summer
The beginning of summer passed like a wave going back to the ocean. Quick at first, and then slowly dragging. Water covering every piece of sand. Leaving a mark from where it had once been. Until nothing was left but a faint memory.
Days were a tangle of limbs against sheets with a thread count too high for Charlie to consider. Skin warming and darkening under the heavy California sun. Each day gave way for more freckles on Niall's back for Charlie to connect. Eucalyptus hung everywhere and left the air heavy with its sweetness. When the heat finally got to be too much, clothes were left in haphazard piles. Bare shoulders and bare legs, cutting through crystal waters.
July found them both there. Late evening. Sun early in its farewell behind the hills. Golden hour as Niall called it. Everything was saturated with colors -oranges and yellows and pinks. Soaking them in gold and making the world rose colored.
It was fitting because this place -the two of them, were a bubble. A beautiful, wonderful, rose hued bubble. Tucked away deep in the canyon. Sure the outside world existed, but it could never reach them here. Niall's place had become a haven. Sex anywhere and everywhere. Meals cooked between the two of them. Music wafted through the open doors out onto the grounds where flowers bloomed along the walls. Something beautiful to keep everything unpleasant out.
It was easy to forget their responsibilities. Charlie was on summer break, the only thing to worry about was work -and Ana's European wife was whisking her away the month of August. Niall was on break from chasing the sun around the world. Weeks he had been off on the other side of the globe. But he came back here and even when he left again part of Charlie knew he would come back to this place.
Charlie made her way down the steps out to the pool. Beers in hand, condensation already rolled down her fingers from the heat. Back in the house, the record finally started playing. Something from the fifties Charlie had found on the shelf and had remembered her father playing it around the house years ago.
Water splashed against the edge of the pool. Ripples moving towards the corner as Niall cut through the middle of the water. Back and forth and back and forth. He would do this sometimes. As if struck with a sudden burst of energy and a need to get it out. Charlie had started to wonder if it was just a way to push out any thoughts he didn't want.
For that, she couldn't blame him.
She dipped her legs over the edge into the water. Swinging her feet around, she brought the beer to her lips and waited. Doing nothing in the world but drinking and listening to the sounds around her. Softly humming the tune of the song. A couple minutes later Niall finally surfaced, mouth turning upwards when he noticed Charlie sitting there. He swam over to her, hooking his hands behind the back of her knees.
"That one for me?" Niall nodded to the beer by Charlie's thigh.
"Yeah," she handed it to him. "It was cold but you seemed busy."
Glass to his lips, Niall drank deeply. Nearly halfway finished by the time he stopped. Charlie had to give him credit, he only grimaced slightly. "Love a piss warm beer."
Snatching it from his hands, Charlie sat it back down on the edge of the pool. "Like I said, it was cold."
Niall hummed, pushing himself between Charlie's legs. Drawing patterns over her skin with water droplets. Occasionally his lips helped complete the design. Before she could help herself, Charlie giggled when Niall brushed over a spot on her knee. The sound made a smile break across Niall's face and -and this wasn't love, Charlie told herself it wasn't love between them. It was only that when Niall looked at her that way, Charlie swore he could be a man she loved. Really loved. And then in a moment, like a lens shuttering closed on a camera, he was gone. Pulled away to keep a distance.
Nothing more than casual friends with a habit of sharing a bed.
Sure, Niall's hand still rested on her thigh, water rolling down her skin from him. But they had always done this. Touching without saying anything about it. Neither ever bothered to figure out what this closeness was between them.
Whatever the moment had been, was gone. Leaving two people covered in the dying light of day.
//
Hours passed slower in the summer. Dripping like honey from a spoon. There was a certain content laziness allowed. Time passed doing nothing at all. Three weeks was all they had before their next deadline. Twenty one days. Eventually the world would barge in. Niall would pack a suitcase and close his guitar case. Charlie would drop him off at the departures gate and make a joke to hide how much she would actually miss him.
Soon, he would leave. Charlie would stay. The world would continue on.
Sun broke through the branches of the orange tree in his backyard. Off in the distance wind came down from the mountains, rustling the bamboo. A perfect hideaway. And the afternoon found Charlie stretched out across the living room rug. Tongue sweet with red wine.
"No." Charlie wrinkled her nose at the option Niall held up to her. Mild annoyance as they had already gone through one row of records. "It's sad." She justified her decision.
Niall shrugged, "sometimes it's nice to listen to music and be sad."
"Is that your crying album?" Charlie asked. "Be honest."
"Since I was fifteen." He admitted, continuing to thumb his way through the record spines. Occasionally pulling his hand back, considering. Charlie thought she could watch him like this for at least a solid hour. Sunburnt nose. No shirt. Hair a mess. Spending far too much time trying to find the perfect record. "What's yours?" He asked several minutes later.
Niall slid out an older record. From the colors on the cover it looked like something from the sixties. Little bit beaten up. She wondered what shop he had gotten it from. Charlie sat up, stretching her neck to catch the album title as Niall placed it on the table.
"What's my what?" She asked, cracks of empty studio air filling the room.
"C'mon," Niall rolled his eyes, dramatically flopping on the floor beside her. He was close enough the tips of his fingers skated across the hem of Charlie's top. "The song you go to when you're sad -everyone has one, mine is the Parting Glass, I listen when I'm homesick and want to make it even worse."
Charlie thought for a moment. The world was filled with plenty of sad songs. One stood out in her mind. Like something from a movie. Charlie couldn't have been more than five. She had found her mother in the shower, quietly sobbing. Women always seemed to find places to cry where no one could see them. Their pain too raw for others. Maybe they just never wanted to burden anyone with their grief. But there had been a song playing on that old battery cd player.
"Both Sides Now."
"Shit." Niall blew out. "That's downright depressing."
"You did ask."
They fell back into a comfortable silence. Wasting time together. Seconds changing to minutes to hours. Every time the record stopped, Niall would haul himself to his feet and walkover to the shelves. Again, starting the process of holding up records. Dinner time had rolled around. Another bottle of wine had appeared after Niall called in takeout. Instantly, Charlie and Niall had gone back to their places on the floor. Hands tapping out beats on the other's thigh. Nothing existed outside of that moment. No classes. No work deadlines. No concerts. No meetings. No calls. Sweet nothing.
In an odd turn of events they had both agreed to the album currently playing. Charlie had been pleasantly surprised that Niall had known something Motown. Her favorite song came on and Charlie could help bobbing her foot back and forth to the tune.
"My mom and dad used to dance to this when I was little." Charlie told him. "I'd hide around the corner and watch sometimes."
The memory was a happy one. With a childhood filled with shattered glass and too loud music and rehab visits, Charlie found it kept her sane to focus on the latter. Pulling herself up off the floor, Charlie delicately spun around. Tiptoeing around the records. She reached her hands out to Niall. "Dance with me?"
Niall had many different smiles Charlie had noticed. The tired one she got before he buried his face in her hair after getting in from the road. The obnoxious one that lit up his entire face like it was the damn sun. The one that never quite seemed to reach his eyes. And this one. Her favorite. Barely a corner of his mouth lifted. Like he wanted to smile but wanted to keep her guessing.
Hips swinging back and forth, Charlie stepped between Niall's sprawled out legs. Taking the smile as an answer. She clasped her hands around Niall's, pulling him to his feet with a groan.
Charlie was already giggling when Niall dramatically pulled her into his arms. Spinning the two of them around the living room. Barefoot on the wood floors. Wine clouding everything to a comfortable haze.
Laughter filled the home. By no means was Niall a good dancer, but his hand was steady on her waist. As the chorus started up, Charlie found herself spun around and around and around. The world tilting out of focus. Landing solidly on blue eyes. Niall made it halfway through singing the lyrics "oh I need you so," in some put on voice, before Charlie covered his mouth with her palm.
"If you start singing to me, I'm leaving." She laughed.
The two of them stumbled around. Niall tripping on the edge of the carpet. Trying and failing to hold in his laughter. Charlie thought Niall might have the best laugh she had ever heard.
As the final notes of the song drifted out of the record player, they stopped. Standing pressed together. Drenched in the sunset colors pouring in through the windows. Niall let out a loud exhale, cupped Charlie's jaw, and kissed her.
Were she to count,, Niall had probably kissed Charlie hundreds of times. There was something about this one though. Maybe how he looked at her like she spun the world. Or the way he let his hands slid down her neck. That neither of them stepped away in a desperate attempt to maintain the almost nonexistent boundary.
Something about this felt different.
//
If Charlie had to pinpoint the moment she realized the thing with Niall might be more serious than she had allowed herself to believe, it would be at the Soho House.
For the record, Charlie was aware of the pretentiousness of the location. Even on a good day the place reeked of nepotism and desperation. Her being there, hadn't exactly been her choice. Summer equalled holiday for so many people. Unless you were in the music industry. Then, summer was tour dates and album launch parties and music video drops.
Everyone clawing each other's eyes out for the summer hit.
If not for work, meaning Charlie shoving new clients into the lions den of journalists for Ana while she gave interviews, she would not be here. No need to point out the rolling membership extended to Charlie by having the odd chance of being born of two famous people. Because at the end of the day, there was not one thing Charlie liked about Soho House.
From the second you stepped out of the car and walked in the back door, because apparently no one actually used the front door anymore? You could feel it. The glare of long range lenses hidden in the bushes up the hill that people "pretended" not to see -side note, they saw them, matter of fact their agent called them. Men hiding their intentions behind too white smiles and thousand dollar shirts. Girls barely twenty and with Hollywood elitism seeping through their nonexistent pores. Adding insult to injury, the lounge chairs weren't nearly as comfortable as the membership fee demanded.
Crowds of people filled every inch of the various rooms. Overflowing out onto the balconies and their perfect ocean views. It might all be ridiculous, but damn if from a surface view it didn't look good.
Phone in one hand and gin and tonic in the other, Charlie mingled through clusters of people. Speaking to a few she recognized. Others came up to her spewing the standard, you're dad is a legend blah blah blah. It was a song and dance perfected by years. Nod, smile, say thanks I'll pass that along, do not mention how the first memory she had of her dad was visiting him in rehab.
