Battle of One
A Misery Loves Company Spin-off
By: theinkslingerr
Dom hadn't been my first kiss.
No, that box had been ticked two years earlier by the Choi twins.
Not at the same time though. What a shame.
The milestone turned into an experience that took place over the course of two summers at my aunt Shin-hye's picnics. She'd been having them every summer at a big park for as long as I could remember. She invited family and close friends, and it was fun until I got older and realized they were just a way for her to keep tabs on everybody. Not to mention brag about my nerdy cousins.
It was annoying and manipulative, so I asked my dad why we went every year. He'd just smiled and stroked my hair. "It's important to your eomma."
My Korean may have been rusty, but my eyes worked just fine. My mom cared about appearances and our position in the family. As the middle child, I took great pride in stressing her out, but only I was allowed to. Not aunt Shin-hye who liked to imply she did something wrong, because Jeni, Jae, and I had no interest in becoming doctors or lawyers. We were all artistically inclined, so it made us the black sheep of the family; subject to gossip and ridicule.
My dad supported our dreams, but my mom didn't. The frustrating thing was I didn't know if she truly believed we'd make good doctors or lawyers, or if she just wanted bragging rights like her older sister. Either way, I hated the picnics, because my parents usually argued after them.
One summer, I really didn't want to go, but as usual my dad made me. It was hot, and my aunt was running her mouth as usual when I saw a new face. A cute face.
"Who's that?" I asked Jeni.
She looked over at the boy talking to one of our cousins. He was lanky with broad shoulders, a long torso, and defined calves. A total swimmer's bod. Every time he smiled, white teeth flashed against tan skin, and he didn't have what my mom called ssangkkeopul (double eyelids).
He was breath-taking. I just had to know his name.
In the middle of my sister saying she had no clue, I stood up.
"Ji-hyun!" She knew me so well. "No."
But it was too late. I was already strolling over to my cousin and the boy. It was time for some introductions. In a matter of minutes, I found out his name was Kevin Choi. He was sixteen, and wanted to be the next Michael Phelps. He was friendly, funny, and a black sheep just like me. After a while, we broke away from everyone else to take a walk by the lake.
We talked until sunset and I managed to goad him into stripping down to his boxers to take a dip in the the lake. We raced and splashed each other with the cooling water. When the pinks and yellows and reds of the setting sun reflected off the surface like a Monet painting, I leaned in and kissed Kevin. It was just a soft press of the lips, but he jerked back, blushing. I smiled and tucked wet strands of hair behind my ear coquettishly, and he decided to move closer and return the kiss.
We kissed in that lake until our fingers and toes pruned.
Kevin lived six hours away in Virginia, so I thought it'd be romantic to exchange addresses instead of social media and write letters to each other.
I'd be the heroine of To All the Boys I've Kissed Before.
When I got back in the car with my parents at the end of the night, my mom was suspicious. "Where were you all day? And why are you wet?"
"Fell into the lake."
She glanced at my dad, who shrugged and started driving. Jeni gave me an exasperated but fond look, and Jae, still pre-psychologist lay his head on my shoulder.
"Did you have fun?" I asked, ruffling his hair. He stiffened. My aunts must've had a field day doing the same plus pinching his cheeks and hugging the life out of him. He was so freaking cute.
Jae thought about it for a minute then answered, "Yeah. I had fun."
I wrote letters to Kevin for a year. We were consistent the first few months, but got lazy until summer came around again. I was looking forward to reintroducing our lips, and showing him what I'd learned with other boys throughout the school year. We decided to meet by the lake just like last time.
When my family arrived at the sprawling park, my parents were shocked to see me hop out of the van and run off. They knew I'd been writing one of my cousin's friends, but that was it.
Kevin was waiting by the lake, tall and beautiful as ever, but his tan was gone and his shoulders looked narrower. I briefly wondered if he'd given up his dream to become the Korean Michael Phelps before launching myself at him. His eyes widened, but he still caught me around the waist. I strained up and smashed my lips into his, eager to relive the excitement of last summer.
He froze, then slowly worked his way into it.
After a few minutes, I realized he must've spent the year practicing too.
This time we made out under the shade of a nearby oak tree. A cool breeze drifted from the lake and rustled its leaves, allowing the sun to peak through every once in a while.
It was picture perfect...
Until Kevin's clone interrupted us.
The angry clone actually turned out to be Kevin, who quickly informed me I'd been kissing his twin Do-hyun the whole time.
They hated each other, so after Do-hyun intercepted a few of my letters, he'd decided to beat his brother to the picnic to see what all the fuss was about. I wasn't sure if he'd planned to kiss me, but once I started he couldn't stop.
It was extremely shady, and for a second I was pissed.
But if I was being honest, Do-hyun was the better kisser.
As I stood under the tree watching them argue, it was hard not to giggle. This was like one of my mom's Korean dramas!
Things got crazier when they started throwing hands that drew the attention of the adults. A mix of uncles and family friends broke them up while my aunts stared at me, whispering. I smiled and shrugged innocently.
On the way back home, my mom interrogated me about being in the middle of it, and I replied the middle was my rightful place in life. My dad had to pull over on the side of the road to stop her from lunging into the back seat. They both continued to lecture me about staying safe and behaving myself. Even Jeni was frowning slightly.
But Jae (post-child psychologist) smirked. "Why couldn't you get them to start fighting sooner, so I wouldn't have had to stab aunt Rachel with my fork?"
My parents gasped, and for once I was glad the attention wasn't on me.
