chapter seven
the pogue leading the princess
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There were a few things Izzy missed. She missed standing in the rain as the water droplets pelted her skin, making her feel alive. She missed dressing up in her mom's clothes and having fashion shows with the girls she used to call her friends. And she missed when she'd laugh so hard, lines appeared around her mouth and her stomach would ache. But she did not miss JJ Maybank and his arrogant smirk when he thought he was in the right.
As Izzy leaned on the doorframe of the front door with her arms crossed over her chest, she watched the blond boy mess with the trinkets (she had no idea what they were called) under the hood of the car. Normally, she hated men trying to prove to her that she needed them because honestly fuck that, but truthfully, she had no idea how to fix a car. It still pissed her off that she had to ask a man for help. But that wasn't what she was focusing on. What had her attention was the slightest hint of a smirk tugging at JJ's lips as he worked on her car. That got her blood boiling.
It pissed her off that JJ thought he knew her. He thought just because they used to hang out when they were thirteen that he knew who she was at that very moment.
News flash: JJ Maybank didn't know anything about Isadora Windsor.
After Luke Maybank was fired from the Windsor staff, Izzy only thought of JJ in one way . . . and it wasn't the most pleasant of thoughts. Quite frankly, she thought he was an idiot and a bit of an asshole. She thought he self-sabotaged himself more than he would like to admit. He was always acting first, never thinking later. It was always strike first with him. He never gave himself a chance, and that was what bothered her, because she used to think he could do anything he set his mind to. She remembered he had learned how to surf quicker than anyone his age, because he was always watching, always learning, quietly and stealthily. She didn't know many people who learned that fast. But he was JJ Maybank. He had ambition and motives . . . if only he would just give himself a chance.
Now, don't get her wrong. She would never admit any of this to the boy or to anyone ever or even really to herself, but she knew it was true. The boy had a big chance of succeeding in anything if he would just try. But he never did. And while Izzy had barely even broken a fingernail in all her sixteen years, her future was already set in stone, while JJ's could still be molded. She would like to hope he'd gather the courage to become something more like she used to think he would. (Don't go thinking that meant Izzy Windsor cared at all about JJ Maybank because she didn't! She just hated lost potential, alright? She was an artist after all. She saw people and the world differently than others. This was just a natural response. Obviously.)
And for a second, she let herself wonder what'd happen to him after high school. She shouldn't have cared or even fathomed the idea, but the thought just popped into her head.
Izzy knew where she'd end up. She knew who she'd become after high school and possibly even college if she bothered to go. Actually, now that she was thinking about it, Izzy knew she probably wouldn't go to college. It wasn't like she actually needed to go. She had enough money in her trust fund to live off until old age or a heart attack claimed her father and she inherited all his millions and millions of dollars. She was practically a cash cow.
The girl would live off that money for her entire life. She'd travel to places she couldn't even pronounce in a private jet or be one of those people who went on cruises. She'd probably end up with Rafe Cameron and have to drink herself into alcohol poisoning in order to get through their wedding. They probably wouldn't have any kids since Izzy absolutely despised anything that she couldn't control. Although . . . a part of her liked the idea of a tiny her running around. But Izzy knew she'd be a horrible mother. She knew she didn't have one maternal bone in her body. She supposed she was fine with that.
So, yeah, she guessed she was fine with the future that had been set in stone for her since the day she was born. Maybe . . . no, scratch that . . . she definitely would end up breaking her new and improved drinking rule. She'd become one of those middle-aged women who 'just drinks during special events' . . . except every night is a so-called 'special event' and she's actually an alcoholic. But even that wasn't that bad, because, truthfully, it wasn't an awful future. Anyone would be happy with being filthy rich and married to a guy who fit the societal standards of attractiveness. Izzy supposed she was happy with it all. No, she knew she was happy with it. She had to be. She'd be crazy if she wasn't.
As for JJ Maybank . . . there was no way of knowing where he'd end up. To Izzy, he was an enigma. If the universe had it its way, the boy would end up just like his father, drinking his way to the bottom of a Whiskey bottle and selling his belongings for a gram of cocaine. But JJ was different. He was still a mild kleptomaniac and a future tax cheat, but he was different. He was innovative and ambitious . . . Izzy knew he was. For some reason, a part of her wished he saw that in himself, too.
