Aria's P.O.V
When I got out of my brother's car earlier this morning. I was ready for another day in hell. The weekend was fun. I really enjoyed paintball with them. Despite Emzilla. It felt freeing to let go for a second and it helped occupy my mind. It also helped the pressure in my chest. Small as it was it still felt good even if it was only for a second.
Plus, talking to him felt great. He was easy to talk to and I wouldn't mind doing it again. It's better this way. Rather than dredging up these painful memories for my family.
I caught myself looking for him every time; I walked to my locker. It wasn't like that, I just wanted to see how he was doing. He sent me a weird text later that night saying. 'I have some things to take care of so I won't be around for a bit. Kind of pissed off Derek.'
I wonder what happened between them. "Hey, locker buddy." I went stiff.
It had been weeks since we had talked. I looked around for his succubus. Nowhere in sight, that's a complete surprise. I looked back at my locker, pretending that I had better things to do. I feel like avoiding him was the best move. I had managed to avoid him this morning. I guess my luck ran out.
"Aria, are you going to talk to me?" He isn't going to let me be, is he? Why does he want to talk to me now? Why is my heart beating fast?
"Hi, Zack." I hope that satisfied him because I wanted to be anywhere but here. "Is that all I get? Just a simple hi?" He sounded a little irritated.
"How are you on this fine evening, Zack?" I hope he heard the sarcasm in my voice. I hope he took the hint.
"Are you okay?" He ignores my existence this whole time and now wants to know if I was okay?
"I am completely and utterly fine. Don't worry about me." I knew I was about to piss him off.
"Where is your guard dog this evening? Might want to be careful she might get mad that you are talking to me." I fully turned and looked him in the eye.
"She's not my guard dog, and she doesn't have a problem with us talking. She's more mature than that." The way he said it sounded like he was trying to say I wasn't.
"As for where she is. She's with Alison, actually." He looked down for a second. "They were uh talking about her amazing weekend with Ryder." With Alison this weekend? What is his motive here? I snorted, "What?" He was waiting for my response.
"I don't see how he was with her this weekend when he was with me." His head shot up and I could see the fire behind his eyes.
"What the hell do you mean, you were with him this weekend? I thought I told you not to make a habit out of hanging out with him and now you're what?" He was getting angrier by the second.
"Sleeping with him. You what? Just gave it up to him like that? You barely know him." He spat out the last word at me. My eyes went wide. I was hurt.
"What the hell are you talking about? I am not sleeping with him." I whispered/yelled the last part standing closer to him.
"I said I spent the weekend with him. Contrary to belief, that doesn't mean you are sleeping with the person." Now I was the one getting angrier by the second. How could he just say that to me? Does he not know me?
"Also, you have no right to tell me what to do. You got it? And one more thing, screw you, Zack. Stay out of my life." I tried storming off, but he grabbed my arm.
"I know you better than that. I have to look out for you," He seemed to have a sincere look on his face. "I just worry about you, okay? The last girl that got close to him...well, it didn't end well and she got hurt." Didn't end well?
"Zack, what are you talking about? I don't even care. You know that you of all people have no right to judge anyone about hurting someone right?" He looked at me confused. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"You kissed me twice! You made me think that you cared about me! That night meant so much to me. That you saw me as more than my brother's little sister." I was so happy that he finally felt the same way I did.
"Then the next thing I know you are hooking up with a girl that not even a week before was all over my brother! That's disgusting and I never knew you could stoop that low." My hands were shaking and slightly sweating but I just had to say it now or I knew I never would.
"How could you do that to me?! I had feelings for you! For as long as I can remember I cared so deeply about you and now I don't want to look at you." He had this weird look on his face and he attempted to say something but I cut him off.
"Being around you hurts me. You cause me pain and I don't ever want to feel this way again. I'm done caring about you." I was getting pissed and probably going to say something I regretted but I didn't care.
It made my heart ache at just the thought of hurting someone I truly cared about. Someone I hoped one day I would end up with. How could someone who made me feel so happy with just one kiss...cause me this much pain?
"You really have no shame nor do you care about anyone else but yourself. You don't care that you used me because you are a horrible and selfish person! At least Ryder doesn't pretend to be someone he's not." That made him mad again but I knew what I was going to say next was going to take that anger away.
"I hate you. Just do what I said before and stay out of my life." This time I walked away successfully. I leaned against a random locker when I felt I was far enough away from him.
What did he mean by it didn't end well? Who was this girl? I shouldn't waste any energy thinking about this, Zack was probably making it up. The actual question here is why did my heart pound like that when he said my name?
It was like I couldn't breathe and we were the only ones that existed. Stop thinking like that! I am over my crush on him. I don't care about him anymore. I just have to keep repeating it to myself and I won't care about him anymore. Right? God, I am a mess.
I wanted to cry because for one I was sad about what just happened but a part of me was finally happy that I said something to him. I let him know that he hurt me. It broke me inside that I told him I hated him.
That part I didn't mean. Nowhere in my heart could I hate him. He did a shitty thing to me but I could never conjure up that feeling towards him. The pain that I saw in his eyes when I said that to him almost made me sick to my stomach. Should I go back and apologize?
"You okay? You seem to be having a mental breakdown." I look up to see Derek standing in front of me. "Yeah, we can call it that."
"Need someone to talk to?" He reached his hand down to me. Wait? When did I slide down to the ground? I took his outstretched hand, letting him pull me up.
Thanks but I think I will be okay." I dusted my hands off on my pants and looked him in the face. I never noticed that Derek had a cute boyish smile or that his blonde hair was like it had been kissed by the sun. I never really looked at him. I noticed girls staring at him in class but never really paid attention to why.
See something you like, gorgeous?" Shit, I didn't realize I had been staring at him. "NO." Oops, I said that too loud. "I mean no, I don't need anyone to talk to but thank you." He still had that cocky smile on his face.
"Well, let me know because I know I am a way better listener than Bentley. See ya around Nova." He walked backwards watching me with a look on his face that told me he knew more than what he was saying before disappearing behind a wall. Had Ryder been talking about us? How did he know? What else had Ryder said to Derek?
I walked to 4th period where I would see Derek again and hopefully Ryder so I could ask him what he had been telling Derek. I felt defeated when I saw his empty chair. Still a bit of hope though, right? He could show up still. The bell hasn't even rung.
I am disappointed and worried that he didn't show up at all. I realized that I didn't see him this morning either. I wonder where he is? "He's not here today." Derek whispered in my ear as we were leaving class. He was way too close. I could feel his breath against my skin.
"Care to take a step back, please? Why isn't he here?" To my surprise, he did. Why was he getting so close to me today? "I don't know and honestly I don't care." He looks so serious. I couldn't look away.
"You shouldn't care either, you know? The best thing you can do is stay away from him." Everyone keeps telling me that. What am I missing? My mind goes to what Zack said. Yet it isn't any of my business what happened in Ryder's past. It's not my place to ask.
"Thanks for the warning, Derek but I am a big girl and I can handle myself." The way he talked about him as if he was an enemy and not a friend. They act like he is someone I should fear. Yet Ryder doesn't seem like someone I should be afraid of, he's a nice guy from what I can see.
Yet maybe that is how I want to see him. Maybe I am looking at him through rose-colored glasses. I doubt that I am because he seems nothing like the rumors say he is. Although one of them is true that he does seem to get around. I have got to stop thinking about Ryder. I just need to get on with my day.
Lucky for me the day was already going pretty fast and before I knew it I was heading to the last class of the day.
I walked into the locker room which was completely empty thankfully and sat down on the benches that were in there. I hadn't been able to sit all day and even attempt to collect my thoughts or go over that conversation in my head.
"Hey, chicka what's up?" I instantly threw my arms around Emma. Seeing her face made me so happy that I wanted to cry again.
"Hey are you okay?" I didn't answer her for a second. I just needed a moment of silence.
"Sorry, I just had a run-in with Zack and a weird experience with Derek." She pulled back to look at me. "From the look on your face it doesn't seem like that was a pleasant conversation, what did Zack do?"
I really wanted to answer but I didn't get a chance because Alison and Cindy walked by having a very loud conversation.
"I swear Ryder is an animal. The way it feels when his arms are around me, pulling me closer against him and how soft his skin feels against mine." she looked straight at me as if she was talking to me.
"I can't wait to see him again tonight. I have a very special surprise for him." She had a devilish smile on her face when she said the last part.
She doesn't understand at all that she doesn't need to make a point or anything. I am not interested in Ryder like that at all. He's just nice to talk to so that I don't have to burden my family any more than I already have.
"Someone please gag me." Emma shivered like she was disgusted by the whole situation. Yeah she was about to get us into trouble. I tried pulling her out of there fast enough.
"I'm sorry but do you have anything to say to me?" Alison stepped right in front of Emma. Shit, shit, shit. Was all my brain could seem to muster up.
"Not at all but we don't need to hear about your disturbing night time adventures. As you can see this is a public locker room and that kind of shit should probably just stay in your room." Emma stepped closer. Their noses were almost touching.
I knew what Emma was doing. She was trying to protect me by basically telling Alison to keep it to herself. Why doesn't she see that I don't care about him like that at all?
That hearing about Alison's night with Ryder doesn't bother me. I mean I don't know when he found the time to go over there after hanging with me this weekend but that really doesn't concern me. What he does in his spare time has no effect on me.
"Emma don't worry about it okay? Let's just go." I still had my hand on her arm from when I was trying to pull her away at the beginning so I gave it a little yank. That seemed to give her a shock and she stumbled back with me a little.
"That's right little Emma, run away while the big girls have their grown-up conversation." Alison please just shut the hell up. Let me get my friend out of her before she does something about it.
"She's not worth it okay?" This time I successfully pulled her back. How many times was this going to happen? Was it always going to be a locker room madness? It just seems that every time we come in here they both start going at it.
Once we were out of ears reach I turned to face Emma. "You have to stop doing that!"
"Doing what?" Her hands were on her hips which means she's still mad.
"You have to stop going toe to toe with Alison, it's not worth it and I can't keep stepping in the middle every time to pull you out! I am grateful for you trying to stand up for me but look I can handle myself." I looked her in the eyes to get my point across.