When we got home, I ran down to my room, shut the door and collapsed against it in a fit of giggles.
How many people could say their first kiss had a sequel involving the guy's evil twin, stolen letters, and a fist fight?
No one. And I was pretty confident about that.
The morning after Dom's kiss, I realized he'd listened and cleaned up the ice cream on the deck, then left without anyone knowing. Jae was confused, and when a few of his texts went unanswered, suspicious.
"Did you hear Dom leave?"
I avoided his eyes as I poured almond milk over my cereal. "Nah. I was probably asleep."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jae peek into the trash can on his way out of the kitchen. Then back at me.
Paper towels. Dom had probably used a bunch of paper towels to clean up. If Jae caught any remnants of ice cream on the deck, it wouldn't necessarily tell him much, but he'd have more questions.
I sighed, prepared for at least one or two, but he left without another word.
Weeks later, and Dom's messy ice cream kiss was still on my mind— which didn't make any sense, because it should've been forgettable!
I'd kissed tons of guys since the Choi twins (including Do-hyun again at a party), but I couldn't picture those kisses the way I could picture Dom's.
Sometimes I still felt the cool night air, heard the crickets singing, and tasted the red bean ice cream on my lips.
It was making me lose sleep. Especially since I didn't see or hear from him for a month. If I thought he'd been scarce before, he was flat out avoiding me now. He'd stopped texting too.
I knew I'd been a little harsh, but what did Dom think was going to happen? I loved him, but not that way. He was practically my little brother, and the momentary attraction was because he'd grown up during the months I hadn't seen him.
Avoiding me wasn't going to solve anything. We had to talk now that we were level-headed and he knew where he stood. Besides, my parents missed him and Jeni kept trying to rope me into their stupid inside jokes all the way from New York.
Jae kept hanging out with him at Eli's and Rocco's, but my brother had to know something was up.
The day I planned to text Dom to smooth things over, he was already at my house.
I'd just gotten back from a particularly draining makeup trial, and there he was in my living room with Jae, Rocco, and Eli. I stopped in the foyer, surrounded by a ton of shoes and listened to them talk about the band for a few seconds.
I wasn't sure why, but I took a steadying breath and walked up the carpeted steps leading into the living room. All the boys said hi— even Dom. But when he said it, he was looking down at his phone.
I went into the kitchen instead of going downstairs to my room. A low half wall was the only thing that separated it from the living room, so I could still see them horsing around. Dom's phone was on the table and he was talking animatedly about record labels.
My grip on the fridge's handle tightened. He was laughing and joking around like he hadn't kissed me and told me he was in love with me. Like he hadn't swept a whole carton of ice cream on the ground and looked crushed when I told him I couldn't return his feelings. Like he hadn't ignored me for a month while I dealt with my parent's questions and Jae's suspicious looks.
I gritted my teeth, turning my attention to the contents of our refrigerator. Forget smoothing things over. If he wanted to act like it never happened, I was ready to erase my memory.
My stomach grumbled and my lower back throbbed from being bent over someone's face for hours. God, that makeup trial had been exhausting. It was funny how some clients tried to tell me how to do my job despite knowing nothing about makeup. Good thing I charged half of my normal price for trials. You never knew if someone was just wasting your time or trying to scam a full beat like they did to Sephora employees.
"Call and order the pizza already, Dom." Jae sounded exasperated. "I'm hungry."
Hmmm...pizza? There was nothing good in the fridge. Maybe I could get in on this.
Dom called the pizza place and started ordering, so I closed the fridge. Before I could open my mouth, he added, "Could we get one of those pizzas with artichokes and sun dried tomatoes?"
My favorite.
"Yeah. Forty-five minutes? Sounds good. Bye." He hung up and launched right back into conversation.
But Jae didn't. He turned to look at me.
I stood still by the fridge, staring at Dom's profile. Instead of anticipating the tart sweetness of artichokes and sun dried tomatoes, I tasted the red bean ice cream on my lips.
***
Two months into the new school year, I started dating Johnny Suh. He was my first serious boyfriend and my mom was delighted he was a nice Korean boy who got good grades and planned to go to med school. I'd let her think she'd won. Because while Johnny was all those things, his tongue was pierced and he was a bit of an exhibitionist.
He kept me blissfully distracted from all the crap with Dom and studying for the SATs until my dad was diagnosed with cancer.
That was when I realized people were stupid for thinking things were "meant to be". Everything was subject to timing, and took effort.
And trying to deny that only made you more miserable.
* * *
"See ya, baby," Johnny murmured.
"Bye." I pecked him on the lips, thought about doing a little more so I could feel his tongue ring, but decided against it. I didn't have the energy.
Which sucked, because Johnny was hot. What he lacked in the height department, he made up for with Park Seo-joon-looks and full lips designed for kissing. Despite being a closet wild child, he was nice and tried to be empathetic.
At the moment, his car was parked outside my house and we were sitting in it.
"You sure your dad doesn't need anything?"
"He needs the cure to cancer, but I doubt you could get him that," I replied dryly.
Johnny frowned and I instantly regretted my words.
To be fair, he'd signed up to date fun, adventurous Ji-hyun. Not this cranky stick-in-the-mud whose only concern was her sick dad.
"I'm sorry," I said, jamming both palms into my eyes. "My dad had a bad night, because of the chemo. He was throwing up for hours, so I woke up to take care of him."
Johnny tucked strands of hair behind my ear. He didn't always know what to say or do to comfort me, but he tried.
