I? Five years old."
"I guess not," I stared at Daniel to tell me about what happened. I didn't want to avoid shit anymore, damn I wanted to know and stop being so goddamn confused but not just about my feelings about Daniels as well, "Daniel, you're keeping me in the dark.."
"I'm trying to protect you!"
I wanted to ask why and from what. I knew he wasn't going to tell me, "I don't need your protection! I want you to be honest and not lie to me."
"I haven't lied to you. Not even once."
"Then what about not telling me things, huh! Don't think I don't know what your mom does to you... Cause I know she..."
"Ren, please," he begged, lowering his head down on the wheel.
He was begging me not to say it. I'm really trying to understand him but acting like it doesn't happen won't help. The things that went on in that dining room weren't being said because that's his way of protecting me from the truth, the lie that spreads around him is better than any truth he knows from himself to Kylo, his grandfather, and his mother.
"If you think not speaking the truth is protecting me you're sadly wrong. You damn well know me well enough to know that wouldn't stop me. The begging won't do it either."
The cold eyes boy didn't say a word, he was strong about his answer before giving me a stern look. I huffed before spilling everything he didn't want to hear, "She beats you and you let her like you're a good dog that will do anything for their owner despite them treating you like shit every time they get a chance as if seeing you kills them."
He hit the wheel with his open hand snapping his head towards me, "Don't speak of it so lightly."
He stopped, looked, and noticed the expression on my face that I could never take what I just said so lightly. Those nerve-wracking salty tears came to play, running down my face like it was a race, damn you!
"There's nothing light about it. Talking about it, hearing it, and seeing it... " the things I was about to say were becoming gibberish choking me up like I was going through it myself but no, it's not about me. Just thinking about him makes the world cry, thinking about every detail makes me cry, makes my world cry for him and I don't even know how it happened but I don't regret it. I don't regret a moment of Daniel.
A moment of seeing him, keeping that from him, and wanting to know every possible thing about him. I notice his favorite shoes are those damn black dress shoes he wears everywhere. Everything he does makes my heart stop like the rain in midair about to fall but just before it does something special happens.
"You're crying...for me."
The way he says it, I don't know if it's a question or if he's stating the fact that it's for him. I picked up my head and looked at him with my teary eyes while he made a move to slide in the middle of the seat to get closer to me; finding his hands on my cheeks wiping away the tears, "I've brought trouble to you once again, huh?"
"Huh? No, not at all."
"There's no other reason why you're crying, Renesmee."
"There are plenty OF REASONS," I said getting upset and watching his hands fall from my face.
"I don't see why you're getting so upset. Tell me if there's another reason," he said, laying his left hand across the seat shoulders while looking in the other direction.
"You know. I know, you know. You're just being a fool acting stupid and all. Let me tell you something Daniel, it doesn't look good on you."
"YEAH! And if I do know, what then?"
"Don't be so DAMN DIM, I swear you guys can be so clueless but when it comes to real shit you put on an act, why? Because you don't want to get too emotional, or is it protecting the girl so you tell her nothing, not even your feelings so she can feel and be FUCKING CLUELESS like we're supposed to know!"
"You want to talk about feelings?" he strongly says with rage in his voice while facing me, "I'm weak! I'm so weak like you said, I let my mother beat me and keep my mouth shut about it because her seeing me does kill her. It truly does and if you find out why you won't see me the same either."
"I don't believe that. You're HER SON and you're the strongest person I know!"
"Tch, what do you really know about me?"
"Daniel, you're overly innocent, kind, and a gentleman. You are gentle with me, my heart melts. I never knew the simplest words you say will affect me so much like this. I know that you're a fighter and you think of yourself as weak but sitting by your side being with you for the past couple of months I know you're so much more. You care and when you show it I see that you hate-I... you care for me, you're nice to me!"
"Shut the hell up, Renesmee!" he yelled, hitting the steering wheel and scowling at me.
"Daniel amid it, you care for me, you're kind, a nice guy. You're not a bully, not a playboy, you never even been kissed and you worry for me... Daniel that's why I like you and I promise I won't ever hurt you...."
