A/n: OKAY FIRST OFF i thought i was going to write a few chapter of this and everything would me just a few scenes of sex, them being silly and having silly convos, them being soft and domestic but no my brain just said GO DEEPER BITCH and here we are so this chapter contains SELF HARM, BULLYING, RAPE/HARASSMENT. And yes we will have more chapters with deep talks
Wheein smiled at Hyejin and gently grasped her hand as they walked, she interlaced their fingers and moved their hands back and forth like it was a swing. The couple didn't speak a word as they walked, just enjoying the presence and the walk it was enough.
They were approaching Wheein’s school and neither found it weird it was pretty normal like another day.
“Excited for your first day?”
Wheein asked Hyejin who shook her head agreeing.
They passed the gates, the school courtyard was empty and that just made Wheein happier since she didn't need to let go from her girlfriend’s hands just yet.5
Happiness is something that doesn't last forever, and Wheein knew that she remembered that when a group of 4 girls stood in front of her, strangely only two faces were crystal clear for her, the rest was blurred but it was enough for a loud gulp to be heard from Wheein’s throat.
She knew them.
A chill ran down her spine as the fear inside her was just growing more and more, but she wasn't worried about herself she was worried about Hyejin, she was afraid of what they could do for the one she loved the most because she knew what they did to her.
Wheein let go of the girl’s hand and stood in front of her trying to protect as her small body allowed. Wheein wasn't the most stronger person, but she tried.
The girl laughed, they didn't say a word. Suddenly the scenario changed they weren't any longer outside, now they were in the school hallway. Wheein took one last glance at Hyejin as she said everything was going to be okay. A strong hand gripped on her arm pulling her.
The younger girl called Wheein name as she was dragged down the hallway by them, the two girls she knew were holding both of her arms, they were taller than her and sure stronger. She couldn't fight, she was terrified at this point.
“Where are we going? Let me go please!” She cried out but the only response she had was ‘shut up’
She looked back at Hyejin the girl couldn't move, she was trying and trying but she couldn’t reach wheein.
They were now in front of the girl’s school restroom, the halls now were empty again. They dragged wheein inside and threw her against the tiled wall and two faceless girls held her against it. She tried to fight, to scream, she kicked her feet and legs, shaking her upper body trying to get out of their grip but it was useless.
The two girls she could recognize her face looked down at her, making her feel smaller than she was.
“We just wanna check something, it's not going to hurt you.” A wicked grin appeared on her lips. As she said the other girl started to undo her belt
“What are doing? let me go please! Stop!”
Wheein jerked more trying to get off of them, tears already pricked from the corner of her eyes. She opened her pant button and undid her zipper giving the sight of her compression shorts.
“No! Stop!”
No one said anything just kept with that, her pants were lowered and a hand brutally invaded her underwear groping her member inside. She was crying so much, she felt violated, the grope was too strong it hurt.
“It’s true you were right” The girl Wheein recognized said to the other “Shes a boy
“I’m not a boy! Stop it let me go...please…” Wheein cried more and more. The girl took her hand off of her and ‘cleaned’ on her pants like Wheein was some dirty thing.
“The fuck?” The girl got closer. “What are you, freak?”
“Please let me go don’t tell anyone just…” Tears kept rolling down her face.
Wheein woke up, her chest rapidly going up and down like she ran a marathon, she was breathing hard, tears were threatening to roll down her cheeks, she was scared and confused...it was a nightmare, a flashback nightmare.
She sat down on the bed and looked around and everything was in place, she was in her room, she looked to the side and Hyejin was sleeping peacefully and completely unaware what about was going inside Wheein’s mind.
Wheein was breathing normally at this point, seeing hyejin laying on her bed by her side made her heart calm it but not enough to the rush of anxiety go away.
Jung decided to try to go back to sleep. She laid down again and hugged Hyejin’s waist spooning her. Wheein nuzzled her hair inhaling her girlfriend’s natural essence mixed with the lavender body wash that Wheein used. Even after calmed a bit down it wasn't enough, she still could feel her heart pound in her chest, her head full of now intrusive thoughts thanks to the nightmare that still so vivid and real in her mind...it was so real, it was like she was living that day all over again.
