CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
OLDER THAN I AM — LENNON STELLA
My heart's seen things I wish it didn't
Somewhere I lost some of my innocence
And I miss it
THE NEXT DAY, JJ woke up with dry, puffy eyes and a body that ached whenever he breathed. For a single moment, less than a second, he had forgotten about the events from the night before. The spare room of the Chateau was a bubble untouched by the troubles of the outside world, but the needle of reality popped it when he looked down at his sleeping girlfriend.
There was a frown on her face and a line buried deep between her brows. It was a stark contrast to her usual mask of relaxation and he couldn't help but feel guilty for being the cause of her distress. He knew that she was worried about him and that sleep often came in waves when he sought out her comfort following a fight with his father. She always wanted to stay up after he fell asleep to make sure that he was okay. It was a habit he scolded her for, but they both knew she'd never stop.
Looking down at Stella, JJ felt his chest tighten. He couldn't understand how someone like her could ever love someone like him. He was damaged goods, the son of a man who failed to make something of himself. He was the person mothers warned their children not to be. He was impulsive, and reckless, and not nearly as smart as he could be if he tried.
Stella on the other hand was everything he wasn't. She was well-mannered and well-spoken, kind and compassionate in the way that was rare to find. She was the golden standard, the model of perfection. His life was messy and last night was a strong testament to that, but she had never once run away or shamed him for it. There was no judgement and for that he knew he didn't deserve her.
The moment they met, he knew she was something special. The half-hearted smirk gracing her lips as they caught their breath outside of their school's cafeteria and the way she managed to steal a juice box from his hand without him noticing. The twinkle of mischief in her eyes and the light illuminating her figure as she walked away from him.
He knew from the very first moment that on some level, they belonged together. As lovers, or friends, or family. He didn't know if it made him believe in fate or coincidence, or just plain luck, but it made him believe in something, and perhaps that something was the force of nature named Stella-Anne Marx.
Stella was everything. She was the only one he would ever want, that much he was convinced. He looked at her and saw his past, present, and future. She was the only thing that mattered to him—his top priority. She was his good, his happiness, the true north guiding him to the home that was her arms. And while he didn't know what he did to deserve her, he thanked every higher power that by some miracle, he got to exist at the same time as her.
Mornings after a fight with his father were better with her next to him and as she stirred in his arms, he fell deeper into her salvation.
"Hi," Stella yawned. She didn't remember falling asleep.
When she looked up, her brows furrowed in confusion. Intense emotion was swirling in JJ's stare, reminding her of sunlight breaking through storm clouds on the horizon.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked, the vulnerability of the morning setting in.
At her puzzled expression, he couldn't help but give her a small smile. "Stella Maybank has a nice ring to it," he replied lazily.
She smiled and rested her head on his chest. "It does, doesn't it?" Her eyes fluttered down to his stomach and her smile faded, knowing that the bruises that littered his body were probably a deeper colour now. "How're you doing?"
JJ's hand found its way to her head and he brushed his fingers through her hair. "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"
Stella shrugged. "I decided to switch it up today." She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his beating heart.
"I don't like your dad," she said after a few moments.
JJ huffed in bitter amusement, wincing when he felt pain erupt in his side. "Yeah, that makes two of us."
Silence blanketed the room again as Stella thought about the one thing that had been swirling in her mind since last night. Gathering the courage, her eyes opened. "Move in with me," she requested, sitting up right. "You spend most of your nights at my place anyways and my mom loves you. We can turn the guest bedroom across the hall into your actual room and—"
JJ sat up. "Stel."
"It wouldn't be much of a transition, and—"
"Stella, baby..." His hand rested on her cheek and he turned her head so their eyes met.
The words faded from her mouth and her shoulders fell, knowing that rejection was on the tip of his tongue. "You can't go back, J."
Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, he gave her a soft smile. He was grateful for the offer, knowing that he was always welcome at the Marx's, but at the end of the day, no matter how shitty his father was, he couldn't leave him. "I'll be alright."
"At least think about it, okay? The offer's always there."
He said nothing, but nodded and leaned forward to place his other hand on her other cheek. He pulled her in and kissed her slowly, trying to show his gratitude.
The couple laid in bed for another half hour before Kie and Pope knocked on their door. They moved in silence as they got ready for the day, Stella not wanting to push the subject any further.
The four teens started working on Pope's pulley system in the morning, leading all the way into the late afternoon. In Stella's opinion, it looked pretty complicated, but Pope insisted that Kie's help was more than enough to get the job done. Shrugging her shoulders, she sat beside JJ on the edge of the hot tub and watched as her two friends worked on the winch.