Finally she made it to the bar, waving her hand to grab the attention of the bartender. His name was Ben. Classically good looking. Probably from some flyover state. He slid another drink in front of her. Tossed her a wink. And....nothing.
This time last year Charlie would have batted her eyelashes like she had seen her mother do countless times before, written her number on a napkin, waited for everyone to slink home or be piled into town cars, and maybe fuck the bartender on the balcony.
But. But, but, but. He didn't have blue eyes. Nor did he have a dumb smile that took over every feature of his face. This guy wouldn't tease her in just the right way. And he definitely wouldn't call her Charlie lass.
If she wasn't at work, she might have downed the entire glass right there.
Niall had been gone a grand total of two weeks. Touring all over the midwest. City by city making his way back to California. Back to her. The rational side of Charlie's brain screamed at her to stop. Stop acting like some lovelorn girl. Left at home, alone, yearning. The irrational part of her brain urged her to slip the bartender her number. Prove she still could. Show the world she was in control of every aspect of her life. But those weren't the rules. They had promised each other no one else. And Charlie got the idea Niall didn't share either.
"There you are." A voice shattered Charlie's thoughts. She jerked around, drink halfway to her lips, knuckles white on her phone. Like some kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Instead it was just her boss. "Have you seen Halle."
Right. Halle. Tiny and with a voice bigger than what logically made sense. A newer client for Ana and by default Charlie. Young and plucked from one of the network talent shows.
"Not recently." Charlie answered. Twirling around the ice cubes in her drink. "Have you noticed she's always smiling? It's weird right? No one smiles that much except lunatics. And labradors -we should maybe mention it."
"Charlie, focus." Ana sighed, face lit up from her phone screen. Likely scrolling through the schedule Charlie made for her. Pocketing the phone, Ana looked back to Charlie. "She's got an interview with Teen Vogue in fifteen."
Nodding, Charlie set the nearly empty drink down. If Ana wanted to say anything, she showed a rare moment of not. "We can't disappoint the leaders of the revolution -I'll find her, deliver her where she's needed, and all will be well."
"Thank you."
The words nearly made Charlie choke and while she walked away, she almost wanted to run back and asked Ana to say it one more time.
Cutting through the clusters of drunk people, Charlie made her way up the stairs. Briefly admiring all the art overcrowding the wall. Methodically, she started checking all the spaces an eighteen year old could wander to. Men's room turned up nothing but a red head between some guys legs. Women's room was just girls doing lines -thankfully Halle was not in there. The lounge up top was filled with people preening, sunset glinting off their perfect tans. After the fifth room Charlie was mildly concerned.
As she turned the corner to peek down the back hall, she realized the concern was justified.
Trapped between two arms in an overpriced leather jacket even though it was July, was her barely legal client. Eyes blown wide with the innocence you got from growing up in small town America and then tossed into the frying pan.
The scene was unfortunately all too familiar.
There was something intrinsically connected between women. Looks shared in dim bars as a man's hand wandered too far up. Knowing glances when a man interrupted your coffee, despite the proper defense mechanisms of headphones and a book. When you were walking down the street with friends and all the sudden a panicked girl joined you, laughing at your joke as if you had known each other since school. You never skip a beat. You understand. The world is a changing place. The world is better for some. But this was a knowledge girls were born with. The most dangerous thing to a woman, was often a man.
A girl hardly old enough to vote. Looking right at Charlie. There was panic. There was fear. There was relief. There was Halle.
Charlie stepped into the hall. Heels echoed against the ceiling. Frighteningly calm. "Get away from her." Annoyance passed over his face, the audacity only a man could have. "Now." Charlie added.
He dropped his arms from Halle's waist. Charlie got a good look at him. And there were thousands of versions of him roaming the Sunset Strip. Nothing special. Nothing particularly interesting. "We were just having some fun."
"Fun is it? Halle, come here." Charlie gestured for her. Phone clenched in her hand as she walked toward Charlie, stumbling slightly in heels she clearly didn't know how to walk in. Thank you, Halle mouthed to her. Charlie should have taken Halle's hand, walked back downstairs and been done. But she hated it. She hated the arrogance, the cockiness. She hated this would happen again with another girl. "See." She started, pushing Halle slightly behind her. "What I hate about boys like you -you think you can swing your dick around and have anything you like."
"Bitch."
"Oh how original." Charlie said dryly. Heart thundering in her ears. Phone clutched in her hand, she raised it towards this guy. "But you? You are just a little boy playing rockstar and all you will ever amount to is mediocrity."
For a moment, Charlie genuinely thought he might hit her. Tiny vein throbbing on his left temple. Fist clenching and unclenching. She could almost see him thinking through the scenarios. Until the sound of heels clicking against wood floors interrupted them both.
"What's going on here?"
Ana's voice was sharp, distinguished, and left zero room for bullshit.
"This girl -" The guy pointed an accusing finger towards Charlie. "Came busting in here, freaking the fuck out and were were doing was having a good time, right?" He looked over to Halle for confirmation.