Renesmee didn't regret confessing her feelings and she wasn't finished but she got under Daniels skin pushing him to his limit. He shoved Ren into the corner of the seat and window, her back pressed into the door of the truck and window.
Her breathing became heavy when she gasped for air once he had his hands around her shoulders.
"You're a damn fool! How do you even know about that?" Ren doesn't realize how effective her words had on Daniel.
His scrunched-up face played back the words she said inside his head 'That's why I like you.'
His pulse was high, his heart pounding uncontrollably, squinting his eyes close shut as his grip around Renesmee gotten tighter.
"Daniel, I like you. I think I always have when our eyes met on that very first day of school two years ago."
Ren spilled what felt right and she wasn't looking for a response but she wanted to know what he was feeling. Pushing Daniel on his butt as she climbed on his lap and his hands followed holding Ren like he didn't want to let go.
She held his hand in her lap as the other curved around her back and squeezed her forearm, "Tell me. What are you feeling? How do I make you feel?"
Daniel's head continued laying low embracing her more into his arms having their cheeks touch as she continued telling him into his ear. Renesmee acted, it wasn't like she could sit in his lap all night so Ren took Daniel's hand she was holding and positioned it across her chest, "That right there is how you make me feel," she said, making him feel how crazy her heart is beating.
Daniel's eyes become soft and beautiful when he's not scowling at the other, "Do you think you're the only one?" he says, gliding his fingers in her hair and behind her ear.
"I don't get you. What's going on?" she almost cried.
"I don't know if I should kiss you or smack some sense into you."
Ren huffed a laugh, "If I consider both would that be an option?"
Daniel hugged Ren sweetly only feeling the up and down movement of their breathing.
"I know you won't hurt me, Renesmee. I promised the same thing when I climbed into your bedroom window and I'll keep that promise," he says, carrying her and sitting Ren next to him.
"I love you dearly... as a friend. I want-need you to be by my side for a long time and I wouldn't risk falling for you to just get you hurt. With my mother and all I couldn't risk it."
She shook her head, disappointed, "When are you going, to be honest with yourself?"
He looked at me like I was supposed to know where this is going and it wasn't going to be my way as if he had nothing else to give but sat there staring at me to accept this. What is this?
YOU'RE HIDING! He's hiding, there has to be a better reason and Daniel isn't being honest so I had to make a move. I jumped out of the truck, I opened my door, and that's when it started pouring rain.
Every time it rains it's sad when it does. This is the second time that I feel so sad, what the hell happened to kissing in the rain, tch! Screw that because of the difference with this and that is, this is real life.
The way he got out of his truck and ran over to me as we stood away from his truck I knew whatever Daniel was about to say was going to hurt. His words won't mean what I think they mean.
"What are you doing? Get back in the truck!"
"I'm going home."
"If that's the case I'll take you."
"Don't you get it! I don't want you taking me, I'll do just fine on my own."
"Looks like I was right."
"Yeah, about what?"
"You reckless fool. Being a stubborn ass won't get you what you want and it sure in hell won't get me to do what you want."
"Men can be so dim at times," I say to myself informing Daniel that I'm talking about him, "It's terrible for a guy like yourself who never kissed anyone but I guess when you think about it with a mouth like that there's no surprise."
"Sweetheart, did you forget," he says, walking up to me and reaching his hand out across my chin with his index finger and thumb, "We kissed, and may I say you're not actually the best.
"Why did you kiss me?" I asked but he seriously gave me a shock, having his fingers slip from my chin.
Daniel answered coldly, "I wanted to."
He clearly was lying and it made me want to cry, "You wanted to! That isn't a good enough reason," I responded getting emotional.
"I don't need a reason for me to kiss you!"
"I see, but you're getting so damn worked up. Is what you're keeping from me, is it for protecting me?" He was too quiet turning his back on me and I shoved him with my hands from how frustrated I've been inside. Daniel made me want to scream and cry for him to be honest.
At this point, I was almost begging.
Please, please just tell me. It's becoming unbearable for me to breathe.
