Ayesha
Have you ever felt all your breath sucked from your body, in a second, making you feel incomprehensibly blank? Like suddenly the sun sets in an abrupt second, making you dwell into darkness? Like the entire world began to stop spinning, leaving you alone? Like all blood was drained away from your body, without warning?
That's exactly how I felt now.
"Ayesha?" Dr Mathew called out gently, but no word or response would leave my bloodless lips. No emotions passed my pallid face.
The wall clock in the room ticked like the timer on a grenade. The bare realisation that I can't stop it or reverse it is the only thing I can analyse at this moment.
"Ayesha?"
My hands reach out to the reports, and I began to rummage through them, scanning them, disbelieving the words that I heard minutes ago.
'He is lying! He definitely is lying! It can't be true! It just can't!" I fretted to myself, ransacking the reports. But I frigidly stop when I see the result that has been interpreted by the scans.
"I have-ca-cancer?" I ask, more to myself, my voice shaking very severely and quivering with disbelief. My hands reach my mouth, covering them, to stop them trembling vehemently. My eyes are fixed to the result analysis that has been written in bold black letters. Dread owns me, crushing against me like an unseen gale, attempting to push me into the sea of pain. An icy emotion creeps up my heart and seals it with numbness, making me unable to speak.
"How?" I demanded, after a long minute. My voice came out as a choked whisper.
"The tests have been... " Dr Mathew trailed away, interlocking his fingers, and surveying me, his eyes brimming with pity and sympathy, "unexpected, but its the truth, "
Dampness brim my eyes, threatening to overflow, as I stare at Dr Mathew, unable to delineate his words. My vision is blurred as a myriad of tears clung onto my eyes.
An uncontrollable and a dreadful exhilaration swirled in the room, as a solitary tear skidded down my trembling cheeks, splashing in the cotton outfit I was wearing.
In my heart, I felt murky emotions burst. Numberless thoughts churned within me. It seemed my heart was blazing in an inferno of unbelief, and then was replaced by a ball of icy chillness. My mind was unable to rationalise. As countless feelings took birth in the conflagration of my insides... And a desperate hope glued on to them...
"Is there... Any chance..." I couldn't complete it. My lips wouldn't allow me to do so, but Dr Mathew understood the unspoken question and gazed at me with limitless sympathy.
"My dear... It's a severe condition. They have detected a growth in your brain. Its slowly bound to multiply and..." He waited, and looked elsewhere, not meeting my gaze.
"How serious is it?" I necessitated.
The answer to my question was bound to be known. I needed to know the answer.
Dr Mathew placed his forearms on the desk and fiddled with them with his thumbs. I kept an intent gaze on him, waiting to hear his answer. His answer was crucial now.
"Stage Three," he whispered at last, unwillingly. "And seeing your reports, there is a high chance that it will escalate to stage four, almost in no time at all."
The words continued to echo in my ears even after long minutes. I stared at him, mutely, as tears of anguish replace tears of disbelief. My brain was unable to rationalise his thoughts nor process them, as stupefaction casts a spell on it. I felt my insides churn in an unknown blender.
"So... There is no chance?" I asked, my voice dangerously quiet and calm.
"Ayesha..." He began helplessly but met my furious and anguished stare, and limply shook his head, "A minuscule per cent of survival, " he said carefully.
His words didn't pain me but the fact that
I felt the scarce light of hope, damp within my heart, and getting extinguished.
No more tears emerge from my eyes, though they crowd my eyes. I averted my eyes to a distant corner of the room, staring at the wall, blank and mute.
"I am going to die?" I asked, my eyes still fixed to the spot. The question felt ridiculously childish in my tongue and was voiced out before I could gauge the actions of my tongue. I slowly take the courage to look at him.
Dr Mathew didn't answer.
How could he? How would he mask the hideous truth and present it as a sweet lie? Most importantly, how could he, when his silence spoke the answer way before than he did?
