Life and love isn't meant to be easy, we are here one minute gone the next. It could be the wrong word, the wrong move, anything could remove us from the life that we are unknowingly given.
Irene wasn't used to being happy, the second youngest of 5 was never given much attention. And still. She aspired for a life outside the dilapidated house her father ''struggled to afford', no. She wanted more. She deserved more. So she did what she had to and she became who she wanted to become. Life had always bit her in the ass and threw her out like she was yesterday's special left to rot. Whenever things got better, they got worse.
'Not again', murmured Irene, sitting in her penthouse in Seattle, the view to die for but it was easy to afford with her career as a pathologist. Who would want to examine dead bodies? While staring at the violent red shine of her insulting alarm clock, it read 3 am, she thought of what pushed her to this. What brought it about. The feeling. Something is going to happen today and i really don't want to find out what.
Pushing herself out of bed, nudging her black lab so adoringly named Sally, from her favorite novel, she grudgingly walked to wardrobe and pulled out a form-fitting pair of scrubs, blue with her name beautifully embroidered on the side. 'To the hospital I go S,' she whispered, so used to living with other people with the fear of awakening but one of them.
Bellford, Washington was a small town about a 2 hour drive, not that she minded, and chosen for its connection to a naval base across the country in Virginia, where she was from. Bellford Naval Hospital didn't fully require you to travel to Jasston Riverway, a connection of 5 cities, her previously living in 3, but she wanted it. In case she wanted to run home, to a home that wasn't there to welcome her back. Bellford was a decently sized hospital with decent people. None Irene tried to really speak to. There was Kristina, her pathologist assistant and well, seemingly her personal assistant and that was it.
She waltzed into the front doors and walked towards the lower level elevator, Bellford advocated to be the cheeriest hospital around with their new birthing ward that they'd prefer to hide all the bodies out of sight for potential new mothers hoping for their business.
Business. That term always unnerved her. A new baby was business, a dead corpse was business, a dying mother was business. It was disgusting. As if these humans were measured by the money they have to offer to the seemingly caring Bellford.
Was somebody calling my name?, she thought, who knows.She walked into the coffee shop located directly beside the bright and glaring gift store with extremely overpriced items, things she could buy out never but was never able to afford. She got her usual, Lemonade and Raspberry something not typical for sleep deprived doctors but the crisp taste of lemon and the sweet tinge of raspberry always helped. Right as she was going for her first of many sips her short, ample sized assistant popped up beside her. That explains my earlier question. "Irene!", chirped Kristina, "you have a few files to look over, a phone call from Braxton, a page from Dr Serenity, a few things delivered here instead of your home as usual, and a lunch meeting with Ms Lena.", she rushed through as if she was reading from a list. But Irene didn't hear anything after that godforsaken name.
Braxton
Her damned brother in law.
Once upon a time, he was her best friend but now he was a thorn in her side trying to pull her back. Only a few small exceptions would drag her home, he tried being one of them. She never returned after she received her placement in Medical School, she always paid for them to fly out or met them in Maine, her eldest sister's house.
"I'll call him after my meeting", why would I call him? Just another smooth talk trying to convince me to come home, i didn't come back when my father died, i'm not coming back now., "Irene," Kristina's usually soft eyes turned stern, "it's important enough for him to call at 3am HIS time, it's important enough for you to call back."
Yet again, Irene was stuck.
She had 4 siblings.
Luena, married and has a beautiful daughter who recently graduated high school. She ran a bakery in Maine living with Claire, her amazing wife. When Irene met her, Claire was Clark. Luena and Claire practically raised Irene and she felt nothing but adoration for them and Diana, their genius daughter. Diana finished high school with her associate's degree and was planning to be a nuclear physicist. Whatever her parents couldn't afford, Irene got. Claire and Luena always had foster kids in their house, Blake lived there during the summer, but Irene was too absent. If they were still there during holidays, she'd send gifts.
Blake was Hank's daughter. When Irene was 19, a month away from 20, she was born. Hank and her mother were a short relationship, a year in total just long enough for the mom to realise Hank wasn't going to step up and become the father she wanted him to be. Blake was 16 years old, and trying her hardest not to end up like her dad. She lived with her dad, and her uncle and grandma, on the weekends and stayed with her mother during the weekdays. It worked for them.
Next was Braxton and her. Braxton married her sister a few months after Claire and Luena married when Irene was 14. Her sister ended up in prison not long after Irene left. Drugs, theft, things Irene couldn't be bothered to know. What Irene knew was that her sister wasn't getting out. Completely her opposite, was Lise. Lise finished high school and immediately joined the navy, like her father's father. Lise was always destined for more and with her mother gone, she got that. Akin to her cousins, Irene tried to stay present in their life but things didn't always go the way she wanted.
