Dazed and a little confused by the frightening and yet enlightening conversation with Mason and Elijah, I found myself patiently listening to Luke explaining why I had my nightmare at lunch.
I use the term 'listening' loosely. Really, my mind was wandering, buzzing around with thoughts like a thousand wasps ready to sting at the thought of something unsettling.
He was telling me about why it came on so suddenly, without much of a trigger. It was like he knew me better than myself. I just came to the conclusion it was an aftershock to an earthquake. The earthquake being the terrifyingly painful flashback from Friday that Mason bought me out of. I haven't forgotten that.
"Maddie, are you listening?"
"Huh?" I blinked. My gaze drew back to Luke, who was sat casually in the armchair opposite the sofa where I was sat, in the living room.
He let out a small laugh. "I just said I was proud of you snapping yourself out of it so well at lunchtime."
"Oh." I dropped my eyes, confused at the unexpected praise. "I didn't think it was that fast. My friends still saw," I muttered. A wave of embarrassment washed over me. They must have thought I was so strange.
"No, Maddie, it was only fifteen minutes. Less than half of what it was on Friday. You're doing really really well. I'm proud of you," he said. His emerald eyes glistened with pride and sincerity.
Warmth flooded my veins and my heart felt so much lighter, like a balloon rising higher and higher. I loved Luke's optimism, even though I occasionally doubted it. And hearing the pride in his voice felt like a warm fuzzy blanket cocooning me in comfort and happiness.
Maybe I really was doing a bit better, just a little bit better.
Suddenly aware I was blushing like a burning flame, I averted my gaze. "I don't think it was me. If I was on my own I don't think I ever would have, you know, woken up."
What I didn't add was that Xander stroking my hand was probably the only reason I snapped out of my flashback. Embarrassing, I know. I guess that memory from childhood was so engrained in my mind that I became reliant on it. On Xander.
Luke shook his head, his eyes a gentle green. "You don't give yourself enough credit, Sunshine." His lips curled into a warm smile. "Besides, you won't ever be alone."
Don't need to tell me that.
For anyone's assurance, if they were wondering, Luke apologised profusely for not telling me that Joe was spying on me. Although I never really blamed him solely, I didn't tell him that. I gladly accepted the offer of a free Krispy Kreme doughnut the next time we were out, especially with all the Christmas flavours.
Xander, however. Xander was a whole different and very complicated story. I caught him looking at me on my way downstairs when I passed him. He didn't say a word and he certainly didn't apologise, not unless he mumbled it under his breath childishly. I doubt he did even that. In return, I stared back at him also silently. I definitely wouldn't offer him my forgiveness, I decided. In fact, I wouldn't offer him a word.
Until he apologised, I wasn't going to speak to him.
Call me petty, but if I was going to allow them to openly use Joe to spy on me the least I could expect was an apology from all of them. A sincere one. Only then I would I forgive them, Especially Xander considering he was the one that shouted at me for eavesdropping.
To be clear, forgiveness isn't trust.
My trust for them vanished into thin air instantly, like a rabbit from a magic hat, the second I heard Joe reporting back to Xander. A small shiver shook me at the memory from just earlier today. It still felt like an iron fist closing around my heart when I recalled that. No, my trust would take months to build back.
But forgiveness, I could give them that. Especially since Mason and Elijah explained. Although the explanation was thin in places, it was more than I had expected and I could tell Mason was reluctant to even expand on the basics. So yes, I was grateful for that and of course I forgave them.
They were my brothers. Annoying, protective, secretive, yes. But they were family. My only family. And despite our differences and years apart, they care for me, more than can be said for Dominic. That's all I ever wanted. They're not perfect - what family ever is - but they love me and I wasn't about to let that go of that so easily.
Maybe I should have demanded more answers, maybe I should have stood my ground and maybe I shouldn't have forgiven them so easily. But forgiveness is in my nature, it's who I am, one thing Dominic couldn't take from me, and I definitely wasn't going to apologise for it.
