C H A P T E R T W E N T Y T W O:
They're laying in bed that night, Harry curled up with a textbook to his holiday break reading and Louis texting away on his phone, when Harry finally snaps. He's kept it in all day, was polite to his mum, but the stress has been there all day.
He's not really paying attention to his textbook, so he lets it drop against his chest, sighing and turning to look at Louis. He turns his head and lifts one eyebrow at Harry, expression soft.
“What's up?” he asks as he reads a text.
Harry sighs again. “Can you, like, stop texting? I kind of want to talk.”
“Sure, baby,” Louis replies, switching off his phone and sets it down on the night table. “About your mum and sister, I'm guessing?”
Harry nods, his hair dragging against the pillow. “Yeah.”
Louis gathers his textbook and sets it on the table beside his phone, then rolls over so his head is propped on his hands, facing Harry, who's in the same position. He entertwines their fingers and kisses his nose, waiting patiently.
“When you're ready,” he says.
Harry closes his eyes and leans closer, feeling the heat radiate off of Louis' skin. It's comforting, and when he opens his eyes, he knows he can do it.
“I don't like how mum tried to make excuses,” Harry begins in a small voice. “All I wanted was for her to apologize in the very beginning, not have me push her to. I feel like I have to screen her to see if she really means that she's sorry and that she loves me, but I don't want that. I don't know, I'm not really making sense.”
“No, baby, you're okay,” Louis assures. “Your mum—She wouldn't have come down here if she didn't love you. I know she's made a lot of mistakes, that's apparent, but it's also obvious that she understands where she went wrong. She might not want to admit that it happened, but she knows. I can tell. She's apologetic, I can see it.”
Harry sniffs. “It hurts to see her. I want to have a relationship with her but I don't know how to. How did you maintain a good relationship with your mum?”
Louis frowns. “Babe, come on.”
“Please,” Harry responds. “I can't do this on my own, Lou. I really need you right now, more than ever. Please.”
Louis pushes him on his back and slips an arm around his waist, resting their foreheads together.
“As I grew up, my mum and I fought a lot, I won't lie,” Louis starts by saying. “I told her she'd lose me if she didn't respect the fact that I was eighteen, an adult. She aruged, saying that as long as I was living in her house that she could have total control. I said that she needed to back off, that I wasn't seven anymore and that if I was of age for sex and drinking and that she needed to loosen the reigns.”
“So... what, I need to tell my mum she can't be overbearing?” Harry's being a smartass on purpose and Louis wants to kiss the words out of his mouth, so he does.
When he pulls away, he says, “No. I'm telling you that the relationship with my mum was about boundaries. I had to listen to her and respect her all of my life, and I expected her to treat me as an adult when I became one. She didn't always agree with my point of view and I didn't always agree with hers, but I expected us to respect each other. It was give and take and communication was really important for me to be close with her.”
Harry nods his head, a ringlet brushing accross Louis' cheek. “So I should listen to my mum and she should listen to me?” he inquires.
“Yeah,” Louis confirms, dragging his fingers in a pattern over Harry's stomach. “Why don't we get some sleep? Rest will do us well, I think.”
“Mmm,” Harry hums his agreement, rolling over on his side. He reaches up for the lamp, turning off the light and turns around, making grabby hands. “Come cuddle me.”
Louis smiles, settling in behind him and wrapping himself around him. He holds him around his waist and kisses the back of Harry's neck, nuzzling in and closing his eyes, spooning him.
“Mmm, before I forget, the guys are going to bring the presents they have for us over on Friday,” Louis tells him. “I was texting them in our group chat earlier. Zinns and I are going to go shopping for their gifts tomorrow before she goes to her parents' house.”
“Alright,” Harry replies. “Can I go?”
“Thought you'd want to spend time with your mum and sister,” Louis says.
Harry sighs, lacing their fingers together. “Can we see how it goes tomorrow morning?”
“Listen, baby, I kind of just wanted to hang out with Zinnia one on one,” Louis responds. “Let's make a deal: you spend one full day with your mum and sister and I'll take you out on a proper dinner date tomorrow night. Sound okay?”
“Yeah, sounds okay,” Harry answers. “Can we sleep now? I'm tired and I'd like to be able to face my mum tomorrow without being exhausted.”
“Okay. I love you,” Louis murmurs.
“I love you, too,” Harry says back.
Harry stays awake for a long time, thinking, and when he wakes up in the morning, he doesn't feel as rested as he'd like to be.
Louis is cuddled up to him anymore. Instead, he's face down, cheek smushed against a pillow. A smile quirks the edges of Harry's lips up and he kisses his cheek before getting up off the bed. He pulls on a T-shirt of Louis' and a pair of sweatpants before heading to the kitchen, where he can hear his mother.
As he passes the living room, he stares at Gemma's sleeping face, her conked out on the air mattress. She's on her back, one arm sprawled out over her face and the other over her stomach. There's a smudge of drool on the corner of her mouth and her dyed blonde hair is ratted up. Harry smiles at her, feeling his heart flutter. He's missed his sister so much.
Harry takes a deep breath before he enters the kitchen. His mum looks up when she hears the padding of his feet, stiring her tea slowly.
“Goodmorning,” she says, sounding as unsure as Harry feels.
“Morning,” Harry replies. “Is there still water in the kettle?”
Anne nods. “Yeah, you want a tea? Coffee?”
“I'll take a vanilla chai tea, please,” Harry tells her.
“Sure,” Anne answers, reaching into the cabinet for a tea bag from the cardboard container.
