October was usually my favourite month of the year. I loved fall colours and fall activities. Even though I had never lived somewhere cold, the idea of drinking apple cider and going on a hayride while the leaves changed around me seemed like a little taste of heaven. But this October looked like it would contain none of that as Eli continued to ignore me throughout the week.
It seems evident that he had informed Jones and Kyle as to why we were no longer speaking, and so, hesitantly, they left me alone.
Owen and Taylor were still talking to me, but Owen's pity seemed worse than being completely ignored.
Taylor had no ideas as to why the boys were ignoring me, and she was getting frustrated being left in the dark. All I could tell her was that I messed up and that Eli was mad at me. I told her it was my fault, but that was all I could say. Even though Eli had decided I was no longer worth his time, I wasn't going to go spilling his secrets again.
I tried to justify to Taylor why I was no longer sitting with them. "I have too much homework" or "I have a meeting with a teacher," and even "I joined a club," which everyone knew wasn't true. She gave up asking me where I was on the fourth day.
Throughout the week, I watched Eli's attitude change anytime he looked over at me, and I started to feel like I was just one of the other girls. I understood now when Vanessa would say that Eli looked angry or dead-eyed because now that is precisely the way he looked at me. That is what he wanted people to think of him.
But it was harder for me because I knew better.
Eli was goofy and kind and loved his friends and family and loved playing soccer and watching crappy TV. Sure, maybe he had played a few girls and was a bit aggressive, but we all have our faults.
On Wednesday night, things had become even more awkward between Taylor and me. She had expected answers, and I had none to give her. I had asked her if we could not talk about the boys, but that only made things worse.
I felt terrible keeping this from her, and I could tell she was getting tired of feeling so left out. I desperately hoped that I would be able to save our friendship, but we could no longer talk like we had been before. She left my house early that night with excuses that she had homework. It seemed stupid that this one mistake was ruining everything, but maybe all of this was too good to be true.
I felt like it was that first week of classes again. I had to sit through people whispering about me in the hallway and classes. The trio of girls from Bio snickered when Kyle moved to sit between Eli and me, and I put my head down to hide my shame.
Vanessa and Claire asked me what was wrong, and even though it was nice to speak with them, my heart hurt too much to hold a conversation, and by the end of that week, they stopped trying to include me in discussions.
The only good thing that happened at school all week was Jackson leaving me alone. I don't think I could have handled matters if he had come after me again.
On the weekend I ended up going with my parents to the balloon festival. Eli had at least sent me one text, saying that he couldn't go to the festival anymore. I didn't reply because it didn't need one. I had tried to apologize, and it had not worked, and he was doing everything he could to ignore me, so maybe it wasn't worth my energy.
He did not want me around anymore, and he did not want to be my friend or anything else we could have been.
At the balloon festival, I could barely enjoy myself. I saw Brock, the boy who had initially asked me to the festival with another girl from my grade, Felcica. I almost felt jealous.
"What's up with you, Betty?" My dad asked me. He and my mom had happily been chatting about which balloons they thought were the prettiest, and I had not been engaging in their conversation nearly as much as I would have. They knew something was seriously wrong when I turned down having a fun impromptu photoshoot.
"I think I am just missing Arizona," I said, shuffling away slightly.
They gave each other a look.
"How about we get you over there to see your friends?"
A small smile involuntary took over my face. "Really?" I asked.
My mom grinned, "Yes, I think that would be great! Why don't we call Carla's mom and make it a surprise? I know this move has been tough on you, and I think it would be fun for you to over for a weekend."
I nodded vigorously and engulfed my parents in a hug. I was lucky to have them.
When we went home, we phoned Carla's mom and set it up so I could come in two weeks for Carla's birthday. She would tell some of my other friends, but it would be a surprise for Carla. Our other friends would have some fun fall activities for us all to do together. It was great to have something to look forward to again.
I booked a plane ticket that night. It took everything I had not to pack my bags.