After my conversation with Luke, or more like a lecture that I just nodded wordlessly at throughout, I found myself wandering upstairs to the music room. Perhaps some guitar practice would help clear my mind.
I wasn't expecting to find Cole there, strumming away. I listened from the door in awe. He was an amazing guitarist, sometimes I wondered if you were just born with the talent, if some people just had music in their bones and others didn't. I hated Dominic for breaking the guitar mum bought me for my thirteenth birthday so I never had the chance to learn, maybe if I did, I could have impressed Cole when I first arrived. But times like these make me strangely grateful, having a brother who was willing to teach me. If I had learnt, I wouldn't need lessons and if I didn't have lessons, I wouldn't see Cole as much.
There's a silver lining. Luke would be proud of me.
When Cole finished his piece, he looked up and waved me in. I pushed the door open, still open-mouthed in wonder at his talent. It was beautiful.
"Hey, I didn't realise you were standing there."
My wide-eyed expression of awe immediately morphed into one of excitement and admiration.
"Can you teach me that?" I asked with beaming, hopeful eyes.
I presumed he was still feeling a little guilty from earlier as he smiled kindly and gently said, "Maybe when you've had a few more lessons, but let me hear what you've got."
Grabbing the guitar I had been borrowing, I sat where Cole was and he took his place leaning against the piano.
It was our fathers piano. That was about all I knew of him. Although, we were closing in on the date that Luke said he and I could sit down with Mason to get some answers. He told me after eight sessions we would 'review', apparently I'd be more stable or something. We had done about five or six sessions so far, so very soon maybe I would appease my craving to know more about my father.
I would have loved to hear him play the piano or perhaps even teach me. Maybe my brothers would have a recording they could lend me. I let out a pained breath, these were ideas not memories. Not concrete, just fond ideas formed by my imagination of what life could have been like. For all I knew, he could have been a monster. The thought didn't sit well with me. No, not my father.
My chin was being tilted and I blinked as I stared into Cole's eyes.
"You good, Mads?" He asked softly.
"Yep," I smiled, pushing the thought down into a chasm of endless worries and problems to save for another day.
He hesitated for a moment, but nodded, resuming his position by the piano as I began to play.
"You're really good," he commented when I finished playing Bob Marley's, Three Little Birds. "Only what, six lessons was it? I'm impressed."
I knew he was just saying that. It wasn't exactly a difficult song to play but I'd only been learning for six weeks and I tried to practice every day. Still, I blushed like an idiot and looked down at the guitar strings. I was so awful at accepting praise. What was I meant to say?
"Thanks," I muttered with a small smile.
He smirked and pushed himself off the piano, strolling towards me. He reached out and ruffled the top of my hair, "Stop being so humble."
I narrowed my eyes at him, running my fingers through my hair to straighten it out. He knew I hated it when he did that and all I got in response was that smirk I was so familiar with. Apparently he wasn't feeling too guilty then.
I tossed my hair behind my back and then said with all the fake confidence in the world, "I know, you've got some catching up to do before you're as good as me. If that's even possible."
This time he narrowed his eyes at me before another smirk shadowed his features. He grabbed my long hair in one hand and threw it over the top of my head, using his hands to completely tangle it up.
"Cole!" I all but shouted, trying to push him off and slap his hands away.
"What? I'm just giving you a free head massage," he said, continuing his relentless torture.
Eventually he let me go and when he did, my lips thinned into a straight line as I tried to salvage what I could of the damage to my now tangled, knotted hair. I glared at him.
"I hate you."
He threw his head back, laughing, and then had the actual audacity to pull on my hair like a petulant little toddler. "You love me."
"Stop," I grumbled, pushing his hand away. "You're supposed to be on your knees begging for my forgiveness."
His laughing didn't cease; if anything, it grew louder until he was almost choking.
"I was being serious," I said with a deadpan expression. When his laughter continued, I gave up. "Stop, Cole! I mean it!" I whined. Eventually his laughter began to die, fizzling down to the occasional chuckle.
