03 | the choice
"THIS DECISION- IT ISN'T ONE THAT YOU CAN MAKE. IT'S MY DECISION AND MY DECISION ALONE."
RESISTANCE SHIP, NABOOIAN SYSTEM-
"Kyra!"
It was as if Poe knew the choice that Kyra was going to make before she even did.
"Kyra, whatever you're thinking-" Poe lightly grabbed Kyra's arm, the two of them stuck in the middle of an intense conversation with all of the Resistance's eyes on them. If that wasn't enough, the stakes were high. Poe could see it in Kyra's eyes- the way that they were flooded with a desperate plea to let her go, to do this for her friend.
But how was she going to ever explain what she felt? The pounding of her heart and the importance of the situation? The desperation of getting her best friend back? Kyra wasn't going to let another person die for her. She had experienced enough of that to last her over three lifetimes. It started with her mother, and it didn't seem to stop from there. She wasn't going to let Silas be the latest mark in her skin, the latest person to die for her.
"I'm not thinking it, Poe. I'm doing it." Kyra placed her hand on top of Poe's, trying to wrench it off of her forearm, not letting him stop her from what she was about to do. There was no stopping her, as much as Poe wanted to think otherwise. This was her friend's life on the line. She wasn't going to let anyone get in the way of what she had to do.
"I'm not going to let you, Kyra. I can't." Poe's face was one filled with fear- but a different kind than the one that was overwhelming Kyra. It was a fear to lose someone that he loved- someone that he had barely spent any time with. He wasn't going to let her say her goodbyes so quickly. Years of trying to find her and bring her to him wasn't going to end with her just giving herself back up.
He wasn't going to allow the haunted look Poe saw in her eyes when she was inside of the First Order be the thing that he would remember about her. Poe wasn't going to let all of the memories that they had made- and yet to be made- be ruined by the First Order. Not after they had ruined so much for him and Kyra.
"Poe, I don't have a choice." A heavy sigh escaped Kyra's lips, the woman's eyes still locked in confrontation with Poe's. But this confrontation- this decision- this wasn't going to be something that she backed down on. There was no other option left for her. Not in her mind. "They have Silas. My friend- and someone who's willing to die for me. Someone who isn't afraid to just give everything up. But I'm not going to let him die for me. I'm done with letting people sacrifice themselves and put themselves out on the line for me."
Her mind went to the way that Poe had so willingly almost killed himself (and Kyra though he died) only months before, the way that Han was willing to give it all up and let his son kill him for her escape. She thought about her mother. Stars, her mother. Alora had given up everything for her to live a life that was far away from all of the problems of the galaxy. That, of course, had gone up in flames, her mother's life burning with the ashes of the Sorganian village Kyra wasn't even sure existed today. Her expression turned hard as she next spoke, lines and creases forming in the mold of her face as she tried to stay strong, to hold herself together as she accepted what she had to do- even if Poe wouldn't accept it himself.
"It ends here."
"And what if you die, huh? What if they're just trading his life for yours?" Poe asked, his mind racing with every single negative thing that could happen. He wasn't just going to let Kyra slip through his fingers again. He had done that enough times for him to even count. " I can't let you just throw away your life like that Kyra. He still needs you. Fox still needs you." He paused, debating if the words that he wanted to say would escape his lips, his mind not allowing him to let the things he wanted to express tumble out of his mouth. "I still need you. We've come this far."
"Not far enough, apparently." Kyra scoffed, tears lining her eyes as she broke away from the eye contact that Poe had maintained with her throughout the conversation. She didn't want to have to make him watch her cry about a decision that he wouldn't be able to change. She didn't want her last goodbye to him to end like this. To end with a fight. "I guess some part of me always knew that they'd catch up. That this wouldn't be permanent. But I didn't know that it would be so soon."
"No. No." Poe shook his head, cupping his hand on Kyra's face, pushing her head lightly so that her eyes met his again. He saw the look in her eyes- the pain, the defeat, and the trails of tears that had already carved their path down her face. Poe wasn't going to let her give up like this- to pretend like everything that they had experienced was just a dream- a fantasy that was short-lived and that could never be sprung into reality. "I'm not letting you throw all of this away. We can make it work. We can get him back. You can still have all of this, Kyra. You don't have to just give up like this."
"I'm not giving up, Poe!" Kyra sighed, her frustration with the man almost overflowing as he begged her to stay- to try and compromise something that she knew the First Order would have no compromising with. They weren't one to understand the significance of a life- especially a trooper like Silas. He was easily replaceable to them, just another body to count in their conquest for the galaxy.
