four days until
IT WAS JUNE 30TH, or well, technically, I guess that it was the early hours of July 1st. Ansen Grey had a plan, and the plan involved the capture of one of the royal children. It didn't matter which one. Ansen just needed a leverage before he continued.
That's what he told me, at least. It was actually a trap, for me. Ansen Grey wanted me dead. Captured. Just, away from his sight. After years of murders, robberies and outsmarting him when developing plans, he was done with me. He thought he had everything he needed.
I sneaked in through the passageway I always used, getting myself to the sleeping chambers of the royal family. It was an easy break in. The guards were knocked out easily. So much for the royal guard, they were easy to beat if you knew their battle tactics, which my father drilled in my brain from a young age - unintentionally. I just had to take the damn kid - Romeo, I decided on - and then I'd go. My sister would be scarred for life, thinking her child was safe between castle walls, but it was fine. I'd bring him back one day.
But no, something was off. I knew, because it was way too quiet. I knew, because it was two in the morning but a light came from each room. It wasn't the usual orange halo from the lightbulbs, but-
The doors opened. I'm blinded. Smoke fills the room, but it wasn't normal. It smelled different. Poison. I coughed as Atticus Rockfeller comes from behind and grabs my weapons and back, then pins me to the floor. My hood remains on as I felt the handcuffs around my wrists. Atticus Rockfeller captured his best friend - I'm sure he'll enjoy learning that later. I expected him to take a hood off. I expected anyone to take the hood off, but instead, for the entirety of the summer, they kept it on. No one came to question me until my trial. I didn't try to speak to anyone in that time, either.
It was only today that I learned that it wasn't Atticus that captured me, even if he had a shift that night. It was today that I learned, though, that Atticus knew that Leo was a shifter, and maybe it was the events of our time together, but he never bothered to mention it. He let a ten year old complete his shift, and in that time, Atticus was known as the capturer of the greatest criminal in recent history. But I only learned that the guard was him today.
Don't get me wrong, Atticus is an incredible solder who just wanted the night off to get wasted. Atticus has been practicing battle tactics since he was a kid, alongside my brother. But it hurts my pride that I got taken down by a ten year old in disguise. Being taken down by Atticus would probably be good bragging rights for him too. No wonder he doesn't mention it.
But that isn't the point. The point was that, that night, Ansen Grey ratted out on me. Ansen Grey gave the palace an anonymous message, saying that I would be there during the night to take one of the kids. He set me up to get caught by my own family. And in all honesty, I didn't even want to try fighting back.
I woke up in a jolt the next morning, after Leo and I talked. His confession made me think, and it made me think a lot. I didn't end up telling Lysander and the king anything about what the boy said, keeping his privacy. I said I would deal with it, it was no big deal.
Lysander and parts of the royal guard and military were sent to the towns that were attacked to examine and fix the damage. I didn't have to deal with my brother pestering me for the rest of the night, at least. The king, however, tried for a solid hour to get the information out of me. I just told Tori to tell her husband to leave me alone.
I check the clock on my bedside table. It was almost six in the morning. The sun was barely up. I could hear the birds chirping, though - the ones that haven't headed to Sylvaine for the winter, at least. I lower my head back down, wanting to go back to sleep, and wondering what woke me up in the first place.
I lie back down when I hear the knock on the door again.
"Coming," I muttered, still half asleep. I stumbled out of bed, running a hand through my tangled hair. I should've tied it back last night.
When I swing the door open, Atticus stands on the other side. I'm about to scream at him, telling him to go back to bed. He didn't look tired, but he's leaning on the doorframe for support. I can see the bulge from the bandages on his chest.
"Do you want to go for a walk, or something?" he asked. He's wearing a black denim jacket and dark blue jeans. He held a reusable coffee mug in his hand, swirling it around, probably to cool it down. "I know, it's kind of early and you're probably going to kill me for being out of bed but I need the fresh air and maybe some company."
I realise I'm staring, and I blink myself back into reality. "You're right, I probably will kill you for being out of bed, and for waking me up so early, but... I'll meet you in the courtyard in like, fifteen minutes." I looked down at his coffee again. "Can you get me one, two creams and two sugars?"