"I'm sorry your highness," he said. "But you're just too fucking adorable."
My eyes narrowed again, he just couldn't help but mock me could he. Aggravated, I stood up on my tiptoes and reached up to scrunch up his hair like he did to me. He easily dodged me, stepping aside so my hand swiped thin air.
"Ugh!" I huffed in exasperation, kicking against his shoe.
Another chuckle escaped him. Well at least one of us was enjoying my agony. "You're too tiny, baby," he smirked.
Fire rose inside me, a little flame growing into a raging- no. I had an even better idea.
I threw my hands in air. "Alright, fine, you win," I grumbled, rolling my eyes and feigning resignation.
Cole's eyebrows lifted in shock, before his eyes narrowed, studying me intently, clearly adept at my devilish tricks. He knew I was stubborn. We shared that trait.
I stared at him. "What?" I said. "You win, I need to go anyway. Can you pass my sheet music from the piano?"
The minute he seemed to believe me and turned his back, I grinned. Ha! I may not be an Oscar-winning actor yet, but I sure as hell was close.
Now unsuspecting and incredibly vulnerable, I jumped up onto the chair quietly and immediately as he turned back around, before he had time to register where I was, I launched myself onto him like a koala bear, tugging his hair and knotted it all up until it was one tangled sweep of blonde hair on the top of his head.
Score: Maddie, 1 million. Brothers, 0.
What can I say? Sometimes being small has its benefits. There's another silver lining for you, Luke.
Caught off guard, he nearly lost balance, stumbling, but regained it at the last second. I giggled at his expression as his eyes widened shock before narrowing.
"Get off me, you monkey," he growled. He gripped onto my waist and practically threw me off him and I nearly, very nearly, landed in a heap on the floor. That would have been utterly humiliating. "You crazy little ape," he said, his hands reaching to his hair to try and fix and untangle the mess. Now you know how it feels.
I rubbed my hands together at a job well done. "Too fuc-fudging adorable," I mocked him, catching myself just in time while folding my arms over my chest and gazing up at him.
Cole stared down at me, his frustration and anger morphing into a strangely victorious smirk directed at me.
"You're lucky you caught yourself in time or I would have had goodreason to do this."
That was the only warning I had before he launched at me, tickling me to death until I was on the floor begging for mercy. His hands poked and prodded at my stomach and under my arms until at one point, I was laughing so I hard I swore I couldn't breathe. He didn't cease. His fingers then swept over my feet and he yanked a sock off before tickling me mercilessly. I was laughing so uncontrollably that I couldn't form a single word. I managed to throw my foot up in his face but that didn't stop him. Finally, a tear of laughter trickled down my cheek and only then did he immediately stop.
"Fuck!" He exclaimed, standing up. "Shit, are you okay?"
A light bulb went off in my head and I allowed a frown to form on my face.
"No," I choked out, squinting my eyes so another tear fell down my face.
His eyes widened. He crouched and reached his hands under my arms, lifting me up until I was standing, all while muttering curses and apologies under his breath. Just at the final second, a huge grin broke out on my face as I reached up and yanked very, very hard on his hair.
A loud laugh escaped me and I watched victoriously as he recoiled, stumbling backwards with a hand on his hair until his other hand landed on the piano, a deafening sound of clashing notes erupting around the room.
"Ah! Goddammit!" He shouted. He stepped back, turning around, just as he tripped over the music stand and hit his head on the wooden cabinet behind. I cringed at the sound, my heart skipping a thousand beats and I realised I might have gone too far. He was turned away from me, having literally faceplanted into the wooden cabinet. His whole back was tensed, straining his white t-shirt.
I nervously took a step forward and hesitated. My spine was tingling with nervous trepidation, like icy spiders crawling in my veins. I forced myself to move closer until I was just a couple of metres away from my brother.
"Are you oka-" My words immediately caught in my throat as he turned around slowly.