She wished she knew the future. If she had that ability, she'd know what would become of JJ Maybank and she could finally rest easy without feeling so guilty. Guilty for what? She had no idea. But she knew if she could see into the future, then a lot of things in her life would be better. Hell, she could have stopped her mom from meeting her end. Then she wouldn't feel so incredibly sad all the time. She'd know the future. She'd know what would become of her and this fear she had of the future wouldn't even be a thing. Maybe if she had a third eye she'd finally be able to breathe without a weight on her chest.
But Izzy Windsor didn't have a third eye. She wasn't a seer or a psychic, she was just a girl. She was just a filthy rich girl, who had everything she could ever want and yet her life felt so unfulfilled. She wondered when that feeling would go away. Maybe it wouldn't. What a cruel karma that would be.
"All right, Princess, pay up," JJ suddenly said, ripping the girl from her thoughts. He closed the hood to the car and threw the wrench into the toolbox that they had found in the Windsors' garage. Then, he wiped the grease from his hands onto a rag before he stuck the rag into his back pocket.
Izzy focused her gaze on the boy. Sweat coated his forehead and dripped from the ends of his blond hair. He wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand before he let out a sigh, grabbed the toolbox, and approached Izzy. He stood before her, which made Izzy uncomfortable, causing her to fidget in her stance and cross her arms over her chest to assert her dominance. JJ seemed to find that amusing, considering the corners of his lips twitched as he stared at her frustrated stance.
Izzy shrugged to try and shake the feeling of his eyes on her. She cleared her throat a second later and glared at him. "That's it? No, 'you're welcome' or a harsh dig at my quote-on-quote Kook lifestyle?"
JJ smirked, looking smug. "I know you're grateful. There's no need to acknowledge it." He leaned in closer to her . . . so close she could smell the cologne seeping past his perspiration. "I mean I wouldn't want you to be embarrassed."
Izzy narrowed her eyes into slits, glaring harder. She swore she was going to accidentally burst a blood vessel one of these days. "Embarrassed by what?"
"Begging a Pogue for help," JJ said in a hushed tone.
That pissed off Izzy. She didn't beg people for help. People offered to help her. "Funny . . . but I don't remember ever begging you for anything," she spat, her words like venom.
JJ shrugged. "Whatever helps you sleep at night," he muttered. His eyes stayed trained on Izzy as he searched her face.
Izzy decided she was done staring at him stare at her. It was too tiring trying to figure out what he was searching for. There was no point anyway. She knew he'd never find anything. "Money's inside," she said. She pushed off the doorframe and turned around, heading back inside her house . . . but at the last moment, she looked over her shoulder and locked eyes with the boy. His blue eyes swirled with something new. Izzy sighed. "Do you like want anything?"
JJ smiled softly. "Well, you said you'd throw in a drink."
Izzy lifted her brows and shot him a tip-lipped smile, although she was sure it looked more like a grimace. "Great, what do you want?"
"You got beer?" he asked.
Izzy just nodded. She gave him one last glance before she turned around completely and walked toward the kitchen. She passed by one of the living rooms then made her way into the kitchen. The room was adorned with a huge island with a marble countertop, and too many unnecessary cabinets crowding the walls. There were many floor-length windows that made the room feel open. Plus, there was an aluminum door that opened up to the outside where their pool was located.
"Shit, I forgot how big it was," JJ remarked as he strolled into the kitchen.
Izzy only rolled her eyes and headed for the fridge. She opened it and found a case of beer that Rafe had shoved in there a couple days ago. She took one of the beers from the case then found a bottle-cap opener in one of the drawers before she popped off the cap and slid the beer across the island countertop. JJ caught the beer before it slid over the edge of the counter. Izzy went back to the fridge and grabbed the bottle of water she bought from The Wreck earlier. She decided after the other night that she was so not drinking anymore. It was too risky.
After she grabbed her water, Izzy hopped onto the counter of the island and sat on the edge so her legs were dangling. She stared through the windows, letting her vision unfocus as she sipped from her bottle of water. A second later, she felt JJ's presence beside her. With a grunt, he hopped up onto the counter so he was sitting next to Izzy. They were almost touching as Izzy swayed her legs back and forth . . . but she chose to ignore that.
JJ brought the beer bottle to his lips and took a sip. He made a disgusted noise the moment he swallowed. "Is this what rich people drink?" he groaned, smacking his lips together. "It tastes like shit."
Izzy rolled her eyes. "Just drink your beer and shut up."