When I walked into my closet to decide what I would wear, I realized I had not been caring for my clothes as well as I had been recently, so I cleaned my closet for the rest of the evening. I made sure everything was colour coated and correctly put together.
Then I found my list. The one with the five things that I had planned on doing to make this year the best one yet. I would never get to number five.
Four was good enough I tried to remind myself so the tears wouldn't start.
Then I got distracted by my inventory.
Sunday, I started a few sewing projects, and on Monday after school, I put them up online. By Tuesday, two of the three had been purchased.
I felt immense pride, and I was happy that my parents had been so happy for me as well. Maybe I should be focusing a bit more on my dreams and less about the boy with the amazing blue eyes.
At school, Eli still wholly ignored me, but I wasn't as heartbroken because on Tuesday night, Vanessa, Claire and I went bowling. I apologized for my cold behaviour the previous week, and they took it in stride.
"You know, last year I didn't speak for a month after I had been dumped, and you're doing fine after only a few days! So I commend you for it."
I agreed, not mentioning that I had not been dumped because we were never actually together in the first place.
At the end of the night, we agreed to get dinner on Saturday night with two other Juniors, George and Jessica. I had not met either of them, but it was nice to be around with people in my grad year. I needed to start being around people who were going to be around next year. Even if I didn't instantly click with this group, I enjoyed their company. I was happy with them.
George was apparently on the soccer team with Eli and Owen, and they invited me to come to watch the game with them on Sunday. I declined, saying that I was going to spend some time with my family.
I got a text this week to come with Taylor, which I hadn't been expecting. I politely declined, but we struck up a conversation.
Taylor, I had instantly clicked with, and I decided that no matter what was going on with Eli, I wanted Taylor in my life. I was not going to ignore her. She was probably way more hurt and confused than I was.
---
On Sunday night, I did text Eli, even though everything was telling me to stop trying.
Good Luck
My text went unanswered.
It had been two weeks since we had spoken now, and I barely knew him before that? Why did it hurt so much that Eli had shut me out so quickly? Why does it even matter?
On Wednesday afternoon, Brodie phoned me. My heart started accelerating.
"Hey, Brodie," I said hesitantly.
"Hey, I miss you!" He said whiney on the other end. My heart slowed down since I had secretly wished that Eli had stolen his brother's phone just to talk to me. Why do I always think that life could be like a fairytale?
I sighed, "Yeah, I miss you too, Brodie."
"You should just show up to the house and force Eli to forgive you! He's back to being miserable and irritable. You made him fun! Please, Betty."
"I'm sorry Brodie, Eli has made it pretty clear he doesn't want that."
Brodie groaned, "I'll work on it." and as abruptly as the call had started, it had ended.
To stop myself from crying, I phoned Taylor.
"Hey, do you want to go get milkshakes?" She quickly agreed, and we met at the diner.
I was happier to see her than I thought I would be, and I probably hugged her a little tighter than necessary.
"I'm sorry that I can't tell you what is going on, Taylor," I said, tearing up. Damn, this was supposed to stop me from crying.
She shook her head, "It's okay Betty, I know it has nothing to do with me. Please just stop ignoring me. Losing you last week sucked."
I agreed. I told Taylor about my business and how I was going to work more seriously on it, and she happily agrees to be my model still.
"How about this weekend?" She asked.
"I am going back to Arizona for the weekend. I won't be at school this Friday."
She smiled, "Maybe that will be a good thing. Getting away might help you clear your head. Honestly, Betty, I am still so confused about what is going on, but Eli was happier with you."
I sighed, "Ya, I keep hearing that."
She giggled, "I mean, he was always a nice guy, and he was never intentionally rude to people who didn't deserve it, but he was never truly happy. He had his moments, sure, but with you, it seemed like all of those strange things that the boy had on his mind washed away. Did he seem less, angry? I don't even know how to explain it."