My breath caught as I realised it shouldn't be his safety that I should be concerned about.
Now that is how to master a glare properly. Clenched jaw. Narrowed eyes. Very dark eyes. Lips set in a thin line. I blinked, triple checking that this was Cole and not Xander. Nope, definitely Cole. And he looked furious.
Oops.
When I met his icy cold stare, I trembled. I couldn't force my feet to move and instead remained paralysed to the spot, staring right at my death penalty. That was until he mouthed the one word that got me moving.
"Run."
As if on cue, my feet turned on their own volition and I ran to the music room door, pulled it open and-
I slammed right into a rock hard chest.
Just before I was propelled back by that physics law we're meant to be studying at the moment that I've already forgotten, a strong arm gripped my bicep to keep me from falling. It took me all the courage in the world to stare up at the owner. Stormy eyes.
Blake.
Without even sparing me a glance after nearly knocking me backwards, he let go of my arm and pushed me back in the room. No, no, no, I really don't need a mountain blocking my escape route.
"Fucking hell, I thought we got this room soundproofed," he said. It took me a second to realise he must have heard Cole falling on the piano. He looked from the piano back to me. "And someone really needs to get you some actual lessons."
I tried not to be offended by Blake's insult, which, to be fair, was well justified, and instead couldn't help but squeak, "It was Cole!" Before I dashed out of the door under his arm.
I sprinted down the hallway, only sparing one quick glance backwards which confirmed my greatest fears. Cole was gaining on me like a bull, a six-foot-something blonde-haired monster chasing me. Blake just stood wordlessly at the door to the music room, his head tilted to the side, probably wondering how the hell he got caught up in this dramatic, life-threatening chase that rivals those from James Bond. To be fair, I would have much preferred Cole to be chasing me than Blake, but all that was on my mind was to run. Fast. To Australia if possible.
I was sprinting so fast that I wasn't concentrating on where I was actually running to until I looked to the right and realised that I had run past my bedroom, which means I had ran past all my brother's rooms (so I couldn't hide in Elijah's) and I was now at a very clear dead-end which meant that I was absolutely and categorically screwed.
I pressed my back against the far wall as if somehow I would maybe just camouflage like a chameleon and not be seen. I watched as Cole slowed to a steady walk, Blake wasn't too far behind. Oh, joy, so my warrior-like brother with all his strength, height and tattoos decided to join in the fun. Great. I felt like a hunted animal from those documentaries, there was no escape and if this was that documentary, I would be eaten alive. With that thought, I prayed the carpeted floor would just open up and swallow me whole.
Both of my brothers were staring at me and my shoulders tensed, palms clammy. I froze on the spot, paralysed with very real fear. My heart leapt in my throat when I saw a dark bruise forming on the side of Cole's forehead. His eyes were dark, narrowed, angry, sinister. Blame the cabinet, not your innocent little sister! Blake's lips had formed a twisted smirk, I doubt he even knew what happened, he was just taking pleasure from my fear, like those evil monsters from a child's worst nightmare.
But we were just playing, right?
My heart was beating wildly against my chest, pushing and pounding. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins like a drug, abandoning any ounce of rationality I still had left. This felt so terrifyingly real. My mind was a tsunami of urgency, flight or fight instincts kicking in. They were both no more than ten metres away now and I was completely trapped.
I sprinted. I ran straight for them, hoping that I would catch them off guard and I could just sneak past.
At the last second, Cole's arm reached out and encircled my stomach, capturing me in a tight embrace. Except this wasn't warm or comforting or loving... this was absolutely terrifying.
With no way out, no escape, I did the only thing left I could think off. My secret weapon. I wrapped my arms back around him and squeezed around his stomach. I looked up at him and his eyebrows were creased in confusion.
While he was still working out what the hell was going on, I focussed my eyes tightly on a single spot on the back wall. My eyes began to water. I kept a tight focus, squinting slightly for effect. Finally, at the last moment, I looked back up at him and allowed a tear to trickle out of the corner of my eye.