I think I'm starting to lose my mind, "Just FUCKING TELL ME!"
"It wasn't supposed to be you! The first time, kissing you. It wasn't supposed to be you; in the closet, twin day, " he shouted out at first, not looking at me as Daniel's voice got soft.
My head hung low, "Who did you want it to be?"
"That doesn't matter. I mistook you for someone else and yanked you inside the closet, ok, " Daniels says, to reassure me but it got me even more curious.
Twin day. Thetic and I were twins that day and he mistook me as someone else. He thought I was Thetic.
That explains so much. The way he changed in the cafeteria when she came running in, the bullying and how much he got upset when he thought I told her, and how he thanked me when I tried to tell her he's not a bad guy.
Daniel Choi likes my best friend Thetic Dawkins.
"You like Thetic."
"Renesmee..."
"WOAH," I said, swinging my head up with tears in my eyes but with a fake smile on my face trying to hide the fact that I'm hurt, "I had no idea."
"I'm sorry."
There goes that word again, "The second kiss, was that just to screw with me?"
"Yes."
"The kiss at the library and earlier at your house. You were just screwing with me.."
"No! Those times were different."
"You screwed with me because I allowed you to, I allowed to be a fool for you, and when I just fucking realized that I liked you but if liking you is like this... I don't want it."
"I'm CONFUSED, Ren!"
"Confused about what? Me, Thetic, your family? WHAT ARE YOU SO DAMN CONFUSED ABOUT!"
Daniel stood there sucking the raindrop off his lips, "What do you want? Say it, please I'm here I'm going nowhere!"
I cried out for him to walk up him and held his shoulders and his face to look at me but Daniel only pushed me away, "I want you to be my friend. My dear friend, that doesn't leave me because I want to be friends."
The thing is, I don't believe Daniel actually wants to be friends. I think he needs me to be beside him despite it being something more than whatever we wanted that's different from each other. Do I need him the same way, though? Or was I worried for him?
Everything about today has been too much, all the exams that are coming up, crying about Daniel, figuring out that I like Daniel, taking care of his wounds, things with my friends, and then prom on top of all of that! Maybe being his friend would help. I know it'll surely take all this stress and emotions off. I had a lot on my mind during the ride.
The rain cleared up and we were on our way back home, it was three o'clock in the morning and I felt so tired I could collapse in Daniel's truck, but with the window down it helped me have a clear mind. I didn't want to think about all the things I knew were going to make me cry.
He pulled up to my house and put the car in park as I opened the door, "Bye" I said softly about to jump out.
Daniel had his strong grip around my wrist pulling me back in surprising me, "Yeah?"
I asked, not giving him a real reaction, "Nothing - I want to say Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
We both awkwardly said as he lets me go and I end upstairs in my bedroom sitting on the bed with a towel in my hands drying my hair. I get a sense to look over my shoulder and look out the window as I do Daniel's car is still out there. I wonder if he was just waiting for me to go to bed before taking off so I shrugged my shoulders before getting ready for bed.
There I was, certainly laying down deep into my bed with the lights off but the street lights shining through my bedroom window. I turned away knowing Daniel Choi couldn't be still out there; I laid on my side still seeing him like he was beside me as the day before, before the dinner, before spending the whole day together... I started wanting that again. I've never been this deep into liking someone.
And what's wrong with liking him. Nothing, though, loving him could do so much damage. Then he and Thetic, thinking about it was making me cry as I held onto my pillow being a fool.
It was right there in front of me and I overlooked it because I didn't think someone like Daniel could like someone, but it was just me he didn't like. I ensured myself many times about him not liking me and us just being friends, but thinking about how strong my feelings got for Daniel I didn't think I could be his friend. You know what, it can't be that hard, right?
Ha, it's only been one day since I realized my feelings so being friends shouldn't be hard.
She cried softly, staring at that god-awful ceiling until she fell asleep. Being Daniel's friend was going to be a challenge, hiding her feelings wasn't anything she ever did before but not only her, Daniel, Thetic, and Eric as well will learn what their friendships mean.
© Ren Sherman Nonfiction
2020