A dangerous and a mirthless smile curves my lips as I feel the tears cling onto my lashes, warning me that it was on the verge of flooding any moment, but I formidably keep it under control.
I nodded, rubbing my sweaty palms on my leggings. I stood up and gathered the reports strewn on the table, and wrapped my hands around them, determinedly.
"How much time do I have?" I asked him in a perilously, calm voice.
"Ayesha..." He started weakly, "Maybe, you'll have to hope... Hope is what that drives the world. You have to hope that you'll survive... You will live. You will fight cancer!"
My sallow lips quirked upwards into a half-genuine and a half-sarcastic smile. Turning away from him, I walk to the door in a pallid fashion, every step of mine, seeming so similar to a goat heading to slaughter, desiring nothing more than to walk away from here. My pale hands clutch the handle, and I forcefully yank the door open.
"Ayesha?"
I turned around to look at him, my hands still wrapped across the reports. I look at him vacantly as he meets my gaze and whispers, his voice forlorn; "I am sorry, "
A single tear rolled from his eyes and disappeared into his white beard.
*****
The crescent moon; glimmered in the dark black sea, trying to neutralise the darkness the deceptive night held; but was clearly unsuccessful.
I wasn't in the exact frame of mind. I didn't know what I was thinking or what I was supposed to think. I didn't know what I was doing or what I was expected to do. An icy feeling of hollowness swam within me, and I made no efforts to surf over them. I let myself get drown in the sea of emptiness.
Every step I took seemed unbelievably close to death. Every breath I inhaled seemed to be like the last breath of mine. I felt like; there was a body clock, ticking within me, ready to end its timer in a definite second.
Perhaps, the awareness that death was about to embrace you any second does that to you.
I am mingled in an entanglement of dreadful fear and venomous anger. The word, 'Cancer.' chants in my mind repeatedly, as I feel the saltiness of the Arabian Sea struck me, and I recognise I was walking towards Juhu beach.
In a shaky daze, I had hurled a rickshaw and had asked him to drop me by the Juhu Bus stand, unaware that I no longer lived there. Only when I recognised the direction in which my feet was walking, I hastily retreated and walked away, intending to reach Andheri as soon as possible. But I let myself get drawn to the Juhu beach, almost unwillingly, like a magnet was pulling me to it.
The cold breeze hits me hard, and I keep on walking. I was immersed in the negative thoughts of my head. The food stalls, couples, people, vendors are all blurry and fuzzy to me.
I walk, dazedly, towards the sea. It seems to be bewitching me to walk towards it. I absently, leave my slippers in a corner, beside the reports I placed there and ensuring that they don't fly away by placing a couple of pebbles over them.
My mind lazily registers the wetness of my garments. I continue to walk into the sea, leaving a path of footprints in the damp sand.
I spot a couple, a few meters away, as I sense a delighted laugh reach my ears. I watch her roll up her trousers as she holds the guy's hands and gingerly steps into the water.
The waves imbricated my feet, and feel my feet sink into the moist soil, as waves continue to hit my feet and recede systematically.
I always thought that the reason why nature-lovers feel more connected to mountains is that, they never ask you a thousand questions. A fragile hope draws the mountaineers that they'll find humility and peace that they always craved for. But once you are within the mountains, in a bizarre and an unexpected second, you will find all the answers that you were seeking.
But seas were the mere opposite.
A thousand questions swirl in my mind, as I stare at the dark waves flap over one another, glimmering the moonlight, whenever they recede and pause for a moment before repeating their action of constant flapping once again. No answers reach my brain for the questions that I am continually imploring.
I am sluggishly aware of the increasing blurriness in my vision, and the realisation that multiple salty drops are crowding my eyes.
A gush of cold wind hits me at that moment; amicably frigid.
I felt the spinning universe come to an abrupt halt. And at that second, I began to notice and feel the most trivial things profoundly.