JJ glanced between the bottle of water in Izzy's hand and the blank expression on her face. "No alcohol for you?"
Suddenly, Izzy was hyper-aware of the pain in her chest like a piece of twine was wrapped around her heart. It was always there. Sometimes she barely noticed it, but then JJ had mentioned the alcohol and she was reminded of her mother's death—the hearth of her pain, and the twine tightened. It felt like someone was on the other end of the string, pulling it and dragging her heart through her body until all she could feel was this ache in her chest where the organ should have been. It made the void more noticeable.
Another second went by before a hand clamped down on her shoulder and suddenly Izzy wasn't inside her own head anymore. She blinked away the past and for a second she let herself wonder if her future would contain the same pain she had grown accustomed to. She wondered what her future would be and who would be in it. Would she lose them too?
Then Izzy forced herself to look at JJ's hand on her shoulder. He gently squeezed her shoulder, but quickly removed his hand before she could break his arm. She watched his hand fall to his lap, then snapped her eyes to meet his. She blinked a few times as a heavy sigh escaped her lips. "I think you of all people would know why," Izzy muttered as she picked at the plastic bottle in her hand. She cleared her throat and flicked her blonde hair over her shoulder, straightening her posture to give the impression that there wasn't a hole in her heart. "I'm quitting altogether. Alcohol is just so last season, you know? I mean it's honestly passé at this point."
JJ snorted. "Passé . . . right," he remarked, then laughed. But he must have seen the blank expression on Izzy's face, because he almost stopped laughing immediately. "Are you okay?"
"Leave me alone," Izzy groaned. She wasn't used to people asking if she was okay. She decided she didn't like it.
A scoff left JJ's lips. "It was a simple question, you don't have to act so defensive," he said with a shrug. "I'm not asking you to marry me, Iz. Just wondering if you're planning on driving into a tree any time soon."
An image of Izzy swerving on the street and crashing into a tree, popped into her mind. She saw her corpse . . . the blood . . . everything, and then fear plagued her. Because here was the deal: Izzy Windsor was afraid of death. The pain, the uncertainty of it all, basically everything to do with death scared the shit out of her. And no matter how many red lights she ran, she did not want to die.
But she didn't show that. Instead, Izzy Windsor did what she had always done and picked a different personality to mask the one seeping through the cracks of her facade. "Why do you care?" she spat instead of spilling her soul to the boy she used to know.
"Well, personally, I like to be prepared before I attend a funeral," JJ said with a smug grin on his face. "You know? I like to dress up, and suits take a while to order. Gotta' be lookin' spiffy when they lower you into the ground."
Izzy got the feeling he was trying to lighten the mood, but then she decided that was stupid because there was no way he was trying to make her feel better. He hated her and she didn't blame him. If anything, he was trying to rub his hatred in her face. "No, need," she muttered, scowling. "You wouldn't be invited."
JJ shrugged and took a sip from his beer. "I'd find a way to sneak in."
Izzy pursed her lips. "I'd have you thrown out."
"But you'd be dead."
"Maybe that's what I want everyone to think," Izzy mused. She brought the water bottle to her lips and took a sip to swallow the small laugh bubbling in her throat. "Maybe I faked my death."
JJ shook his head, a grin on his face. "You couldn't fake anything."
Izzy bit her lip, smiling slightly. "Trust me, I fake a lot of shit."
JJ furrowed his brows and stared at the side of her face. "Like?"
Izzy glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. She was smiling a little bigger now. "Ask Rafe," she said with a shrug as a smug smirk consumed her face.
JJ's brows shot up high on his forehead as a shocked laugh escaped his lips. "That was cold, Windsor," he remarked. "Is that why his ego's so big?"
The smile on Izzy's face morphed into a tight line. She'd watched Rafe turn into someone she barely knew, and that was hard to wrap her head around . . . so she just didn't even try. Joking about him sort of helped. "Unfortunately . . . he was born with that," she muttered.
JJ nodded in agreement. "Makes sense. The money went to his head, huh?"
Izzy nodded her head and put the water bottle beside her on the counter. "Yeah. Money, booze, and drugs," she murmured as she counted off on her fingers. "Those are all the things Rafe loves."
"And you, right?" JJ asked. "Unless . . . the perfect couple ain't so perfect after all."
The room grew quiet almost instantly as the two of them averted their gazes and focused on the world passing them by just outside the windows. Both of them were probably thinking the same thing, but neither wanted to speak it into the universe . . . so silence was their answer. Izzy hated that. The silence made her feel alone, and she couldn't take that right now.
