a month had passed since colby laid out his feelings for harlow. a few hours after the disastrous phone call, colby had texted a lengthy apology to her, and although her instincts told her to delete the message without even reading it, she couldn't go through with that.
it was a strange apology. because while he did apologize for how he said it, he made it very clear that he wasn't sorry harlow heard it. harlow, on the other hand, wasn't upset with how he said it because after talking to her friends about it, she realized that this was likely something colby had been sitting on for a while, and it was probably difficult for him to express how he actually felt because of that. she was sorry that she heard it, though.
the rest of that day harlow wished she hadn't called him, that she had just kept his contact blocked. the more she thought about what he admitted the more guilty she felt, even though there was no reason for her to feel guilty. it's not like she asked colby to say anything, anyway.
although, she did have a reason to feel guilty after she neglected to tell carter about the call. there was just no way for her to explain colby's admissions without carter going into protection mode. it felt like a safer bet to pretend like the call just didn't happen at all. and as far as the numerous interactions with colby during her drunken state went, carter didn't need to know about those, either. frankly, harlow didn't remember any of it, so it wasn't a complete lie.
to appease the guilt she felt in the pit of her stomach, she blocked colby again the next morning. since then, she hadn't heard anything from him or about him, and her friends went along with it, pretending like that night hadn't happened.
unfortunately though, there wasn't a button she could press to block him in her day-to-day life. the month after the engagement party, harlow had successfully gone back to avoiding colby, that is, until harlow decided she couldn't wait to use the bathroom when picking tara up for lunch, and choose to run into tara's house instead.
harlow was generally unsure when it came to hanging out at tara's house, simply because she lived with jake, and where there was jake, there was colby. but frankly, if it came down to peeing her pants and then going for lunch in public versus possibly running into colby, she'd roll the dice.
the odds weren't in her favor, though.
harlow barged through the door, shouting, "tara, i'm using your bathroom because i'm about to piss my pants!"
as she began to make her way down the hall, she heard jake loudly laugh, followed by two other familiar ones. she tried to will herself not to peek over her shoulder, because even without looking she knew who the laughs belonged to.
"harley, would you kill me if i kept that in?" jake jokingly asked just as harlow had peered over her shoulder.
jake was sat on their couch between sam and colby, a camera positioned on a tripod in front of them, probably catching harlow from where she was standing in the hallway.
she felt colby's eyes boring into her from where he was sat, which temporarily hindered her ability to answer jake's question. she didn't trust her voice, not wanting to sound weak or shocked by colby's presence, so she simply held up her middle finger while quickly making her way down the hall to the bathroom.
once the door was closed behind her and safely locked, harlow pulled out her phone to text tara.
CARTER'S GIRLFRIEND
TARA WHAT THE FUCK
WHY DIDN'T U TELL ME COLBY
WAS HERE
HOW EMBARASSING
I JUST SHOUTED ABOUT HOW
I WAS ABOUT TO PISS MY PANTS
FML
JAKE'S GIRLFRIEND
WAIT WHAT
NO
CARTER'S GIRLFRIEND
unfortunately yes
this is my life now
JAKE'S GIRLFRIEND
colby doesn't care i'm sure
he's seen u do worse things
CARTER'S GIRLFRIEND
surprisingly that wasn't comforting
JAKE'S GIRLFRIEND
ok my bad my bad
i was going for tension reliever
CARTER'S GIRLFRIEND
swing and a miss totally
JAKE'S GIRLFRIEND
did this help
CARTER'S GIRLFRIEND
so u do know how to calm me
down
i'm done peeing but i'm scared to
come out now
it's gonna be so awkward i can feel
it. i blocked him after his text and
haven't seen him since. pls come
save me !!!