The murky smell of the salty sand, the coldness of the saline water against my leggings, the crescent moon looking like shimmering jewellery against the epitome of darkness, the trees stirring maliciously, the soothing lapping of the waves...
But more precisely and invariably, I could feel a mighty hammer hit my heart and sense it shattering to a thousand pieces and the pain roaring in my blood as I thought of Sahil Malhotra...
My eyes drift back to the couple; who now are hugging each other, unaware of anything.
My knees feel weak, and I give into the dire hope of sinking to my knees. I am oblivious to the fact that my garments are entirely drenched now.
A tear races down my cheek, and an another. But my determined gaze is fixed to the crescent moon, so close to the horizon, and looks like he is about to take a refreshing dip in the water soon.
And then a myriad of droplets are streaming down my pale cheeks, like a dam whose floodgates are broken. My stubborn stare is broken as my eyes snap shut and my fingers pierce the wet sand. I wept unstopping and sobbed as I felt the world around me crumble. I don't know how long I stayed like that. I felt more increasingly dampened not by waves of the saline sea but waves of pure anguish and pain. I shivered vehemently, as my fingers explore much deeper into the sand, penetrating in them, and it certainly wasn't because of the cold water.
Shaking violently, I look up to see the crescent moon, which now has dark grey clouds engulfing him.
Quite unusually, this time, the sea gave me the answer I was seeking...
I determinedly wipe away the tears from my pallid cheeks and give a solitary and a resolute nod to myself.
I had to make Sahil Malhotra tear the chapter of Ayesha Mehra from his big book of life...
*****
Numbly, I walk inside the darkroom of mine. Funny, how different it seems. How eerie it looks, though I left the room just hours ago.
I do not attempt to lighten the room; why would I? The darkroom resembled my thoughts now. The darkroom matched the void feelings of my heart.
I just went to a desolate corner of the room; as disbelief and anger multiplied to a level that I thought wasn't possible. The repeated stabbing of my heart intensified to pain that I thought didn't exist.
And I was brought up in a world of sheer pain.
Through the dim light of the street lights from the balcony, I read the reports once more. My hands began to shiver. My mouth trembled.
I crushed the papers with all my might and threw it across the room.
However, crushing those papers couldn't hide the fact that my heart was much more crushed...
A void was created in my chest, spinning the feelings of pure emptiness... Something so fundamental had broken within me, and its absence was felt. Irreversible damage had taken place...
I walked dazedly to the bathroom. I bolted the door and leaned on it.
And I screamed.
The scream amplified in the confines of the bathroom, as I slide down the door, to my knees. My hands held my damp feet joints, as I yelled in purely emotional pain. My hands raked over my hairs once before circling my knees and burying my head on them.
I just broke down.
The sobs penetrated my body, tearing through my muscles. I pressed my head against the wooden door and began to let me feel the rehearsed shattering of my heart.
I didn't know what pained more; my heart getting broken or the realisation that my heart wouldn't mend back again...
I slowly stood up and watched my tear-stained face in the mirror, as I grip the sides of the sink. My eyes roamed to my jewellery-depleted ears and my bare neck.
Slowly, I stepped in the shower, toes recoiling as they touched the chilled ceramic floor. My mind was in shreds; my heart was in rags; I was in tatters.
I turned the metallic level, and released thousands of cold drops, drenching my hair and trickled down my clothed back. Hot tears of mine were mixing with the cold water.
A plan had to be devised...
*****
I laid back on the bed, my eyes scanning my mobile, scrunching a bit in the brightness it offered, compared to the dark environment around me.
There were a couple of messages, but the most distinct ones were from Akanksha, Sahil and Kavi Di.
