The start of June came in with clouds and rain, greeting the four teens of the house in the woods on our way home. Under our umbrellas, Tohru gazes at the sky excitedly with her usual optimism.
Kyo is not as brimming with joy, his head tipping and threatening to fall asleep standing up.
I'm without my usual sweater today, so I'm more worried about getting too cold from getting wet, despite the humidity. I'd much rather be inside than deal with this downpour.
As we are crossing the street, Kyo's head sinks even more.
"Don't mind him, Honda-san, he gets really bad like this when the weather is like this. That's why he's been acting like this for the past few days."
"Oh..." she turns back to a slumping Kyo.
"Shut up... I look better than you in the morning..." Though he says so, he truly doesn't.
"Do you want me to carry your umbrella for you?"
He looks up with his face flushed. "I don't want a girl carrying my umbrella for me!!"
"Then if I carried you home—"
"That's even worse!! You are making the situation worse—I'm exhausted!"
"Honda-san, are you ready to go?" Yuki asks to Kyo's annoyance.
"C-can I ask if this is a disease?" Tohru asks Kyo as we proceed along.
"Huh? It's just how my body reacts to this weather," Kyo replies, a light laugh and a smile present on his face while I walk from behind.
A pure smile, at that. It makes me stop in my tracks for a moment. When did it become so easy for him to smile like that? Tohru has—
"Hurry up, slowpoke," Yuki calls to me from his stride in the front of the two. "The stupid, exhausted cat is faster than you."
My brows twitch as I annoyedly start walking again to catch up, joining him to make a pair ahead of Tohru and Kyo. Still, I catch myself looking back at his smile with an inexplicable feeling of nostalgia, but envy mixed in.
Our front door opens to Kagura warmly greeting Kyo like a housewife. Besides Tohru, her sweet friend, the souls leave the present Sohma's before Kyo takes action and slams the door shut.
"Kyo-kun? What's wrong? Why'd the door shut? What's going on?"
"I meant for it to close!"
Then her fist breaks through the frame. "Open the damn door."
We sit in the living area around the table with bags still at our sides. "Why'd you come here?" Kyo demands.
"Why? Do I need a reason to see you?"
"But I don't want you to visit me!"
She rips up the table from the ground in a threatening stance, as I nonchalantly raise my elbows and take my phone for a photo. "I love you so mich!!! How could you do this to me?!"
"This is one of the reasons why I hate you!"
Shigure takes Kyo by the head, pushing him to Kagura's embrace and quelling the storm. A man has to save his house, after all. "Kagura, you can borrow him for the whole day. How about you go on a date? You can get the groceries for dinner tonight. Is that alright, Tohru-kun?"
"Oh," she remarks, heading to the kitchen to grab a list and brings it back to Kagura. "Then, can you do me this favour please?"
"Yes! Let's go, Kyo-kun!" Kagura excitedly dashes out with Kyo in a chokehold. Hope he's still alive when he gets back.
Shigure sighs, wiping his forehead. "Mission accomplished."
Yuki and I look at him with disdain for his manipulations.
"Why don't you two also go out on a date?" Meaning, Yuki and Tohru.
My arms fold at Shigure when we're the only two left. "I'm not going on a date with you," I remark. "I'll go get my stuff from my brother, before I have to explain to anyone where I'm going."
"I gave you the perfect set up, didn't I? Take an umbrella, it's supposed to rain!"
I wave him off annoyedly, changing out of my school clothes and putting on a jacket with my jeans and taking an umbrella.
"You don't know what you're carrying back. Why don't you take a bike?"
"I'll slip if it's raining and it's that heavy. I'm fine on foot." I slip my runners on and head out, umbrella up. I whip out my phone once I'm beyond the house, texting my brother.
Where do you want to meet? You're not allowed within a 10km radius of Shigure's house. Not joking. He can smell you.
I annoyedly end up via bus in front of a restaurant with the location he gave me. And he's not even here yet. If he's got the address, he's got a navigation app. I get that it's raining and I get that we've never been the best when it comes to directions, always getting lost, but come on. He's not even cursed anymore, and he has a phone if he's been able to text me.
Maybe I don't recognize him. But the difference between an 18 and 26-year-old is still recognizable, unlike an 8 and 15-year-old.
"Kuroi," a gentle voice that sends chills up all my nerves and makes me wanna walk away from this and forget about it, even if there was something left by my dad.
