You totally cannot do this.
Dragging your bruised and beaten body somewhere else is bad enough but having to do so with another person on top, who is also unconscious and may not be jostled too much cause most of his bones are probably broken and he’s still slightly bleeding.
But his breath is in your neck as you drag him piggy-back as best as you can, and that alone is something you can be very thankful for. And so you gritted your teeth and carry on as best as you could.
Your tunic is the only thing that’s lightening the path in the dark and you were never more thankful for your entirely impulsive reaction of buying it. Your pants on the other hand are still itching horribly, but now that the fabric is soaked with blood it’s a lot more tolerable, also it’s a lot less irritating than the hurt from your body, though you’re not quite sure if you should be that happy over that statement.
But neither the less you continue your track through the dark, moisty underground, Legend still understandably out cold piggyback. And that guy should for his size truly be heavier, he was laughably light. He may hate you all he wants and snoop through your stuff (which you still were miffed about) but as soon as you’re up on the surface again from where ever you were right now, you were going to force food down his throat. Being that light couldn’t be healthy, even though right now it was better as if he had been normal weight.
Or maybe it was just the blood loss. Okay, that “just” did so not fit in there.
And there you saw your own lightheadedness from blood loss and your concussion. Great.
And where the duck were you anyway?
These stone tunnels were definitely human made (or whatever else humanoid species), so your current running theory was that you had fallen into something from the Sheikahs. In Ocarina of Time they had the Shadow Temple after all for their secret bloody past and you honestly were surprised if that was the only secret dungeon they had built. And honestly, tunnels all under Hyrule would be really practical to get secretly everywhere. They’d just have to blind their enemies by throwing one of their nuts, slip into the nearest hole leading into their passageways and “zoom” gone.
It would honestly make a lot of sense but would also throw open the question of how you had ended up in their hallways and if it was a normal entrance how they survived such falls. Maybe where you had ended up was a misfunctioned trap? It sure as heck was pretty deadly if you hadn’t had a freaky notebook on your side.
Well, can’t change that now. Now you only had to hope to get out of here as fast as possibly alive.
The rustling of something was the only warning you got to get the duck out of your head and back into reality when suddenly a man-sized spider fell from the ceiling, you barely stumbling out of the way of its surprise-attack.
Well, sh*t.
You were lucky you didn’t have a spider phobia like your mom and brother who’d have probably fainted upon seeing it.
The games had sadly not exaggerated with the size of those beasts. But luckily Skulltullas were usually pretty easy if you’ve got a weapon and they didn’t manage to sneak-attack upon you.
You managed to escape their first attack, so yeay, point for you!
You do not have a weapon though, so not so yeay anymore. The point gets retracted.
Carefully you place Legend on the ground away from the spider so he’s not in the way of the next stupid thing you plan to do.
You wait until the stupid monster turns its back to you before you deliver a swift kick to its vulnerable backside. The monster quickly whirls around and one of its spiky legs manages to scratch you on your attacking leg before you retreat. And gosh, it hurts and great your trouser now got holes and you’re bleeding again. This sucks.
Okay, seeing as kicking won’t do it, you’ll have to find another way to hurt the damn thing. Looking around while pressing the cloak against the wound firmly to stop the bleeding, you see a few loose stones lying around on the floor. Well, this is utterly suboptimal, but you’d take it.
As soon as your bleeding had stopped you pick them up.
And then painstakingly throw one of them each time the monster turns its back to you. It takes eight throws until the Skulltulla finally dies. And once the monster is finally gone - you can’t believe your eyes – of all things to appear it’s a little heart, just like in the videogames.
You blink in disbelief and rub your eyes, but the little heart is still there. Okay, that’s neat.
You turn to take it, but then you remember that there’s someone who needs it more than you do. Legend’s still out cold and slightly bleeding when you pick up and then carry him over to the heart where you put him on the ground above the heart. Fascinated you watch as it disappears upon being touched and see how the bleeding finally ceases.
And then the next miracle happens.
Legend’s eyes start to flutter, and he begins to probably curse under his breath before he finally opens his eyes. The hero looks like shit but he’s at least finally awake again.
And then he opens his eyes before promptly squeezing them shut again when he’s greeted with the bright light that comes from your tunic. A groan escapes him, and he holds his head that’s probably pounding. Poor guy, even though he probably deserves it after the sh*t he pulled.
“Good morning” you greet overly cheerly. “Slept well? I certainly hope so!”
He opens one eye again halfway to glare at you before promptly asking: “Where the duck are we?”
“Language” you chide dramatically, and he opens his second eye to use it to glare completely at you.
And then your brain screeches to a halt when you finally register his words.
You almost fall over in shock, before catching yourself: “Wait, woah, time out! Did you just talk English?”
“If that’s what your sh*tty language is called, yes” he snarks, before trying to get up, which - looking at his legs - is one of the worst ideas in the history of ever.
“Woah, woah, Mister, what are you doing?” you exclaim and firmly grab his shoulders to stop his attempts. He slaps your hands away annoyed: “Standing up, what else, horsehead?!”
“Not in your condition and not on my watch” you stated firmly and crossed your arms. “I didn’t drag your bloody carcass all the way here so you can mutilate yourself. And what did you just call me?”
“Horsehead” he replies calmly, as if talking over the weather. “Because I do not know the word for the grey and small horses in your language.”
You sputter with anger while he searches within his tunic for something. And then he pulls out the now empty bottle that had saved your lives before. Wide eyed he stares at it for a moment slack jawed at it before his gaze snaps to you and he starts cursing in probably colorful Hylian.
You take the tirade with the grace of a beton wall, utterly unmoved.
“You done?” you ask when he stops for breath. He glares at you.
“I do not know when or how you learned as much English as you did…” “I listened” “…and where you learned all these curse words…” “Have you listened to yourself when you think out loud?” “…but I do know that none of these probably very nasty words that you just threw at my head in Hylian are appropriate for me. Because if I hadn’t taken what was inside that bottle both of us would now be dead.”
That stops him big time. He pauses and his eyes flicker between you, still obviously bruised and battered and the empty bottle. You want to know what he’s thinking, but you can’t and so you simply wait. Then he sighs and puts it away.
A beat passes.
“Okay, I take it that this probably saved my life and yours” he finally states. “But how am I supposed to get out of here if I still can’t walk?”
“Easy” you state, a grin slowly settling on your face. “Your legs might still be a broken mess but mine aren’t. I’m gonna carry you just like I did before.”
“No way in ducking hell” he exclaims, the thought alone bruising his pride and painting his ears a nice shade of pink, coincidently the same color as his hair streak.
“No discussion” you simply say, getting down and turning your back to him. “Hop on, bunny, or do you wanna stay here for the rest of forever?”
He sputters at your statement but finally complies, wincing at every movement his legs accidently make. Once postured you get back to your full height and continue your track.
Quiet, only your steps and the heavy breathing of the both of you, seeing as you both were still in pain. The invincible dark in front of you continues, the manmade tunnels sheer endless.
“Where is here anyway?” he questions. “I dunno” you answer. He snorts annoyed.
“Why do you have a magic notebook?” he continues his inquiries. “I dunno” you reply. And it’s the truth. His eyeroll is so exaggerated that its almost audible.
“How do you know all these things?” he interrogates. But before you can answer, he adds in a sniding tone: “Let me guess: You dunno?” “Nope” you retort with as much sass as you can muster while popping the p. “It’s a secret.”
His overdramatic groan causes a grin to slip on your face.
Maybe things were not as hopeless as they seemed right now. As long as you had your light shining bright, you would continue to brave the dark.