WARNING
this book deals with themes such as mature content, anxiety, usage, depression, and strong language.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
chapter three
*TRIGGER WARNING*
max my literal baby/soulmate/loml💞💞
maxine
what the FUCK
i think i royally screwed up🤧🤧
but i'm weirdly happy that i royally screwed up
Oh no
What did u do
ummm
something kindaaaaa bad
i love u btw💞
i haven't said that yet
I literally love ur ugly ass more u absolute whore
Anyway get to the point I'm watching my show
ooooh which show is it this week
or are u still on tvd
No u dumbass I finished tvd while u were out at that stupid frat party last night
We're on all american today and I AM SOBBING😭
ok whatever i really don't fucking care
turn off your autocaps PLEASE it literally makes me want to throw up today🤮
the literal audacity of u
my autocaps are the only thing that keep me from becoming u
pathetic, unremarkable, and utterly stupid
awww ty for the compliment it means so much✨🥰
ok whatever
i ROYALLY screwed up
yes el I KNOW
now describe how, when, why and how i can fix it
u may not be able to fix it...
ok let me start from the beginning
so my phone got destroyed
long story
and i tried to type ur number on this new one, but i got it wrong
WTF EL
I LITERALLY KNOW UR NUMBER BY HEART
MAX YELL AT ME LATER!! THIS IS IMPORTANT
OK FINE CONTINUE
so i texted what i thought was ur number right
and someone replies
and they go along with what i'm saying so i think it's you
and then i LITERALLY start yelling at them for hiding my razor
cause i thought it was u
and i may have let a liiiiiittle tidbit slip about what i'm using the razor for🤧🤧
el
HONEY
i love u so much
and i hate that fucking razor
but ARE U FOUR
WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL
I KNOW BRO
I KNOW
I SCREWED UP
but thennn
i get embarrassed and leave this random person that i was texting
and then they text me back two hours later
who is it
WHO IS IT???
his name is mike...
he seems kinda
idk
sweet
he apologized
and we... talked????
for a while
and idk i feel like i went on complete autopilot🤪
oh no honey
u didn't do that rambling thing did u
i did the rambling thing
FUCK
ABOUT FUCKING TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET😡
he probably thinks i'm insane
LMAOOOOO this is so funny i can't
at least this could possibly turn into one of those cute awkward friends to LOVERSSS stories ✨💞💖
max
are u shipping me and him
i've known him for literally two seconds
TOO SOON
but
but... what?
ugh i feel like a dumbass for saying this
but
u know how people seem cute
like before u ever see their face
like the way they text makes them seem cute
THAT'S HIM
I'M GOING INSANE
LMAOO
YES
I UNDERSTAND
FULLY UNDERSTAND
AND I LOVE IT
because as soon as he find out how hot u are
he's fucked🥰
ok stfu
firstly cause that is NOT true
and secondly because it will never get to that point again
i feel like this is only going to lead to trouble
like what's even the point of continuing to text him???
bruh
u could turn into baes
like literal baes💓💓💓
THE WAY U MET IS SO CUTE
MAX U DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY
yes i don't
but i do know
that texting him made u happy
even if u don't want to admit it
and we have established that if ur happy then i'm happy😊😊
so to speak truthfully
I LOVE THIS GUY💓💓
his name is mike right????
yes his name is mikeee
i know absolutely nothing about him
but
fuck i want to text him
text him
WAIT NOT RN
TOO DESPERATE
TMRW
ok
ok yes
i will text him tmrw
wow
omg why am i excited
bc ur two steps away from falling in loveeee
shut the hell up
go back to watching tvd i'm done with u
I TOLD U I'M ON ALL AMERICAN
jordan baker🥰🥰🥰😍😍
ok whoever tf
goodnight whore🤮💞✨
night night bitchass🧚♀️✨✧*:･ﾟ
—————
el
i smile faintly at max's reply before hesitantly shutting off my phone and collapsing backwards into my pillow. i let out a long breath as i turn the phone over in my hands, silently observing how pristine it seems under the moonlight.
i had broken my phone only the previous day and with one text to my mom, i had a new phone delivered to our doorstep in a matter of hours. i had stood on the steps, staring at the package, feeling a sense of loneliness and despair envelope me.
for anyone else, their parents giving them a new phone without a second thought would have been paradise. but for me, the gifts that my parents constantly buy me are only a reminder of how often i see their money and how little i see them.
of course, i've learned to live with it. i've learned to live with them not being here on holidays, most of my birthdays, probably not even my high school graduation. i learned to get by with the short texts they sometimes send me and the rushed phone calls that are over in seconds.
i know that they care, i know that they love me, but i also know that they place their work at a higher priority than me, and sometimes it hurts.
i sigh, dropping the phone on the bed beside me, and i turn over onto my side to face my open window. a slight breeze drifts in, rustling tendrils of my hair and my body is bathed in moonlight. my eyes drift to my exposed forearm, turned upwards on the sheets.
i clench my jaw when i see the scars. some white and healed, others still red and fresh. painful reminders of how i let my life go to shit, taking me down with it. i lightly brush my fingers over the scars, guilt seeping into me, but the longing is stronger than the remorse.
i want to do it again.
it's nights like these, when i'm alone and unoccupied when i want to pick up that razor and drive it into my skin. max tries to make sure that these nights happen as little as possible by planning as many sleepovers as possible, but she has her own life too, she deserves to spend time with her family and her boyfriend, lucas, without worrying about me.
i let out another sigh, shoving my arm underneath the blanket so that it's out of my sight, and i let my eyes flutter closed.
i go to sleep dreaming of the cuts on my arms and the boy in my phone that i want nothing more than to talk to.
________
hiiii
this took me forever to get published ew but i hope u enjoyed it!!
<3 rose