I turn, putting my phone in my pocket and my hand stays there. My eyes narrow as I tip back my umbrella to see my tall brother in front of me, his auburn hair side swept and dangling over the eyes matching mine, albeit smaller and more angled—more eastern than my outright german and zodiac look combined. His build is taller than Shigure, wearing a collared shirt and pants. His skin is paler than mine, making it obvious he's probably still holed up with Akito all the time. That takes my disdain further.
"Kureno," I acknowledge him monotonously. He's probably weirded out to see me grown up, as any brother would when not seeing his sister for seven years, long hair in its ponytail, no glasses, a lot less whiny looking. Cold eyes instead of desperate "please brother, don't keep leaving me alone" expressions. Had his chances.
His face has an awkward smile, scratching the back of his neck. "Sorry! I got a ride but had to walk a fair bit and I forgot to charge my phone so I got lost, a stranger helped me out." I look unimpressed, no response, and he's panicking. "S-sorry! Have you been eating well? Have you been cared for at Shigure's house? Are you doing good?"
Unimpressed, yet. "I thought you came to give me something," I interrupt.
His eyes drift to his empty hands. "E-eh?" Then he bows abundantly. "I must have forgot it in the car! I'll go track the driver down and get it." He's ready to dash off, looking around frantically and I grab him by the collar before he can walk into traffic.
"Where'd you get dropped off? You're not gonna return for a while if I let you go on your own." So I don't really get an address, but remembering a convenience store helps me scroll through images in the area till he finds the one, and we head in that direction as the map directs us.
And we don't talk, making him very nervous around his sister 2.0. I couldn't care less, I didn't come to catch up and be friends.
"Have you eaten? I'll treat," he offers.
"No thanks," I reply outright. "We've already planned for dinner at home."
"Will you make it in time? We can drive you."
"Did you forget the 10km rule?"
Sweat drips down his face. "You're very honest about your thoughts these days now?"
"When I don't like a person I don't hesitate to make it clear, I suppose."
"So grudges are your thing these days too, huh?"
I turn annoyedly from my umbrella, which I have not offered to share. "I've lived my life seperate from you for years--don't forget you incited that. I'm just continuing to do so. I've got other people taking care of me. Stop worrying about me, someone you barely know."
He stops on our walk, a disappointed smile on his face and raised brows. His hands force themselves into his pants' pockets. "You've become awfully cruel. Is it my fault? Was this how I was, is that why? You've become like me back then."
I cock my head. "Don't take the credit like that, I'm nothing like you. Unlike you, I wouldn't abandon a sister no matter what Akito says or does to me, or anyone for that matter. I'm not jealous I'm not a favourite, unlike you. I don't know what would drive you to act that way... you don't even understand what it was like for me to be with her weeks at a time. She can't stand other women having the affections of anyone."
"You knew her secret?"
My frown is prominent now, my brows furrowing as I snap in his face, "Of course I do! Her mom, and that box, and Kyo, I know all of it! I shouldn't have had to, that young! I'd get trapped under tatami mats and the deck, caged up like a bird! I'd have to listen, I'd have to hear everyone arguing, talking secrets! And I did it for long because she swore as long as I was by her side you, Kyo, Yuki... she'd stop hitting them, all the kids. She did, she kept her promise and you kept looking at me with distant eyes, and in the moments I had my freedom you'd go to her. You were the rooster once, shouldn't you understand that it's in our nature not to talk about what's bothering us? Why couldn't you just say yes, just once, when I asked you to play? When I asked you to come hang out with me? To spend time with me? It didn't even matter that I hadn't told you, or anyone! Just say yes once, I was your sister, dammit! I was crying, I was weak, you could finally be loved by mom when she would hit me for running away from Akito! Every time I was with dad I brought him more grief! He killed himself because I was such a burden, so much trouble, even when I was trying to protect everyone and keep my mouth shut! You couldn't do one thing for me! You're a bastard of a brother! Do you get it now?"
"... Did Akito tell you were unlovable?"
"Yes."
"Did she tell you you were useless after all that?"
"Yes!"
"She told you were powerless to change?"
"Yes!!" I lift my bag, ready to throw it at him for his stupid questions but stop. "She told me it... You made me believe it! That's why I'm nothing... Nothing like you! That's why I want you to leave me alone! I don't want to think those things again!"