Finally was her brother Daniel, twin actually. Where Irene excelled, Daniel dropped. Daniel was a huge gamer and sadly never realised that a career in it was one in a million. Daniel and Hank never had a stable job, doing small projects for a couple of their mom's friends for a few dollars but nothing permanent. Irene wished better for her brothers but she knew it was never coming. For years, Braxton, Luena, and Irene tried to help and for years nothing happened. After a while they grew to realise that they would never leave their mother's house.
Luena was always known to wake up early, her and Claire's bakery began taking off 5 years ago and waking up early was a norm. Braxton? Never. If it wasn't for work at the college, he was a Astronomy professor 4 days out of the week, and did lectures when needed, he wouldn't be awake until 4pm. So, 3am was unheard of.
"Please give me time to get to my office," she pleaded with her assistant, the teal and black bag weighing heavier by the minute as the worry began to crawl up her throat.
Was it mom?
Was it Lise?
Did she get out?
Her black converses seemingly filled with lead walked, drudged with their own accord, going one floor down to her back office, passing members on the night shift finally able to get off work, ignoring the jokingly remarks she'd usually fake a smile to.
The uncaring air and sterile smell of the hospital overwhelmed her senses. The overwhelming possibilities, her brother in law, brother more like, had a joking personality. Maybe it was that? Maybe Lise came home from Japan early? Maybe Luena wanted a surprise visit? Did I miss a holiday? It's september. Nothing important. Did Braxton get a girlfriend or boyfriend? Is he freaking me out over something like a significant other? I swear Braxton, I swear.
Approaching her glass and white painted brick office, rather big for a pathologist but the hospital didn't have many so they kissed their ass when they could. The obvious smell of fresh paint and wax gleamed off the surface.
her office was gorgeous, something she never liked to admit. Directly off that George something renovation show. When she officially got the job, her office was a blank canvas. A leather sofa beside the door with a yellowish, not orange almost brown, bookshelf sitting beside it. Her metal desk and uncomfortable chair situated against the back wall,facing two wooden chairs. After being there for a year she got a new makeover, something she let Lise do when she visited the summer she graduated.
Lise genuinely spared no expense. The horrid carpet was replaced by a chic black and white one with silver accents. Her metal desk was replaced with a modest granite one and seemingly everything was changed. Except her couch. That leather couch stayed, she loved the way the cold texture felt after standing over a cadaver for hours. She ate on that couch, she slept on it, but it was most importantly her unofficial bag holder.
None of that mattered. Not when every little smell, every color, every texture was magnified with the anxiety overtaking her body.
Was it another death...?
Dad's death was expected, he was 60 and never cared for himself. He hated me. Hated me. Expecting me to return for that man. The audacity.
Still. His death hit in a way that not many expected to feel. Her mother had many heart attacks and everyone worried about her, sure.
Dad?
Overdose.
Overdose on drugs their sister sold him.
"-ne"
Drugs were always a recurring theme in their family. Irene smoked weed once or twice sure, Luena and Claire were known for their Marijuana positivity. Hank and Daniel? There was a reason they didn't do much with their life. She always zoned out when people ranted about them. For years she would obsess over it and just wonder why.
"-ene"
She knew why.
They were never given a chance. No one cared. No one took the time to actually give a fuck. Sure money and support helped. It was too late though. They needed parents who would raise them. Parents who cared. Just somebody, anybody to actually fucking raise them.
"Irene!", shouted her pesky assistant. Pesky was probably a mean word. Kristina tried. She really did. It was so hard to get through to Irene, Kristina always feared it was autism. Claire and Luena agreed. Getting tested means informing the hospital. Informing the hospital means rumours. It meant bragging about being inclusive. It meant bragging about their autistic doctor while they repeatedly shitted on autistic patients. Small towns never change.
"I'll fucking call him." she exasperated, "Please go tell Serenity, i will be late." and with that Kristina slipped through the door, unknowing to Irene, just standing outside the door.
Deep breath
She reached slowly to the bag she had nonchalantly sat beside her on the leather loveseat.
Deep breath
She grabbed her teal phone, some new brand, a gift from Claire when she noticed the state of her old one.
Deep breath
She put the phone in her lap and rubbed her shockingly, sweaty palms on her jeans
Deep breath
She unlocked it and clicked the glaring icon.
This is it.
This is finally it.
brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrng