Sirius hasn't spoken to me in over two weeks. It's been hell. I try to convince myself that I don't care, that I'm strong enough to not need his friendship, but it's plain to me after fourteen long days that I miss him.
He's blatantly ignoring me, and every time I try to explain to him why I did what I did, he doesn't let me. I've explained to everyone else, and they all understand. I asked Remus and James to explain to Sirius for me, but they just say that he won't let them either.
So I stop hanging around the Marauders as much, and instead hang out mostly with Marcus, who is a good distraction. We sneak out to empty classrooms at night and make a bunch of noise to annoy the caretaker, Argus Filch, who comes running in only for us to be long gone. I feel myself slowly beginning to get over Sirius as I start to like Marcus more, mostly because I'm annoyed that the former boy won't even give me a chance. He and Marlene fight all the time, though I've still walked in on them snogging on at least four different occasions. Of all things, I miss his friendship the most.
Mulciber has stayed true to his words, not coming anywhere near me anymore. Lily isn't talking to Snape after she heard what he did. He's apologized millions of times, and had even stopped hanging with that dangerous gang of Slytherins as much, but she won't give in. It's to the point where while the Marauders bully the greasy kid more than ever before, stopping him between every class and using his own jinxes against him, Lily no longer stands up for him. As for Snape's threat to expose me to Sirius, I barely care anymore. As if he will even listen to anyone who mentions my name.
Lily's said sorry on Snape's behalf a lot as well, but I forgave her right away. We hang out a lot together now. While Marlene is with Sirius and Alice with Remus, Lily, Mary, Dorcas, and I will just hang out around the school grounds.
It's December now, and the excitement for Christmas is hanging over everyone's heads. The same twelve Christmas trees that are placed in the Great Hall every year have everyone realizing how close it really is.
I currently hang upside down off my broom by my legs, spinning circles around Marcus as he sits and tries to study for his N.E.W.T's. I get strange looks from a few students, but I just weave through them, making them duck and shake their heads in amusement.
"You're ridiculous," Marcus says, putting down his papers and snatching my arm out of the air, pulling me off the broom and onto his lap. I manage to grab my Comet as I go down, landing on his leg and laughing. He chuckles at me, a twinkle in his eyes as he leans down and kisses me. I kiss him back, enjoying his embrace as he holds me tight, the cold air nipping at us.
My brother is extremely unhappy with us dating, which is one of the main reasons why I've stayed with him, along with the excitement of what is surely an autumn fling.
"Come on." He stands up and grabs my hand, "Let's go inside. It's cold."
We head indoors, and soon he pulls me into an empty classroom, closing the door behind him as I hop up on a desk and cross my legs, leaning back on my hands.
He walks over to me when he's sure we're alone, and places his hands on the desk, either side of me. He leans in slowly and connects his lips to mine, making my heart leap as I move with him. My hand tugs on his messy blond hair, which gathers at the nape of his neck, and his hands cup my face, kissing me passionately.
Suddenly, his hand moves to my knee, and slowly runs up to the edge of my skirt. I pull away and rest my forehead on his, placing my hand on his roaming one.
"Marcus . . ." I bite my lip and peer at him through my lashes.
"Come on, Cass," he mumbles, kissing my neck.
I pull away from him, and he sighs, standing up and retracting his touch. He looks slightly annoyed, but nods like he understands, helping me off the desk and running a hand through his hair.
"Let's go back to the Common Room," he says, still seeming frustrated, "I still have to study."
I nod, trying to ignore the fact that he's obviously discouraged that I won't do anything more than make out with him. I don't know why, but it just doesn't feel right. I don't want to take this too far.
I sigh and follow him back to the Gryffindor tower, where he disperses to his friends and I plop down on the couch next to Lily. James and Sirius are also there, along with Remus.
"You okay?" Lily asks, sensing my frustration as I watch Marcus go up to his dormitories.
"Yeah," I say, running a hand through my hair and sighing. I feel a pair of familiar eyes on me, and look up expecting to meet Sirius's gaze, only for him to have already looked away.
I'm tired of this. I'm tired of him ignoring me. It's bullshit and I can't take it.
"Hey, can I talk to you?" I ask him, like I have multiple times. And as always, he just glances at me before standing up and running a hand through his hair.
"I'm gonna go find Mar," he mumbles, and I feel my heart collapse in on itself as we all watch him go.
I hit my head on Lily's shoulder three times, scrunching my face up to push away tears. She rubs my shoulder in comfort as I throw my head back on the couch in defeat.
"Give him a few days."
"It's been two weeks," I say, "This is getting ridiculous. How can he be so mad about this little thing?"
"I don't think it's just about that," Remus says, and I snap my gaze to his. James looks at him in warning as I frown.
"Then what's it about?" I ask as James hits Remus over the head with a book and sighs.
"Nice going, Moony."
"Remus," I say, leaning forward, "tell me why Sirius is so angry."
He glances at me then sighs, shutting his textbook before leaning back on the armchair he sits in front of.
"Well I mean, you did kind of slap him in the face when you kissed Marcus," he says, and I frown in confusion.
"What?" I ask, and he rolls his eyes.
"At the game, stupid." He crosses his legs in front of him, "He had been working up the courage to ask you out all week, and he was on his way to do it when he saw you kissing that goon."
My jaw drops in shock and confusion as well as frustration at myself for letting Marcus kiss me.
"You're joking," I say, "'That goon' kissed me. And Lily said Sirius liked Marlene!"
We all look to the red head, who shrinks back in her seat, "I mean, they didn't say Marlene specifically, but I just right away assumed because they're always hooking up."
"Wait wait, you overheard us talking about it and you assumed he wanted to commit to Marlene?" James asks in disbelief, standing up, "Are you kidding?"
"They're constantly on and off!" She defends herself as I run a frustrated hand through my hair.
"But did you even see how those two were drooling over each other last month?" James gestures to me, and I frown.
"Drooling—?"
"Oh right," James smacks his forehead like he's stupid, "You never hang out with us anymore because you're too caught up with Snivellus! How'd that turn out for you again?"
She scoffs and rolls her eyes.
"Was it that obvious?" I ask quizzically, and Remus smiles.
"Blatantly so. I've never seen Sirius act that way about a girl."
"And now it's ruined thanks to Evans." James flops back down into his arm chair.
"I'm sorry!" Lily says, throwing her hands up in defeat.
"Wait wait wait," I say, "If Sirius liked me so much, then why has he been dating Marlene these last three weeks?"
"If you liked him, then why have you been dating Marcus?" Remus counters, and I gape.
"Because I caught him snogging Marlene at the victory party!"
"He only kissed her because he saw you kissing Marcus!"
"I only kissed Marcus because I thought he liked Marlene!" I stand up in frustration, running a hand down my face before sitting back down in defeat, "And now he won't even talk to me."
Lily rubs my arm comfortingly, and I feel myself melt into an empty abyss.
If the timing hadn't been so off, then things would be different. I would probably be dating Sirius. If he had just been the one who had kissed me on the Quidditch pitch instead. If I hadn't let Marcus kiss me because of some stupid rumour I heard from Lily, this would be a different story. A better one. I wouldn't have lost probably the closest friend I've made since I got here.
Realizing that, I stand up in frustration.
"You know what? Whatever!" I say, "I don't care if our timing was shit or . . . or he got with Marlene to get over me. It's not a good enough reason for us to completely lose what we had. Emotions aside, he was still my friend, and I want that back."
And with that, I storm out of the common room and set off to find Sirius, which doesn't take long, as he's under the first staircase I look.
"Marlene, can I talk to Sirius for a second?" I ask, and she tugs her lips from his as his hands retract from her waist.
"Actually," Sirius says, "We're kind of in the middle of something—"
"Eh." Marlene shrugs, "I'm on my period anyway. He's all yours."
She saunters past me, and Sirius glares after her before trying to walk in the other direction.
"Wait!" I say, dragging his arm. He rips it from my grasp and continues to walk, "Sirius can we please talk?"
He doesn't even glance back at me, and I groan in frustration, tears pricking my eyes. I take off my shoe and chuck it as hard as I can, hitting him right in the head.
"Ow! What the hell?" He turns to me, and I march right up to him and point a finger at his chest.
"You're going to listen to me if I have to force you to!" I say angrily, and he backs up in slight shock, "I don't give a shit if you're mad at me about the Mulciber thing, because I did the right thing and you know it. It's better that kid stays at Hogwarts than joins forces with the Death Eaters. But you cannot stop talking to me because of some stupid crush!"
That shuts him up real good, and I take a deep breath, happy he isn't running away.
"Look, I didn't kiss Marcus, he kissed me. And the only reason I didn't pull away is because Lily told me you were gonna ask out Marlene," I begin to ramble, "and after he kissed me, I was gonna go tell you that yeah, I had a raging crush on you! Are you happy? Because then I ran into you sucking face with Marlene, and you didn't even look at me! You made me feel like shit, Sirius, and now it's all over and we're with other people and whatever, okay? I don't care about that anymore, I just want you to talk to me again. I wasn't trying to be an asshole, but just because our timing was off doesn't mean we can't be friends. I can't take it anymore. I need you to talk to me."
It feels so good for me to say it all, but it feels even better to see that he's looking at me again, and there's a small smile on his face as I end my rant. A tiny smirk that I've missed so much. Just any contact that isn't a nasty glare or an eye roll.
"I need you to say something," I say breathily, staring up into his eyes as my face turns red, embarrassed that he's staring at me so openly, "You're sorta missing your cue here."
He laughs, and then he does something I've also missed, he slings an arm around my shoulders and hugs me to his side.
"You've got a wicked arm, Milton. Almost gives your mouth a run for its money." He hands my shoe back to me, and I feel relief wash over me in a tidal wave. A huge weight falls off of my shoulders, and it feels so good. My heart restores itself after weeks of breaking over and over, and I realize that I don't care if Sirius doesn't like me anymore, even if I maybe still have lingering feelings. All that matters to me is that we're friends. I don't want anything to ruin that ever again.
"Now that we're talking again, remember in Transfiguration last week when Finch-Fletchley's fly was down the entire time he was presenting. Because I know you saw it too."
He breaks into a fit of laughter, "Oh my god! I thought I was the only one who caught that!"
I grin too, and just bask in his familiar barking laugh.
"And—and," he wheezes, barely able to get his words out, "when he was trying to say organism, but he said, he said—"
"Orgasm!" I finish and we double over in a fit of cackles, heading back to the portrait hole.
I put on a nervous face, pretending to be Finch-Fletchley, "'The first signs of Transfiguration trace back to orgasms - uh - uh - I - I mean—"
He howls with laughter, "The look on his face when he realized what he said!"
I snicker as we enter the common room, me hopping to put my shoe back on as James, Lily, Remus, Peter, Dorcas, and Mary look up from where they're sitting. We're still trying to contain our laughter as we sit down next to each other on the couch, and our friends share glances before cheering.
"Finally!" Mary says as James gives Remus three sickles and Lily grins with relief, clearly thinking the whole reason Sirius and I were fighting was her fault, which it sort of was.
"Yeah yeah, you missed us," Sirius says, chuckling.
"Should we even be happy about this?" Dorcas asks, "Remember how annoying they are together?"
We all laugh, and I feel myself practically glow. Life sucked without Sirius, it's sad but it's true. The last three weeks have been torture for me, and I'm just thankful that I have my old friend back — the one who really understands me — even if we can never be more than just that. Friends. I don't care how much pent up anger I was holding against him, everything was forgiven the minute he looked at me.