We had already reached the car and I hadn't noticed it, as he pulled out a small box and what seemed like a picture frame, wrapped in paper so it wouldn't get wrecked, laying on top.
"He wrote a letter, a long time ago," he remarks.
I stare down at the box and picture he's given me. "I don't want it."
"But it's for you."
"I don't want to read it. He didn't send it, I don't want it." The rain is coming down hard, and the box is getting wet as I have to hold it with both hands and the umbrella tucked in my arm and body. "If I read it, I'll cry. I told you I don't want those things again. I don't cry anymore."
I turn on my heel, beginning to walk with the poor setup. "Bye, Kureno."
"Sorry, Kuroi... I wish I'd done better."
"Save it," I snap, then head on my way.
It's late by the time I reach the steps up to Shigure's house, they're probably getting ready for bed or finishing up dinner. I'm soaked, probably gonna drop and become a bird by the time I reach the door, but it doesn't matter.
My lids are heavy as I take the last step up, hauling the box heavy with rainwater.
I look up to see an old face in front of the home. Kyo's master and adoptive father, Kazuma. At my feet are the coloured beads Kyo wears at all times. Joined by the scene is Tohru's surprise, dropping her umbrella.
In front of me is the "monster" I'd seen long ago, forced to stare in the eye. I remember through the cracks of wood as a child, Kyo staring back at me with fear and disgust at himself. It was terrifying then, it was heartbreaking now. His look hasn't changed. The cat's curse, shown to Tohru now.
He bounds away. Tohru ran off to the wood after him.
Everything in my hands drop, ready to go after them both but Kazuma grabs my wrist and everything from the last few weeks escapes. "Damn you! You're his father! Is this why Shigure sent me away?! Do you even understand what she's gone through?! Why cause her more pain?!" I struggle against his grip, trying to slip away with the rain's help, but he grabs both arms. "Let me go!"
He's far too strong for me to try and slip away, even as I try to kick.
"Do you have so little faith in her?"
I stop my struggling in his hand. Doubt Tohru's ability to love? No, I could never. Still, it makes me sick like she's being used and hurt. Couldn't they let Kyo say it in his own time? He, too, doesn't want to hurt Tohru. He's already dealt with so much pain. Especially considering our secret, only between us and never spoken out loud. I can't imagine how he feels.
I've been so selfish not to ask or help.
She ran after him and I lost my chance again to protect those I love.
"You're okay with it? Even if he won't trust you? What if he hates you? Please, you're his parent and he's always loved you..." I say.
His head looks down at me in his hands, eyes sad. "I want Kyo to be free and happy, more than anything. I'm okay as long as he can change."
Letting go? Is that what love is?
"Shishou-san, I'm sorry."
You just want me to let go? I haven't even reached them yet and I've been running all my life. Maybe I hadn't noticed how hard my heart had become.
The rain is much more cold and prickly against my skin, threatening to chill my bones and stress my body to transformation.
"You've seen his form before?"
He releases my hand and looks away as I speak. "Yes. One time, when I was caged beneath the deck by Akito's room, I watched his beads ripped off just so Akito could see for once. I remember his eyes looking at me. So lonely, so desperate, I thought we were the same."
I was very, very wrong. Kyo was strong. Kyo made friends. Kyo persisted, protected, even after that pain. Even Kagura-nee fell in love with him and grew close. I was so, so envious when he smiled when I saw him become so scary.
"I remember reaching out with tears in my eyes. I can't believe I was so selfish to say "help me" when he was being mocked and ridiculed in front of me, going through intense pain I couldn't ever understand." Of course I was relentlessly berated for asking help from a "monster", how disgusting for Akito. "I'm so sorry..."
I always chased Kyo's back. By now, it's hopeless.
I wonder if I'm simply not going the right way.
Approaching us, in the calm of the storm, is Tohru, soaked and battered. Seeing her like makes me initially angry, sisterly protectiveness taking over before I see her expression and soften. Her warm smile and puffy eyes of tears holding to the orange cat at peace, cradled close to her face. Kyo's eyes are also blinked with tears.
They've both come back to us. So...
"I'm glad," I cry in relief, feeling my just dried face become wet again and I have to wipe it away. It's so unfamiliar, it's been so long, I have to panicked rub away. "I'm so glad, thank you... thank you... Thank you for coming home safely."