After what should have been an enjoyable night with my husband, we made it back home without any words exchanged between one another.
I went straight upstairs to our bedroom to our closet to kick off my heels and completely undress from today's events.
I put my hair up into a pineapple so I could get in the shower and complete my night routine, because I was beyond ready to sleep todays events away.
Today has been exhausting, or more like the past couple of hours.
I made sure the water in the shower was steaming hot before completely washing my body. It wasn't long before I was done and my skin was oiled up.
I put on a simple cami and a pair of panties and climbed into the bed by myself. I couldn't sleep in anything else, or I would wake up hot and sweating in the middle of the night.
While checking a couple of emails on my phone, the bedroom door opened and Paul walked into the room without sharing a glance my way.
He continued undress without saying a word, causing me to sigh.
"So how long are we going to do this?" I said sitting up and crossing my legs.
He let out a loud breath, "Do what Lauren?"
"You know exactly what's going on. This not speaking shit."
"Lauren I don't feel like this right now," he said rubbing his hand over his face.
"Well I really could care less what you feel like. We're going to talk about this like the grown adults we are, instead of making an argument out of it. I'm tired of arguing Paul."
"Well I'm tired. You ever think about that?" He looked at me.
"Tired of what?" I asked clearly confused.
"This shit," he pointed between the two of us. "You didn't even have the decency to discuss anything with me, like shit is always about you."
I scoffed, "At least I told you tonight! You're acting like I waited to tell you until the day before I had to leave! What else do you want me to do?!"
"You're a grown ass woman, I shouldn't have to tell you what the fuck to do bruh," he said waving me off.
I threw my head back and looked at him like he was crazy. "Bruh? Who the fuck is your bruh? I'm your wife." I got up and walked towards him to figure out who the hell he thought he was talking to.
He chuckled," Shit if you knew what your priorities and responsibilities were, then Braylen would've still been here." He was staring daggers straight into my eyes.
I felt the tears threaten to fall out of the brim of my eyes. Before I knew it, my hand was landing across his face.
"Why the fuck would you say that?" I cried out.
Out of the numerous arguments we've had in the past, he's never brought up Braylen or that situation as a whole. He was stooping to an all-time low with this.
"Lo I-" I cut him off.
"Leave me the fuck alone," I gritted out as I grabbed my phone & my charger along with my slippers before walking out of our bedroom, making sure that I slammed the door. I made my way down to the guest room and locked the door.
I'm not sleeping in the same bed with him tonight. I sighed as the tears were still slowly falling down my face, while I climbed in the bed.
After turning out the light, I turned to face the window where the moonlight was seeping through before my slow tears turned into full blown sobs.
"I'm so sorry," I cried out as I clutched my necklace in my hand before falling asleep.
...............
I held my phone between my shoulder and my ear as I carried Braylen in one arm and my purse & his diaper bag in the other arm.
"Yes baby, me and Bray are getting in the car now," I said through the phone as I strapped Braylen in his car seat.
"You're already late so don't rush trying to get here, be careful. I love you."
I smiled and sent kisses through the phone, "I love you too." I hung up and then got in the front seat placing my purse on the floor of the passenger side before pulling off towards Paul's mother's house.
I looked through the rear view mirror and noticed Braylen was staring back at me with a toothless grin, causing me to smile back before returning my attention back on the road.
The sounds of Beyoncé's homecoming album rang through my car as I sang along.
We were about 10 minutes away from the house before my phone started ringing in my purse. I sucked my teeth as I reached over the get my phone out of my bag.
I fished my hand around in the bag and still couldn't find it. "What the fuck," I mumbled to myself. I drifted my eyes off of the road for a few seconds to grab my ringing phone out of the bag.
But it only took that few seconds to change my entire life.
As soon as I looked up, I heading directly for the back of a stopped car & it was too late to react. My eyes immediately averted to my son sitting in the back before my car slammed into the back of another car.
I groaned in pain as my head was pounding from the impact. When I regained a sense of consciousness, Braylen was the first thing on my mind.
But I didn't hear his cries.
...............
I woke up breathing hard and in a full body sweat, as I relived that day through my dream. I shook my head to myself as I felt the overwhelming emotions returning. I'm very aware of what took place that day, and me being at fault for what happened.
It's still very fresh for me and I will never forgive myself for what happened.
Stretching and yawning, I sat up in the bed before my phone began ringing on the side table. I was receiving a Group FaceTime call from my two closest friends Miyah and Ciera.