Izzy decided to escape the silence, she'd go outside where the soft crashes of the ocean waves and the distant traffic could fill the ringing in her ears. She sighed and grabbed her water bottle then hopped off the counter, but before she could move, JJ put his beer aside and slid off the counter then stopped her by wrapping a hand around her arm. Izzy glanced between his hand on her arm and his eyes, but he wasn't looking at her, he was staring at the cut on her forehead.
As the seconds ticked by, Izzy watched as JJ studied the cut on her forehead. He brought his hand up to Izzy's face and brushed the hair covering the cut out of the way, curling it behind her ear. His hand stayed there though . . . probably for longer than it should have, and Izzy slowly felt herself lean into his touch. But she didn't notice the way her muscles relaxed, she was too focused on trying to fill the silence consuming them.
As a last resort, Izzy cleared her throat. "What are you doing?"
JJ blinked and tore away from her, bringing his hands to his sides. "Uh—" he adjusted the baseball cap on his head— "the cut is looking better."
Izzy crossed her arms over her chest to create a barrier between them. "Yeah, nothing a little makeup can't do," she said with a shrug.
Before he could say anything, Izzy walked past him and approached the door to her backyard. She opened the door and stepped outside, hot air slapping her in the face. She walked across the patio until she reached the pool. She stood at the edge and watched the water glisten in the sunlight. The water didn't scare her when she was standing above it, but she knew if she submerged her head under the water and couldn't feel the bottom of the pool, she'd freak out. It was a stupid fear. She knew it was . . . and that pissed her off. She was so damn tired of being afraid.
"Um . . . I'm sorry by the way," JJ said suddenly, tearing Izzy from her mind.
Izzy turned around to see the Maybank boy approaching her with a beer in one hand and the other stuffed in his pocket. She squinted her eyes at him and frowned. "What?" she muttered, confused as to why he was apologizing. "For what?"
JJ stopped in front of her and shrugged. "For earlier," he clarified. "Rafe was the one who pissed me off and I took it out on you so I'm sorry for being an asshole."
Shock consumed Izzy. Her expression softened and the frown on her face flattened into a soft line. She blinked a few times before she decided that she wasn't dreaming and she was in fact living in reality. But she still couldn't believe it. No one ever apologized to her about anything. They'd come up with excuses, but they'd never outright apologize . . . and yet, JJ had. It made her feel weird. Izzy didn't like weird.
Izzy blinked again. "Oh . . . um okay. Thanks . . . I guess," she murmured. Apparently she had no idea how to accept an apology either.
A small smile lifted onto JJ's face as he studied the girl in front of him. A second later, he sighed and averted his gaze to the pool a few feet from them. That was when a laugh bubbled from his lips and he had to bite his lip to stop. He shook his head and adjusted the baseball cap on his head, turning the bill to the front.
Izzy furrowed her brows at him. "What? Why are you laughing?"
"Because you have a whole damn pool and a private beach and yet you don't use either of them," JJ stated, gesturing to the pool and then pointing to the private beach down the hill.
That was something Izzy agreed with, but she wouldn't admit that to him. There was no changing it either. William Windsor was a man who was obsessed with his image. The more exotic and extravagant shit he owned, the more desirable it made him appear. Izzy felt the same way but with her art. She guessed she got that from her father . . . and that sucked. "My dad says it makes the house look more . . . pleasing," she said, puffing out her cheeks and exhaling.
JJ furrowed his brows. "But he didn't teach you how to swim?"
"Never had the time. He was always away on business trips and shit," Izzy said with a shrug. Her mind wandered for a moment and then she was thinking of her mom again. She pursed her lips and sighed. "My mom tried once but I complained the whole time so she gave up. Sometimes I wish I would have put up more of a fight. You know? Just to have a little more time with her."
Something flashed in JJ's eyes. Sympathy maybe . . . but it could have been understanding. "Do you miss her?" he asked, his voice soft and low almost like he was hesitant to speak.
For a brief second, Izzy's scowl dropped from her face and her eyes glistened. She wasn't going to cry. She knew that, but it still hurt to talk about her mother. (She'd probably cry later, though. She knew she could be overdramatic like that.) "I guess," Izzy sighed, her voice almost a whisper. "I just wish I could take back every shitty thing I ever said to her. I mean I could be a real bitch."