"Don't talk to her." Charlie snapped.
Ana raised her hand, a visual signal for Charlie to calm down. Heat flushed over her cheeks. Anger ready on Charlie's tongue, ready to throw it all away and get fired. Because how could she? And then Ana took a step forward. Like some kind of cat playing with it's prey. It was then Charlie saw it. Cool rage. Masked to reveal nothing but professionalism. But it was there. Quietly hidden beneath years of adjusting her face to give nothing away while she sat in boardrooms of men making crude jokes.
"Get out." Ana said icily. The guy began opening his mouth. "Do not speak to me and do not interrupt me. Get out -you're done here."
He listened. Charlie may have her issues with Ana, but respect was always there. Because she knew exactly how hard it was to be a girl in their world. Years of whispered comments had resulted in Charlie hearing the usual her first day at Capitol. Bitch. Demanding. Harsh. But Ana made people listen. So what if she had had to grab a few of them by the collars to get there?
The guy shoved past them, knocking his shoulder into Charlie as he went. Silence surrounded the three of them. No one dared to say a word. All she could hear was the ringing in her ears. It wasn't until Charlie heard him going down the stairs she allowed the tears to well in her eyes. Stinging at the corners. And she refused to let them fall.
Ana took Halle's hand, looked her right in the eye, and nodded. Words unnecessary. Because the three of them knew. Women were like that. Saying a thousand words with one look, one touch. It said, you're safe, you're going to be okay, nothing bad will happen, I'm here.
"Well," Ana began, tone crisp. Business as usual. Because that was also being a woman, brushing your trauma aside to continue your life. "You have an interview with Teen Vogue, in about ten minutes -what do you need?" She asked Halle while Charlie stood uselessly against the wall.
Halle shut her eyes, breathed in deeply. "The bathroom, I need a second."
"Don't go on this floor." Charlie spoke up, tongue heavy in her mouth. As if the words could barely form. Both Ana and Halle looked at her curiously. Charlie shrugged, "there's coke in there, I don't want Halle to see."
"Right." Ana nodded, clasping her hand around Halle's. "Let's go downstairs then."
Turning on her heels, Charlie watched as Ana placed her hand between Halle's shoulders. The girl seemed so small. Barely eighteen and thrown into this world. Another unspoken moment passed between Ana and Charlie as she looked back, it was up to them to at least keep this one girl safe.
"Charlie? Halle stopped and turned. "Thank you."
A lump formed in Charlie's throat at the sincerity. Words practically crawling through glass to be formed. "It was no trouble."
"You can head home if you like." Ana said, and perhaps mild concern flickered in her eyes. "I'll take care of the rest of the night."
All Charlie could do was nod. Nod and breathe. Her legs heavy as she made her way down the steps and through the bar area. Moving from memory. Passed the art. Passed Ben the bartender. Passed the kitchen area. Passed the front lobby.
Charlie burst from the front doors. Hand instantly covering her eyes as the flashes started. Click. Click. Click. They had to keep distance, some court order. But she could hear the sounds from miles away. Remnants echoing in her eyes even after she got out to the parking lot.
Shaky hands rooted around in her small purse, searching for her car keys. They fell to the ground and Charlie knelt to pick them up. "Fuck." She breathed out. Voice carrying a note of a tremble to it.
Reality was Charlie wasn't entirely sure why this situation was affecting her this much. Music had been a boys club for years. Whispers of this behavior frequented the chat amongst the women who worked at Capitol alone. But maybe it was seeing an eighteen year old girl pinned to the wall. Maybe it was that Charlie had stopped something really bad from happening. Maybe it was that no one was ever there when Charlie was that teenager. Rolling into clubs barely sixteen. Fake IDs unnecessary with her last name. Charlie could have had anything. All she had to do was ask. And her parents couldn't have been bothered to care.
Standing up, Charlie wiped away some gravel embedded into her knees. She needed to get in the car. Drive. Put her keys in the front door. Collapse in bed. She got as far as settling into the driver's seat before tossing the keys down on the console. Bringing her phone to her face as she swiped through to find the number she searched for.
He answered on the second ring.
"Hello Charlie lass, everything alright?"
God she was going to lose it. Right there in a parking lot. Years Charlie had been drifting through her life, accepting the overwhelming numbness in her chest. Controlling all the tiny details of her world to feel like she was an active participant. Then Niall Horan burst into her life and now all he had to do was say her name and she was ready to unravel.
"Hi -yeah why do you ask?" Charlie said, words barely getting out past the lump in her throat.
"You never call without texting first." He told her bluntly. It was true. "You sound funny." That was also true.
"Thanks." Charlie laughed. It practically broke out of her, threatening to change winds and become a sob. "It's been a weird day, I just -I don't know I just wanted to talk to you."
"Where are you?" Concern coated his words, his tone dropping a few octaves. Through the speaker Charlie could hear people in the background growing dimmer and dimmer until a door shut.
"In my car, outside Soho House."
"That's unfortunate, can't believe you drove all the way to Malibu for something other than surfing."
"You and me both." Charlie agreed, her fingers picking at the steering wheel. "Do you have a minute? Or do you need to run?"