Wheein rolled to the side and reached the floor with her arm trying to get her phone. She unlocked the screen, the brightness almost blinds her. She blinks a couple of times until her eyes finally focus and she’s able to look at the screen properly.
It was 2:56 am. Wheein sighed and tried to get out of bed making the minimum of noise to t wake her girlfriend up.
Hyejin shifted on the bed and woke up like she was feeling something was out of place. She didn't usually wake in the middle of the night but something made her wake up. With her eyes still closed, she palmed Wheein’s side of the bed and it was empty.
“Wheein?” Hyejin called opening her eyes and looking around the room. “Wheein-ah where are you?” the girl sat on the bed and saw that the bathroom light was on.
“Wheeinie are you okay?”Hyejin got out from bed and walk to the bathroom door and she wasn't expecting that she caught Wheein with the hand on the act.
“Wheein?”
The girl froze on the spot. She looked in the direction that the voice was calling her. Suddenly she felt guilty, her eyes looked at hyejin like she was committing the worst of the crimes. Her throat bobbed with an almost audible gulp. Putting her hand down, she kept looking at the girl on the door.
Hyejin crosses her arms and leans against the door frame.
“Are you having a mental breakdown?”
Wheein’s mouth opened and close a few times like she was trying to find words to answer her girlfriend. Ahn rose an eyebrow waiting for a response.
“How...How do you know…?”
“Babe cmon its three in the morning and you're getting bangs!” Hyejin pointed to Wheein’s freshly cut bangs. The shorter girl looked down the sink that now was filled with the chunks of hair she cut herself with some craft green scissors
.
“Come on wash your face and let’s go back to bed and tomorrow you clean it, what about it?”
Wheein agreed.
Hyejin waited until the girl washed all the small pieces of hair stuck to her face.
Ahn smiled looking at the girl walking her way, she held onto her hand guiding both to the bed again. Hyejin laid down and made the older girl lay on top of her, she kissed Wheein head while she made herself comfortable.
Hyejin hugged her tighter trying to make the girl less tense.
“Wanna talk about it?”
She asked. A short silence followed until Wheein spoke up.
“I had a nightmare.”
The younger caressed Wheein’s hair, she knew something was going on. Wheein told her she rarely had bad dreams but usually, when she was nervous or anxious with something, she would be haunted on her dreamland.
"Are you anxious about something?"
"College stuff..."
“Wanna talk about your dream?”
Ït was kind of a flashback of something that happened to me in school...the only difference was that you were there…”
And it was that moment that Hyejin would stop to ask questions. She avoided asking Wheein about her past since she always thought that things were not good for her back then, and by the little Wheein had said about it was noticeable that a lot of things were pretty traumatic and she didn't want her girlfriend to revive those events.
“You know...When I was in school, people didn't know about me, they didn't know about my secret ack then and most of them would never understand too…”Wheein closed her eyes. “I was that weird, emo, small girl that always sat on the back of the class, didn't speak to anyone, and spent most of her time drawing…” Wheein always had a hard time speaking with people and making friends or any other social interaction. “I was always wearing the same pair of old boy jeans and a baggy black hoodie, didn't call much good attention.” Hyejin’s hands kept drawing circles on the girl’s back as she listened carefully.
The girl gave a considerable pause on her speech like she was gathering the courage to keep going. “My mom even didn't say anything to the principal about me when I started school because she wasn't sure if it was a safe place and I’m glad.” Wheein nuzzled Hyejin’s chest and kept going.