"Go in and get some rest. I was thinking we could go to the Spicy Belly this Saturday, then this place in the city where you can pay to break stuff. I figure it'd be good for...I dunno...stress relief?"
I dropped my hands and turned to him. Going to my favorite restaurant and spending the day smashing stuff actually sounded great, but we couldn't do that. At least not this Saturday.
"This Saturday's Jae's first gig under his new label. I told you about it. Thought you were coming."
Johnny's sigh of exasperation put me on guard. He slumped in the driver's seat and ran a hand through hair that was shaved on the sides and long on top.
"You forgot," I deadpanned.
"No." He sighed again. "Okay, I did. But now that he's signed, there'll be plenty of other shows. Can't we just catch the next one? I can't remember the last time we spent any real time together."
"I'm sorry it's so inconvenient dating me."
"You know that's not what I meant. I get that you need to be there for your dad. I've never said anything about that, but...I miss you. All the fooling around in weird places is great, but I actually want to hang out with you. Sometimes I just feel like—" Johnny cut himself off, shaking his head.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"No, finish your sentence."
"Sometimes I feel like you use me to forget about your problems."
His admission sucker punched me in the stomach. Was I that obvious? "That's not true."
"Then let's spend the day together for once. Not just drive around to see how many people we can make uncomfortable."
"You don't get it, because you're an only child. This is Jae's first big gig, and I have to be there for him. There'll never be another first!"
Tired of arguing, I snatched my book bag off the floor. "But I understand if my family's too needy for you. You don't need to come to the show. Have fun eating the jerk chicken mandus and smashing dishes by yourself."
I climbed out of the car.
"Ji! Wait—"
I slammed the door before he could finish and went into my house.
Inside, I stopped in front of my parent's room. My mom was currently working at a call center for an evil collections agency, but my dad would be home. He was always home now. His job filing paper work for businesses was paying him part of his salary under sick leave, but it wasn't enough. Before he got sick, we were okay financially, but now we were barely scraping by because of lost wages and hospital bills.
I gripped the doorknob, but didn't twist right away. My dad being diagnosed with cancer still didn't feel real. I'd been in the middle of doing someone's makeup for their homecoming, and had to leave with half her face done. She was really nice about it, but I still felt bad. She'd look ridiculous at her dance.
I'd tried to make sense of the horrible news the entire way home, while pushing back anger at my mom for telling me this kind of thing over the phone. Sometimes she could be so insensitive. My dad had cancer? How did my dad have cancer? He didn't smoke and he wasn't around anyone who did. He was the sweetest guy on the planet, but he had cancer? Him, and not our neighbor who lived down the street who'd left his wife and four kids for a 19-year-old?
This couldn't be happening.
But when I got home and saw my mom, Jeni, and Jae surrounding my dad in the kitchen, I knew it was.
And even then, he'd smiled that kind, patient smile of his, so I did what anyone else would do and burst into tears.
I shook my head. I hated thinking about that day. I cracked open the door and peeked into the bedroom. If my dad was sleeping, I didn't want to wake him. When I saw that he was propped up in bed, glaring at his phone with his tongue sticking out, I opened it wider.
He glanced up at me and smiled.
"Come in, gongju." He only called me "princess" when he was feeling especially nostalgic. I hoped he was having a good day since he'd had such a bad night.
I walked in and shut the door. My first instinct was to ask how he was feeling, but he didn't like constantly being asked that. Not because he was the type of man who cared about looking "weak" to his family, but he hated worrying us. Plus the truth was, he never felt good.
"What're you glaring at on your phone?" I asked instead.
"Candy Crush."
I groaned. "Old people and this game!"
He scooted over to make some room on the bed, so I could get in it with him. I pulled the covers over my legs and lay my head on his shoulder. I loved my mom, but I was definitely a daddy's girl. He just seemed to get me, and he didn't judge me or pressure me.
I loved him so much. I didn't know what I'd do if or when he...
I squeezed the soft forest green comforter, blinking back tears. I needed to stop breaking down like this. Jeni and Jae seemed to be handling it much better.
"Johnny says hi," I chirped after clearing my throat.
"It was nice of him to drop you home. We need to take your car to a mechanic to see why it's making that noise."
He'd lost so much weight, and was bald from the chemo.
"Is he going with you to Jae's show this weekend?"
"Nah, he can't make it."
My dad frowned and put his phone down. "Is everything okay?"
How did he do that? How could he always tell when something was wrong?
"Everything's fine," I lied. "He'll catch the next show."
My dad didn't look like he believed me, but he didn't push. We were all proud and excited about Blue Vendetta's first show under their label Chip On Your Shoulder Records. Especially my dad since he'd supported Jae's interest in music since day one. It sucked that he'd have to watch the show over FaceTime since standing in a crowded room surrounded by screaming teenagers wouldn't be the best environment for him.
"Maybe...I should stay home with you," I said slowly. "We could mirror my phone on the TV...I could make us a nice dinner. It'd be fun."
He stared at me for a long minute, "No one has spent as much time with me as you, gongju. Driving me to doctor's appointments, grocery shopping and cooking when your mom's tired. Cleaning every weekend..."
"I don't mind doing any of that."
"But I mind," he said. "With your brother focused on his music and your sister away at college, you've taken on a lot. I want you to go on dates with your boyfriend and go to concerts instead of being my caretaker."
I knew he was trying to make me feel better; alleviate some of the guilt I felt any time I had fun while he was sick at home. But him being this selfless just made things harder.
