Mr. Son reached for the flowers in the passenger seat before stepping out of his car. The sun shone through the clouds, its rays hitting him directly on the face on a Friday afternoon in Southern California. He was lost in his musings when a car pulled in and parked behind him, taking him out of his thoughts. As soon as the engine stopped, he made his way to the car, the flowers still in his hand.
"I'm sorry I'm late," Bin said apologetically while giving the older gentleman a quick hug.
"You got here just in time, Binsii," Mr. Son said. "Busy day at work?"
"A little bit," he answered with a smile. "I just had to make sure everything's all set before I go on vacation."
"I'm glad I don't have to deal with anything like that anymore," Mr. Son said with a light chuckle.
The two gentlemen proceeded through the open grass, walking past numerous granite headstones that were embedded in the cemetery grounds. The subtle autumn breeze was slightly blowing the leaves from a distant tree but other than that, everything else was calm and quiet.
What happened six years ago marked the beginning and the end of a chapter in their lives. Coming together for her death anniversary became a tradition for them as the new chapter unfolded.
"Sweetheart," Mr. Son said softly as he placed the flowers down on the granite.
Bin watched the man beside him take a big breath in before exhaling slowly. He could tell that even after all the time that has passed, he still misses her badly. He brought his hand up and placed it on his shoulder, earning a smile from him.
"Happy Anniversary in heaven, sweetheart," Mr. Son said before turning to Bin. "It's been so long but I still miss her everyday. I still think about what we would be doing if she was still here."
"I think you would be enjoying your retirement and you'd be looking after your grandkids together," Bin said with a smile.
"I think so too," Mr. Son agreed. "By the way, where's your wife, son? They were supposed to get here before us."
"They probably left the house late, Dad. I would've picked them up after work but she told me to come straight here," Bin answered.
As if on cue, the sound of two four year-olds laughing and shrieking interrupted their conversation. They turned around and they saw the twins heading straight for Bin.
"Daddyyyyy!"
"Daaaddyyyy!"
"Oh, here they are. Slow down, slow down," Bin called out as they ran towards him.
"Me first! Me first!"
He smiled and bent down lower, steadying and bracing himself before opening his arms as their kids ran into him, shoving their faces in his chest while barely wrapping their tiny arms around him.
"I won!" His little girl said.
"No! I did, right, Daddy?" Their little boy asked as he looked up at his dad with a grin.
"You two got here at the same time," Bin said while scooping his kids up in his arms.
"Callie. Caleb."
The two gentlemen and two kids looked to where the voice came from and saw Ye-jin trailing just behind the children.
"Uh oh, you guys left Mom," Bin said as a tease.
Their son, Caleb, wiggled his way out of his father's arms and ran back to their mom, holding her hand as they walked together towards the rest of the family.
Ye-jin smiled at their son and held his tiny hand in hers. He was a mama's boy.
Bin met them halfway and gave his wife a kiss on her cheeks. "Tough day with the twins?"
"Oh, you have no idea," she said with a chuckle. "They're so full of energy. Hi, Dad," she said as she gave her father a hug.
"Caleb, Callie, did you say 'hi' to Grandpa, yet?"
"Hi, Grampa!" The twins said as they hugged their grandfather's legs. "Hi, Gramma," they said in unison towards the headstone.
"Ye-jinah," Mr. Son greeted his daughter and gave her a hug and a kiss on the side of her head while ruffling through his grandkids' hair.
As their kids got busy with her father, Ye-jin sat on the grass by her mother's headstone.
"Hi, Mom," she said with a smile. "I miss you. Your cheeky little grandkids are becoming more and more active."
Bin smiled as he bent down by his wife and gave her back a rub. "Are you okay? Did they tire you out?"
Ye-jin gave him a smile and a nod before looking at the twins interact with her dad. "No, babe, I'm okay. Have you been waiting here for a while?"
"Not really, Dad and I basically just got here too. I should've just picked you up and the kids at home," he said to her.
"It's okay, your office is just blocks away from here and I didn't want to you to drive back and forth."
They sat on the grass beside each other while watching their son and daughter interact with their grandfather. The sight of the twins smiling and full of life always gave them a warm feeling in their hearts.
"Looking at Caleb is like looking at a four year-old Binssi," Ye-jin said. "Your personalities are so alike that I feel like I'm seeing a kid version of you."
Bin kept his eyes on their son and chuckled to himself. "What can I say, he takes after his father while Callie is so much like you. Always curious, always so active."
"I don't know if that brings me comfort or that scares me a little," she replied while laughing.
"You're afraid that she might be as brave and adventurous as her mom?"
"Yeah, kind of," Ye-jin laughed. "I mean, I love that she's so brave and confident. I'm actually glad that she is, but I'm worried that she's gonna turn to extreme activities to release that fuel in her."
"So, you're basically saying you're worried that she might be like her racer mom," Bin confirmed, making them both laugh.
"I was trying to be subtle about it, why'd you have to be so straight forward?" Ye-jin teased.
Her husband just laughed it off while they sat and watched their twins with her dad. Not long after that, Mr. Son watched his grandkids run to their parents.
He stood a few feet away from the family of four with a smile plastered on his face. He still remembers wishing, hoping and praying for his daughter to be given the chance to have a family of her own. There was nothing more fulfilling for him as a father than to see that his child has achieved the dream she wanted the most; to have a family with the man she loved so dearly.
Mr. Son remembers receiving that phone call from Bin on that one morning six years ago. He was woken up by the ringing of his phone. He couldn't help but feel nervous upon seeing the time and the caller because the only other time that Bin called him that early was when his daughter's condition was deteriorating, which was then followed by cardiac arrest and the events that came after.
He would be lying to himself if he said that he didn't lose hope, because he was beginning to, but he held on to every bit of it that he had left. He wasn't going to give his daughter up just like that. He already lost his wife, he wasn't going to lose his daughter too. He stood by her side with Bin and they waited together, pulling each other up when things got rough. They knew that she was a fighter, and she was a damn good fighter who pulled through after weeks of being in a state of comatose.
It was the beginning of a new life for Ye-jin, and the chance to renew their relationship ended decades worth of being distant from each other. After so many years, they finally became permanent figures in each other's lives, allowing them to start new traditions as a family, such celebrating the life of his late wife together.
"Are you okay, Dad?" Ye-jin asked when he caught her father watching them with a smile on his face.
"I'm great, Ye-jinah," Mr. Son replied with a content smile.
Later that night, they went home after having dinner together. They were to meet again the next day for their flight to Korea. While his daughter and son-in-law were raising their kids in the Western culture, Ye-jin wanted the twins to be familiar with their family and their Korean heritage. It was something she didn't have growing up, by chance and by choice, and so she wanted her kids to have the opportunity to do so, both by chance and by choice.
"Daddy, why are you awake already?" Ye-jin asked while lying in bed with her eyes closed.
Even without looking at the time, she knew that it was way too early for them to be awake. She could feel her husband's stares even with her eyes closed.
Bin smiled and continued to rub her side with his thumb, his arm draped across her abdomen. He was looking intently at his wife, like he always did whether she was asleep or not. Every now and then, he would take the time to just savour the feeling of holding her in his arms, of feeling her warmth, of hearing her breathe and seeing her chest rise up and down. It was a habit that started when she woke up from her coma, a habit that tells him she's alive and well in his arms.
"Don't mind me, get some more sleep," he whispered without moving.
"Mhm," Ye-jin hummed without opening her eyes. She knew about that habit of his and she completely understood why. Sometimes, she, herself, would have her moments like that.
Bin tightened his embrace on his wife as Ye-jin snuggled closer to him, turning her head towards him. He felt her breathe on his neck, her warmth radiating through their bodies. He closed his eyes as he felt her arms wrap around him just as tight.
"I love you, Beanie," he heard her whisper in the crook of his neck.
He took a deep breath and left a long, loving kiss on her forehead. "I love you too, Yejie," he whispered back.
Bin was taken back to the time she regained consciousness and the first time she uttered the words, 'I love you, Beanie' after days of being in a minimally conscious state after waking up. He couldn't help but cry then. They were warned about cognitive and behavioural changes resulting from the possible brain damage from the lack of oxygen when her heart stopped, so he didn't know what to expect when she woke up. In addition to that, from the moment she opened her eyes, it took days before she was taken off the ventilator, prolonging their anticipation of her status. It wasn't until several days after that she finally spoke again, and the first words out of her mouth was an expression of her love for him.
It wasn't an easy feat. Ye-jin thought that therapy after her crash was going to be the hardest thing she was going to go through, but it was only a fraction of what was to come.
She had a slow but steady recovery from being in a coma. She went through countless weeks of rehabilitation including physiotherapy, occupational therapy and psychological support among others. For someone who was used to living so actively and looking after herself, the hardest part wasn't the physical struggle, but rather the emotional toll of accepting that she was in no way, shape or form to function like she used to. Although, with the help and support of her, then, fiancé, her father and Bin's family, Ye-jin slowly and steadily got back on her feet.
Since the surgery was only for symptom management and not a cure, managing her heart condition became a part of her daily life. With an implanted cardioverter defibrilator in her chest, a device permanently connected to her heart to monitor her heart rate and deliver shocks when the rhythm is dangerously high, and continuous medications and follow up appointments, Ye-jin was able to start a new life with Bin.
Less than a year after the hardest time of their lives, another dream of theirs came true. They got married and after making sure she was healthy and well enough to travel, the newly married couple flew to Switzerland for their honeymoon.
