I walk into the bar and grill at 6:45. I'm nervous to see her. I want to make sure I am on time, because I don't want to make her more upset with me than she already is.
I knew she was stubborn, but I never thought she could hold a grudge for this long. But, I understand why she blames me; I blame me.
I look to the bar and see she is already here. All the resolve I had has vanished. She is as beautiful as I remember, long blonde hair that is always in waves, skin with a beautiful glow, a flawless face and a loving smile that could brighten anyone's day.
Before I realize what's happening, I leave the bar and go and sit in my car.
I don't know if I can do this. I tried really hard to be there for her after it happened. She pushed me away every time.
I didn't stop though, not until about 6 months ago. She denied every olive branch I extended. Then she blocked me.
I am not one to let a woman scare me, but she isn't just any woman.
I need to man up and go in there. I have to remember my promise.
:::
"Sarah, it's David." I say into my phone trying to sound calm. "Don't freak out, but James had an accident and is being rushed to Mercy hospital."
She is yelling at me through the phone. Worry, anger and fear apparent in her voice.
"Sir, are you coming with us?" The paramedic asks.
I nod my head and make my way into the back of the ambulance.
"Just meet us at the hospital. It's about an hour away from you, drive safe." I say to her before I hang up the phone.
James is bruised up pretty bad and it's evident he is in a lot of pain. The paramedics say there isn't anything more they can do until they get to the hospital. They are giving him oxygen to help him breathe. Luckily, he is conscious and lucid, which I hope is a good sign.
"David," James says through labored breaths, "Sarah..."
"Don't." I interrupt him knowing what he is about to say. "You are going to be fine." I say trying to sound confident.
"You need to hear this." He begins to say, "just in case."
I nod my head.
"If anything happens to me..." he takes a breath from his oxygen. "I need you to look after Sarah. That woman is strong willed and stubborn, and she will push back, but you need to push back harder."
He begins to weaken.
"I know she will do everything she can to help others and will neglect herself. I don't want her to be unhappy." He says struggling.
He begins to slip into sleep.
"James, I am going to need you to stay awake." The paramedic says.
"Sir," he says addressing me, "please help me keep him awake."
I nod.
"James." I say shaking him gently. He turns to look at me.
He gives me a soft smile. "I need you tell her I loved her."
A sad smile appears on my face, "I'm sure she already knows it, but you can tell her yourself when she meets us at the hospital."
"David, tell her it's okay to find someone else, that I want her to find someone else. She deserves to find someone who will make her heart burn with desire. Someone she loves and will love her back until the end of time, just like I did for her."
I'm speechless.
"I love her, David. She means everything to me." He says a tear sliding down his cheek. "I can leave this world knowing that I was loved by the most amazing woman who made me better each day. I can leave knowing that I had the greatest love, one people only wish for."
"Stop talking like this." I say dismissing him. "You're going to be fine."
"Promise me." He says. "Promise me you won't give up on her. Promise me you will be there for her through everything. Promise me."
"I promise." I whisper.
We make it to the hospital and they quickly transport him to trauma. I am asked to wait in the waiting room.
I am pacing back and forth while James' parents arrive first. They sit with me as we wait.
Sarah comes running in right before the doctor comes out.
I couldn't hear anything after I heard, "I'm so sorry to inform you." It's like I blacked out. When I came to, I see Sarah collapsed on the floor crying. I try and console her, but she just keeps hitting my chest and yelling at me that it's my fault. I don't fight her on it; it is my fault.
:::
I get a second wind of courage and get out of my car to meet up with her. I'm late now, she's not going to let me live that down.
I like to think I never broke my promise. I did push back as much as I could at first, but it only made thing worse. I realized that contact with each other wasn't the right approach at that point, so I kept tabs on her from afar. Luckily, her mother kept me updated on everything. She is the one that finally talked Sarah into meeting with me.
It was really hard when she had JJ and she wouldn't let me come see him. I mean that was my best friend's son. Meeting JJ is something I have been hoping for. Sarah, however, is not as cold hearted and hateful as she expects me to believe. On occasion, she will send me pictures of JJ, which I treasure dearly.
I am going to try my best to stay calm. Her stubbornness frustrates me, and I have lost my temper a little bit on several occasions, especially in the beginning when I was trying everything to get through to her.
I walk into the bar and see she hasn't moved from where I left her.
She takes a sip of her wine and I notice she is still wearing her rings. Knowing her, she's probably never taken them off. Not knowing how to start the conversation, I say the first thing that comes to my mind, "you're still wearing your rings?"
She doesn't look at me and her tone is angry. "Why would I take them off?"
"I wasn't trying to offend you, just breaking the ice." I say calmly, but really, I am annoyed I have to defend my actions.
She doesn't waste any time calling me out on my tardiness, "well, if you were here on time, I might have been a little nicer."
Well, if you weren't such a brat every time I see you I wouldn't have been so nervous and chickened out for a bit. I sit at the bar and order a water. I don't think drinking would be a smart idea, especially with her present.
"You wanted to talk."
I can already tell from her tone that this isn't going to go well. "I wanted to see how you have been doing, Sarah." I respond. "It's been awhile."
"3 years, 8 months, and 3 days." She snaps at me.
I don't even get a chance to speak.
"Do you want to know how I know exactly how long it's been, David?"
"No need." I say trying not to argue with her.
Of course, she tells me anyway. She tells me everything I have already heard before. I am used to this hurt but I was hoping that just once, I would be spared. I close my eyes trying to stay calm.
She can blame me, I'm fine with that. But implying I haven't been trying, that sets me off.
"What did you expect me to do?" I ask perturbed. "I have tried reaching out plenty of times, but you cut me out of everything." I let out a frustrated sigh, "you blocked my number, restricted me from any social media outlets that would give me a hint on how you were doing. I am surprised you even let me at the funeral."
I meant it. I am just lucky her mom kept me updated. I know Sarah knew because she told me when I contacted her to meet up.
Of course, she manipulated my words to make it seem as I was playing the victim.
"That's not my intention." I say trying to get back on track. "He would want me to check up on you. You know how much he loved you. He made me promise that I would..."
Of course she interrupts me. I have to hold back an eye roll.
I try one more time to appeal to her, but I was quickly rejected, yet again.
Her anger has erupted now. Then she said those words. The words, "it's your fault", the words I sometimes lay awake at night telling myself.
She leaves in a huff, leaving me alone at the bar, by myself. Water isn't going to cut it; I'm going to need something stronger.
:::
I wake up with another massive hangover. Something I am very used to. I tend to try and drink my problems away when I am hurting and lately, I have been hurting a lot.
I look at the time and groan. 2:00 pm. I can't be hungover when I go over there tonight. Not when it's my first time meeting the little guy. I really don't want it to be my last.
I get out of bed and go straight to the shower. The hot water hopefully will do something to the leftover alcohol wreaking havoc on my body.
I realize when I get out of the shower, I have no idea how I got home last night.
As I look at my apartment it is filthy. I have tons of empty old fast food bags splayed out around and empty beer bottles.
I eat a quick bowl of cereal and then begin to clean up. I cleaned for most of the afternoon.
Before I know it, it's 3:30 and I need to start getting ready for supper. They wanted me to come over around 4:30 shortly after she arrives so they can give her a heads up. This will probably not go over well.
It doesn't take me long to get ready, so as long as I leave by 4:00 it will be good, it's about a 20-30 minute drive, depending on traffic.
I make my way out to the parking lot with keys in hand. I look around, I don't see my car.
Shit, I must have left it somewhere.
I pull out my phone and look at my lyft history. Luckily, I didn't drive last night because it looks like I got a ride. They picked me up from the bar I met Sarah at.
I quickly request a driver to take me to my car. I already know I'm going to be late, so I am pissed.
The driver comes right away and the bar isn't too far from my apartment.
I get in my car at 4:15 and speed as fast as I can.
:::
I arrive basically at the same time Sarah does. I guess I'm not as late as I thought.
My breath catches in my throat when I see her. James always compared her beauty to a sunrise, you always knew it was coming, but every time you see it you're in awe of how beautiful it is.
She doesn't look as angry as yesterday. She must not know that I'm coming yet.
What fills my heart even more is seeing a mini James running toward the house. I really want to be in his life. James and I always talked about how we would be the godfather to each other's children and we would treat them as our own.
I see him fall and seek comfort in Sarah. She is a great mom. She puts a flat tin on the step. I get out of the car and make my way over to offer some help.
The situation makes me feel awkward, especially as I see her trying to shield him from me.
Suzanne interrupts and takes JJ in the house, leaving us alone.
I'm not surprised when she tells me she doesn't want to see me after tonight. I am used to her saying that.
I know she means it, but deep down I don't think she believes it.
I don't argue with her, but I have no intention of leaving her alone.
I made a promise to James and I don't intend to break that promise.
:::
💭 Thoughts?
🧐 Predictions?
I wanted to share David's point of view. I will be doing that throughout the book.
Thank you for reading!
~Wendy