Niall paused. Charlie couldn't even remember what timezone he was in, he probably had a show starting soon. But then Niall let out an audible exhale. "For you I've got five."
"Can you just talk? Tell me about your day, tell me about the show tonight, or wherever it is you are -just, talk, please?" Charlie asked, voice thick.
And he did. Niall talked and talked and talked. While Charlie sat in her car, knuckles slowly loosening from the steering wheel. Outside the sun dipped down, colors shimmering on the waves through the windshield. Cars zoomed behind her, people laughed and piled out of the bar, streetlights came on. Eventually the sky darkened, a pink haze from the city lights. Niall talked and Charlie listened.
//
July 2018
NH: Boss is gone in August right?
CS: YES
CS: 9 days, 8 hours, 24 minutes until she is on vacation
CS: Not that I'm counting or anything
CS: Why?
NH: Since you might be able to get away, do you want to come to my Red Rocks show?
NH: I've wanted to play this space for years and I'm freaking out (in a good way) and I thought it would be cool if you could be there
NH: But no pressure
NH: Because it is fine if you can't come
NH: It's also fine if you don't want to
NH: Seriously, no big deal
CS: NIALL I just went to pee
CS: and yeah, I'll fly out :)
NH: nice
NH: Charlie I'm in Vegas
NH: Are you awake
CS: It's 6 at night so yeah
CS: How blasted are you right now
NH: To the moon
NH: You should be here
CS: Oh that's a terrible idea, you don't take girls to Vegas, if you listen to nothing else I ever say listen to that
CS: Never.Take.Girls.To.Vegas
NH: Yes pet
CS: I'm in your house
NH: Filed under creepy things you say to me
NH: Can I ask why?
CS: We have a heat advisory and you have a pool
CS: I'm naked
NH: .........facetime?
CS: LA cover song thoughts
NH: GO
CS: The OC theme song
NH: No thank you
CS: It's a classic, it would surprise people, it would take us all back to 2006 which was the last good year
NH: Not happening
CS: Californiaaaaaaaaaa
NH: Asking for a friend though, was it really like that
CS: I mean I didn't grow up there and obviously it's exaggerated for drama but yeah it is a bunch of rich people with boats doing coke
NH: We had very different school lives
NH: What time does your flight get in?
CS: 11:20 (hopefully)
NH: I'll pick you up at arrivals, text me whenever you get through baggage
CS: Great
CS: Whatever you're driving, does it have black out windows?
NH:....why do you ask?
CS: It's been a long few weeks
CS: And I'm not wearing underwear
NH: Jesus Christ
CS: Don't bring him into this
//
Baggage claim, like traffic, was another circle of hell. Strangers crowded around a giant, metal U shape -waiting anxiously for the bell. Only for it to be followed by fifty identical black suitcases. Charlie could not hide her smugness as her bright orange bag stood out in the sea of blues and blacks.
Checking her phone, Charlie made her way towards arrivals. She had mentioned getting an Uber over to the venue, which Niall had rejected on principle alone. Too expensive. Broke the friendship code. Would make him feel like a knob.
The first thing Charlie noticed as she walked out the doors, the sky. Blue. Perfect, crystal blue. Like something out of a painting. There were even wispy clouds brushed carelessly across. L.A. was home, the smog almost forgettable to her at this point. But seeing this, this endless palette of blue? Charlie questioned why anyone lived in the city.
The second thing Charlie noticed once she closed her mouth, a black suv. In a sea of beat up subarus and Prius', the car stood out to put it mildly.
It had only been three weeks since half her wardrobe had lived in piles on Niall's bedroom floor. There hadn't been classes to stress over. Work has been manageable. Her mother had kept her comments to herself when she had gone over for dinner the other day. Hell, even Charlie's dad had grilled out for the two of them the other week like they were some wholesome American family. Life had been calm. Nothing had made Charlie crave a quickie in her living room rug. But she had taken to waking up with her left hand stretched out to the empty side of the bed.
Charlie walked slowly towards the car. Scolding herself for wanting her feet to move faster. Ridiculous for her to prance over like a schoolgirl would go over to her crush on the play yard. Calm. Collected. Shades perched perfectly on her nose, Charlie tossed her hair into the wind and made her way to the car. Tapping her knuckles against the window, she dragged the sunglasses down, peering over the top.
Slowly the window rolled down halfway. And damn, Charlie had missed him. "Well, well, well look who came all the way from the wild streets of L.A. '' Niall drawled out playfully. He still looked tired, tour brain in full force. But even Charlie couldn't lie to herself and say Niall didn't look good.
"Miss me Horan?" She said, arrogance dripping off her words.
"Desperately."
"And don't you forget it." Charlie pushed her shades back up and tossed her purse through the open window. "Pop the trunk for me." She said over her shoulder as she bent down to grab the handle of her suitcase.
Niall reached for the door handle. "Here I can -"
"Stop." Charlie said sharply, throwing a wrench in their banter. Niall was frozen, the driver's door cracked open, staring back at her. Waiting. Annoyance clear in those blue eyes. Charlie let out a loud exhale. Softening her tone. "Black out windows are a good indicator you aren't meant to be here, and I know it's not LAX but I have no interest in becoming your new mystery girl."