The second Stella sat down, JJ's arm found its way around her shoulders. She smiled softly and gently rested her head against him as he pulled her closer into his side. JJ had been quite clingy. No one said anything about it, but everyone knew it had something to do with the events that took place the night before.
"Did I miss something?" JJ asked, pointing over to where Pope and Kie stood, laughing about something the couple couldn't hear. "Because it looks like Pope is... flirting? I didn't know he could do that."
Stella let out a laugh. "You're telling me you haven't noticed?"
"Noticed what?"
"That Pope likes Kie."
"Pope—" His eyes widened and he had to do a double take between her and the boy. "That Pope has a thing for Kiara? Since when?"
Stella shrugged with an amused grin. "Since before we got together."
"Damn..." The blond let out a whistle before turning to face her. "You think they'll get together?"
His girlfriend glanced at their friends before nodding her head. "Eventually."
A mischievous smirk spread across JJ's face and he tilted his head. "Wanna bet a fiver?"
"Oh, you're on."
The pair shook hands and watched as Pope lifted Kie into the air using the pulley system. This was going to be the easiest five dollars Stella ever made.
"Hey," she called out to them, taking note of the sun's position in the sky. "Where do you think John B is right now?"
"Probably still killing fish with his lord and saviour," Kie answered with slight bitterness in her voice.
JJ let out a small chuckle. "John B pullin' a Houdini."
"He should've been back by now," Pope stated, his nerves growing restless. It was already late afternoon and the later John B was, the later they'd stay out getting the gold, which meant the less sleep he'd get before his interview in the morning. "I've got my scholarship interview tomorrow."
Stella's eyebrow lifted as she watched John B approach the house. She nudged JJ's leg and nodded towards the boy. "Speak of the devil and he shall appear."
JJ gave her a grin before turning to John B. "Hey!" He greeted. "Dude, I set up the entire winch to pull up the gold and everything."
"No, he did not," Pope said, shooting the blond a look. "I did that."
John B ignored their words. He didn't even look at them, a stone set expression on his face as he stormed into the house.
The four Pogues shared a look of confusion. "That doesn't seem good," Stella said, swinging her legs over the edge of the hot tub. She made her way towards the chateau with the others following behind her.
They entered the house, the sound of clattering plates filling their ears.
"B, you alright? Did something happen?" Stella asked warily. She had only seen John B this unsettled once and that what the day he found out his father was missing. "What's up? Talk to us."
Kie came up beside her and watched as John B tore his house apart. "What are you looking for?"
"Bro," JJ said, walking up to John B who was rummaging through the pull out couch. "What's going on?"
John B pulled out JJ's gun and all four of his friends stopped in their tracks, their hearts stopping as well.
"John B," Stella started slowly, her eyes eyes wide at her friend's erratic behaviour, "what do you need the gun for?"
JJ stepped forward, trying to take hold of the situation. "Just—" The second his hand touched John B's shoulder, he was thrown onto the couch. "Talk to us!"
"John B," Kie shouted, "chill!"
John B started walking towards the door. There was one thought in his mind and he wouldn't let anyone stop him. He had no concern for anyone else at the moment.
"What are you doing?" Stella asked, stepping in front of him before getting shoved to the side.
Pope tried his luck in stopping the boy, his hands reaching out. "What, are you JJ now?" He was shoved into the nearby table, causing the items on top of it to fall to the ground.
"Shit— Are you okay?" Kie helped steady him while Stella pulled JJ to his feet.
The couple followed John B out of the house with Kie and Pope close behind. When they left the Chateau, they saw John B sitting on JJ's bike, revving the engine.
"John B, what the hell are you doing?" Stella walked down the steps, fully intending to step in front of him before he took off, but JJ placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her back. For whatever reason, John B wasn't thinking straight and he wasn't going to have Stella hurt in the crossfire.
"John B, what the hell?"
"Ward knows about the gold," John B cried. He turned to his friends, tears staining his cheeks and heartbreak set in his eyes. "He killed my dad."
Stella stopped breathing, the pain in his voice too much to process. She watched silently as he revved the bike one more time before speeding off with the gun in hand.
"John B!" Kie shouted, stepping down to stand beside Stella.
When the boy was out of sight, the four teens shared a look.
"Shit," JJ swore, turning away.