JJ snorted. "Oh, I know."
Izzy shot him a glare, but she chose to ignore his remark. "I don't know how she didn't lose it," she continued. "I mean literally every minute I'd complain about something different."
A small smile slid onto JJ's face, showing he understood her words. But there was something different about the way he looked at her with that smile on his face. It was like he was remembering the past they shared together—the past Izzy tried to bury along with her mother. But not everything stayed buried forever. Some things had a way of resurfacing at the worst possible times. JJ Maybank seemed to be one of those things.
The smile grew into a grin on his face as a small laugh escaped his lips. "I remember you yelled at your butler or whatever he was because he gave you a glass of lemonade with three ice cubes instead of two," JJ said, proving the statement that Izzy Windsor was in fact a dramatic bitch (or rather a major drama queen).
Izzy made a face. "Three water's it down," she claimed, defending herself. (In all truth, she knew she sounded like a total priss.) "If I wanted water, I would have asked for water."
"Wow," said JJ with this look on his face. He was judging her. She knew that and she didn't blame him. She knew what he was thinking. Izzy Windsor's a spoiled bitch. And he would be right. She was, and she wasn't proud of it, but it was all she had ever known.
Because here was the thing: no one taught Izzy how to be humble. No one told her there would be people who judged her instead of looking at her and thinking 'Wow, I want to be her'. So, yeah, she couldn't handle rejection. It wasn't like Windsors' to be rejected or judged anyway. But she knew she had to learn. She had to stop getting offended when people looked right past her instead of looking for her.
So Izzy decided to try this new thing . . . otherwise, she wasn't sure she could put up with JJ and his sense of humor for much longer. She might have snapped and pushed him into the pool. And the 'new thing' Izzy decided to try was to not start another argument with him. "Don't look at me like that. You'd complain if it was your lemonade," she mused.
JJ made a face and shrugged. "Lemonade's for pussies. I'm more of a whiskey kind of guy," he said, tipping the beer bottle to his lips so he could take a swig.
Izzy rolled her eyes. "Of course you are."
The beer bottle covered the amused half-grin on JJ's face as he slightly shook his head at her. "So—" he wet his bottom lip— "alcohol is passé and lemonade is shit unless there are two not three cubes of ice in it and . . . what else?"
Izzy messed with the cap to her water bottle as she racked her brain. Her father immediately popped into her mind, and then she was consumed by flames. She hated him. She really really just fucking hated her dad . . . and yet there was a part of her that still wanted his approval.
It was the neglected child hidden somewhere in her subconscious that sought the approval of her father. She may have hated all the pressure he put on her, but she knew no matter what, she'd do what he asked. Sure, there were times when Izzy was really angry and sad . . . like at the party the other night, but most of the time, Izzy was William Windsor's puppet. She didn't want to admit it but his disapproval was one of the reasons she decided to stop drinking altogether. She didn't want to slip up and give him another reason to send her a text describing all the ways she had made the Windsor legacy a mockery.
"My dad's a dick," Izzy finally hummed after a moment's silence.
It was those words that seemed to resonate with JJ as an understanding expression crossed his face. "Well, look at that we do have something in common," he said in a low voice. He brought up his beer bottle and gestured for Izzy to click her water bottle against it. Izzy shook her head, but nevertheless, clinked her water bottle against his beer bottle in a sort of . . . toast, if you will.
Another thought popped into Izzy's head as she took a sip from her water. She swallowed the water before she pointed a finger at JJ, waving it. "Oh, and you can't forget that pools are only acceptable as decor," she added.
JJ nodded, pointing to his head to show he agreed. "Right, right, right . . . but . . . "
Izzy screwed up her face. "But what?"
JJ gave a warm smile. "They don't have to be just decor."
"Excuse you?" Izzy scoffed, raising a brow.
Confusion struck JJ's face for a moment before he realized . . . and then he was chuckling. "No, Iz, what I mean is . . . I can teach you how to swim . . . if you want," he offered.
"Oh."
"I mean with your boyfriend's approval . . . of course," JJ clarified with a smug smirk on his face.
The Windsor girl thought about it for a second. What would that make them? Friends? She wasn't supposed to be friends with him. But . . . maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Stop it, she scolded herself. She needed to think of the future already planned for her. And that future didn't include taking swimming lessons from JJ Maybank.
