The walls are coming closer
My senses fade away
I'm haunted by your shadow
I reached to feel your face
You're not here
Are you here?
Come and rescue me
Rescue me
You and Me
- Rescue me by Tokio Hotel
Chapter 16 - Rescue me
Mickey didn't sleep the whole night.
It was the day after he had seen Ian in his little cell – even though prison cells were probably more comfortable than that room. Today they were supposed to get to the court room in the afternoon.
So far Mickey had thrown up, had a panic attack, cried for an hour, talked to Sandy over the phone for two hours while crying his heart out.
He looked at himself in the mirror. It was almost time to go down to the court room. He looked at his reflection, a scared, broken boy looking back at him.
"Look at you", he said to himself, "Fucking coward! Got nothing better to do than to wail around while your boyfriend gets beaten half to death"
He took a deep breath, "It should be you", he growled at his reflection, "The next one to die because of you, how many more will there be?!"
He stared at himself, at the pale boy with reddened eyes, the pathetic terrified mess who just let his lovers die one by one without doing anything about it.
He felt violent anger pulsating through his body, and he brought his fist hard against the mirror. The mirror broke into small pieces, the glass cut his tattooed knuckles. He barely flinched or grimaced, it was nothing against the pain Ian had to go through... Dimitri, Angus... all because of him.
Someone knocked on the door.
"Fuck off!", he yelled.
"It's me", Mandy's voice came from outside of the door, "We're supposed to go to the court room now, Mickey, are you coming?"
Mickey exhaled deeply and took a towel to wipe his face and bloody knuckles.
He left the room and joined Mandy, he held his head low so she wouldn't see his reddened eyes right away.
"What did you do to your hand?", Mandy asked.
"Nothing", he growled, "Mind your own business."
They kept walking in silence until they reached the court room and took their places next to Iggy.
Mickey hated this room. How often did he stand in this very spot and saw someone being executed? Every single time, because Terry knew, it would make all of them accomplices to the crime. Because Terry wanted to assert dominance, scare people.
The first time he remembered to be in this room, he was seven. He remembered how shocked he was when they dragged in his mother. How he cried when Terry shot her dead.
He remembered how shocked he was when they dragged in Dimitri. How his heart broke when Terry shot him dead.
He remembered how shocked he was when they dragged in Angus Field. How he truly felt like a bad person when Terry shot him dead.
But now he knew who would be dragged into the room in a minute. He knew who would be shot, he knew who would die – and that hurt even more.
He let his head hang low and he felt like people were staring at him... as if his brothers and father to his right were all watching him, when Ian was dragged into the room and shoved to the ground in front of Terry. Mickey looked up to look at Ian.
At least he didn't seem to be much worse than yesterday. His left eye was swollen and black and blue, he almost couldn't spot a single freckle because of the bruises and the blood on his face.
He remembered Dimitri and Angus sitting in the same spot Ian sat at now, and Mickey really felt like the biggest evil in the room.
He brought them here, all of them. They were innocents that all died because of him. And maybe Dimitri had said, he didn't regret him, but Mickey could bet, that Dimitri wanted something else out of life than dying for a crime he didn't commit at age 18.
And Ian?
Ian, his Ian. The man he truly, really loved... he had so many plans with his life. And Mickey had nothing better to do than to ruin his plans, tell him his dreams were bullshit, make him chose between his two dreams. And now he would die because of Mickey without ever fulfilling any of his dreams.
Terry started speaking. It was just noise for Mickey. His words mixed with his words from the execution of Dimitri... Angus... his mother. It gave Mickey a headache.
He looked to his father, who stood four feet in front of Ian, next to him forming a half circle Collin, Iggy, Mickey, and Mandy.
"For that I sentence you to death for treason", Terry growled, and Mickey couldn't take in anymore. Terry pulled his gun out and held it towards Ian's head.
The pain and fear of the last years, especially the last days, was rushing through Mickey's body and within a split second he leaped forwards and shoved Ian out of the way, Ian fell on the hard cold ground and Mickey was kneeling in his position now.
The room was dead silent. Like everyone was holding their breath, waiting for the next move from someone.
Mickey was looking at Ian, he could feel his dad and brothers' eyes stabbing him, he didn't dare to move anymore.
"What are you doing, boy?!", Terry growled. Mickey swallowed hard and turned towards him, sitting in the spot Dimitri and Angus were killed in, he looked up at his father, whose face was red from anger. His brothers next to him looked down at him in shock.
"I'm not letting you kill him!", Mickey yelled at his father, "He did nothing wrong! He isn't a fucking snitch and you know it!"
A mumble went through the audience, Terry looked over Mickey's head to the cartel members and then furiously back down at his son.
"You just want to kill him because he is gay!", Mickey spat.
In the second Mickey had shoved Ian out of the aim of the gun, he knew that his life was pretty much over. He knew he would get the same fate as his lovers before him, so he could at least take this moment and make it his. Tell his father and the cartel what he was really thinking.