He nodded, a small smile on his face. "Funny, I always assumed you were a black coffee type of person, you know, with the dark soul persona you show us all the time."
I rolled my eyes, trying to hide a smile. "Please get me my coffee, thank you very much. I'll see you in a minute."
I closed the door behind me and closed my eyes for a minute. Oh my god, my body ached. I'm not even sure why. I pull off my pajamas - which were really just an old, oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts. Pulling out the first pair of jeans and shirt I could find in my closet, I put it on. There was no point in dressing too nicely. It wasn't a date.
Wait, this isn't a date, right? Of course not, Atticus had a girlfriend. Said girlfriend was named Mikayla Halston and she hated me. Said girlfriend probably spent most of yesterday at Atticus' bedside. Said girlfriend...
... actually wasn't around as much, now that I think of it.
Maybe Leo is right and I do spend most of my time in bed or in a hospital or in the castle doing something or just sleeping. I only really saw Mikayla that one day I went to the university, and when I went to visit Olivia. After that... did Atticus even spend time with her now, or did he decide to give me all his attention instead of his girlfriend.
I'm overthinking, I'm sure. I grabbed my leather jacket and walked out the door.
Before taking another step, I yawned. And immediately turned back around. I still needed to brush my teeth.
✶
COFFEE IN HAND, we walk through the city. It feel like yesterday that I was walking - or riding - down the same path with Tori on one side of me and Lysander on the other. I remember feeling everyone's eyes on me, but now there was hardly anyone on the street. It was calm, rising before everyone else. The birds flew around, singing their songs. Neighbourhood cats were prowling around the street, maybe searching for mice, or doing whatever cats did. It was nice.
I took a sip of my coffee. It wasn't bad, maybe a little too sweet. Atticus managed to finish his first cup just before we leaved, and made himself a second. It was holding on fine, stumbled a bit. Sometimes he spaces out, or grabs my arm like he's going to fall.
"You okay?" I ask him each time. He nods. Every time.
We didn't talk much, but I didn't mind. I liked the fresh air. I liked looking around the city. I liked just being there with Atticus. And that's what worried me most of all, because apparently the stupid crush I developed when I was barely eight years old never actually left. Not even after ten years.
I could never remember the context of the conversation, but one of the things I remember Mom telling me as a little girl was "if you have a crush on someone for more than four months, it's not a crush. It's love". Maybe it was her talking to Victoria, before she was courting the king.
Well, it's been far longer than four months at this point. I didn't like being in love with someone that won't love me back.
While I was lost in thought, I didn't realise Atticus stopped walking until I turned around again. We were walking in the middle of a small neighbourhood. Atticus was leading the walk for now, and I didn't care about where we went. Now I understand why he took a route he did.
He stared across the street, and it probably seemed like a weird thing to do. I followed his gaze, which led to Mikayla on her porch, in a sports bra and a pair of sweats. I guess she was an early riser, too. She stared right back, not saying a word.
I'm sorry, did I miss something over the last couple of days? Weeks? How long has it been since I saw her last.
After a minute, Mikayla Halston went back inside her home. I saw her silhouette in the window, putting her hair up. Atticus looked back to me, sighing, and he looked sadded than usual.
"You okay?" I asked, not sure where to start. "I don't think I've seen you like this before."
Heartbreak, was that it? "Did... did something happen between the two of you?" I asked when he said nothing.
He sighed. "We broke up." He began to walk out of the neighbourhood, away from Mikayla's house. I took a minute before beginning to follow him.
"Look," I started. I took a sip of my coffee before continuing. "I'm so, so sorry if I caused this and she broke up with you because she thought we were, I don't know, spending more time together and stuff and if she thought we were more than-"
Atticus shook his head. "She didn't break up with me. I broke up with her." I... had no words. I didn't expect that, not at all. "I mean, the second I saw you that day in the square, I knew me and Mikayla were over. She knew we were bound to be over that day, too. Everyone knew that we would break up."
I opened my mouth to say something, then closed it. They still broke up because of me, and everyone saw it coming? What else am I supposed to say? "I don't..."
"I had the biggest crush an eight year old could possible have on someone, on you" Atticus said. The look on his face says he can't believe he's talking right now, but the words just spilled from his mouth. "You were my best friend and I was so lucky to have you by my side every day and I managed to love you before I even knew what it meant, loving someone."