I took a deep breath gathering myself before answering the call.
When I joined the call, the two of them were already in conversation.
"Hey babe. Uh uh what's wrong?" Miyah questioned with concern written all over her face. She was the motherly one of our friend group, and always made sure Ciera and I were okay.
"Nothing, I'm okay," I sniffled.
"You've been crying. What's wrong?"
"Braylen," I simply said. They immediately understood and Ciera responded.
"Miyah and I were just talking about all of us getting together for brunch today. You okay with that? You need something to get your mind off of everything."
I nodded my head in agreement, "Yeah, that's fine. I'll be ready within the next hour." We all exchanged a few more words between each other before hanging up so I could get ready.
I grabbed my phone and charger and made my way back to my bedroom where it was empty, indicating that Paul had already left to go to work for the day. I quickly did my morning routine before adding some light makeup and making my way outside of the door for the day.
As I got in the car, my phone rang throughout my car and my mother's name popped up on the dashboard.
"Hey mommy."
"Hey munchkin, what are you doing?" Her voice filling up my car as I drove off.
"Nothing, on my way to brunch with Miyah and Ciera. We haven't seen each other in a while, so we're just doing some catching up."
"Oh okay, well I wanted to let you know that I'm cooking dinner tonight. Your siblings are coming, so I want you and Paul to come as well."
I rolled my eyes, knowing that she couldn't see me.
"Don't roll your eyes, I know you."
"Okay mommy, what time?"
"6:30 please and thank you. I love you,"
"I love you too," I said before hanging up.
It wasn't long before I was at our favorite local brunch spot called "Batter & Berries." I parked and walked in and immediately noticed the Miyah and Ciera sitting at our normal booth in the corner.
"Heyyyy," I drug out as I slid into the booth next to Ciera.
"Late per usual," Miyah said while waving her hand off at me.
Miyah and I have been friends for as long as I could remember. We met in middle school when we were you and we've been inseparable since then. She also was the head nurse at the same hospital that Paul worked at.
Rolling my eyes I said, "I wasn't that late. Maybe like 15 minutes if that."
"Girl you was the one that told us that you would be ready within the next hour. We should have know," Ciera said while taking a sip from her mimosa.
We met Ciera and in high school when she moved to the area and she became one of my closest friends as well. But it wasn't always peaches and cream with her situation. After high school, her long time boyfriend became abusive and kicked her out of their home leaving her homeless.
So, me being the good friend I am, took her in and made sure she had a place to lay her head until she got back on her feet again.
"Mhm, but I see y'all ordered my mango mimosa for me already. Hate to see it," I said before blowing kisses their way.
"Girl whatever. Anyways, we all need to catch up since so much has been going on."
"Well, I got offered this undercover case all the way in New York to take down this wanted criminal. I was requested my the nation's head administrator."
"OKAY! Get that coin sis!" Miyah squealed.
"Exactly sis, you gettin' flewed out." Ciera stuck her tongue out.
"Yeah, but Paul doesn't approve of it at all. We got into a really heated argument about it yesterday night."
They both rolled their eyes, "Lo, what does he even approve of? It's like he doesn't want you to do anything. That shit is annoying."
"I know Miyah," I sighed.
"He said I should've brought the whole thing to him first, before making my own decision on it. I get why he's upset there, but why would I turn down a huge opportunity that's given to me?"
Ciera just shook her head while listening.
"And then that's when he brought up me prioritizing my responsibilities and that being the reason why Braylen isn't here now. I don't understand why he would throw that in my face like that. It's been a year, but everything still feels like it happened yesterday." I said as another tear rolled down my cheek.
"Aw pooh, please don't cry. Men are assholes and don't realize half of the shit they do, or say most of the time." She grabbed one of the napkins and reached across the table to dab away my tears, making sure she didn't mess up my makeup.
"It's okay," I fanned my eyes. "That made me want to take the case even more, because I'm doing everything for my son and to prove Paul wrong. I know how to prioritize myself."
"You're a grown ass woman Lauren, there's nothing that you can't handle."
"Cheers to that," Ciera said before raising her glass and downing the rest of her mimosa.
Miyah looked at her, "Okay bitch, you're clearly trying to get drunk."
"Damn right, it's bottomless mimosas and I'm tryna be bottomless."
I looked at her before busting out laughing at her stupidity. Sometimes I don't know what I would do without them.
...............