JAKE'S GIRLFRIEND
i'll go tell jake we're leaving
or something so u can slip away
in peace
CARTER'S GIRLFRIEND
thank u
harlow took a deep breath in hopes that it would settle the nerves within the pit of her stomach. she didn't feel nervous because of colby per se, but because of colby confessing he missed harlow and then her subsequently re-blocking him because of it.
with as much confidence she could muster, harlow opened the door and made her way down the hallway. before she even reached the small foyer, she felt eyes on her. but she didn't want to give in to colby's stare, so harlow kept her eyes cast low as she walked.
even without checking, harlow was positive that colby hadn't broken his gaze on her since she first walked down the hallway. with his eyes still on her, she quietly toed on her shoes then leaned against the wall waiting for tara to finish talking to jake.
she checked her phone at least twelve times while she stood silently in the hall, looking desperately for a reason to not glance up at her ex-boyfriend.
feeling incredibly awkward standing in the same space as colby, harlow decided to excuse herself and wait for tara outside. "tara," she spoke, cutting off the conversation her friend was having with jake, "i'll just wait for you in the jeep."
tara paused mid-sentence, looking over her shoulder at harlow, "okay. i'll just be another minute or two." she informed, waving her towards the door.
harlow sighed in relief, the tension from his presence immediately washing away once she stepped through the front door. she made her way down the driveway, peeking at her phone to see tara had texted her before she had left the bathroom.
she had just reached her jeep, her hand stretched out towards the handle, the other hand gripping her phone to read tara's text message, when she heard the door shut, then a voice call, "harlow, wait!"
her limbs felt numb instantly, her hand unable to close around the door handle to bring her the safety her jeep would've given her. not that talking through the jeep window would've been mature.
so close, but not close enough.
she rotated her body to face the person the voice belonged to, her eyes lifting to meet the all-too-familiar blues. her voice seemed to be stuck in her throat, all she could manage to get out was a strangled sound of shock.
"can we talk?" he asked once he realized harlow wasn't going to say anything.
harlow struggled to hide the annoyance on her features. "it's not really a good time. tara and i are just about to head out," she stated, thumbing towards the jeep behind her.
colby took looked between the house and harlow, then took a hesitant step forward. "yeah, about that.." he trailed off, leaving harlow to fill in the blanks.
harlow went from slightly annoyed by colby's presence to pissed off in a matter of seconds. "i'm not talking to you colby." she stated in her most matter-of-fact tone.
realization crossed colby's features after she spoke, "oh, wait, no, i didn't mean it like that. i didn't make her fake the lunch thing,"
"huh?" harlow questioned, brows furrowed together.
"this is super embarrassing but i basically begged her to give me fifteen minutes to talk to you before you guys left, so.."
harlow openly rolled her eyes and huffed loudly. "well it doesn't matter, i don't want to talk to you. so you can head back inside, now." her voice was cold, but she didn't care. whatever she had to do to get away from colby at that moment, she'd do.
colby flinched at her tone but didn't back down. "okay. i get that. so how about i talk, and you can just listen. or just pretend to listen, even. i just need to say this shit and i'll leave you alone, alright?"
harlow lowered her gaze, suddenly extremely interested in her shoes.
she was conflicted, to say the least. she didn't want to spend any extra time around colby and was prepared to say what she needed to in order to get rid of him, but at the same time, she didn't want to be the reason he was hurting. all things considered, harlow wasn't the type of person who liked to willingly cause others pain. and by the sounds of it, not listening to what colby had to say was going to hurt him.
it was a tough predicament because realistically, harlow shouldn't care if she's hurting colby or not. he's her ex-boyfriend, not current. and she didn't want to have to lie to carter about another conversation with colby. she didn't need more guilt.
despite everything in her telling her to ignore his request, to march back into the house and grab tara by her arm, she couldn't do it. instead, she raised her gaze to meet colby's pleading eyes, and nodded. "fifteen minutes." she repeated, gently reminding him of the timer he had set.
colby's face lit up at her response, "uh, thank you, harley." he replied, a smile on his face as he spoke.
out of the corner of her eye, harlow watched the curtain in the front move quickly, three heads all peering out towards the two. harlow narrowed her eyes at them, making them disappear back behind the curtain, but also making colby's happy expression drop immediately.
he looked over his shoulder, towards the curtain that was swaying. "i take it we have an audience?" he joked, trying to lighten to mood a bit.
harlow rolled her eyes again, but this time it wasn't directed at colby. "yeah, apparently so."
"do you wanna take a walk?" he asked, gesturing towards the street.
"not really."
colby gave harlow a pointed look, "if we stay here, they're going to eavesdrop, and you know it."
harlow huffed in annoyance, but turned around and started walking down the street, colby hot on her heels.