His eyes darkened at the sight of my single tear and he quickly looked away to the side.
"I'm not falling for that one again, you little brat," he said, pinching my side lightly.
Oh, well. Plan B it is.
I adjusted my grip and tightened it around his stomach. Clutching tightly around him like a boa constrictor snake. I kept tightening my grasp until he let out a spluttered breath. Perhaps it was possible just to squeeze all the anger out of him.
"Jesus, girl, let me breathe!"
Nope.
I pressed harder until he couldn't form a word. His arms wrapped around my back and one of his fingers tapped twice. I finally let go. He gasped as I finally gave him space to breathe, inhaling deep and sharp breaths.
His gaze travelled down to me and darkened with irritation. Almost like a glare. My eyebrows rose and I lifted my arms, ready to launch at him again. His eyes widened slightly and his hands raised in surrender at my silent threat. "Alright, alright, I'm not mad," he said quickly.
"Really?" I asked.
"Really," he sighed, his eyes softening. "I'm just mad at that fucking cabinet."
A smile tugged at my lips. "And your hair?"
He paused for a moment, thinking, and then reached an arm around to tug on my hair. "I guess I'll forgive you if you forgive me."
This time, I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips. "Alright," I agreed. My gaze travelled to that dark bruise forming on the side of his forehead. Ouch. "Is your head okay?"
"My head- fuck, I think you squeezed me so hard I don't know what pain is anymore," he laughed. "Really, It's just a little bruise, baby."
The sound of Cole's soft chuckles were broken by a sudden burst of much louder, raucous laughter. Both our gazes snapped to where Blake was leaning against the wall, his head thrown back with laughter as if he couldn't contain it. But what really caught my attention was his phone in his hand, pointing directly at us.
"That's fucking gold," he choked out through laughter. "A little girl nearly suffocated you."
My mouth opened to protest against being a little girl, when I realised that wouldn't do me any favours. I was quite happy with Blake telling everyone I nearly suffocated Cole.
"You fucking prick, delete that now!" Cole snapped, walking up to him with his jaw set and eyes narrowed.
Jesus, I thought his glare at me was terrifying.
Still recovering from his outburst, Blake raised both his palms. "You're gonna have to ask your twin for the video, little bro," he said.
Oh... he sent it to Xander. I mean, that didn't really bother me, at least my brothers knew not to underestimate me now. Death by hugs, Mason's words rang in my mind from earlier and I had to stifle a giggle.
"You didn't," Cole said in a low growl.
Now was probably a great time to slowly shrink away. Very silently, like a mouse, I crept backwards and then sprinted down to my room. Another perk of being so small.
Just as I was opening the door to my personal safety, a hand gripped my shoulder. I tensed.
"It's just me," Xander said softly. No, no, I don't want to talk to you. He turned me around by the shoulders so I was facing him. "Have you seen Luke?"
I looked him straight in the eye and shook my head.
I had honestly expected him to rant or yell about not speaking verbally, but to my absolute surprise, he just averted his gaze to the wall behind, a faraway expression plastered on his face. "Alright," he sighed with exasperation, dropping his shoulders. His gaze fell to meet mine. "Are you okay?"
Was that his version of an apology?
I had to push back the stab of guilt relentlessly torturing my heart at the sight of how exhausted he looked. Masking my expression with that of practised nonchalance, I shrugged my shoulders and walked inside my room, shutting the door behind me.
I fell back against the door and took two deep breaths. Part of me had expected him to force open the door, march in and yell at me for attitude or any other of their other stupid rules I always complained about. But that vanished as soon as I heard the sound of Xander's retreating footsteps down the corridor, I shocked myself by the sensation of sadness creeping into my heart.
The silent treatment was far harder to give when the person didn't care.
