Pairing - Kairi x Mattia (Mairi) (finally)
Category - Angst
POV - Kairi
A/N - been feeling shitty lately, made this to vent instead of being productive
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"𝕐𝕖𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕝𝕒𝕪𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕨𝕙𝕚𝕥𝕖 𝕤𝕙𝕖𝕖𝕥𝕤 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕦𝕟𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕒𝕝."
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"𝕀 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕝𝕒𝕟𝕜𝕖𝕥 𝕙𝕠𝕘𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕓𝕖𝕕 𝕙𝕠𝕒𝕣𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕚𝕒 𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤... 𝕙𝕦𝕤𝕜."
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Never in my life did I think I would see Mattia Polibio laying in a hospital bed. And if I ever thought I did, I would've thought it was over something external. Not something he did to himself.
Not once had he mentioned anything even remotely close to wanting to die. But here I am, next to his bed after an overdose.
It was weird, watching him like this. I knew how he would regularly sleep. He kinda curled up, yet at the same time splayed his legs out to take up as much of the bed as possible. It was annoying as all hell during sleepovers. Yet the way he was laying in those white sheets was just unnatural.
I would take the blanket hogging, bed hoarder Mattia over this... husk.
I just wanted to know why, most of all. I thought Mattia was happy. Well, happy enough. I thought we were happy. Sure, I know it was illogical, but I couldn't help but wonder if it was somehow my fault. If I could've done something more, been a better boyfriend.
Silently I reached out and grabbed his limp hand. He didn't grab mine back, but I knew he wouldn't.
The doctors said they weren't sure if he would ever wake up. He had taken a whole bottle of ibuprofen and then a smaller bottle of allergy pills. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about it.
Every day became the same. I went to school, mindlessly did my work and let my friends fuss over me, made a vague post about being sad on my spam and went to the hospital. Some days I would sit in the chair and hold his hand. Others I would crawl in bed next to him and lay there.
And every day I wondered if it was my fault.
Almost a month passed like this. Everyone was getting suspicious online. Mattia of course hasn't posted, and all I had posted was on my spam.
I was walking from school to the hospital like I always did. It was colder out. I was wearing one of Mattia's hoodies. They started to smell less like him and more like me.
I walked into the hospital. The secretary just nodded at me. They all knew me by now.
I walked up to the second floor, taking the stairs. Maybe if you weren't so fat he wouldn't have tried that. All he wanted was to get away from you. I shook off the thought and went into Mattia's room. His eyes were open but he was just staring up blankly.
"Mattia!" I shot into his bed with him and started cradling his head in my hands. He looked at me for a second, his eyes drifting closed. "No, baby- stay awake, please."
He was already asleep again. I sighed deeply. At least he was alive.
I silently laid on his chest and closed my eyes. I could do my homework later.
Of course after a bit he woke up again. And this time I wasn't going to let him go back to sleep.
"Mattia— Mattia do you know who I am?"
"Mmnhb... Kairi."
"Good job baby good job. Do you know who I am to you?"
"B-boyfriend."
"Good job! Good job I'm so proud of you. Do you know our friends names?"
"I... Alejandro... Al-Alvaro? And- and— Robert..."
"Good job baby, and?"
"Roshaun and Matteo...?"
"Good job baby anyone else you remember?"
"Mmhn... my head hurts."
"That's okay baby we can stop."
He looked up at me with sleepy eyes. I cupped his face and stroked his cheeks. "Can you tell me why you did that...?"
He fell dead silent. He just looked at me, frowning slightly. I felt my heart break a little. "Please tell me..."
"I just... you seemed mad at me and... I thought maybe I could make you happier... if I just. Stopped."
My heart hammered. "I'm so sorry Mattia... I didn't mean it... I didn't mean to make you think that I— oh god please never do this again. Please."
He looked up at me frowning. My throat was closing up. "Are you sure? You never- never wanted me to stop?"
"No! No I never did! Mattia you— you mean everything to me. I love you."
He stared off ahead blankly. I felt like my heart was being crushed under a boulder.
"You love me?"
"I do! I love you so much Mattia."
He let out a dry laugh, looking up at me. His eyes weren't as dull as they were before.
"We'll work on it."