We continued walking. I didn't know what to say yet. I was glad our feelings were mutual. Or... this could always just be part of that stupid legend about us... could I really just blame my feelings on fate?
"When you left or missing, or whatever... it broke me. I genuinely thought it was my fault. It was all my fault," Atticus continued. "I couldn't pull myself out of bed. I barely functioned. I pushed so many people out of my life just because you left. And I was eight, Vera. I wasn't supposed to feel heartbreak at that age, right?"
I bit my lip. "I guess not. There were plenty of chances after to break hearts."
"I got better, sure, at one point, but you were always on my mind, Vera. Everything I did, I managed to somehow relate it back to you. We moved through our elementary school years and everyone knew I was hopelessly waiting for a girl that may as well be dead. Everyone told me to cut the crap about the whole "she's dead after you find the body" thing because everyone thought you were already rotting somewhere. It's kind of a stupid rule, when you think about it. Someone could be mauled to pieces and you won't have a body to deal with. There's so many cruel ways to kill someone or to hide a body that sometimes, having that rule didn't make sense. But at the end, you turned up. But I'm kind of going off trail at the moment."
But his words still linger in my mind. I killed people like that. I dismembered so many bodies and hid them that they would be unrecognizable if you just found the body parts. I guess the DNA sample from bone can match with what's in a databases, but there were flaws with the law that a lady of the court couldn't be pronounced dead unless there was a body.
"So yeah, your disappearance left me a mess, and I guess my heart never moved on. When we were in middle school, people started dating. It was stupid; middle school relationships hardly lasted. But I wished that could have been us. I wished I had you by my side for school dances. I wished you were by my side, period. I couldn't forget about you, Vera."
"I'm glad," I say quietly. Because I thought he forgot about me. I thought he wouldn't have a care in the world about someone he spent only a couple years of his life with. I thought I didn't mean anything. I'm glad that I was wrong.
He takes a sip of his coffee. His mouth was probably getting dry from talking so much, spilling his guts out. This was a risky move, I have to say. I'm sure this is how a million opposite-gender friendships are ruined; when one has feeling for the other, and the other doesn't know what to do.
"So then, ninth grade. Homecoming. Avery and Jason were desperate to get me to dance with Mickey," he paused. "I realise after that for weeks now, half the school knew that Mickey had a crush on me. Me, out of all people. I spent my days doing homework and training with your brother, if I wasn't thinking about you. She had a crush on me, who hardly had a social life."
"I'm guessing you had that dance with her," I said. But Atticus told me before that they got together in junior year. I guess he lied to me before. This was the real thing.
He looked at me, weird, but then nodded. "I went up to her and asked if she wanted to dance. It was probably the first time I talked to a girl that wasn't in my group for a project. We danced... five times throughout the night. For once, I felt normal. I felt like myself and..."
I took a wild guess. "You kissed."
Atticus nodded. "I went in for the kiss, and it surprised me, honestly. I just wanted to know what it felt like, to be loved by someone that wasn't my mom or your siblings or, hell, you. The next day, we were an us. I talked to my friends and I wasn't completely, you know, separated. Alone. But in the back of my heart, you were always there. You always managed to be there."
I fucked it up for him. I fucked up a relationship that meant so much for him. I fucked up that one thing that managed to bring him back to this world, after I left and fucked up his life. This was my fault.
"It's not your fault, Vera," he said, almost reading my mind. "You didn't ruin our relationship by coming back. It was my fault, because the second I saw you, I knew who you are. I knew everything you meant to me at one point, and still did. And even after being in a relationship for four years, I knew it was always going to be you. You left and you took my heart with it."
"Did I return it, at least?" I asked with a small smile.
He stopped walking. I looked around, finding ourselves beside the lake. A cool breeze came and blew in our hair. The early sun made the water sparkle. The Auxilian mountains could be seen in the distance. There wasn't a car to be heard in miles.
"It's breathtaking," I said, turning back to face Atticus.
He took a minute to look around and take in a view. He probably came here often, if he could get here without thinking about where to go. He looked down and our eyes met.
And I guess feelings got the better of us, when lips met lips and suddenly, I had the kiss I only ever dreamed about.