Before I went to bed and gave in my phone to Elijah, I tortured myself scrolling through texts from Joe throughout the afternoon. Nine of them. Apologies, full of regret and remorse, practically begging for forgiveness. That iron fist tightened just a little harder around my heart. I threw my head back down against my pillow and let out an exhausted sigh. I had promised Mason and Elijah I would agree to forgive Joe, and I did, but being friends like we were before, it was just too damn difficult.
That night, I crawled into bed wishing that I never overheard Joe and Xander. Mason was right, there was safety in ignorance and I was only starting to realise that. The secrets can't hurt you that way.
How could I just continue being friends with a boy who spies on me for my brothers? How could I ever trust him again?
The next day at school, I mostly managed to steer clear of Joe during our morning classes. He tried to approach me when I first arrived, but Jess had made a welcome interruption. I told her the night before that I had an argument with Joe, she didn't push for details that I wouldn't have been able to give, which I was grateful for. Maybe I should just be more like Jess, able to be satisfied with secrets and lies. Able to move past them. On a partner project in history, I worked with Toby instead of Joe like usual. I hated every second of the pained look of hurt that flashed over his features, but I couldn't deal with it. Or at least, I didn't want to deal with it.
Finally, when lunch approached, I realised I just needed to face the issue head-on and talk to him directly, or it would drag on forever and I am the master of procrastinating. Jess kindly said she would eat on another table with Toby so that I could have a chance to talk things through with Joe. She was pretty much perfect, I don't know what I would do without a friend like Jess.
When we entered the lunchroom, anxiety swelled inside me like the starts of an ocean storm. I was terrified of going in. Not just to speak to Joe, but the compounding feeling that everyone was going to stare at me after the flashback I had when I was last here. Despite the twins assuring me that nobody saw, I couldn't help but feel the nerves pulsing through my blood and the anxiety rising like waves inside me.
A hand gently touched my arm. "It's okay," Joe said, "Nobody saw. See, they're not looking."
I nodded, feeling strangely comforted by his words, and followed him to our table.
My gaze darted to find the twins and I exhaled in relief when I saw them sitting at their usual table on the other side of the cafeteria. For some reason, I just felt safer when they were around. Neither of them noticed me, but that didn't matter. They would probably be thrilled that I was making up with their little spy. The thought chilled me again. This whole situation was utterly ridiculous. Every time I saw Joe it reminded me of that overwhelming betrayal that consumed me, but seeing the look of sadness on his face every time I ignored him this morning made me ache just as much.
Every outcome, someone would end up hurt.
The thing was, I didn't even blame Joe for what happened. I was positive that my brothers probably used their powers of persuasion on him. I knew that he had no choice to lie. So I blamed my brothers for betraying me and breaking my friendship with Joe. Because no matter what, it would never be the same again.
I explained this to Joe, the best I could, and it was nice being able to be honest with somebody. Not having to constantly censor my words because of secrets and lies. And he couldn't have been more understanding.
"If I was in your position, I don't know what I would do, it's impossible," he agreed. "I hate that we've put you in that situation, I'm so sorry," he added sadly.
His compassion and empathy made it so much more difficult to hurt him, to be angry with him. Some twisted part of me wished he had thrown a tantrum and stormed out, made the decision a little easier, given me something to react off.
"Mase explained about Adrian, well, he couldn't tell me everything and I'm not going to ask you to tell me more either. Anyway, he wanted us to keep being friends, which is cool but like," I sighed, the conversation was much harder than I thought it was going to be. "Like, it's not really going to be the same," I added quietly.
Because I'm not going to trust you.
He nodded. "I get it," he smiled weakly, like a punch to the gut. "You won't trust me. I'm really sorry, I know I've said that a million times, but-" he paused, "I just wanted you to be safe."
"Yeah, I know," I said. "Thanks."
Every second this horrible conversation went on, I felt a growing storm of anger towards my brothers for putting me in this awful situation. I don't care what anyone says, but breaking up with a friend is far harder than breaking up with a boyfriend.
"Maybe one day it will be normal again though," he said hopefully. "I know it goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, with or without our brothers I would have loved to be friends with you and get to know you. You're an amazing girl."
"Thanks, you too," I said and then added quietly, "I guess it's why this hurts so much."
If I didn't care so much for Joe then de-friending him would have been so much easier, I could have just been angry at my brothers, forgiven them and moved on. But I can't just forget about Joe so now it's like a permanent walking reminder of my brother's lack of trust in me.
"I'm really sorry, Mads," he apologised again. I could see the sincerity in his eyes, compelling me to forget he ever did anything wrong in the first place and just give him a huge hug instead.
"I already forgave you, idiot," I said with a grin, picking a fry off my plate and tossing it at him from across the table.
That evening, both Leo and Joe came around for dinner. I'll admit, despite talking things through with Joe, I was hugely apprehensive. As it turned out, it wasn't nearly as awkward or uncomfortable as I had imagined. That's not to say that I didn't catch the occasional look Mason and Elijah sent to me and then Joe.
If I didn't know their real intentions and have the no boys rule etched in permanent marker on my mind, I would have thought they were setting us up together.
Whilst Gio was making banoffee pie for dessert, which was really the only I had any good things to say about the evening, Leo took me just outside the dining room. It wasn't a surprise for me when he started to apologise and ask for forgiveness too.
"You have to understand, they just want to protect you. We all do. I know we hurt you and you feel betrayed, trust me, I know and I am so sorry."
After listening patiently to his version of an explanation, which all seem to revolve around protecting me, I forgave him. He was being sincerely remorseful for hurting me. I've come to the conclusion that none of them will regret what they did, but they just regret hurting me, which is good enough for me.
"And Xander will never admit it, Mads, but he's hurting too. Speak to him, please," Leo added.
I swallowed a lump forming in the back of my throat. If he was hurting so damn much why doesn't he just swallow his pride and apologise? But Leo was right, I couldn't ignore him forever, especially with Christmas fast approaching.
Besides, what did apologies really mean? I appreciated them and forgave those who apologised, but what did they truly mean if nothing changes? A thousand apologies could only go so far. Mason said it himself, 'Actions speak louder than words'. I could only forgive so much without seeing change, without them actually trying to gain my trust back.
Because forgiveness isn't trust.
After dessert, that I gobbled up like a ravenous lion, Mason used his metal spoon to chime against his wine glass, grabbing the attention of everyone around the table. He announced to all eight of us that Luke, Leo and Joe would be joining us for Christmas dinner in the afternoon. Great, nine boys. That sounds like fun.
Joe grinned in my direction and I couldn't help but grin back. His smile was infectious. Besides, it would be nice to have some company my own age for Christmas dinner.
Mason then caught my eye. "Maddie, we would usually spend the whole day with them, but I think we would prefer the morning with just the seven of us."
The whole table turned to look at me and I suddenly felt really shy, a blush creeping onto my cheeks. "I don't mind," I mumbled.
"Aww, has the little baby gone all shy?" Cole teased, pushing me in the shoulder.
I glared at him and poked him back in the shoulder. He ruffled my hair that I had straightened for tonight and my scowl deepened. I reached up to pull on his hair when his hand caught mine. He raised his eyebrows at me daringly and I just stuck my tongue out at him childishly.
"Children, please," Blake said patronisingly from opposite us, a glimmer of amusement in those stormy eyes.
"What the fuck, Blake, I'm nineteen."
"Then you better set a good example, hm?" Mason commented from the end of the table.
I had to purse my lips together to stifle a laugh at Cole's expression. He opened his mouth in protest but shut it immediately at the sight of our eldest brother's dark eyes. Mason nodded once before turning his attention back to me.
"Maddie, we mind," he said in response to my earlier answer. "It will be our first Christmas together in eleven years. We'd like to spend the morning together."
"Sure," I said with a small smile, ignoring the emotions that started to whirr inside me like the wind in a hurricane. My first Christmas without mum.
A/N: What did you think? X
So... who wants to give Xander and Joe a hug?