Izzy glanced at him again. "I'd rather drown," she ended up spitting out, but the words felt forced. A part of her wanted to take them back . . . a part of her wanted to take everything back. But she didn't.
JJ rolled his eyes, but it looked . . . playful? "Of course you would," he muttered, smiling softly. He looked at her again, but this time he didn't look away, he just kept staring. A second later, he opened his mouth. "So, anyway, do you have the whole house to yourself all the time?"
A sigh escaped Izzy. "Mostly," she said with a shrug. "I mean the staff—"
"Staff?" JJ cut her off. He raised his brows and looked at her with this expression (obviously judging her). "Jeez, Iz, that makes you sound like a whole housewife of Beverly Hills."
Izzy shot him a glare then rolled her eyes. "Anyways, the staff is here most of the time, but I think it's their day off. And Sarah . . . " she trailed off at the mention of her name. She had almost forgotten what she said to Sarah at the party . . . and had yet to apologize for saying those things. Yet, another thing she could add to the reasons behind the guilt eating away at her flesh. "Um . . . Sarah and Rafe and them come over sometimes, but yeah, I guess it's empty more than half the time."
"Sounds lonely," JJ observed. There was this look on his face. A look Izzy couldn't decipher.
"It's not," Izzy spat, her lip twitching.
JJ narrowed his eyes at her. "You're lying."
Izzy made a face. "What? No, I'm not." Yes, she was. She was always lonely . . . even in a room filled with people.
"Yes, you are," JJ protested. "Your lip twitches when you lie." He pointed a finger at her face.
Instinctively, Izzy covered her mouth with her hand. "What? You're overanalyzing me now?" she spat, glaring at him. "What's that about?"
"Simple," said JJ, tipping the beer bottle to his lips. He took a sip then exhaled in content. "I'm studying you so I can slowly become you and steal your life."
Izzy wanted to laugh. She didn't. But she did have to bite her lip to stop herself from smiling as she raised her brows in questioning. "That would never work," she affirmed.
"Why's that?"
"Because I'm perfect and you're—" Izzy curled her blonde hair around her ear as she looked him up and down— "you."
JJ looked at her for a second too long. Like really looked at her. It felt like he was looking right through her. It felt like he saw her. Izzy didn't like that, but she also didn't want him to stop looking at her. And he didn't. "Yeah, you're something," he mused, smiling softly.
But Izzy didn't smile. She didn't know how to take his words or what they meant, so she took them negatively. Maybe it was the Scorpio in her always looking for the worst in people and refusing to trust anyone save for her own reflection. "What does that mean?" she bit out through gritted teeth. So much for trying to keep her cool.
Her response only made JJ grin wider. He liked getting under her skin. "It means you're something," he stated again, his voice dripping with amusement. "I have never met anyone like you, Iz. Whether that's good or bad is up to you."
Izzy glared at him because she honestly had no idea what else to do. She felt awkward. She didn't like feeling like that. It wasn't like her. Izzy Windsor was not made to be awkward, she was made to be perfect. She was carved out of diamonds, not pyrite. "Well, I've never met anyone like you, and I can assure you, that is not something to be proud of," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.
"You're only saying that because you wish you were me," JJ claimed, smugly. "You don't have to admit it. I know I'm amazing."
Izzy narrowed her eyes into slits. "Sometimes I wonder how you have so many friends."
"I wonder the same thing about you," said JJ.
"I don't have friends," Izzy blurted out before she could stop herself. It wasn't like it was a lie, though. She didn't have any friends, just people she used to stop the void from growing. Even Sarah didn't like her and she didn't blame her. She just felt bad for Izzy. There was no way anyone actually liked being around a girl who walked around with a gray cloud hanging above her head. There was no way anyone actually liked Izzy. There was just no way. "Haven't you heard? Nobody fucking likes me. I'm a bitch."
Something flashed in JJ's eyes but it was gone before either of them could blink. "Sounds like something a lonely person would say," he said. "Are you lonely, Izzy Windsor?" His voice was lower now and he sounded almost genuine which made Izzy feel . . . different. She didn't know if she liked that or not. She decided she didn't.
"No, I'm not lonely. Money buys happiness, right? I can't be lonely if I'm happy. Wouldn't make any sense," Izzy spat. She was aware of how superficial she sounded. But it was the truth. When the people around her couldn't stop her from wanting to scream at the top of her lungs, she went online shopping. If she felt a scream bubbling in her throat, she'd buy a new dress or a pair of new shoes. And if that didn't work, she'd buy new paints. Money was always there for her, even when no one else was. If she wasn't rich, Izzy was sure she'd waste away. "Besides, friends are overrated."