"I want to spend every second I can with you," I croaked. A tear slid down my cheek.
"And I want you to live your life," my dad said, wiping the tear away. "So go to the show and support your brother for me."
The week leading up to Blue Vendetta's show was a blur. My mom worked and quietly fell apart, Johnny blew up my phone and I ignored him, and Jae lashed out more and more.
The night before the show, I realized my brother hadn't been handling everything as well as I thought.
A friend had dropped me home after I'd done her makeup for a date, and I went into the kitchen to find Jae sitting at the island staring into space. My mom had texted me about taking my dad to his favorite restaurant since he couldn't come with us to Jae's show. I thought it was cute they were having a little date night even though he wouldn't be able to eat a lot of stuff on the menu.
I parked my gigantic makeup kit by the island and patted it. I was glad I invested in one that was like a carry-on suitcase instead of one I had to lift.
I was about to grab some juice from the fridge when I realized Jae hadn't said hi...or moved.
"Hello to you too." His head was bowed, so I went around the island to see his face. Tears were sliding down his cheeks and plopping onto the leather bound journal he wrote lyrics in. They smudged the ink of words I could hear in a song or disappear once he filled up the pages.
I didn't have to ask him why he was crying. I'd been crying in the middle of random tasks since I'd found out our dad was sick.
I tried to hug him, but he practically shoved me away.
I sighed. This was who Jae was now. He wasn't going to let me comfort him, so I just pulled out a chair and sat next to him.
"I know it's hard, but just concentrate on your show. We'll be FaceTiming dad so he can see you," I explained gently.
He shook his head. "I'm going to quit the band."
"What?" Had I heard him right? "You've been working toward this for years."
But the timing...
Our dad had been diagnosed with cancer right when Jae's dreams were starting to come true. If I thought it was hard going to Jae's concert while our dad was sick in bed, I couldn't imagine how Jae felt. So many good things were happening to him, but they must've been hard to enjoy.
"I wanna see dad more," he said quietly. "If something happens and I'm on the road or at a stupid show, I'd never forgive myself."
"I understand. Trust me. But you signed a contract."
Jae looked at me sharply, then deflated. He couldn't just quit the band, and we both knew it.
"Then again, if I start making money, I could help with dad's medical bills."
"Don't put that on yourself. You're the baby." I nudged him with my shoulder. "You know what dad said to me after I offered to stay home with him tomorrow?"
"What?"
"He said he wanted me to live my life."
Jae wiped his face roughly on the sleeve of his shirt. "It just doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right to be getting everything I've ever wanted when he's like this."
"I know," I said around the lump in my throat.
"It almost feels like...I have to pick one thing."
I stood up. "It's not fair, is it? It's the worst possible timing, but...don't make any big decisions just yet. Talk to dad. Tell him how you feel."
Jae nodded, but when I walked past him he tugged my shirt the way he used to when he was little and wanted my attention. After a moment of silence, he rested his forehead against my arm.
I let him do that for a few seconds before wrapping my arms around him. His shoulders were broader now too.
But he didn't fight me this time.
***
Jeni came down from New York the morning of the concert. She came down often to help with our dad, but I still missed her.
For the first time in a while, all three Moon siblings were under the same roof, and instead of Jae going to bed, him and Jeni stayed in my room talking.
"Are you and the guys nervous?" I teased, looking through my closet for a good outfit.
"No, Ji. We're not nervous we're gonna screw up our first big show and make the label wonder why they signed us," Jae replied dryly.
I rolled my eyes. By now I knew I wasn't getting my sweet baby brother back. Especially with all the stress he was experiencing. But if acting this way made him feel better or if it was his true self like Jeni seemed to think, then it didn't matter. I'd love him no matter what. I just missed him not talking back.
"Ackerman, the dude managing us, is annoying but he thinks of everything. He said some of our family members could come backstage if you flashed security your IDs."
"Nice!" I grabbed a ripped jean skirt out of my closet and an off-the-shoulder top. I wanted to ask him how Dom was dealing with the pressure, but I had to be careful.
Jeni and Jae were sharp, and already sensed something was off between us.
We'd never talked about the kiss and our relationship had never recovered.
"I'm so proud of you," Jeni suddenly told Jae. She ruffled his hair, smiling fondly.
He smacked her hand away, but mumbled thanks, color tinting his cheeks. He'd come a long way. My skittish, anti-social baby brother had friends, a band, actual fans, and a record deal.
I threw my clothes at him, laughing as they whacked him in the face. He snarled and tossed them in-between him and Jeni on my bed. He glared at me, ready to rage, but stopped.
I was beaming at him. Maybe my eyes were even a little wet.
"I'm really proud of you too," I said.
***
The Public Garden was a small venue, but bigger than the Iron Barrel (the last place the boys played independently before getting signed). It was in the hipster part of Philly, and we went in Jeni's car, because mine was still making weird noises.
Jae had already been there rehearsing for hours, and my mom was coming with Rocco's grandma and Eli's parents later.
As previously instructed, we passed the long line of people waiting and parked in the employee lot around back. I still couldn't believe this was happening. I felt so VIP.
"We've got balcony seating so mom and everyone else can drink, avoid the crowd, and wish it was a Bruce Springsteen concert, right?" I asked.
Jeni killed the engine. "Yeah. Except mom doesn't listen to Bruce Springsteen."
"You know what I mean." I pulled down the sun visor to check my makeup. I'd asked Jeni to do it, because her work had always been cleaner. She'd done this new technique called a cut crease and placed rhinestones on the inner corners of my eyes. It looked amazing. She was really picking up stuff in New York.