Akanksha: Hey! The work is complete! I have managed to sort out the files and looked on to them! I have attached and sent it to Mr Shenoy, and hopefully, he will stop being bitchy! See you on Monday! :)
Me: Thanks a ton! :)
Kavi Di: Ayesha, if you are coming back from office, can you just buy yourself something to eat? I am stuck up with meetings to attend, and clients to convince! :(
Me: Sure, Di. I will do that. And don't worry about me! :)
Sahil: Ayesha!!! I am boarding the flight to Mumbai. The 11:50 pm flight! I will see you soon! And till then, miss me! ;)
My hands refused to type the reply at this text, and I felt incomprehensibly blank. My thumbs hovered along with the keyboard, trying to figure answers but no avail. In the end, I managed to type,
Me: Have a safe flight, Sahil.
I paused for a brief second before sending another text.
Me: I love you, Sahil.
Reading my confession brought back fresh tears to my eyes. That three magical words rang in my mind like a mantra, beginning to sink in my head and my voice feeling to have choked.
I placed the mobile aside and put one hand over my forehead, and the other rested in my stomach. A tear rolled down from my earlobe and splashed on my neck. I wipe the trail the droplet had caused.
*****
The wind was howling, and the trees were enlivening bitterly. The broken stars shimmered in the black sea of darkness... Fog embraced every tree... And the lightning streaked violently.
I stood there, in between a vast garden, and stared dismayingly at sight arising...
I was walking...
Away from the scenario, to a desolate corner... I was walking, in the desperate hope that things would be much better wherever I go...
... Or things would be much better wherever I left...
I had to go.
My eyes snapped open in the dark. For a terrifying second, nothing registered in my mind apart from the shallow breaths I took. I pushed aside the duvet and walked to the wine table where a bottle of water was kept.
I compelled the water to move ahead of my parched throat. I put a hand on my already damp forehead and wipe beads of sweat.
I sit on the bed, cross-legged, cracking my knuckles as a ready fear engulfs me in an unknown dream implies me a warning...
...Or a suggestion perhaps?
I stare at the wall, where the moonlight and the street lights combined are creating eerie patterns and shadows. I glance at my mobile once to see it was a half-past ten and guessing by the unlit rooms; Di had not yet returned.
Swinging my legs down, I take slow and steady steps towards the crumpled sheets of paper and crouch down to get them. Smoothening them, I open the wardrobe and pull open my most treasured drawer. It consisted of my father's last letter, my journals, the recently found documents handed to me by Dr Mathew.
The treasured drawer consisted of all those things; I never wanted anyone to read. I never wanted anyone to see. I never wanted anyone to know what was present in that drawer.
Those were the obvious reasons.
But the most important and the crucial reason was that; I locked them up in the treasured drawer, sealing them there in the hope of never having to open them once again.
I place the reports down there and lock them securely. As I close the wardrobe, my eyes fell on a velvety pouch, that sat neatly, under my hanging clothes. I had placed it there quite recently. It consisted of the priceless possessions I possessed.
I walked to the bed and sat down, cross-legged once again. Heart hammering, I tilted the case upside down, and the possessions fell on the bed.
A svelte gold chain fell first, falling cold on my boiling palm. I touched the metallic chain with immeasurable tenderness. And then, I let the chain slip between the two of my fingers and let it fall on the mattress.
Next, two jade earrings emerged.
The intricately embedded peacocks in gold metal, the dark green feathers are gleaming like a moon in the still darkness. The earrings I wore for months without a break.
I stared at the possessions with sheer frustration and inexplicable angry tears. And after a few minutes, I lifted the invaluable treasures in my hand. I brought them near to my lips and kissed them affectionately.
And then, I placed them back in the velvety pouch and walked to the wardrobe. Hurling the drawer open, I put the pouch beside my journals. For a brief second; I felt something indescribable rise my chest, and the next second it disappeared. Gently, I push back the drawer and lock it firmly.
I closed the doors of my wardrobe and returned to the bed.
*****
My dreams were anything but good.
All I can see is that I am falling thickly into a tunnel of darkness, wholly black and I am not able to stop.
I felt someone tugging my arms, and I sleepily stir. I sense the person, interlocking my fingers, and I immediately sense the imprint of warm lips on my burning skin.
My eyes flew open in the dark, and I instantly plonk to a sitting position, squinting in the darkness.
And I can see a dark shadow beside me, holding my hand and an outline of a knife in the other.
My first thought was to scream, but as if anticipating the move, I see him throw the knife on the bed, and clamp his hand over my mouth, stifling my scream within. My eyes widen in terror, and I am unable to gauge anything.
Before I could analyse my next move, I felt the lights switch on, and my eyes instantly snapped shut, unable to work with the uneven brightness.
However, when I opened my eyes scared, I found...Sahil Malhotra!
My eyes further widen in anger and relief, and to my confoundment, he leans forward and kisses his knuckles which were clamped over my lips. And before I can comprehend what was happening; his hand suddenly leaves my face, and in an instant, his lips are on mine, with a vitalising blaze.
And at that second, quite distantly, I hear my family clock struck twelve, as the soothing sound of the striking pendulum was heard.
He leans back resting his forehead on mine, and his brown-black eyes piercing my bewildered eyes, and then, his hands reached to cup my face, and he pecked my nose once before whispering; "Happy Birthday, love,"
I was too stunned to react.
I felt him shuffle from his position, and I felt the mattress dip, as he placed his knees on either side of my outstretched legs, and reached to hold my chin. He gripped my chin in one swift move and urged forward for a kiss.
I was too angry and surprised to kiss back. But under Sahil's inculcating caress and demand; I half-willingly close my eyes and respond.
In a haze, my mind registers his hands raking over my face, and my soul drifts to a world of absolute love...
"My Virgin eyes!" An annoying voice screams, and we both broke apart to look at Kavi Di, standing by the switchboard, her palms covering her eyes.
It would have been a considerable and a genuine gesture if not for her peeking through the little gaps of her fingers.
Apparently, she had switched on the light. And evidently had broken our moment.
We both break apart shyly, exchanging glances with each other, and looking at Kavi Di who had now removed her hands and gazed at the pair of us with a dreamy expression.
"You guys are too cute!" She chuckled, "It's like I am watching a movie, " she added dreamily.
"And you have pressed the pause button, making us unable to continue, " I quipped seriously, my voice half-sarcastic and half-truthful.
"Okay!" She gestured, taking an unseen and an invisible remote from the wine table and drew a black chair from the next room and sat on it, her hands clasped together, and pressed a hidden button; and she ordered jokingly, "Play!"
"Di!" I said looking from her to Sahil; blushing furiously. Sahil awkwardly scratched his neck but remained in the same position, not darting away from me.
Di merely laughed and raised her hands in mock surrender, before walking away from the room and pushing the chair out on her way. Thankfully, she closed the door.
Sahil released a deep breath, as a satisfied expression raced his face, which almost turned to a naughty one as he focused his attention on me.
And I realise I am supposed to be angry.
"Do you know my heart stopped beating for a second? I thought you were a serial killer for a minute! And that knife?" My eyes reach the fallen knife on the bed, and I look back at his eyes again, " Who darts inside with a knife? I was so scared!"
"You get scared for everything, Ayesha!" He commented amusedly.
"You think this is funny?" My nostrils flare angrily,
"Not as funny as you're making it sound, " he muttered under his breath.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I demand.
"It merely means I am sorry if I made you feel scared. I didn't anticipate you to get so frightened," he said gently. And my breath hitched in my throat, at his genuine apology. I couldn't bring any words out of my mouth.
How can someone be so annoying and lovable at the same moment? How can you want to kill and hug someone at the same moment?
Sahil brought a finger and brought it down my cheeks, his eyes still piercing mine. The lovely gesture making me almost want to believe this is a dream. His finger traced downwards and stopped near my chin. He rubbed his thumb below my chin and smirked, and before I could decipher the meaning of the smirk, his lips find mine, in a salvageable passion.
"Are you really here?" I murmur.
My hands automatically reach out to feel his little stubble. The short hair poked my hands as if convincing me its not a dream.