"Right." Niall cleared his throat. "I just wanted to help."
"I know, and thanks -but I've got it." Charlie patted the luggage. "Besides it's 2018, we can toss our own suitcases in the trunk."
Quickly, Charlie walked around to the back of the SUV. Operating on autopilot -open the truck, toss the suitcase in, close the trunk, swallow the panic in her throat. It was easy for Niall to forget she had noticed. Forget they were just fun. Forget he had a habit of random people taking his photo. Forget those photos had a tendency to wind up blasted on social media. Forget that was Charlie's biggest rule.
Flying out to Colorado was massive. Friends who fuck, don't fly out to watch each other do their jobs. So what exactly was Charlie doing here? Apparently all Niall Horan had to do was ramble out a nervous question and Charlie turned into putty. She blamed his eyes, she had always been a sucker for blue eyes.
Climbing into the passenger seat, Charlie slammed the door. "Alright, let's go -the plane only gave me stale pretzels so I'm a little hungry and I'm not trying to be horrible when I meet people, so I say food first, then venue." She rambled out, hands gesticulating all her points. Not even realizing Niall hadn't butted in. Not noticing he had just been watching her with mild amusement.
"Hi." She breathed out.
"Hello, Charlie lass."
It happened slowly. Lazy almost. Niall leaned over the console, brushing his knuckles along her jaw. Like he was remembering all her lines and angles. There was something in the way Niall looked at Charlie, as if he saw her completely. No one had ever looked at her quite that way before. And then he kissed her. Languid lips against her own. Reintroducing themselves to each other. Charlie felt it all the way down to her toes.
Until a car horn blared. Niall pulled back, pressing one last kiss to the corner of her mouth. They both laughed. The car was put in drive. And off they went into the blue skies. Both ignoring that they were so much more than friends.
//
"He's nervous you know."
Charlie turned over her shoulder, noticing the woman leaning against some stage equipment behind her. Both hidden from view of the hundred or so gathered in front of the stage for soundcheck, but with a clear view of Niall rambling on about the diner he ate at for lunch. People honestly paid money for that content, Charlie thought to herself.
"Doesn't seem that way." Charlie responded, nodding to Niall holding court out on stage. Finally checking the cover he had chosen for tonight.
The woman lifted her brows, enjoying whatever private joke she had. "I'm Naomi." Stepping forward, she reached out a hand. Cautiously, Charlie shook it.
"Charlie."
"Oh I know." She stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world for her to know exactly who Charlie was. Annoyance crept into her mouth. Where it always manifested. Twisting and moving around. "You're the reason he's nervous -you've never seen him do a show before, and he's never played one with you watching, it's kinda cute if you ask me."
"I didn't." Charlie said, wincing slightly at how rude she sounded. It was exactly how she felt, but not the impression she wanted to leave. "Sorry -that was rude, so uh what do you do with all this." She gestured to the madness surrounding them.
Naomi joined Charlie, standing right next to her. Pettily Charlie noted she was taller. "I'm his assistant."
Right, because Niall was a person who had an assistant.
"You have my sincere apologies then." Charlie started. "I'm an assistant back in LA for someone with Capitol." She added.
"I'm lucky, he makes his own coffee so all I do is make sure he's in the right place at the right time occasionally." Naomi shrugged.
A slightly uncomfortable silence fell between the two of them. Thankfully overpowered by the noise coming from the amps. Niall finished playing another song, continuing his rambles and pointing out random people in the crowd to chat with. Around the chorus of the next song to soundcheck was when Charlie put together the strange feeling in her chest. Buried somewhere between her ribs. Jealously. Naomi with her blond hair and her close relationship with Niall. Granted, Charlie had had Niall's face between her thighs but she never said the feeling was rational.
Naomi smacked her red lips together, checked her phone, glanced from Niall to Charlie. And gave her a good look over. "He's a good guy." She said plainly. Four words and each one screamed to Charlie, if you shatter his heart I will haunt you.
Charlie paused, taking a moment to figure out her response. Because what was a good response? I know, did not seem enough. "I agree, he is pretty great."
"Try to not break his heart, I'll be the one picking it all up."
"I'll try."
Naomi gave her one more look before someone called her name behind them. She ran off to take care of some crisis. Leaving Charlie to stand there, watching Niall on stage doing what he loved. Mid song he glanced towards her, tossing her a quick smile. And Charlie hated how she could taste the lie in her words.
//
Dressing rooms before a show were the only quiet places to be found. Well, with Niall it was. Charlie had heard enough horror stories from both of her parents to know that was not always the case. But no lines of cocaine along the dresser Niall sat in front of. And if there were going to be any topless women, it would be Charlie.
"So, I met Naomi today." She said off hand, drumming her nails against the couches armrest.
Charlie caught Niall's reflection in the mirror as he looked over to her. Decency to have a slight grimace on his face. "Ah, she give you a hard time?"