Stella's shock subsided and the fear seeped in. And with the fear came her rational thinking. "Guys, we need to go after him," she said, snapping her friends out of their thoughts. Trust Stella to keep her head on straight in a crisis. "He doesn't know how to shoot a gun, he's going to get himself killed."
They nodded, knowing she was right and formulated a plan, hoping that John B didn't hurt himself while they did.
AFTER MANY MINOR arguments and a lot of dead ends, the Pogues found themselves docked by the Cameron residence. They searched the town high and low for John B, but came up empty handed, leading them to where they were now.
"What now?" JJ asked, staring at the house in the distance. He hated how regal the house looked in the moonlight. "We just go up to the front door and ask, 'Hey, have you seen John B?'"
Kie gave him a sharp look. "Look, he lives at Tannyhill now. It's plausible." She sighed before turning back to the house. "We can play dumb."
"Play dumb?" JJ repeated with a raised brow.
Stella stood from the spot she sat. The HMS Pogue rocked as she walked to the opposite side where Kie stood. "Yeah, that's not gonna work."
Pope pulled away from the binoculars he was using. "It's pretty late," he stated with a shrug. He was trying his best not to freak out over his interview, but it proved hard with every fleeting minute.
"Look, I've never seen John B like that," Kie stressed. "We should honestly be going to the cops."
"The cops?" JJ nearly laughed.
"When have the cops ever helped us, Kie?" Stella asked tiredly.
JJ agreed with his girlfriend and raised an arm for her to sit under as she neared him. "What would we even tell them, Kie? We're worried about our friend because he's on a rampage because Ward Cameron, the guy who owns like half the island, killed Big John? Like, they're not gonna believe us!"
Stella's hand travelled to play with the ring that hung around her neck. Even if Kildare's cops were competent, she knew that an investigation would lead to the argument of their word against Ward's and no one in their right mind would believe a bunch of teenagers about a murder they weren't around to witness.
"Hey," Pope said, his eyes following a figure in the distance. "I see Ward."
Kie practically ripped the binoculars out of his hands. "Let me see."
Stella's gaze flickered to Tannyhill. Surely enough, there was a silhouette pacing back and forth in front of a window.
"Doesn't look dead to me." Pope walked over to the helm. "Let's go home."
Kie stared at him, almost in betrayal. Stella and JJ were confused as well, not grasping why he was so adamant about leaving.
"What?"
Pope's eyes darted between the three teens. "Uh... Okay. Obviously, Mr. Cameron is fine, and even if John B was here, he isn't now, okay? Plus, I have the biggest, most important moment of my life in six hours."
Stella understood why he wanted to leave now. His scholarship took up ninety percent of his mind and he worked hard to even be considered for it. It meant everything to him.
Kie didn't understand that, or if she did, she didn't deem it important enough to leave. "Yeah, well, our friend is in trouble," she said.
"I'm in trouble," Pope exasperated. He turned to JJ and Stella for help. "Guys, I haven't been home in three days. My dad's probably put all my shit on the street by now."
"Okay, so that's it?" Kie stepped closer to him, ignoring the warning looks the couple nearby was giving her. "In a time of need, you're just gonna bail? You're just gonna walk away?"
"Hey," Stella started, coming to the boy's defence, "you know Pope would stay if he could."
Kie whipped around, disbelief swimming in her eyes. "But he can stay, Stella! He just doesn't want to!"
JJ scratched his head, not liking where the conversation was headed. "Okay, yo, guys, can we not do this right now?"
His question went unanswered as Pope turned to Kie. "Hey, I have a scholarship interview in the morning. I can't—"
"Okay, well, what about John B?"
Like a pot of boiling water, Pope finally reached the point where his emotions spilled over the threshold of his control. Maybe it was jealousy or maybe it was anger, but whatever it was, he was tired of being pushed to the side in favour of John B. "Why is it always about John B?"
While Stella did agree with the fact that everything lately had been about John B, she opened her mouth to remind him that John B literally just found out his dad was murdered by his girlfriend's father. JJ saw her and stopped her from interfering, whispering not to add fuel to the fire.
Kie shook her head. "It's not always about John B! You're so stupid!" She turned to Stella and JJ. "It would be any of you in this situation."
"Oh, bullshit!"
Stella leaned forward. "Guys—"
"This is about friendship!" Kie cried.
It was JJ who attempted to calm them down this time. "Bring it down," he warned, glancing at the house behind them.
Kie continued, growing more distressed by the second. "This is about Pogues for life!"
Pope scoffed. "What about forensic pathology, huh?"