Six years later, here they were, happily married to each other with a set of four year-old twins.
"You're still awake, aren't you?" Bin asked quietly.
"Mhm," his wife hummed in response before pulling slightly away to look at him. "I can't go back to sleep anymore."
"Neither can I," Bin said while rubbing her shoulder. "It's still early. We don't have to get ready yet."
Ye-jin stayed in her place and just looked at him with a smile on and a tease written all over her face.
"What's with that smile of yours?" He asked while his lips curved up into a smile.
She eyed him carefully, her eyes conveying something before she nestled her head back in his neck. "Nothing," she replied nonchalantly.
Her husband shook his head and chuckled as he pulled back to expose her face from his neck. "What do you mean nothing?"
Bin used his finger to tilt her chin up before leaning in to close the gap between them as he kissed her lips. Ye-jin felt her husband's hand on the small of her back, pulling her closer to him. She brought her hand to his nape, pulling him towards her to deepen their kiss.
Just as he reached for the thin strap of her silk sleepwear, they were interrupted.
"Mommyyy. Daddyyyyy."
The twins' voices stopped them from their actions as they knocked on the door.
Bin stopped in his tracks and lowered his head on her shoulder, making them both laugh.
"Mommyyyy? Daddyyyy?"
"Callie, Caleb, Mom and Dad are busy," he mumbled on his wife's shoulder, earning him a playful push while they laughed even more.
Outside the bedroom, the twins were waiting for the go signal to enter, their tiny knuckles pounding on the door. They were taught to never walk into the room without knocking and being told to come in but they weren't exactly the quiet type to wait.
"You can come in, Callie, Caleb," Ye-jin called out.
Within seconds, their four year-old twins excitedly ran towards them and climbed up on the bed, settling themselves down in the middle of their parents. Ye-jin and Bin exchanged glances and just laughed at the interruption.
"Why are you both awake so early?" Ye-jin asked as their son laid himself down beside her, snuggling close to her, while their daughter laid her head down on Bin's chest.
"Callie woke me up, Mommy," Caleb complained.
"Callie, why did you wake your brother up?" Bin asked.
"No, I didn't, Daddy. I was just playing and then he woke up," Callie replied.
"Because she was talking loud," their little boy said.
"Oh, somebody was talking loud while playing, huh?" Bin said while his fingers crawled towards their daughter's belly, tickling her.
"Noooooo! Daddyyyyy! Mommyyy, help!"
"No, Mommy can't help Callie," Bin said as he continued to tickle their little girl.
Ye-jin felt their son's shoulders shake against her while he laughed at his twin sister getting tickled by their dad. She placed her arm over him to scoop him in while they watched the father and daughter's tickling session. Bin caught her looking at them and gave her a big, content smile.
"I love you, Mommy," he said to his wife.
"I love you too, Daddy," she replied back to her husband with a smile.
"We love you, Callie. We love you, Caleb."
"We love you, Mommy! We love you, Daddy!" Their twins said in unison.
Callie's hearty laugh and Caleb's continuous giggling filled the room, making their parents' hearts full.
The sight and sound of her husband and kids playing around and laughing brought Ye-jin so much joy in her heart. There was nothing more in the world that made her her happiest than being surrounded by her family. She has a loving, caring, supportive and a perfect gentleman of a husband, and their twins were growing up to be just as loving, as caring, and as respectful as they can be.
It was still very early in the morning and the sun was barely showing itself on the horizon to light up the dark sky, but inside their house, inside their hearts, it was as bright and as cheerful as it can be.
The say the darkest hour is just before the dawn. The statement couldn't be more applicable in her life.
Ye-jin has lived through many dark hours, with each one feeling like the darkest one, only to be followed by a more challenging time. She had her bouts of loneliness and sorrow, of feeling isolated, and then came her light, Bin. She crashed on the track, sending her into another dark hour but, once again, the promise of a future with Bin shone light her way.
At a time she was fighting to keep her eyes open, her heart failed her, sending her all alone in complete darkness, battling death itself. She was literally in the darkest moment of her life, alone and afraid of the significance of closing her eyes at the time, but she pulled through and she woke up. Rehabilitation was beyond difficult and challenging, but Ye-jin fought through and then came her light, her husband, Bin, and their children, Caleb and Callie.
Time doesn't stop for anyone. Day and night continuously cycles; the darkest hour of the day comes inevitably, followed by dawn, bringing light into the sky.
Life works the same way. Whether we like it or not, whether we are ready for it or not, dark times will come, but so will light, so will comfort, so will rescue. We just need to hold on to faith, hope and love while waiting for the break of dawn, for the light to shine through our lives.
Beanie and Yejie definitely did. They lived through the darkest hour before dawn.