"Nothing too bad." Charlie picked at a loose thread. Avoiding those blue eyes as Niall spun around to face her. "You guys seem close."
"We are, it's been me and her for nearly two years now." Niall said plainly, just stating facts. "Why are you fidgeting like that?" He questioned, nodding down to her restless hands. Silence filled the room, just the dull buzz of chaos on the other side of the door. Realization dawned across his face and Charlie hated how observant he was. Niall stood, arms crossed and that smug grin on his mouth. "Wait -you're not...."
"Nope!" Her hands stopped flat on the couch. Heat spreading across her cheeks, a rarity for Charlie. "Let's just forget I talked in the last two minutes. -we could have sex?" Charlie tried to change the subject, divert Niall's attention which was now solely focused on the blush spreading all the way to her ears.
"Charlie Strummer, are you jealous?"
"Stop." Charlie groaned, covering her eyes so she didn't have to watch the smug look on Niall's face. Embarrassment flooding her body as she leaned her head back against the couch. "God, please just -stop, lets just ignore my crazy thoughts."
She could hear Niall walking closer to her, footfalls muffled with the carpet. Hands rested on the couch beside her face, blocking her in. Peeking out between her fingers, Charlie saw Niall leaning over her. Same cocky look on his face. "I know I'm a hot commodity these days -
"Shut up."
Delicately, Niall pulled Charlie's hands off her face. Forcing her to look at him. Every ounce of smugness and arrogance gone from him. And Charlie wondered how he did that so quickly, if it was just some character he played for the public. Niall reached a hand up to twirl around a strand of her hair, letting it slip between his fingers and fall back to the couch. "But it's just you, rule number one remember." He pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth, pulling back just slightly. "No sharing."
"Good." Charlie agreed.
She reached around his neck, pulling him down to her. Laughter filling the small room as they laid there. Hands roaming over wherever they could reach. Charlie liked feeling Niall's weight on top of her. There was something comforting in it.
"Niall?" Charlie asked innocently, fiddling with the collar of his shirt. Her legs locking around his waist. And she loved the way his eyes got hazy. "Have you ever had sex in the dressing room?"
Niall swallowed deeply, throat bobbing up and down. "Uh- " he coughed, clearing his voice. Hands forming parenthesis around Charlie's face. Thumb brushing across her temple. "No -always shared with Harry back in the band and uh -lots of people, always lots of people around."
Charlie hummed in understanding. Stretching up to kiss his throat, she smiled as she felt Niall's pulse thrumming underneath her lips. "Would you like to?"
"Fucking hell Charlie." Niall breathed out, briefly dropping his head to Charlie's chest. He shifted between her legs and she knew the answer. "Are you serious?"
Carelessly, Charlie rolled her hips into Niall's, laughing as he swore again. And then he was kissing up and down the hollow of her throat, slowly making his way to her lips. Charlie pulled back, grabbing Niall's face, forcing him to pause and look at her. She loved how Niall looked before they had sex, hair a mess, eyes clouded over, slightly like a man unhinged. Pushing some hair off his forehead, Charlie kissed Niall. Slowly, until she felt he had suffered enough. "My legs are currently wrapped around you, so yes, I'm serious."
People could be heard moving around in the hallway. At most they had fifteen minutes before someone came knocking. By the way Niall was looking, Charlie only needed five. Twisting underneath Niall Charlie stretched her hand towards her purse. Thrilled with her organization, because the condoms she had thrown in before the flight were easily found. Niall was doing quick work with his belt buckle, muttering under his breath as it got stuck.
Charlie reached up to help from where she laid on the couch, fingers swiftly ripping the belt off and tossing it onto the floor.
"You're gonna ruin me." Niall groaned as he wiggled his jeans down. Ignoring Charlie's raised brow at his lack of underwear. "Don't judge me." He told her as he grabbed the condom from her hand, so hard all he had to do was roll it on. Niall grabbed at the hem of Charlie's dress, pushing it up as she lifted her hips to help.
Both breathed out in satisfaction as Niall sank into her. Charlie hooking her legs behind him once more. They paused. Niall's face shoved into the crook of Charlie's throat. Her hands grabbing onto the back of his neck. She could feel everything about him -his hands on her waist, his lips at her throat, him inside of her.
It was messy. In the way sex in public always is. Sloppy and off rythmed. Hands fumbling around in tight spaces. Lips brushing against hot skin. Charlie can feel Niall breathing harshly into her ear, his lips roaming around to find the spot that drove her mad. And Charlie came with her legs wrapped around Niall and a hand in his hair. Head thrown back and eyes shut, she covered her mouth and clung to him, hearing him softly groan and fall still.
Sweat clung to both of them. Chests heaving and wrapped around the other, they stayed for a moment or two longer. Bodies heavy as noise from outside registered to them both.
"Think anyone heard?" Charlie asked him.
Niall lifted his face from her chest, eyes half shut and a stupid grin on his face. "Don't think I can be bothered to care."
Charlie wriggled out from underneath him, dress falling back down as she stood up. Behind her, Niall shoved himself up into a sitting position. Head thrown back against the couch. Adam's apple bouncing up and down. She knelt down to pick up the belt she had thrown clear across the room a few minutes ago. Tossing it onto the space beside Niall.