JJ was looking at her with that weird look in his eyes again. It felt like he was looking right through her like she was transparent. "Do you want to know what I think?" he asked, his voice soft almost as if he thought if he raised his voice, he'd scare her away.
Izzy finally looked back at him, meeting his gaze. As her green eyes bore into his blue ones, she felt like she wasn't drowning anymore, and she found herself wondering what he was thinking. "Fine, lay it on me," she sighed, clutching the water bottle close to her chest as if it were a lifeline. "What do you think?"
A melancholic half-smile lifted onto his face. "I think you want people to hate you," JJ confessed, his voice barely above a whisper.
The twine tightened around her heart again. She wanted to tug the rope and just let the pain consume her. Maybe it would be better than this. Why? Because JJ Maybank was right about her . . . but she couldn't have him knowing that so she straightened her posture and put a blank expression on her face. "And why would I want people to hate me?" she spat, raising a brow.
JJ searched her face, looking for a crack in her mask. When he couldn't get past the barrier, he wet his bottom lip and sighed. "Because it's easier," he muttered. "It's always easier to think no one cares about you . . . that way you won't be disappointed when they let you down."
Fuck, Izzy thought. She wanted him to get out of her head. She wanted to tell him he was wrong. She wanted to shove him out of her house without giving him the money . . . but she didn't. "So did it work? Do you hate me?" she found herself asking instead. Why the fuck did she care what he thought? Oh, right . . . she couldn't handle rejection. That had to be it. That was the only reason why she wanted to know.
Something crossed on JJ's face, and then he was frowning. He furrowed his brows as he continued searching her face. For a second, pain etched into his features, but then it was gone, and he was scowling again. "I wish I did," was all he muttered.
The expression on Izzy's face softened. She didn't know what to think. But she didn't have time to even process JJ's words before the door leading to the kitchen opened and a new figure joined the two outside. Izzy's heart sank the moment she realized who the figure was, and all of a sudden, she felt like she was drowning again.
Rafe stepped into the sunlight. "Iz?" he asked, glancing between his girlfriend and the Pogue he despised.
"Fuck me," Izzy groaned under her breath. JJ snorted at her remark, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.
A muscle twitched in Rafe's jaw as he approached the two. "What the hell's going on?" he asked, bitterly.
Izzy rolled her eyes. "He was just fixing my car."
Rafe shook his head and scoffed. "Yeah, sure."
JJ turned around and moved closer to Rafe. "Rafe, man, I gotta' tell you, jealousy does not look good on you," he said, patting Rafe on the chest. "You look a little constipated."
Something flashed in Rafe's eyes . . . something dark. "You're really testing your luck, you know that?" he spat through gritted teeth.
JJ shrugged. "Well, I like to think I'm pretty lucky."
Rafe scoffed as a grin slid onto his face. "Just wait until the cops find out what you and your friend did," he threatened.
"I don't know what you're talking about, man," JJ claimed as he shook his head. "But I do know you're like what? Nineteen? And you're going out with a sixteen-year-old. Yeah, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure the cops wouldn't be so lenient on you either."
Rafe clenched his hands into fists. "I'd shut your mouth if I were you."
The tension surrounded them made Izzy feel like she was suffocating, and she would do anything to get it to stop. So, she wrapped a hand around Rafe's arm and pulled him away from The Maybank boy. She forced Rafe to look at her by putting a hand on his face and turning it to face her. "Don't," she warned. "I just have to pay him for fixing my car and then he's gone. Your dad is going to kill you if you end up in jail for being a fucking idiot."
Rafe's jaw stayed clenched, but he nodded. Izzy sighed in relief and gestured for JJ to follow her back inside her house, before she turned around and approached the door. She opened it, pressing her back against it to hold it open for JJ.
As JJ approached the door, he turned around and nodded his head at Rafe. "Look I don't know how rich people do relationships, but she's your girlfriend, so . . ." he yelled with his hands cupped over his mouth. ". . . stop acting like she's your property!"