"fourteen minutes," she reminded him.
colby picked up his pace enough to be walking beside harlow. "i just needed to apologize again, but i needed to do it in person because i have a feeling you didn't read the one i texted," harlow opened her mouth to protest, but colby held up his hand to signal he wasn't done yet, "and it's okay. it's okay if you didn't read it. and if you did read it, then i'm sorry but i just needed to see with my own eyes that you've heard what i had to say. it's stupid but it's just been weighing on me a lot lately."
harlow considered what he had to say. she had read the text, and it honestly wasn't going to change how she felt about the situation, but she figured she could tell colby that after he got the weight of his apology off his chest.
"so i'm sorry for taking advantage of you being drunk out of your right mind that night. i knew 100% that if you were sober there was no way you'd have talked to me or trusted me to hold your hair back while you puked. i was selfish and i missed being around you like that. i missed being a friend to you."
colby was right. if harlow was sober that night there was no way she would've talked to him. if she was sober, she would've driven home right after he walked through the front door.
while they walked, harlow made sure to keep distance between the two. she also glanced over her shoulder occasionally to make sure their friends weren't following them. colby paused mid-apology with a lifted eyebrow. harlow smiled sheepishly, "'m listening," she replied, "just making sure they're not tailing us."
"good idea," colby laughed lightly as they rounded the corner, "i just, i'm really sorry. the way i handled things the next morning sucked of me. i shouldn't have said anything. i felt so guilty after you hung up because i know i promised you that i would let it go after everything."
harlow felt her stomach twist at his words, thinking back to the night he was speaking of. the weeks after the break-up, where things between the two got messier than she thought was possible.
after the break-up with colby, harlow's hometown friends had booked her a one-way plane ticket home, and she left without telling colby where she was going. in fact, she left without telling any of her la friends where she was going.
she had turned her phone off the minute she got to the airport, not wanting to be bothered by her friends texting her about what colby had told them. she wasn't generally one for running away from her problems, but all she wanted at that moment was a hug from her friends. the friends who weren't going to be gentle about the things they said about colby, because her la friends were friends with colby too. so harlow acted selfishly and left them in the dark. at least initially. as soon as she landed safely, she texted elton and the girls, letting them know that she was safe, but she wasn't going to be home for a while. they didn't need to know more.
harlow remembered the first week home was mostly spent surrounded by her friends and her parents and being coddled. she rarely had a moment alone that first week, her friends taking turns sleeping over and cuddling her until she managed to stop crying long enough to sleep. most of the time, it was phone management, making sure she didn't text colby something she'd regret. it was messy and incredibly sad.
by the end of the second week, harlow was learning to put on a mask in front of her family and friends. she had already spent eleven days crying over colby, hardly getting out of bed unless absolutely necessary, and she knew that the people around her were getting concerned. therefore, she needed the mask.
by the end of the third week, harlow was slowly starting to feel like herself again. by this point, harlow's friends had also managed to convince her to go to the bar with them for drinks and appies. little did she know, she'd run into her high school crush that night. and that she'd also sleep with him, not only that night but multiple nights after.
somewhere in that fourth week, harlow found out that her high school crush was only home for the summer, and was returning to la for school in august. after finding that out, harlow latched on hard. there was now the possibility of returning back to la not only completely healed after her break-up with colby, but returning with a new man. carter.
halfway through that week, elton had begged harlow to come and visit him in la. she was fully intending on staying at home longer, especially now that she was starting to see carter, but she missed her brother, so she booked a ticket back to la for the weekend. it also gave her the opportunity to go back to her apartment and pack more for when she flew back home for the rest of the summer.
what she wasn't expecting to see outside of her apartment, or more so, who, was colby. she quickly figured out that elton had lured her home under false pretenses, and that it was really for colby to win harlow back. only colby didn't know that harlow had already committed herself to someone else. in fact, none of her la friends knew.
she would never forget the look of betrayal on colby's face when she told him about carter. she explained her side completely, that she wasn't expecting to start dating anyone so quickly, but carter also wasn't entirely new. knowing him previously made it much easier for her to move so quickly.
colby begged and pleaded with harlow, ready to do whatever it took to win her back. but harlow had mourned the relationship already, and in the weeks she was back home, she didn't hear anything from colby. later, she learned it was because he thought she heard his confession outside of her door, and his ego was bruised. only she hadn't heard it, she was on her way to the airport. perhaps if she had heard one plea, things would've been different when he met her at her apartment that day.
colby had made harlow promise that no matter what, they'd still be friends. that even though she was seeing someone else, he would still be in her life. so she promised, even though she knew that friendships between exes rarely worked. she had already crushed colby once that day, and she wasn't going to do it again.