I turned to see her checking her hair and makeup too. She had a dark red pixie cut my mom was giving her grief over, even though it looked great. Short haircuts made me look like an egg since I'd inherited our mom's round face.
"Ready?" I asked her.
"Ready."
At the last second, I'd thought about re-inviting Johnny, but decided against it. I was still mad at him for trying to convince me to skip the show. He'd kept texting and DMing until I told him I needed some space and would talk to him tomorrow. I didn't want any drama.
Tonight was all about Jae and the boys, and their hard work finally paying off.
Inside the Garden, people were bustling around checking last minute details and talking logistics. It was what I imagined the inside of an anthill would look like. I'd been to tons of concerts before, but never backstage.
After flashing our IDs to some guy named Rich, he lead me and Jeni to a small dressing room.
The chaotic energy hit me as soon as I walked in. The boys' manager Ackerman was barking into his phone. Rocco's girlfriend, Sage was trying to style his unruly mane and failing miserably, Jae was doing weird vocal exercises like Sharpay from High School Musical, and Eli was standing in a corner, back to the rest of the room with his headphones in.
What was this? 8 Mile? Was one of them going to throw up "mom's spaghetti"?
Dom was sitting on a ratty couch, checking his phone every five seconds. Blue paint streaked his cheeks like he was going to war, and he was rocking eyeliner.
He'd grown even more since the night he kissed me. His acne was pretty much gone, his face was leaner, and he'd clearly been working out. Judging by the comments section of their YouTube videos, girls went crazy for him and I'd overheard Rocco saying sometimes Dom met up with them. The information split me down the middle like an axe. I was glad he wasn't fixated on me anymore, but I hoped he wasn't getting himself into trouble.
Dom glanced at me when I stopped in the middle of the dressing room. His gaze lingered, then went back to his phone. Was he expecting a text from a girl? Had he started dating an O.G. fan like Rocco?
Speaking of, Jeni went to help Sage with his hair. He had two blue streaks across his cheeks just like Dom, and so did Jae and Eli. Eventually, my brother stopped his weird vocal exercises to go over the set list and other details.
At some point I got a text from my mom saying she and Eli's parents and Rocco's grandma were making their way up to the balcony. The show would be starting soon. I was about to put my phone away when I realized something.
It was only her, Eli's parents, and Rocco's grandma? I hadn't expected Rocco's grandpa to come, because Rocco's dad had overdosed while he was in a band. But I expected one more person...maybe two.
Were they really not coming to support Dom? Was that why he kept checking his phone?
I hesitated before sitting next to him on the couch. "Hey...your mom and brother are coming right?"
"I don't think so." Dom said it like it was no big deal. "I'm just the drummer, remember?"
I bit my lip. I would've believed he didn't care if I didn't know him so well.
"But this is a big deal. You're signed to a label and this is your first show. They should be here," I insisted.
This was the most we'd talked since the kiss.
"I knew they wouldn't..." He stopped talking to take a deep breath. It sounded like he was winded even though we were sitting down. "...come. I'm not surprised."
"Are you okay?"
He glared at me. "Yeah, I'm..." He swallowed. "Fine."
"Alright guys." Rich walked into the dressing room and clapped his hands once. "Show time!"
Jae and Eli lined up by the door, still talking details like the perfectionists they were. Sage kissed Rocco sweetly on the cheek and told him not to smash his guitar no matter how temped he was, and Dom stuck his phone in his pocket before joining everyone by the door.
"You guys got this," Jeni said firmly.
"Yeah, yeah, Jeni," Jae mumbled.
"She's right. We've been practicing forever. We can play these songs in our sleep, so let's just get out there and pretend we're in Eli's basement," Rocco added.
Jae may have been the lead singer, but it was easy to see Rocco was the ringleader.
"Let's go. Make the label proud, boys." Ackerman herded everyone out like an Australian Shepherd dog. Halfway down the hallway, Dom turned around.
"One sec. Forgot something."
He got a mix of weird/annoyed looks, but everyone kept walking toward the stage.
"I'll be right back," he assured, jogging away.
After thirty seconds, I went back to the dressing room too. Something didn't feel right.
I peeked in just in time to see Dom reach into a book bag and pull out a small, silver object. He twisted it, then tilted his head back.
"Is that a flask?!"
He jumped at the sound of my voice, clear liquid drizzling down the side of his face. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
I flew in and grabbed it from him. I sniffed. Definitely alcohol.
"What're you doing?" I wasn't so naive as to think him and Jae had never tried anything, but tonight? Here?
He looked over my head to see if anyone else was coming before trying to grab the flask back. I hid it behind me, so we danced for a few seconds.
"Stop," I demanded. "Why do you have this?"
Dom clenched his jaw and ran a shaking hand through long blond hair. He didn't answer, but I understood anyway.
"You're nervous."
Finally, he admitted, "My throat feels tight. It feels like I can't take a deep enough breath."
That sounded like anxiety. I'd experienced it a lot since my dad got sick. Some of my indignation melted away.
"Where'd you get this?"
"Mom's stash."
"You guys are under 21...under 18, even. The venue could get in big trouble if you're drinking, and if the word spread, no one would book you. Plus it'd give Chip On Your Shoulder a bad name," I explained gently.
His eyes widened. Had he really not thought that far ahead?
I moved closer. His chest was rising and falling in big swells. The venue was small, so we heard the roaring of the crowd even back here. Ackerman or Rich would probably come to check on us in a minute, and make Dom even more nervous.