"Move out of the way!", Terry grunted.
"No!", Mickey yelled, "If you want to kill him you have to kill me too! I'm not just gonna stand here while you kill him! I'm not gonna watch again!"
Mickey stood up, he was small, so they weren't exactly eye to eye, but he knew how to assert dominance with his eyes. He made a daring step towards his father.
"He is innocent, you can't kill innocents"
"He is not innocent!", Terry growled, "He's a goddamn faggot and I'm gonna blow his brains out, now move out of the fucking way!"
"No! You will have to blow my brains out too then because I love him!"
The handle of the gun landed in Mickey's face with full force and Mickey fell to the ground. A numbing pain shot through his wrist, shoulder, and his face.
He heard Mandy gasp somewhere right from him, Ian lay somewhere left from him, he opened his eyes and immediately saw Terry towering over him, his fist was coming down on his face over and over again.
Pain spread through his entire face, he could hardly breathe because Terry sat on his chest, he tasted blood in his mouth.
Mickey was gasping for air while desperately trying to shove his father down from him again. Terry only hit him harder. He clasped his hands around Mickey's throat and choked him, he shook him, so Mickey's head hit the cold ground repeatedly. He was insulting and yelling at him, but he barely had an ear for it, he tried to turn his face enough to see Ian.
Ian had slowly made it to sit up again. He stared at Mickey being beaten by his dad in shock.
This wasn't supposed to happen! He had made his peace with dying, but Mickey's couldn't die! Mickey couldn't die without living one day in freedom!
He saw the gun lying between the two Milkoviches and his feet. When Terry had gotten down to Mickey to punch and choke him, he must have laid it beside them at some point and pushed it away into Ian's direction.
Ian took his remaining strength together and slowly got closer to the gun, he got closer to the two, his hands were bound together in the front, he wasn't sure if he could even shoot like this, but if he had the gun, he at least had a weapon against Terry.
He inched closer to it and finally could grab the gun, get it between his hands.
But that's when Terry noticed him.
The Milkovich let go of Mickey, who started coughing violently, and pulled the gun away from Ian again, "What do you think you're doing?"
He punched Ian across the face, so he was falling and lying on the ground again. He went back to Mickey, grabbed him by his shirt, pulled him up, pulled him over to Ian and shoved him to the ground again, so they lay next to each other.
Mickey's whole body hurt, but he turned his face to Ian, he just wanted to look at him, he wanted to forget Terry for a second, he wanted to see Ian.
Ian looked down at him sadly.
"Why did you do that, Mick?", he whispered, "You could have been free"
"How free would that be without you?", he whispered back, "I won't let you die and just stand there and watch, I can't do that again, not this time, not with you"
A tear slowly rolled out of Ian's eye, "I love you"
"I love you, too", Mickey said, he ignored Terry's insults, for a moment they were in a bubble of happiness, he smiled slightly, "At least, we are together till death do us part, right?"
Ian nodded and another tear escaped.
Mickey put a hand on Ian's cheek and leaned to him, he kissed him. He kissed him softly in front of his dad, in front of his brothers and the cartel. He kissed him not caring about anyone else, because that was his last kiss and it was just supposed to belong to them.
A loud noise and a sudden pain ripping through Ian's leg broke their bubble.
Ian cried out in pain and Mickey looked down to see that Terry shot him in the leg.
"You bastard!", he screamed up at him, "Stop hurting him!"
"Shut your fucking mouth!", Terry growled, he aimed the gun at Ian, "I will kill your faggot boyfriend first, so you can see him die next to you and then I will kill you!"
Mickey scooted closer to Ian, he wrapped his arm around him and lay his head on his shoulder, hiding his face in his shirt.
Ian kissed the top of his head and shushed him. He closed his eyes too and hid his face in Mickey's hair.
He heard a shot.
Mickey's body jerked at the sound, he inhaled sharply.
Then there was a thud from a body falling to the ground.
Mickey opened his eyes and slowly looked up at Ian. No blood, no gun wound, he opened his eyes too and looked down at him. He was okay.
Mickey turned his head and looked to the spot Terry stood... but there was only Iggy. He had made a step away from his usual spot and he held a gun, Collin was standing next to him, shocked at his brother's action. And on the ground lay Terry... shot to the head, dead.
Iggy's breathing went fast.
The whole room was shocked, confused. No one knew what to do. The boss was just killed in front of them.
Collin slowly put his hand on Iggy's arm and lowered it, he made a step forward.
"We kill snitches", he said, he was fully in control of the tension in the room, "We don't kill people for love. We don't kill our brother."
Iggy put the gun away again.
"With Terry dead, I'm the new boss", Collin kept talking, "Now clear the room. And get rid of that piece of junk", he said and pointed at his father.
Mickey was staring up at his brother in surprise, he exhaled deeply and hugged Ian.