“They never suspect about my intersexuality, well I used compression shorts back then and baggy clothes. When we usually had P.E class, all the girls usually went to the lockers to change and all but I always waited for all of them to get change and leave the room so I could change myself without worrying. The girls back then didn't even notice but one day…”
Wheein sucked a breath in, her body was getting tense again, she didn't like to remember these things but often she had intrusive thoughts about the things that happened in the past not only her school days but also her previous “dates”
“One day I couldn't wait until all of them were done because my mom asked me to go home earlier, and since this class was the last class in the day I would always get home a bit late since the girls always spent a pretty long time changing so I had to change with them.” She looked up to hyejin who gave her a peck on her forehead. “I tried to change as fast as possible but I’m sure they found I weird so I think they tried to look over stall I was in and probably saw me half-naked, so on the following day they pushed me to the girl’s restroom two of them held me down while the other two girls… tried to see…”
Wheein’s body as stiff again and Ahn hugged the girl tighter, she wanted her to feel safe and that this would never happen again. Hyejin was afraid of what was coming on Wheein’s story.
“One of them undid my belt, my jeans button and zipper, stuck her hand inside my short and groped me...her grip was so strong that it hurt and it got bruised I could barely touch it for days… and then I came the same speech that I’m a boy and I’m a freak, etc...I wish I could free myself from them but I was weak, they were taller than me and so strong. While they were pressing me against the wall, their handprints stay in my arms after that.” Wheein gave another long pause as she felt her voice shake. “After that, I was left inside the bathroom, naked from my waist down I was afraid...On my dream, this part of the bathroom happened but you were with me before it but for some reason, you couldn't reach me.”
For the first time since Wheein started Hyejin finally spoke.
“I’m here now Whee.”She hugged the girl. Wheein smiled and went back to talking.
“The four girls were on my dream and I could only remember two of their faces. After that day, things went downhill...When I arrived at school people were looking weird at me, whispering things about me and everything got worse, all the harassment and the bullying...I held it for years but before my last year I told my mom because everything got so unbearable…”
Wheein closed her eyes remembering one of the days she came back from school, she rushed inside her room, crying so bad she was sobbing loudly. Her mom wasn't at home.
She threw her backpack with force to a random corner of her room, her eyes were foggy with the tears, Wheein was barely seeing what she was doing. With shaky hands, she went to her study table and opened her drawer searching for her scissors. She bit her lip as one more sob came, her head was full and a mess of unwelcome thoughts.
On her last drawer, she found a pair of craft scissors and ran out to the bathroom. The girl undid her belt and the pants button and zipper, lowering it with her compression shorts with force, she didn't care about anything, she hated herself, she cried more and more and she saw the flaccid member hanging in between her legs. Wheein wasn't thinking about what she was about to do, she didn't care anymore.
She held her sex in her hand and with the other the scissor, she placed at the bottom of the shaft she was ready, she wasn't afraid, she wasn't thinking about taking it back, she wasn’t thinking about any consequences. When she placed the object open ready to close it, her mom appears on her bathroom door.
“Wheein? Wheein what are you doing?!” She ran towards the girl taking the scissors from her hand. She heard her daughter loud cry, She never saw Wheein cry like that, but she noticed something was out of place for a while. Without thinking she hugged her daughter, caressing her hair trying to calm the girl down. Wheein held on tight on the older woman as she cried more and more. “Wheein I’m here, mommy’s here…”
Wheein took a deep breath she was holding to not cry again.
“I’m sorry Wheein...I don’t know about everything that happened to you before we meet but you're safe now okay?”
Hyejin cupped Wheein’s cheeks looking deeply in the girl glossy and shaky eyes, she pecked the soft lips. “You will never go through that again, I promise.”
Wheein buried her face in Hyejin's neck.
"Comon let's go back to sleep." Hyejin said turning them making the younger lay on the bed. Her hand went to Wheein's hair stroking it.
Wheein hugged her girlfriend by her her waist and tried to close her eyes.
nun caressed Wheein nose bridge and eyebrow trying to make the girl relax. Wheein's body still in a frenzy as her anxiety stays on its peak. She closed her eyes but soon opened it looking at Hyejin's.
"Can't go back to sleep?" Wheein nodded.
Hyejin started to sing to lull the girl to sleep, this was her last resourse to make her girlfriend relax and sleep. Gladly it worked
"Nothing will never happen to you again Wheenie...I won't let it happen…" the younger murmured hugging the artist. She meant it, she would