Since that dinner with his mom, I knew most of his confidence was exaggerated. He thought about how others saw him, but he didn't think people saw more than a pretty face. He thought it was the best thing about him, like his mom said.
I happened to like his pretty face, but half the time I forgot about it, because there was so much else to admire. He'd picked up the drums quickly, like he'd played them in another lifetime. He'd named the band, and despite years of pressure from his mom to become an actor, stayed true to himself.
He was also clever, obnoxiously funny, and thoughtful.
I jammed the flask in the back pocket of my jean skirt, and took another step closer.
What did I do when I was anxious or feeling overwhelmed?
I grabbed two fistfuls of Dom's shirt. "Come down here."
I yanked him down so we were eye-to-eye.
I distracted myself.
"Ji, what—"
I leaned up and kissed him.
Before I closed my eyes, I saw his widen. Instead of red bean ice cream, I tasted vodka. His lips were soft and still, and a thrill shot up my spine when the stubble on his jaw scratched my face. Stubble. I couldn't believe it.
I yanked him down even more, but his arms stayed by his sides. He was practically in shock, and I was conflicted myself. Distractions weren't long-term solutions, but I knew from experience they worked in the moment.
"Sometimes I feel like you use me to forget about your problems."
Johnny's words echoed in my head just as Dom started returning the kiss, so I pushed him back.
I couldn't believe I'd just kissed another guy when I had a boyfriend. I'd forgotten all about Johnny the moment I stepped into the venue.
Dom was staring at me, his entire face flushed, green eyes filled with excitement and confusion.
I held his gaze, and something in me pushed these words out, "Yeah, you're really freaking pretty, but even if you looked like that lopsided dish Jae made my mom in second grade, my family would still love you. I'd still love you."
His mouth hung open.
"Okay?" I prompted.
"Okay."
"Dominic?" Ackerman had materialized outside of the door. "The crowd is getting restless, and I'd prefer if your first show didn't morph into a riot."
Dom looked from me to Ackerman, and back. He wasn't shaking anymore.
"Get out there and play," I said. "We'll talk after the show."
He left with Ackerman.
After a few seconds of standing in the room by myself, I pulled out Dom's flask and took a swig from it.
What had I done?
~~~
Despite a few hiccups, Blue Vendetta put on an amazing show. They gave it their all, and left their hearts up on that stage. They showed no fear like their name signified.
And everyone in the audience was a diehard fan that'd been following them since their early YouTube days, so they knew every melody, lyric, and solo.
They were a hive mind, and it was awe-inspiring to watch them buzz from the balcony. It would've been even cooler in the pit, but I wanted to share the experience with my family and friends.
My mom cried during some of the slow songs, and my dad looked so proud on FaceTime. Eli's parents held each other, while Rocco's grandma looked conflicted.
Sage, Jeni, and I screamed and cheered loudly.
Our underdogs had made it, and things could only go up from here.
After the show, the boys talked with fans, took pictures, and signed autographs. The jealousy I felt when I saw girls touch or hug Dom caught me off guard. I could tell Sage was going through the same thing with Rocco, so I suggested that we go wait in their dressing room.
The adults were driving to a nearby restaurant to get us a table.
When the boys filed in, they were high on adrenaline and talking excitedly. It was nice to see them let go of the stress they'd been holding onto for months. They'd worked so hard for this. Everyone was packing up their stuff when we heard yelling in the hallway.
"Let me through! I'm Dominic Finn's mother!"
We all looked at each other and poked our heads in the hallway to see Dom's mom arguing with Rich.
"I need to see my son," she insisted.
"And I need to see your ID."
"I left it at home."
"I thought she wasn't coming," Rocco whispered.
"Yeah...me too." Dom rushed over to save Rich from his mom.
"This doesn't count," I muttered. "The show's over."
Rich left after Dom confirmed his mom's identity and everyone else resumed packing up. I, however, wanted to know why she'd showed up at the last minute, so I went over and joined them.
"Hello, sweetie," Ms. Finn greeted me.
"Hi."
"The show was great, wasn't it?"
"How would you know? You missed it?"
She gave me a sharp smile and started lightly rearranging Dom's hair. "I actually caught most of it. I was in the crowd. Unfortunately, Dom was so far back, I could barely see him."
I balled my hands into fists. She'd come here to do this? She couldn't just congratulate Dom and go?
"We could see him just fine from the balcony. You should've come up to watch with us," I shot back.
She shrugged. "I don't do heights."
"Did Donovan come too?" There was hope masked in Dom's voice.
"No, darling. Your brother had plans." She looked around. "Is Ackerman still here?"
"I don't know. Why?"
"Well, now that you've done your first show, I wanted to see if he could get you a couple of commercials. Or maybe even something on Netflix. The music business is more unstable than ever, so it's always good to have a backup plan."
As soon as Dom's face fell, I wanted to slap her. I couldn't believe she was doing this to her son on one of the most important nights of his life.
I grabbed Dom's hand before I said or did anything I'd regret and started pulling him back towards the dressing room. "Well, you'd better try and find Ackerman before he leaves. We're meeting my parents at a restaurant for a celebratory dinner."
Mrs. Finn's eyes brightened, so I quickly stomped out any hopes of her getting to schmooze and pretend she was a good person in front of the other parents.
"It's family only. Come on, Dom."
He didn't say bye to his mom and neither did I.
"You're spending the night," I said. "And if Ackerman comes to you with any stupid deals, tell him you'd rather jam a drumstick in your eye."