I think I knew. Eli didn't pretend with me. I still don't understand why I had been this exception for him. Maybe it was my puppy love that I couldn't hide, or perhaps it was something that couldn't be explained.
I watched him this week again and saw the lie that everyone else saw. Cold and collected. No wonder he got the bad boy persona.
He needed to stop hiding his life. He didn't need to pretend with people, and he didn't have to hold this ridiculous guilt and if he could just see that things would be so much easier.
---
On Friday morning, I boarded a plane. I had ended up packing the night before, even though I had been thinking about it for the last two weeks. The plane ride was short, and although I was a bit tired from the trip, my excitement beat out any sleepiness I felt.
Carla's mom picked me up from the airport, and her hug was the first thing that felt like home.
"Oh, sweet chica, I have missed you."
I didn't let go of her for a while.
Carla was still at school, but a surprise party had been set up for her at her house when she got home. Luckily it was only noon because that gave us plenty of time to get back and set up.
Mike was given the job to make sure Carla stayed away until at least 3 PM so we could bake a cake and set up a small, early surprise birthday party with her family. Her aunts and uncles all took a half-day and arrived at the house by 2:30, so everyone could be hidden away properly. Carla's little sister, Sadie, came home from school early too.
She jumped into my arms when she saw me, squealing. I guess no one had told her that I was coming.
"She would spoil the secret," said Carla's Uncle Marco.
At 3 PM, I hid behind a large counter. Everyone else would jump out from behind stuff first and say surprise, and then I would come out. They were all so excited about this and had set up cameras. It was Carla's sweet sixteen, so I was extra happy to be able to do this for her. I missed her so much, and it was really for me too.
The door creaked at 3:05, and the house was quiet except for giggling from Sadie. But that was normal. I heard Carla scream as her family jumped out to surprise her.
After a few seconds had passed, I walked out from behind the counter. "Surprise!" I said softly with the biggest grin on my face.
Carla's face lit up like it was Christmas, and I was lying on my back before I knew it, with my childhood best friend on top of me.
It took both Mike and her mom to get us up, and there were more tears from both of us than I was expecting.
"I missed you so much, Carla," I said later that night when it was just the two of us lying in her bed.
"I missed you too, Betty. I can't believe you came; you are a better friend than anyone could ask for. I bet you've made the whole school fall in love with you by now!"
My chin trembled before I spilled, telling Carla everything.
I know I was telling Eli's secrets again, but I was two states away.
I had told her about Eli many times but never in such detail. We were both screaming at my stupidity many times throughout my stories.
"AND YOU DIDN'T KISS HIM THEN?" She asked me. I would giggle and shake my head.
"God, Betty, for a hopeless romantic, you are bad at romance."
I was.
"But, you really like him?" Carla asked.
I nodded. "I think before Eli, I just liked the idea of a boyfriend, but with him. I don't know, Carla, I just feel better with him."
She nodded. I hope she knew what I meant.
---
The weekend was enjoyable. It was great catching up with everyone, and I fell back into a great rhythm with my friends. Maybe I would have had a much better summer if I had let go of my jealousy a lot sooner. Now, the fact that Carla and Mike were together and happy just made me happy.
But maybe it was also because I had someone else to obsess over besides Mike. I like to think I'm more selfless than that, but either way, it helped.
I gave Carla a custom set I had found for her birthday, and I was happy that she loved it. She even liked it when I forced her to model it for me.
We went swimming and also ended up at the drive-in on Saturday night for Carla's birthday party.
I was a little bitter about leaving on Sunday, but I haven't slept all weekend, so I was also eager to catch up on some sleep when I got home. I promised to visit during Christmas break before I hopped on the short plane ride back to New Mexico.
It was 5 PM when my plane landed.
Half asleep, I wandered down to the pick-up area, expecting to find my dad, but I was shocked when I saw Brodie with a sign that said my name.
---
2680
"I know it's hard, know it's hard
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up" - Andy Grammer
what do you think? was it nice she went back?