"But you don't know the First Order like I do. You don't know the things that they do- the promises they make? They hold onto those. They don't just let these things slide. I've never once seen someone who begs at the knees of the First Order for mercy get out alive. Trust me." A silent sob escaped Kyra's lips, her eyes closing with shame as the memories flooded back to her. "I've been the one to have to show the merciless way of the First Order. You don't want to be on the receiving end of it all."
"Kyra, more than anyone else, I understand. I've seen the aftermath of what the First Order does- over and over again. But I'm willing to face the music with you. To not let you go down alone in all of this." Poe wiped the tears from Kyra's eyes away with his thumb, placing his other hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to go through this alone."
"Didn't you hear him?!" Kyra ripped herself away from the soft embrace of Poe, his touch no longer comforting to the woman- not when she was trying to say her goodbyes. "They're going to kill him if I don't go. And stars- if any of you decided to follow me? To try and get him back and try to save me in the process? They'd kill us both, Poe. And they'd probably kill you too. There's no way that I'm going to make it out of this alive- and I know that." The tears found their way down Kyra's face again, a blubbering breath taken in before she spoke again. "But I'm not going to let there be another sacrifice for me. I've seen it enough- and I've said it enough."
"But you deserve to make it out of this fight alive. You deserve to be happy, to grow old in a galaxy that isn't consumed with war and hate." Poe saw Kyra turning away, trying to walk down the hall to the place where he knew for a fact the docking bay was. Where the escape pods were. He knew what she was planning, but he still wanted to try and convince her otherwise. And in his eyes, there was only one more way he could try to convince her to stay. " You deserve to meet your father."
"Don't pull that card on me." Kyra looked hurt as she stared into Poe's eyes, understanding why he wanted her to stay but hating it all the same. She hated that he could read her like a book, to know exactly what emotions to prey on inside of her to try and make her stay. Kyra had told him, had confided in him about the guilt she carried for not going to meet her father. And now he was using it against her, in a plea for her to stay in a place where she knew she couldn't. "Stars, Poe. I can't give up my best friend for a man I've never met who seems to have no intention of coming back." She turned away from Poe, no longer wanting to talk, finding that her feet were leading her away from him and the conversation.
"What if they kill him anyways, huh?"
That stopped Kyra in her tracks. Barely looking over her shoulder, there was no hesitation in what she said next."I'm not going to stop and make my decision based on what if's." She spoke slowly, sure of every word as her eyes turned hard, forming an expression Poe had never seen before- a silent rage. "That just has to be a risk I'm willing to take. And if they kill him? They'll find out they have a lot more than just a captive Skywalker on their hands. They'll have the fury of one too."
Storming out of the hall, Kyra, wiped her tears away hastily, trying not to look down and remind herself that she was wearing the weathered jacket that had brought them together- and now would be the thing that tore her and Poe apart. Remembering the way that she had travelled before, and the place Leia had noted where the escape pods were, Kyra found herself dwelling by the docking bay for one final moment, cherishing the sight of the X-Wings and the comforting feeling of safety inside of the Resistance.
"Out of all the places to be before you depart, I didn't expect you to be here." A quiet voice noted, Kyra turning to see Fox leaning in the hallway behind her, the man having followed her after she had walked out of the main hall. "Don't worry about Poe- General Organa's holding him back. She knows that the decision you make is going to be yours- even if Poe hates that you're doing this."
"Fox." Kyra whispered, tears welling up in her eyes as she ran to the man she considered a brother, tackling in a hug one final time. She could feel the tears fall onto his Resistance jumpsuit as she cried into his shoulder, the things that she wanted to say going unspoken. Kyra wasn't sure exactly what to say, what apology she should whisper as she was leaving behind her oldest friend- trading her life for Silas's. "I'm-"
"If you say sorry-" Fox chuckled, trying to disguise the fact that tears were coming into his own eyes, shaking his head slightly as he held Kyra close. "I'm going to have to smack you so hard that the First Order won't have much left to have of you." He joked, hearing Kyra go silent at the mention of going back to the regime that they just had escaped.
"Listen, that probably wasn't the best joke." Fox winced, that sentence getting a chuckle out of Kyra, who gave the arm that she was closest to on him a light punch, the man letting out a small and fake exclamation of pain. "But I do hope you know that what you're doing, Princess? As much as I want Silas back- for the both of us- is incredibly stupid."
Pulling herself out of the embrace, tear streaks on her face suddenly the only indication that the woman had been crying, Kyra was confused about what the hell Fox was going on about. He knew what Silas meant to her- to him- so why was he trying to tell her otherwise? Why was he trying to tell her that the decision she was about to make was wrong?
"I know. I see that look in your eyes." Fox shook his head as he stared down at Kyra, not understanding how to put the emotions that were running through him into the right words for him to describe. "I know how badly you want him back. But this? This might all just be a trick to get you back. And I can't let you willingly walk into a trap." He paused before he spoke again, unsure if he should utter the words that he knew were true.
"This is a suicide mission, Princess."
"Not if I don't die."
A sigh escaped Fox's lips, the man shifting the weight of his body to the other foot, his body leaning in a way that could only be told as an irritated man. Exasperation was written all over his face, the one liner exactly the opposite of what the situation merited. "Kyra, that's not how it-"
"Oh, and what, the past four years of missions don't really count?" Kyra scoffed, upset that Fox was trying to tell her that this mission- what was probably the most important one of all for her- was not worth doing. That the leaps and decisions she was making weren't going to be worth it. That Silas wasn't worth it. "We've spent years doing this- swimming against the current of everything that shouldn't be right. Years of doing the wrong thing for the wrong people- of partaking in suicide missions that we probably shouldn't have survived. Hosnian Prime, Naboo, Corellia, Batuu-" Kyra started to list off all of the places that she could possibly think of, trying to justify her point of why she had to go.
"I'm just taking that final risk."
There was a silence that hung in between the two former First Order members after Kyra spoke, Fox trying to just contemplate how the woman had fallen so deep into the hole of losing hope that she would even resort to this. He knew that there was no convincing her, that she was at the edge of the cliff, but he hadn't realized that she had already jumped. "The risk isn't worth it."
"Yeah, well I think it is." Kyra shot back immediately from Fox's response, turning away from him. She didn't want to talk about it any longer. Not when the man that she thought would understand exactly why she was doing this was turning against her, and was telling her no. "He's my family. I'm not going to give up on that."
Turning around, Kyra tried to collect herself again, taking a deep shuddering breath as she tried to not overwork herself up over the fact that she was leaving him. She had just saved Fox, and now it was her time to save Silas too. Even if it meant giving up her own freedom for his.
"Kyra-" Fox called out to the woman, seeing her give one last look back at him and the docking bay, the man surrendering as he knew she wasn't going to back down. "Here." He held out a blaster, one that was one that he had saved for a very special occasion- one that he knew held a lot of significance to Kyra.
It was one that the three of them had bought once when they had lied to everyone inside of the First Order, taking a whirlwind trip to Coruscant and purchasing blasters that had a hidden symbol engraved on the side, a secret known to only them. Fox had kept a hold of Silas's when they had parted, the man the keeper of the secret that they all cherished so much.
"Take it." Fox pressed it carefully into Kyra's hands, watching as her thumb instinctively ran itself over the engraving that was on the blaster. "Give it back to him. Or, better yet, use it. Show those First Order bastards that when you get burned by a Ceydea, you get burned for life." His voice filled up with a passion and hatred for the regime they once served under, pressing a kiss to Kyra's forehead before he pushed her forward. "Oh yeah, and do me one favor."
"Stay alive."
Nodding her head to Fox, Kyra turned and ran. She tried to hurry the pace, unsure of how much time was left before Silas would meet his fate. She ran away from Fox, from Poe, from Finn- from all of the things that she had wished she had said but would never have the chance to say.
And there, at the end of the tunnel, stood the escape pods.
And in front of them stood Poe.
It seemed like Leia hadn't been able to hold off Poe for long.
There was one final plea in his eyes, a plea for her to stay. An expression molded into his face of an unwavering position that he would stand in, a place that he would stay in until the day that he died. "I'm not going to let you do this." Poe spoke, his pain in his voice plain and simple as he spoke, not wanting to do the things that he knew he would have to do to make her stay.
Reaching into his side holster, he brought out a blaster, immediately setting it to stun. Poe wasn't about to hurt the woman that he cared so deeply for, but he was willing to shoot her to make her stay. To not throw away her life on the off chance that the First Order would spare Silas.
"You would really train your blaster on me?" Kyra walked closer to him, watching as Poe had to place a second hand on the weapon to steady his shot, his hand shaking as she drew closer. "I had to admit, I didn't think that you would ever have that in you." She whispered, a sad sort of pride evident in her voice as she reached into the belt that was around her waist, feeling her hand come into contact with the familiar outline of a hilt of a knife.
"Well, they always used to say that you do crazy things when you're in love." Poe laughed, trying to control how much he hurt in this situation- to be caught in between shooting Kyra or letting her go on an inevitable suicide mission. Taking in a deep breath, he just let the words he had been so scared of truly telling Kyra, of expressing to her, to come out easily. "And I'm in love with you."
There seemed to be a sadness in the laugh that escaped Kyra's lips, the woman running closer to Poe, causing him to lower his blaster as she came so close that he could barely breathe. Before he could even react, he felt Kyra kissing him, a sorrowful kiss that expressed every emotion she was feeling- love, desperation and sorrow.
Parting from his lips, a tear fell down Kyra's face as she whispered her next words, regretting everything that she was about to do. "I-." She paused, seeing a small glimpse of hope flash in his eyes, Kyra hating herself for diminishing that spark. "I can't let you stand in my way."
Grabbing her knife out of her belt with her free hand, Kyra sliced the back of Poe's hand that was holding the blaster, watching him wince in pain at the cut. She watched as he dropped the blaster, the woman picking it up quickly as she whirled around, now gaining the upper hand and the position closer to the escape pod.
Raising the gun without hesitation in her right hand, the knife in her left, Kyra's eyes welled up with tears as she stared at Poe, the hurt and betrayed look in his eyes enough to kill her on her own. Feeling her finger rest upon the trigger, knowing exactly what setting it was on, Kyra spoke words that she knew would haunt Poe for the rest of his life.
"For the record, I really am sorry about this."
Her finger squeezed the trigger, and she watched as Poe went flying backwards, falling to the ground, unconscious.
Now shouldering another blaster, Kyra tucked the knife away back into its desired place in her belt, turning to see the codes that would let the escape pod open for her. Using the code that the Resistance had created for her, she watched as the mouth-like mechanism of the stark white escape pod opened for her, a wave of air greeting her like a wind of an uncertain new beginning.
Stepping inside, Kyra gave one last look back at where Poe laid on the ground, unconscious and hurt- both emotionally and physically. She squeezed her eyes shut as she looked away, turning her attention back to the ship that would lead her back to her family. Back to Silas.
Flicking a couple of switches, hearing the pod power on, Kyra looked all around her, trying to remember the exact way to pilot the small ship with her hands shaking as much as they were in the moment. Taking another breath, Kyra tried to steady herself, pressing a button to start the procedure to let her go, hearing the air hiss again behind her, the doors to the pod slamming shut with a finality that rang in her ears.
As the stars of the galaxy suddenly met her eyes again, the twinkling lights meaning something entirely different as she drifted out into space, Kyra wiped away the last of her remaining tears, her mind no longer focused on the past mistakes that she had made.
There was only one way she could move now, and that was forward.
Staring down the dreadnought that was nearly approaching her, Kyra's expression molded into one of determination, her hope dampened but her spirit not. There was only one way that this could all work out now- and she was going to decide how everything was going to end. And as she could feel her impending reunion with the First Order drawing nearer and nearer, there was only one thing on Kyra's mind, one thing that she could whisper to herself to give her the strength that she needed to carry on.
"Don't worry, Si. I'm coming for you."
<~•~>
so, on a scale on one to ten, how much do y'all hate me right now
I'm assuming at least a seven, because of everything we got in this chapter. some goodbyes, the beginning of angst, first I love you's, and some good old fashioned blaster stunning and betrayal (:
you know, I warned you guys that this wasn't going to be very much fun- and if this chapter was an indication of anything to come, color me excited for the future chapters. I'm really pumped to see your reactions to this one and the future ones, even the worst thing you guys have read to date in chapter 9.
so look out for that one, ladies and gents.
anyways, I really just wanted to give a huge THANK YOU! to all of you, because TOAST (aka the art of scraping through) is like number 7 overall in Star Wars??? WHAT? out of like 20K books, I never would've expected that! so thank you guys very much!
ALSO I FORGOT TO GIVE A THANK YOU TO THE LOVELY remuslupout because she was actually the one to come up with the title for the sequel and I forgot to thank her in the opening chapter so <3 accept my love ash ((:
alrighty, I think that's really everything !!nI really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I can't wait to see you all in the next one!
( comments make me work faster (: <33 )