"I don't care what she and Ryder do. They don't bother me. We are just friends and after my experience with Zack. I'm not doing it again. So please just let it go."
Alison can do and say whatever she wants to me. She cannot do those things to my best friend and the way to make Emma understand that and doesn't get hurt is to make her see that I don't want anything more with Ryder.
"I just hate that she's going out of her way to make you feel like crap. You are my best friend Aria and I would take anyone out for you." She laughed a little.
"I know that but you have to understand that I have this okay? Trust me? I can handle anything that she throws at me." We were hugging by the end. I really thought that I could but I had no idea what she had in store for me later.
Alison walked by with that stupid smirk on her face. She thought that she had won. Something about the way she looked at me made me think. Game on. What game I can't tell you but I wanted to win it.
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Alison didn't try anything today. I can happily say that for the first time since school started I walked out of the gym without a scratch on me. Emma was off and into her mom's car. Tomorrow we would be skipping school to go car shopping for her.
"How was your day?" My brother was already standing next to the car, which I was super happy about until I saw someone was already sitting in the front seat. Yeah life was never going to give me a break.
"Yeah today was good." I didn't look at my brother. I was slightly eyeing Zack as I climbed into the backseat. Why was he in the car? Why isn't he with his sidekick.
"Oh hey I have to run real quick and ask Chris something. Be right back." I wanted to scream and ask him to please not leave me alone with Zack. There was only so much of him I could handle in one day.
"Aria I just wanted to tell you that I didn't--"
"I am mean it, save it Zack okay? Please just leave me alone." The best thing for me to do was put my headphones in and that's exactly what I did. He was not going to give me some half shitty apology. There was too much going on in my life. Too much pain that I was already dealing with.
A tear seemed to escape and I was mortified. I didn't want to show him that side of me ever again. Being vulnerable in front of him wasn't an option. He couldn't be trusted with any part of me. That definitely meant my heart.
How weird was it to think that everything could change in less than a year? I lost my best friend, My hero. Because of my stupid choices and also the choices of that man... Michael Douglas.
The thought of that brought my back to the trial that we were still dealing with. The last time we all had to go to court I had to take the stand and give my statement. My mom did as well and it crushed me inside. Watching the tears stream down her face.
I wanted to scream at that man. Why wasn't he thinking that night? Why did he get behind the wheel knowing he was driving under the influence? How could he live with himself knowing he took someone away from their family?
Why didn't he take the plea deal? Why did he decide to drag this on by going to trial? He knew what he did. Why did he want to cause more pain and damage than he had already done?
Zack had his arm stretched out with a tissue in his hand. I took it from him and wiped my face. I hadn't noticed that I was full-on breaking down. I didn't want to be in this situation. I didn't want Zack to be here in the car with me. I just wanted my dad.
I felt the car move and the other side of the passenger door opened. Zack moved in next to me and pulled me against him. I wanted to fight him but I didn't have the strength.
After everything, I said to him today and he's sitting here trying to comfort me. He tightened his arms around me to stop my shaking. Which I hadn't realized I was doing. I am not sure how long we sat like that. With his arms around me and me crying all over his shirt.
Besides the crying this is how I always wished he would hold me. He felt good. I loved the warmth that was coming off of him. He smelled incredible. He always did. I guess this is how Cindy feels when he holds her.
That's all I needed to kill the mood. I shoved Zack away from me. Cindy. That's who he chose and that's who he wanted. Not me and he wasn't going to sit here and make me feel like I was special and like I was the only girl in the world he cared about. The one he wanted to hold and take her pain away. Because I wasn't the one.
"I think that you should go ahead and get back in the front seat. My brother should be back soon and I don't want him to get the wrong idea. I think he and I deserve better than that."
He shrunk back like I had just slapped him. He got out of the car and didn't even bother getting back in. He just walked off in the opposite direction. Great now how am I going to explain to my brother where his friend is? And here he comes.
"Hey, Where is Zack? Have you been crying?" He looked so concerned and I just wanted to make him stop worrying about me but he was my brother and I don't think I could do that.
"He mumbled about Cindy or something and just got out. I just started thinking about everything..." I hoped that he would believe my lame-ass excuse but I couldn't think of anything else. I knew he would believe me on the crying part and not think twice about it.
"I get it. Now why don't you climb in the front seat instead of sitting back there because I am not your chauffeur and I don't want you getting the wrong idea." What a jerk but I did climb in the front and punched him in the arm. He just laughed and pulled out of the parking lot.
I don't think he noticed but I saw Zack standing there watching as the car drove away. He looked so lost and hurt.
A big part of my heart yearned to get out of the car and take that pain away. To take back everything I said to him today. Yet the smarter part of me knew better. He didn't deserve my apology. He didn't deserve anything else from me. I just had to make my heart understand that.
-- Hey, guys sorry it took so long to get this update out. I hope that you enjoy this chapter I tried to make it a long one. Guys we are so close to 2k reads and I am so happy! Don't forget to comment down below and hit that vote button! Thank you for being here and supporting me ^^ Xoxo Night <3