Casually, he confined me within his muscular arms, resting them on the wall behind, in one polished move. I leaned back. I was supporting my body against the headboard, leaning on the board and resting my head on the wall, between his muscular imprisonment.
"Want me to prove it?" He asked mischievously, moving dangerously close, his lips a mere inch from mine. His question was intended to be a tease, and maybe he anticipated me to get all blushing and red in the face and push him away.
I look into his eyes, that is shining with a wicked gleam and a naughty shimmer. I angled my head sideways, as he moved to caress his nose on my cheek, nuzzling in an eerie direction; but making me want to believe its happening.
"Maybe, " I whispered, smiling lightly.
He looked at me with an expression of absolute disbelief and then, captured my lips in his with an alluring and a bewitching gentleness. My hands moved behind his back, rationally.
Once he rescinded, he playfully Smirked, "You're day by day becoming a lousy flirt. " he commented thoughtfully.
My lips quirked up into a wide smile.
Sahil's eyes lit up with amusement too, as he reaches his hands to cup my face. His mischievous grin turns to a genuine smile as he notices me, giving out a wide smile.
"You really manage to enthral me with a simple smile of yours, " he murmured, his thumbs stroking my lips gently. "Do you know how crazy I become when I see a single smile of yours?"
"And do you know that all my smiles are because of you?" I asked truthfully, flashing a sad smile and reaching out to caress his stubble.
He paused in the act of stroking my lips and looked up, disbelievingly.
His eyes roared with a flame of undefinable victory for a moment. The fire came from the depth of his brown-black eyes, from the deep and the bottom, As if he had conquered something, captured something... Won something. And then, he took on the initiative and compelled me into a beguiling and a passionately long kiss.
"We have to cut the cake today itself!" I heard Kavi Di scream from the downstairs, annoyed and irritated, "Not an eternity after!"
*****
Sahil offered to escort me downstairs.
As soon as I got down the bed, he casually placed a hand around my shoulder. Ignoring the apparent friendly gesture, I was calm enough, that was until he inadvertently put an arm below my knees and carried me in bridal style, in a swift move.
"Sahil! Put me down!" I struggled against his firm grip. "Just put me down!"
"Shut up, " he said dimly, as we proceed down the stairs.
I reluctantly put a stop to all the failed attempts of releasing myself and grudgingly, put an arm around his neck. He smirked triumphantly. I placed my head on his shoulder as we proceeded downstairs to the big hall of the Mehra Residence.
The room was hastily decorated with a couple of balloons, but what caught my eye was the big cake in the centre of the table. Sahil paused abruptly and put me down quite unexpectedly.
After a quick cake cutting ceremony, which included Kavi Di singing the birthday song in a modified version that made Sahil awkwardly standing in a corner with a mortified face.
After shoving down some generous amount of cake, Kavi Di placed the remaining cake in the fridge. Excusing herself to give us some privacy, she departed to her room.
Sahil suggested that we go to the terrace, and I gladly agreed. We climbed the spiral stairs that led to the top of Mehra Residence, me leading the way. I slowly pushed open the creaking door and allowed Sahil to step outside.
Sahil walked to the railing of the terrace and looked around his surroundings with a pleased expression. He inadvertently yanked my forearm, such that I am pulled to his chest.
His hands grip my waist, holding me in a fierce embrace.
"I don't understand... " I began disconcerted. "I thought you were supposed to be in the 11:50 flight?" I asked confusingly.
"You will never understand, will you?" He inquired mildly,
"Wha-?"
"You are more important to me than just a studio visit. There was no way in hell; I could have missed my girlfriend's birthday!"
The night sky of Mumbai gleamed with acute happiness. In the distance, I could hear the crickets screeching and the bats howling. And the moon shined her radiance in a manner such that no artificial lights could ever equal...
"And who let you in?" I asked, still confused.
"Your cousin!" He said in a duh tone, "Who else?"