Harry settles into a chair at the kitchen table, offering his mum a smile when she brings his tea over.
“Thanks, mum,” he says.
She nods and sits down across from him, linking her fingers together around her mug.
“Let's catch up,” Anne suggests.
Harry grins around a sip of tea, lips pressed against his mug. He has to give her a chance, that much he knows.
“Where do you want to start?” he asks.
“Let's backtrack,” she continues on. “Tell me about uni.”
“Um, well, I have four classes in a day, afternoon classes, each an hour long,” Harry tells her. “A freshman doesn't have that much to tell, mum, not when they're not very social.”
“Do you have any friends?” Anne inquires, biting her lip at what she assumes to be a sensitive subject.
Harry shrugs. “One close friend, a few aquaintances. Louis' childhood friend, Zinnia, she's my close friend. Known her for a year, just like Lou. There's Anastasia, Zinnia's roommate, and Zayn, Liam, and Niall, Louis' other childhood friends.”
“Why don't you have any of your own friends, baby?” Anne questions.
“I'm happy with who I associate with,” Harry says. “I don't really click with anyone in the university, and besides, I can trust all of them. Zinnia with my life, the guys with secrets, and Anastasia and I are getting closer. I've known her a good two months now, she's really sweet.”
Anne smiles. “That's nice. You know, I'm really curious about Louis. Will you tell me about him?”
Harry eyes her, and he finds himself nodding easily. The look in her eyes—he trusts it.
“Um,” Harry looks down at the liqiuid in his mug, pink heat creeping up his neck to his cheeks. “Tell you what, exactly?”
“Whatever you think I have the right to know,” she replies honestly, and Harry makes up his mind right then and there.
“Mum?” he begins. “I forgive you. I'm sorry for being difficult yesterday, I was just scared. I love you. I take it back, I want to be your little boy again, your baby boy, mum. I missed mummy hugs, and I missed you.”
Tears well up in Anne's eyes, and she reaches out, squeezing his hands.
“I really want that, baby. I want that, too. We're going to have a proper relationship and I promise that I'm going to love you properly, give you what I didn't when you were a kid,” Anne says. They're both crying. “I love you, baby, I'm so sorry.”
“Okay. I believe you,” Harry whispers out, voice hoarse with his tears. “I believe you, mum.”
She wipes her eyes, chuckling. “God, we're a mess. Tell me about Louis now, I still would like to know.”
Harry picks at the hem of his shirt, thinking. He has to be honest if he wants a proper relationship with his mum, but suddenly, he doesn't feel any hesitance. He smiles to himself and meets her gaze, finally accepting her role as his mother.
“He's so good to me,” he starts, a lips pulled taught across his teeth. “He, um. He and Zinnia are the ones who found you and Gems. I was really scared, mum, because I didn't want to face you in case you were still the same as before juvie and all, but he was so sweet about it. Held me, was reassuring. All the good stuff. I'm glad I listened to him.”
Anne hasn't stopped smiling since he opened his mouth. “You've found yourself a keeper, then, baby?”
“You have no idea,” Harry responds. “He's just—He's the one, mum, plain and simple. I've known the whole time that there isn't going to be anyone else. And it's really nice to be able to have this conversation with you because I've needed a mother's advice this whole time and I can't exactly ask Louis' mum what I should do about her son.”
Anne squeezes his hands again. “I think you've made the right decisions, baby. You look so happy, so much happier than you were when Dustin was around. I don't have much so go on and I'm sorry about that, but you're happy, I know you are.”
Harry shrugs. “Most of the time. I have really bad days sometimes. Okay, a lot, but he's always there for me when it happens. He's so sweet to me, mum. He just knows everything I need before I even know and it's so... I don't know, like. Caring, I guess. I can't describe it, I don't know how. He makes me feel whole.”
“Oh, baby, that's perfect,” Anne remarks, her eyes soft.
Harry looks at her, an adoring expression on his face. He never thought he'd have this with his mum, being able to tell her things about relationships and friends and his life. He always assumed she'd be too much of a drunk for life, and he never thought he'd have killed someone. In an odd way, he wouldn't change any of it. It's better late than never.
“Yeah, perfect,” he echos. “After foster care I couldn't picture myself having any type of relationship, sexual or not. He never rushed anything. Like, it took us four months to even talk about sex. He's really patient, and he's so gentle with me about everything, especially about touchy subjects. You know what I'm talking about.” He pauses to chuckle, and his mum snorts, nodding. “He never rushes me, and he never forces me to do anything. He knows everything about me. Like, he knows where to touch me when I'm having a bad day to calm me down and he's living my recovery with me. I guess I've never really thought about how much I love him before, but I'm glad I am. Thanks, mum, I love you.”
She reciprocates it and they fall silent. Maybe he does respect her as a mum after all. She's trying, so much harder than he thought she would, and she's sober. Never once did Harry think of that as a possibility. One day he'll ask why. For now, he's happy with what he has with her in this moment.
He's taken his first giant step into recovery, and this time, he's going to embrace it and face it head on. No more hiding, he's decided. He's got his mum and his sister back, and he feels empowered. Support is always nice. He can do it, and he has his mum's sobriety to prove it.
And if Louis is standing at the entrance to the kitchen, happy tears in his eyes and a grin on his face, heart swollen with pride and love, Harry doesn't have to know.
A/N: Hi, loves! Hope you enjoyed this updated. My Nannie is coming to stay with us tomorrow and is staying a week. Not sure when the next update is going to be. Three more chapters and an epilogue, I think. Not set in stone, but. Have a great holiday, guys xxx.