After spending majority of the day with my girls, I was on my way to my parent's house for this dinner that she wanted to have. I haven't spoken to Paul since the words that were exchanged between the two of last night, and I honestly was okay with that.
I needed to be away from him for the day to clear my mind.
I pulled into my parent's driveway noticing that my sister were already here. I climbed out of my car and used my key to unlock the front door before walking in. I kicked off my shoes at the door, not trying to hear my mom's mouth about having shoes on inside her house.
I followed the smell of food to the kitchen were my mother and sister were talking to each other. They stopped when they saw me walk in and I noticed my sister roll her eyes out of the corner of my eye.
"My baby," my mom said walking over to me placing kisses all over my face. "I haven't seen you in forever."
"Mommy you saw me the other week," I said trying to move my face.
"And that's too long."
"Hey Kayla," I simply said before walking over to the stove to see what she was cooking. I peeped in the pot and noticed she was cooking Efo Riro, a native dish and my mouth immediately began to water. My mother was Nigerian while my dad was black, so I was grateful for having family from two different ethnicities.
"Lauren," Kayla said simply, while holding her son Mekhi in her arms.
"Girl get out of pots before I hurt you," my mom said slapping my hands away. "And you two aren't about to start this attitude mess tonight. I want a peaceful dinner," she said pointing between the two of us.
"Where's daddy and Khalil?"
"There in the den watching that little football game. Go get them for me anyway, dinner is ready and I'm not yelling down those steps."
I made my way down the steps to the basement to be met with loud yelling from my dad and brother. I walked over to them and stood in front of the screen, blocking their view.
"Damn Lo, move." Khalil said trying to move his head around my body.
"Hello to you too brother, mommy said the food is ready. Hey dad," I said before placing a kiss on his cheek. "Y'all better come on before mommy gets mad," I sang out as I walked back up the stairs.
Shortly after, they were right behind me.
"Come one, lets say grace so we can eat," my mom said as we all sat at the dining room table.
"Mmm this looks good baby," my dad said as he leaned down to place a kiss on my mother's nose.
I smiled at the interaction between the two of them. I've always admired their relationship and have always strived for a marriage like theirs, but you know how that goes.
"Thank you honey," she smiled. "Alright, say grace Khalil."
We all bowed our heads as Khalil said grace before we began to dig into our food. I closed my eyes and moaned in satisfaction. It had been way entirely too long since I've had my mother's cooking.
All you could hear were utensils clinking against the plates, before my mom spoke up.
"Lauren where's Paul? I thought I told you to bring him with you?"
I heard Khalil scoff, "Nah that nigga is good where he's at. He don't need to be over here."
My mom reached next to her and plucked Khalil in the side of his face. "Boy watch your language in this house, I'm not playing with you."
He sucked his teeth, while continuing to eat.
It was no secret that Khalil wasn't a fan of Paul. On top of being my protective older brother, he knew about the arguments and situations I have been in with Paul previously. If it was up to him, Paul probably would have been handled a long time ago.
"He had to work," I half way lied. He did have to work today, but I'm pretty sure he was home by now. And like I said before, I didn't want to be around him today anyway so I didn't care to tell him.
"You probably didn't even tell him," I heard Kayla snicker.
"Speak up. Mumbling seems to be your favorite thing to do," I said looking up at her.
"Girl, don't try me today. I am not the one Lauren."
"Tuh, keep your young ass in your place and you don't have to worry about being tried," I smiled.
"I'm about to smack all of you for cursing in my house, that I do know," my mom said as she eyed all of us.
"Bitch worry about yourself," she scoffed as she continued to feed Mekhi.
I stopped and looked at her before pointing my fork at her, "And how about you worry about who the father of your child may be. Since you haven't figured that out yet."
"Can you keep a child?" She smirked.
I stood up pushing my chair back before my dad grabbed a hold of me, preventing me from making my way to Kayla.
"Aye! Cut all of this shit out right now!" My dad's deep voice boomed through the room.
"Nah, fuck her," I said trying to kick myself out of his grip.
"Lauren don't talk about your sister that way," my mom stressed.
"I don't give a fuck, I don't have a sister for all I know," Kayla shrugged.
I removed myself from my dad's strong hold, "I'm going home." I grabbed my purse and my keys before walking towards the front door to grab my shoes.
"I hope your "husband" is at home too then!" I heard Kayla yell after me.
I didn't even give her a response, because I was tired of the shit at that point.
New York me, NOW.