"Put your pants on Horan, you've got a show to do."
//
Charlie could not find the words to describe Niall's show. In theory she knew what his job was. Be the boy to climb on stage night after night. Guitar in hands and heart on his lips. Reality was quite a different thing to witness. Her childhood was scattered with memories of being held by her mother as she swayed side stage. Young eyes taking in the magnitude of her father. Thousands screaming and neon lights and bass so loud it was in her chest. Music was meant to be seen live. Sharing the energies with total strangers. But seeing someone she -seeing Niall in that light -Charlie had not been prepared.
Because he was unapologetically himself. The slightest veneer of arrogance that only made people scream louder. Just a boy, his guitar, the band, a couple aesthetically pleasing rugs Charlie made fun of him for. And the songs -Charlie had listened to the album, but it was so much more watching Niall sing them in person. To hear other people sing the lyrics back to him. To see him smile that too big grin. To notice him cutting his gaze side stage. To where Charlie was now the one swaying along to the beat.
Niall had jogged off stage. People flocking around him. Charlie waited, observing how the boy who stole covers and constantly bounced his right leg with nervous energy and spun her around his living room -was also, this. A magnetic energy drawing people in and around until they all but swallowed him whole.
Madness. Chaos. A couple words to describe the scenes painted after a concert. The second the house lights flipped on, the crew went to work collapsing everything. People slowly filtered out of the venue. Naomi had swooped in and taken Niall off to do some promo bit for a local radio. Workers rushed around loading crates into the backs of rigs. In the midst of the storm, stood Charlie.
And then there he was. Reaching for her hand, weaving her through the back hallways as she admired how his shirt stretched across his upper back. Out the back, into the car, flying down the highway, silently riding the hotel elevator, locking the door behind them, Charlie watching Niall scrub at his face in the shower, collapsing on the bed.
Time had lost all reality. Both of them in white hotel robes with room service trays close by. Covers pushed all the way to the foot of the bed because Niall had the air turned off. Niall's eyes locked into the episode of Forensic Files on tv. The scene nearly gave Charlie whiplash if she thought on it too hard.
"Boyfriend did it."
"Obviously." Charlie rolled her eyes at him. Everyone knew it was always the man. She reached over to grab her tea on the side table, glancing up to see the scene had changed to the woods in the middle of night. "See this is why I don't fuck with the woods -it's too quiet, freaks me out."
Now it was time for Niall to roll his eyes. "The woods scare you but you wander around LA without a care?"
"Shut up."
"I like the woods, they remind me of home." He commented, burrowing deeper into the pillows. Hands mindlessly playing with the tie of Charlie's robe. "And the quiet isn't scary -it's, peaceful, like you can finally think. Just nothing but green fields and the sky, the sky is so fucking blue -kinda like here but different." Niall continued, looking up to where Charlie sat against the headboard. "I don't know, just something about wandering the hills and just -being."
Charlie knew nothing but living in the city, but she had to admit Niall painted a pretty picture. Pastoral and simple. She wondered if he did that whenever he visited home. Wandered through the streets of his village, cut through the fields. Stop by all the places he once knew like the back of his hand. She liked to think he did.
"Guess that doesn't seem so scary, seems nice."
"Think you would like it -maybe I'll show you some day." Niall yawned, realizing a second later the words that had come out of his mouth Charlie could feel him shifting around in the bed. She refused to take her eyes off the tv. Watching a particularly violent murder seemed a better option than confront that statement. "Uh, what about you, what was it like growing up in the city?"
"Madness." Charlie snorted. Feeling Niall still beside her, warmth spreading from his body. "My parents -did the best they could, I suppose, and I had really nice nannies who took me for banana splits at the Beverly Hills Hotel -you should go have one if you haven't." She tore her eyes from the tv to glance down at Niall. Eyes closed and puffs of breath coming out of open lips. Charlie gave him a slight nudge, blue eyes flickering open with a mild glare. As if to say, I'm awake I'm listening. Turning back to the tv, Charlie continued rambling. "But I love the ocean and the weather, hate the cold -and something about LA makes you feel alive -all the people, the lights, the noise. No matter who you are, you're always just a face in a sea of people there -and yeah it has its problems but it's home at the end of the day."
Silence followed Charlie as she trailed off. The episode on the tv wrapping up as she clicked the screen off. There wasn't a need to look down. Charlie knew exactly what she would see. But she looked anyway. Passed out against the pillow, barely an inch away from Charlie's arm. Her bathrobe tie still clutched in Niall's right hand. One time Niall had told her he could never sleep in hotel rooms. Years of practice had amounted to nothing. And there he was, fast asleep next to her. Lights still on and everything.
His hair had gotten longer over the summer months. Charlie hadn't really noticed until now. Hesitantly, she pushed some off his forehead. Only for Niall to turn into her body even more.
"Shit." Charlie breathed out softly, careful to not wake him.
And there, in a hotel off the highway in Colorado, Charlie Strummer thought for a second time Niall Horan could be a boy she loved.