"Forensic pathology?"
"It's my life! Everything I've worked for!"
"That's your priority?"
"Stop the moral high ground bullshit!"
Stella watched as her two best friends stepped so close to each other that they could smell each other's breath. Her head shook at his words, thinking that he crossed a line. "Pope—"
"No!" Pope shouted, turning to her. "What if this were you, Stella? What if you had an internship interview for John Hopkins tomorrow, huh? What would you do?"
The girl in questioned turned away, knowing that if she was in Pope's position, she'd probably act the exact same way. Pope wanted to be a coroner just as badly as she wanted to be a surgeon. He wouldn't let all of his hard work or JJ's sacrifice go to waste, and Stella knew that he had to take every opportunity that came his way.
At her lack of a response, Pope nodded. She didn't need to say anything, everyone knew what her answer would be. "Yeah, that's what I thought," Pope chided, "so don't even try to give me shit right now."
JJ sighed at his attitude. "Pope, come on."
"No." His voice had an edge to it that could only predict chaos.
Kie raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"
"No, she has no room to talk." Pope turned away from JJ and stepped closer to Kie. "Where were you when Big John went missing?" he pressed. "You weren't there. You weren't there for John B. You weren't there for any of us. Remember your Kook year?"
"Dude," JJ warned, shaking his head. He had heard many stories about Kie and Stella's Kook year, all of them leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
Pope paid him no mind, sneering at the girl in front of him. "At least Stella never forgot about us. You did. And now you feel guilty."
"Give me a break!" Kie cracked, setting both hands on the boy's chest and pushing him.
Pope pushed back, sending Kie stumbling. "You need a break?"
As the pair's fight grew in aggression, Stella stood up. She ignored JJ as he called out to her and placed herself in between the pair. "Guys, cut it out!"
"Move!" Kie shouted, trying to get past Stella.
JJ had enough and made his way over to the trio. "Hey!" He took his girlfriend's place between the warring friends and pushed them apart. "Yo, yo, yo, cut it out, alright? If I'm the one mediating, we've hit rock bottom."
He turned to Pope and pointed to the front of the boat. "Bow, now," he demanded. "Go!"
Kie sat on the opposite side of the boat, tears falling from her eyes. Stella sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
JJ made his way over to the helm, his eyes flickering between the girls behind him and the boy in front of him. He pulled the boat away from the Cameron's dock and called out to the boy, "Pope, I'll drop you off."
The four teens rode in silence, not speaking until they pulled up to the dock by Pope's house. JJ and Stella wished him good luck on his interview and sent him last minute reassurance regarding his parents, while Kie stared off across the water. She didn't say a word, she didn't even look at the boy as he walked to his front door.
"Hey, J," Stella called softly into the summer air. "Can you drop me off at home?" She felt the need to check in on her mom. The news of Big John's murder made her feel grateful that her mom was still in her life and she wanted to make sure the woman knew how much she was appreciated.
JJ nodded as he pulled away from the dock. "Yeah." He glanced at Kie. "You want me to take you home too?"
Her silence remained unbroken as she nodded her head.
They made their way to the north side of the island, dropping Kie off first. She muttered a goodbye as she stepped off the boat and headed towards her back door.
Stella watched her in concern. She could remember the nights spent listening to Kie reflect on her guilt for leaving the boys during her Kook year.
Kie never meant to push them away, she just got caught up in having another girl friend to talk to and accidentally got pulled in by the undercurrent of popularity that came with the lifestyle. She turned into someone she wasn't for a brief amount of time and she wasn't proud of it. Ditching the boys for Sarah Cameron was one of Kie's greatest regrets, especially when Stella proved it possible to balance life with the Pogues as well as the Kooks.
Stella's mind then went to John B. She's only seen him so unhinged once before, but the last time was different. The last time, he still had a spark of hope that his father was somewhere out there making his way back to him. This time, he knew his father was gone. There was no more hope, no wishing upon a star for the best case scenario. His father was dead and his girlfriend's father is the one who killed him. Stella just hoped he didn't do anything rash before the morning came. He was bound to show up when the sun did.
She had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed that they arrived at her house.
"You think John B's okay?" She asked, taking JJ's hand as he helped her off the boat.
"No," JJ answered honestly. "But he will be."
Stella nodded and the pair headed towards the house, hand in hand.
RAE SPEAKS !
this time the song's from john b's point of view! he's a sad boy whose life got ruined so a sad song fits
the crickets in the grass watching pope and kie fight while jj and stella try to mediate: