Dazai hadn't took his eyes away from the barely filled glass, the bitter taste on his tongue lingered still as he swallowed. Under the dim lights of Lupin, his eyes reflected the fire color of the liquor in his glass.
"What do you know about the virus, Haku-kun?" Dazai turned to the boy.
"It's a type of virus that turns the infected people aggressive. Symptoms are likely to develop after 1 to 2 hours. At the most severe state, the hosts will kill the surrounding people or harm themselves or tear themselves apart." Haku said, eyes on the brown folder.
"It's also a highly contagious virus, even though itself isn't infectious while inactive and the time needed to activate the virus was also long, 150 full days, the maturing period, however, is incredibly short, only 1 hour. It has been 48 days since it was first put into Ren's body." He finished.
"Haku-kun, are you happy or sad that you failed the mission Mori-san tasked you with?"
Dazai raised the glass to his lips, lifting it higher and higher until he felt the heat from the drink coating his tongue entirely.
Haku didn't know precisely whether he was happy or sad, he didn't regret coming back for Ren that was for sure, but his emotions then were unclear. He couldn't answer straight away what it was. Maybe it was both, he thought to himself.
"Well, let you answer an easier question then. Do you know why you have to kill Ren?" Dazai placed the glass down, yet sparing Haku not a single glance.
Nothing went past his observation, Haku mumbled, but it wouldn't be much a surprise since it was Dazai who he was talking about. He must have guessed ever since he saw Shou in that cell.
The mission Mori gave him was specific, to kill Ren, and only that. He needed not to help Rei physically. In fact, the saying that he was to assist Rei to eliminate the organization was the imply that he should not fail the task of killing Ren. Because, as much as he didn't want to admit, the death of Ren was the quickest and the most definite way to destroy the organization and save Yokohama.
Why?
Well.
"The Hattori's were the only ones with the high matching DNA, Shou was already a failed experiment, they couldn't experiment on Rei since she was in Port Mafia, and they had not the resources to go against Port Mafia yet. So Ren was the only one left, with him dying they would have no ways to spread the virus."
"Correct. Mori-san's action was logical, he must stop such a threat with the most efficient way. Ren's death in return for the life of every ability user in Yokohama." Dazai slowly pulled his eyes closed.
"And if Rei manages to bring Ren back she will certainly leave Port Mafia. In the case that she fails, the grief and hatred will only be the fuel to her power, and that benefits Port Mafia more than anything." Those eyes opened to stare straight into the void where absent a certain bartender.
"You know Haku-kun, this fight started 3 years ago, ever since her first mission. The child she found in there was one of the unfortunate kids who were experimented on. Mori had always kept an eye on Rei ever since then, and he utilized her past to the very best. He gave hope to her, appointing her on missions that would provide her information about Ren."
And he had used that hope to stop her from coming to Odasaku's aid.
Dazai had always knew about Mori's ways of achieving his goals. He utilized every possible chessman on the chessboard, every move was optimal. Dazai knew, because he would've done the same. But, in reality, he didn't do so.
"He had faith in you, considering that you haven't failed a single mission before, at least while in my time in Port Mafia."
Haku remembered that time when he dashed into Ango's office after hearing his scream. Dazai was on one side while Odasaku was on the other, closing in on his mentor. That was the first time he had ever come to Port Mafia, it was the only time he had seen his superior in real life.
Haku was a spy, but he also worked in the intelligence unit. His mentor was Sakaguchi Ango who was also a spy, but for the Gifted Special Operations Division.
"But even if you fail, Mori-san would still win."
"That man Kane said that even committing suicide wouldn't stop the virus once it spread."
The glass clashed against the coaster, giving out a small obnoxious clang. Dazai looked at the ice in the cup as he dipped it down then let it float back up to repeat the act all over. Once his fingertip started to freeze under the cold, he lifted his hand back above the counter.
"What will you do if you're in Rei's shoe now?"
Haku met those hickory orbs unexpectedly, but they weren't menacing like those times in the past. This time, they were rather sad.
"I don't know." Haku replied.
"If committing suicide won't help once it spreads, then you just have to commit suicide before it spreads."
The silence was obnoxious.
It was not that he didn't know, it was rather that he didn't want to give that answer. Haku knew what the virus would do to the host in the time of its activation. The virus would insert false genes into the host's DNA and therefore create mutations. Ren knew as well, since he asked Araki, and Araki couldn't let him be in the dark.
Ren was doomed to death even if the virus wouldn't activate. The decision was Ren's, not Rei's.
And after those 4 months in the orphanage watching him, he knew the boy would choose death. It was a path leading to freedom for him, and he wouldn't have to bare the guilt of being the mass murdering machine.
If only Shishio was alive, if only the meeting was successful that day, none of this would've happened. And he might have been able to see Ren again, his only friend.
Haku wanted to see Ren again, to tell him the truth, to tell him about everything and redeem for his sins.
"Dazai-san, how do you cope with the loss of someone dear to you?"
Dazai turned to the boy as he spoke, eyes opening a bit wider than usual. Those cerulean eyes he stared at glimmered in the dark lighting, getting watery.
"I don't."
Dazai's words were honest, he didn't cope with it. He didn't think that he could, he never forgets about it, all he could do was distracting himself from it. Ruthless he might've been, but Dazai still had a heart, and it still had power over him.
Dazai might have tried to separate himself from people, since attachments could be troublesome. But his heart desired those connections, even just one string connecting him with someone else was enough. His heart stopped him, or rather helped him, from being exactly what his ability was, No Longer Human. For the sake of a human Dazai, he couldn't come to cope with the loss of someone dear to him.
Haku chose to be a spy as it didn't require much teamwork, nor did it require him to lead a bunch of people and talk to every single person in his department. He thought it was a good choice, he wouldn't have to bother dealing with other people around him. But there was always an exception that he had no power to change to his will. For the sake of a human Haku, he surrendered to those exceptions with tied hands.
"I've resigned, I work full time in the intelligence unit now." Haku spoke suddenly, drawing Dazai's attention to him.
"But that means you'll have to work inside the Port Mafia Headquarters." Dazai remarked.
Though he incredibly hated socializing, he didn't particularly have to socialize in there. Haku took upon Ango's previous position. And in that office, working with papers and books, he found it quite relaxing. He would struggle some parts first since he was dyslexic, but the fact never bothered him much. He had finally been able to read the word "雪", he didn't think the rest would be as strenuous.
"I can cope with that."
Haku replied with a smile, raising his cocktail for a big sip. The taste of vermouth caught on his tongue, spreading out a rather bitter taste. He hadn't had a nice glass of Addington in a while. Doing travelling works had its perks, he admitted, such as finding out about fancy restaurants and bars while on missions. Though he knew about Lupin through Ango's recommendation, he hadn't actually come to the bar until this meeting with Dazai.
The quiet atmosphere wasn't one that was obnoxious but was enjoyable to both of them. They needn't to think about anything while, simply enjoying their drinks in the vintage bar. It wasn't complete silence, as the bartender behind the counter continued still with his work of making and serving drinks to other customers, and in addition, there were also small talks of the guests in the back. They all combined to bring out a quite nostalgic feeling.
"Haku-kun, your ability, The Lost Path, allows you to see into people's past, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"Do you see people's emotions while watching their paths?"
There was a long pause between the question and the answer. Haku could guess who Dazai was talking about, he actually didn't have to guess, he had already known who it was.
The reason why Dazai asked was because he knew the one special part of Haku's ability. When he read one's past, he experienced their past in their own shoes, wearing their feelings in the situation. He became that person in their past.
"I do, but I can't always comprehend their emotions."
"Then have you seen hers?"
"I have."
He had, he had even seen Akutagawa's as well on that day they visited the orphanage. He didn't mean to at first, but he hadn't got his glasses with him that time and he couldn't stop the ability once he looked into someone's eyes. He had seen more than he should've, as he had to spend the next day in bed unable to even leave the orphanage to come back to his own apartment.
"Was she happy?"
"She was more than happy."
In that specific moment when he placed a kiss on her neck with the sole purpose of ridding his own emotions about her, but then failed miserably. In that specific moment when he pulled her into his embrace under the moonlight on her birthday, whispering ever so lightly a birthday wish to her. In that specific moment when she gave him the tie he was wearing then, and destroyed his childish hatred. In that specific moment when she thought about him when she first saw Haku, and letting Haku see only the memories she spent with him.
In those specific moments she was more than happy, that much Haku could comprehend. And seemingly, that much was enough to understand her feelings, and that little question was enough to understand Dazai's feelings.
It was more than bliss that ignited inside her in all of those moments, either those emotions werer positive or negative.
"Why didn't you tell her about Chuuya?"
Dazai didn't reply until he had downed the liquor in his glass to the last drop.
"Because I am selfish when it comes to her."
In those brown eyes reflected the honesty Haku had never thought Dazai would show so readily. Yet, somehow he was glad to see such emotions from Dazai, even though it was a negative emotion like selfishness. People are allowed to be selfish sometimes, and in that life of the man before him, he was allowed to be selfish sometimes too.