"it wasn't your fault, colby." harlow said softly, watching her feet as they continued walking.
colby shrugged, "it was, though. there were a lot of things i could've done or said in those weeks after we broke up, and i didn't. i let you walk away."
harlow felt like he had just put her heart through a blender after hearing colby's words. since her initial return to la, the two hadn't discussed their break up with each other. in harlow's case, she hadn't discussed it period.
even though an entire year passed, it still hurt to talk about.
"colby," she started, but was cut off again.
"when i talked to you on the phone, i meant it though. i miss you."
harlow crossed her arms, her way of going into defence. "it's been a year, colby. you're not allowed to miss me anymore."
"it's not that simple, harls," he stated, "fuck, i'm sorry. that's not what i meant to talk about. it's just, that day, i made you promise me we'd stay friends, and even though i probably didn't deserve it, you promised me we would. and i fucked it up. i let my feelings for you get in the way of us being friends again. i couldn't get used to seeing you with him instead of me, so i just dipped. and i fucking regret it so much."
harlow stopped walking, turning to face colby with a soft look on her face. "colby, stop. it's not your fault. it's just life, you know?"
"i don't like that answer," he admitted, kicking at a pebble.
"exes don't make good friends. i mean, look at corey and dev,"
"but we made good friends, harls."
harlow started walking again, this time picking up the pace in order to make it around the block within the allotted time frame she had agreed to. "i'm not trying to be rude, but all things considered, it wouldn't work. you basically admitted that you miss me being your girlfriend a month ago, but that you still want to be my friend. and knowing that, i can't be your friend."
colby's expression dropped after he took in harlow's words, but only for a moment. "okay, well think of it as exposure therapy. wait, that's not the right word," he paused, racking his brain for a replacement. "i don't know what i'm thinking of. but maybe i haven't been able to let go because i haven't let myself to see you with carter enough. i mean, we avoid each other all the time, so-"
"i just can't see it happening," harlow stated as respectfully as she could. they were finally nearing the house again, harlow could see her jeep parked on the street. the conversation was nearly done. "colby, we had our time already."
colby nodded, hurt written on his features. "harls, i can't just let you walk out again."
by that point, harlow had reached her jeep, where tara was waiting for her. harlow stopped a few feet away so that tara would be unable to listen in to their conversation, wanting to keep it private. she'd let tara have it when they were alone.
harlow gathered up what little confidence she had left, and looked colby dead in the eyes. "i'm asking you this time."
her tone was gentle, caring even, but that didn't matter. harlow's words cut through colby, and he wasn't able to mask his hurt this time. "you're asking the impossible, you know,"
harlow shrugged, "it's just hard right now because of the wedding, right? we see each other more than we normally would've because you're a groomsman and i'm a bridesmaid. we're running in the same circle for the time being. after the wedding, it won't feel like that."
"and if i do still feel like that?" he asked.
"colby, let me go," harlow replied, taking a step backwards towards the jeep.
he matched her step, not ready to let her walk away. "just hear-"
"i heard you out. i listened. it didn't change anything," harlow glanced over her shoulder at tara who was watching the pair intensely. she reached in her pocket to grab her keys, unlocking the doors. when harlow turned back to face colby again, he was standing on the sidewalk, looking down at the ground. "bye, colby,"
if colby replied, harlow didn't hear him. she quickly made her way to her jeep, starting the vehicle and peeling away, not allowing herself to glance in the rearview mirror at the boy she was leaving behind.
THOUGHTS
backstory: unlocked
i figured it was time to let y'all
know what happened in between
the break-up and chapter one!
hopefully the prologue makes
more sense now (spoiler: it was
about harlow and carter, not
harlow and colby!!!!)
this was obviously pretty angsty,
but don't lose hope!! colby doesn't
give up that easily!
love u all,
d