After a loud, fun dinner, everyone went their separate ways and Dom came back home with my mom, Jeni, Jae, and I.
Throughout dinner, I'd beaten myself up for suggesting he spend the night, but I didn't want him anywhere near his selfish snake of a mom. Plus we still had to talk about what happened in the dressing room. Dom had stared at me pretty much the whole night, so I knew he wasn't going to let it go this time.
Before going downstairs to my room, I heard him and Jae talking to my dad in the kitchen. Apparently, Dom had come over a bunch of times to hang out with my dad, but it was always when I was out grocery shopping or picking up medication at different pharmacies. They even had a Candy Crush rivalry going.
It warmed my heart. Even though I'd hurt Dom, he still wanted to be there for my family.
I took a shower, then lay in bed looking at my favorite makeup artists' Instagrams.
I was stalling...but I knew I had to talk to Dom. I was older, and I'd kissed him this time, so I had to take the initiative to—
Someone knocked on my door very quietly, but I still jumped and checked the time on my phone.
It was almost three in the morning.
I got up, expecting it to be Jeni wanting a late night chat, but it was Dom. He was wearing a faded green t-shirt that looked wet around the shoulders (probably because of his damp hair) and gray sweatpants. They actually looked more like capris on him, because he was taller than Jae.
"I waited till everyone was asleep," he whispered.
My mouth went dry. "Why?"
"So we could talk without anyone interrupting us."
I kept staring.
"You gonna let me in or what?"
I opened the door wider, allowing him to slip in.
Dom had been in my room a million times, but for some reason I was nervous.
Was it because I'd kissed him a couple hours ago? Or the fact that we both knew you couldn't really hear what was going on in the basement from upstairs anyway?
I brushed past him to flick on a second lamp, and caught a whiff of my body wash. Had he used it?
When the light from my floor lamp flooded the room, I gasped.
"Dominic!"
He jumped. "What?"
"You've still got eyeliner and blue paint on your face!"
"What? I thought I got it all off in the shower." He frowned and picked at his face.
"You're gonna break out if you go to sleep like this."
"I'm so tired, I don't care."
"It's not really a big deal, but you're a celebrity now and I don't wanna have to fight anyone saying stuff about you online," I grumbled.
His mouth twitched. "You'd fight someone for me?"
My first instinct was to deny, deny, deny. But what was the point when we'd kissed and he was here to talk about it? "Of course."
He grinned.
"I'd do the same for Jae, Rocco, and Eli too."
It dimmed. He sat down on my bed and looked around like he was taking everything in.
While he did that, I grabbed cotton pads and a bottle of micellar cleansing water. It was essentially makeup remover without oil or harsh ingredients like alcohol. It worked great on sensitive, acne-prone skin.
I stopped in front of Dom and soaked a cotton pad. "Hold still."
I swept it gently over his face.
"Look at all this gunk it's removing! Did you really wash your face in the shower?"
"Yeah, man!"
"Still, most cleansers won't completely remove makeup. Especially if it's waterproof. So if this eyeliner and blue war paint's gonna be a thing, buy makeup remover," I instructed.
"But that sounds so...girly," he mumbled.
"Dude, you're wearing makeup."
"Only 'cause Bowie and Keith Richards did it."
"I know, silly. It looks good, but you have to take it off properly, so you don't irritate your skin."
We both got quiet after that, so I could concentrate. He was sitting on my bed with his legs open, and I was standing between them, one hand gripping his chin while the other erased his stage persona.
Even though I was scrubbing off his eye liner, Dom's green eyes were just as piercing as ever. They looked up at me, unwavering.
I avoided looking directly into them. My face and the back of my neck were already warm. Sometimes putting on or taking off someone's makeup could feel so intimate.
Dom cleared his throat. "Hey, mind if I lay down while you finish up? My back hurts from leaning over my drum kit all night."
I knew the feeling. My back was starting to hurt too.
"Sure."
He fell on his back, and I sat to his right, working off more of the eyeliner and residue from the blue paint.
"Why'd you put on the paint?" I asked.
He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "Felt kind of like...a shield."
I smiled a little. When I was done with the right side of his face, I soaked a new cotton pad and tried to reach the other side, but it was hard to see what I was doing from where I was sitting. I pushed myself to my knees, so I could crawl over him and work from the other side, but he put a hand on my leg to stop me.
I wasn't confused for long.
Dom cupped the back of my thigh and moved my left leg to the other side of his body so I was straddling him.
I lifted an eyebrow and sat low on his stomach, causing him to grunt at my sudden weight.
I stared down at him, eyebrow still up. He swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing, but continued to stare right back defiantly.
I narrowed my eyes. This lil' shrimp— well, jumbo shrimp now.
Just because I kissed him earlier, it didn't mean I was going to do it again. If he wanted to torture himself, then so be it.
I bent forward slowly, wiping the eyeliner off his other eye. His chest heaved up and down, and he was blushing, but he kept starring up at me, pretending he was unbothered.
I smirked and leaned even closer.
He gulped again.
There was a stubborn bit of eye liner on the corner of his left eye.
"Was I your first kiss?" I murmured.
"Get over yourself."
I rolled my eyes. "Blow-up dolls don't count."
"I don't have any freaking sex dolls!"
I laughed, and after a few seconds he admitted, "Yeah. You were my first kiss."
"Why did you kiss me that night?"
"I told you. I'd wanted to for a long time."
I was bent so far over him, our chests were touching and my dark hair created a curtain around us. Down here in the basement, at three in the morning, we were separated from the real world. Maybe even from the lies we told each other and ourselves.
"But why that night?" I prodded. "Why not a few weeks earlier or a few weeks after?"
"Because." Dom's minty breath was warm on my face, my own body wash and his natural scent tickling my nose.
"Because what, you brat?"
"I saw the way you looked at me when you let me in that night." He cupped the back of my head. "You wanted me."
Now it was my turn to gulp.
"Why'd you kiss me tonight?" he asked.
I trailed the cotton pad down his cheek softly, not even trying to remove anything at this point. "Because you were anxious and I wanted to distract you. Did it work?"
He didn't answer.
Instead, he pushed down on the back of my head and brought our lips together. Butterflies exploded in my stomach as I tossed the wet cotton pad and deepened the kiss. I could tell by the jolt that went through his body that he was surprised. He probably expected me to push him off.
I flattened my body on top of his, causing him to groan and move his other hand from the back of my leg to my waist. I dug my hands into his long hair. It was so soft— the total opposite of his scratchy face.
I'd learned a lot since the Choi twins. I could tie a cherry stem with my tongue; map out my partner's entire mouth in thirty seconds. Swirling my tongue into Dom's mouth, I decided to start drawing that map. I ran my tongue under his, over the roof of his mouth, along his straight teeth. I opened my eyes for a brief second to see his eyes roll into the back of his head.
I almost giggled. He was so cute.
I was about to start really putting the moves on him when he growled, lifted me up, and flipped me over so he was on top.
Then he showed me that even though I'd been his first kiss, it didn't mean I was his last.
I shouldn't have been so shocked, but I was. He was keeping up with me, exploring my mouth hungrily and skillfully. This wasn't the same boy who'd kissed me sloppily months ago. I couldn't believe this was happening!
I stuck a hand under the back of his shirt and ran it up his back. He had muscles! Actual back muscles.
Dom's weight pushed me further into the bed, and just as I was wondering who he'd been practicing on, he pulled back and pressed his lips tenderly against my neck, one hand keeping my head steady, thumb caressing one of my cheekbones.
I shivered, then promptly pushed him back.
"Hold on. Wait, Dom."
He looked dazed. "I think you should slap me."
"What? Is that what you're into?"
"No, I wanna make sure this isn't another dream," he said.
"Another dream?"
He sat up, all business now. "When I told you I've loved you pretty much since the first day we met, I wasn't joking."
I groaned and sat up too. Now that we weren't swapping spit and back in the real world, I was confused and on the verge of panicking. What were we doing? He was my little brother's best friend. Part of the family.
"Ji-hyun," Dom said softly, moving closer. "I know you like me too, so tell the truth. This isn't just about you being a year older."
"It is."
He looked exasperated and got up to leave, but I grabbed his arm. "But...that's not all. You're one of Jae's first friends and now you guys are in a band. I don't want to ruin that for him. Don't tell me you haven't thought about any of that."
"I have, but..." Dom paused and shook his head. "He knows I love you."
"Yeah, but him knowing you have a crush on me and us actually dating are two different things. What if things don't work out and it messes up your friendship?"
"Come on. You're being pessimistic," Dom countered.
"Am I? You avoided me after we kissed the first time, and Jae noticed. He just didn't say anything. Think of how much worse it would've been if we'd been dating."
He frowned, but he wasn't giving up. "Things were different last summer. You were confused, and I...I didn't know what I was doing. Go out with me now and I promise nothing'll change."
"You know I already have a boyfriend."
Dom flinched, and a wave of guilt hit me. This was the second time tonight I'd forgotten about Johnny.
"Break up with him. Jae says he doesn't think you like him anyway, so break up with him and let him find someone who does."
I sighed and put my face in my hands. Even if Jae could sense my conflicted feelings about Johnny, I doubt it meant he wanted me to move on to his best friend. Why did I feel like this was going to blow up in my face?
"How about a trial run?" Dom suggested. "You break up with Johnny and go out with me, but we don't tell anyone until you're sure. Until we're solid."
"A trial run?" I parroted.
"Yeah...like...Netflix or— or Amazon!"
I stared at him blankly. "I want to say no based on these comparisons alone."
He laughed and grabbed one of my hands. Putting it up to his chiseled chest, he waggled his eyebrows. "Come ooooonnnn. Try the goods and see if you want the subscription."
I cracked a smile, then it turned into laughter as Dom continued to waggle his eyebrows and move my hand around his chest.
I might've been making a mistake, but there was no point denying my feelings any more.
"Fine!" I yelled. "But I reserve the right to cancel any time if you get too expensive...or annoying."
Dom beamed and wrapped his arms around me. "You know most people end up keeping Netflix and Prime after the trial, right?" he murmured into my hair.
I sighed. Yeah, I think I'd heard that somewhere too.
~~~
Author's note: That makeout got a little spicy. Phew! And by the end of the chapter, I realized Ji's a lot more...alpha female than I'd intended. But that's what always happens. These characters show me who they really are, and I just try to keep up.
As previously mentioned, there will be a part 3. Not sure when that'll go up, but there'll be a lot of time jumps and the tone will be more serious due to Dom's mental health and substance abuse issues. Unfortunately, I won't be able to delve into every aspect of Dom and Ji-hyun's relationship, but I'm playing around with ways to show you (or at least summarize) as much as I can.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading. Please VOTE, SHARE, and COMMENT. Your comments are my fuel <3