"Di?" I ask flabbergasted. He nodded dully. "But you were scared of her! And she had meetings and clients to attend... And she said she would be late... How-why-I don't understand..." I said, confused and perplexed.
"What you have to understand is Ayesha, "Sahil said thoughtfully, "You're too naive to believe all the harmless lies we tell!"
"Wait-don't tell me you guys fooled me once again!" I widened my eyes.
"Unfortunately, yes." Sahil grinned as I slammed a hand on my forehead, for my foolishness. Sahil watched my antics in increasing amusement. A laugh resonates from his mouth, and I give a grudging smile too...
Abruptly, Sahil stopped laughing.
His eyes hovered from my lips to my eyes. Sahil touched the little skin near my lips and floated his thumb over that area. I closed my eyes as a pure pleasure diffused within me, under his beguiled caress. He stuck a strand of hair behind my ears, as he locked his eyes with mine, and moved forward to rest his forehead on mine.
And at that moment, a pain, familiar and uninvited, shot up my head and I snapped my eyes shut in fierce determination and gather every ounce of courage not to let my pain show.
"What happened?" Sahil asked instantly, holding one hand to my chin and making me forcefully look at him.
I force a smile and shake my head, attempting to look convincing, praying the tears accumulated in my eyes to don't fall. I look down, as the rehearsed shattering of my heart takes place, and the realisation of today's events came back, flooding to me.
Sahil leaned ahead and kissed my downcast eyelids, jailing the drops within the lashes.
He puts his index finger below my chin and forces me to meet his soothing stare.
"What's wrong, Ayesha?" He asked gently, and I bit my lips, as rational sense inundated me.
My mind began to disorienting in a way that I never expected—the word, 'Cancer.' chorused in my mind, tormenting my soul to complete chaos. My fists balled unknowingly, as the familiar pain repeatedly clashed and echoed in my psyche.
But the physical torture on my head was nothing compared to the steady and definite fragmenting of the organ that was more cherished than life itself...
Each small fragment seemed to further shatter into even tinier pieces as if they were commanded to be multiplied to infinity...
I felt like I was suddenly pushed to the sea of misery, with no warning. And the frenzied efforts to maintain my composure wasn't working at all. My insides formed a thick knot, unwilling to unravel.
I looked mutely at Sahil through the blurriness my eyes gifted, who was staring at me intensely, his gaze alluring me to spill the truth out of my bloodless lips.
For a rivalling second, I surveyed him through my moist eyes. He looked the same, breathtakingly handsome. His eyes, his words, his stare, his smile, his stubble, his little creases at the corner of his eyes as he studied something disturbing, his face...Him.
Everything about him was familiarised. He looked so alive and real... He was looking so gallant. So handsome. So magnificent. He was salubrious. He was unstained. He was so...complete.
I wasn't.
The icy void of my heart all of a sudden began to battle a roaring inferno of unconditional love. The walls I was building around me became more robust. I would need every ounce of courage to do what I was planning to do.
And in an instant, there seemed to be a myriad of battles within me; Frantic and frenetic attempts to maintain my walls together were fighting with an unwelcome and an unexpected thought of surrender to death, defenselessly...Bitter and disgusting selfishness battling with a minuscule glimmer of selflessness... Furious flames of anger fighting the icy fumes of fate... Life struggling to refuse the embracing clutches of death...
A solitary tear rolled down my cheeks as I felt the indescribable emotion of unrestricted and unconditional love to Sahil Malhotra boom through my veins.
Sahil stopped the tear halfway, catching it with the tip of his fingers, and then lazily rubbed the saline droplet before flicking it away.
"Is it your nightmare?" He asked quietly.
I give a wordless nod, wiping the wetness of my cheek.
"What did you dream about?" He demanded.
"I-nothing." I lied easily, "Its stupid-chuck it."
"Tell."
"Its nothing, Sahil!"
"Is that why you aren't wearing my earrings?" He asked swiftly.
*****