Izzy glared daggers at the back of JJ's head as she pushed him inside before he pissed off her boyfriend even more. A laugh bubbled from his lips before he sighed and approached the island, sliding his beer bottle across the countertop then leaning his arms it. Izzy pursed her lips and shook her head. She rested her water bottle on the countertop then went to the drawer in the kitchen where she kept a checkbook, and pulled it out. She dug for a pen and began to fill out the check . . . but she stopped when she came to the amount. She made a deal that she'd pay him sixty-five dollars, but for some reason, she felt guilty if she wrote that number. She didn't know why, but she did. So instead, Izzy found herself writing down one hundred dollars in the amount box like he originally wanted.
As she stared at the check she found herself wanting to add more zeros to the amount, but her father would probably text her wondering why she made out a check to some person he didn't know. And then she began thinking that if she did actually add more zeros to the amount, JJ might get the wrong idea. She couldn't have him thinking she actually cared about him . . . because she didn't . . . okay? Izzy Windsor did not care about JJ Maybank at all.
Izzy sighed and turned around to see JJ staring at her as he toyed with his bottom lip. She pursed her lips and tore out the check, holding it out to him. "Here," she muttered, her voice monotonous.
A smirk formed on his face. "Thanks, Iz," he said in a silky voice as he took the check from her and looked at it. His brows furrowed on his face as he looked at the check. He met her gaze a second later, confusion swirling in his eyes. "What happened to the sixty-five?"
Izzy shrugged. "Call it a tip."
JJ wet his bottom lip and smiled. "One hell of a tip."
"Do you want me to change it to sixty-five?" the Windsor girl deadpanned.
The boy shook his head, but the smile stayed on his face. He nodded at her as if to show his gratitude before he turned around and headed for the foyer. But the farther he walked away, the more the twine wrapped around Izzy's heart seemed to pull.
"Seaweed Brain," Izzy called to him, stopping the boy in his tracks. He turned to look at her. She bit her lip, contemplating whether or not she wanted to say what was on the tip of her tongue. But it seemed she didn't have a choice. "Thank you . . . for fixing my car."
JJ smiled softly. "No problem, Princess," he said with a wink before he turned around. And then he was gone.
Izzy felt a smile forming on her face, but before she could even let herself relax, the door to the outside opened and Rafe walked into the kitchen. She looked at him and her heart sank. She was drowning again.
Rafe raised his brows and slapped his hands against his thighs. "Again?" he scoffed. "Are you fucking serious?"
Izzy was tired. She didn't want to fight. "I already told you nothing is happening between us," she sighed.
"Doesn't look like it," Rafe said, angrily. "You know, you're always telling me to fix our relationship, but it's you who's ruining us."
Anger coursed through her veins again, lighting her skin on fire. She was tired, but she was also so angry. She was so angry it consumed her. "There won't be an us if you keep acting like I'm your pet," she spat.
"Do you know what he did?" Rafe asked.
Izzy shrugged in response, beckoning for him to elaborate.
Rafe wet his bottom lip. "He and his friend sunk Topper's boat."
"Was this before or after you beat up Pope?" Izzy questioned, narrowing her eyes into slits at him.
Rafe scoffed. "So you think it's my fault?"
Maybe. Izzy didn't know anymore. She cared about Rafe. She knew she did. She thought she always would, but he also made her so angry. She never knew what he was thinking, and that annoyed her. She just wanted him to be the boy she once knew . . . not this sorry excuse of a man. "You tell me," she ended up saying instead of what was really on her mind.
Something flashed in Rafe's eyes. It seemed as if he was at war with himself. Lately, he was always in a battle with his emotions, and Izzy saw that. She wanted to help him. Hell, she wanted to fix him. But Rafe would never let her. She knew that.
Rafe shook his head, clearing his thoughts. "Whatever," he muttered bitterly. He sighed a second later and shot her a look. "Top mentioned something about watching the movie at the drive-in or whatever, so we're going."
"Are you Topper's bitch now?" Izzy asked, her tone harsh.
Rafe scoffed. "Just go get ready," he spat before he turned around and walked out the door leading to the backyard. He was probably trying to clear his thoughts, but Izzy didn't care. Okay . . . she cared a little, but she had her own thoughts to worry about.
As her thoughts consumed her, the twine wrapped around her heart, became more noticeable. She wanted to cut the rope. She wondered what would happen if she did, but she also wondered what would happen if she followed the rope and found who was on the other end, pulling it. She wondered if this person's purpose was to cause her more pain . . . or if she'd find all the answers to her questions at the end of the rope. She guessed she'd never find out.
a/n: ignore that this took me like a week to update and if there are mistakes, ignore them pls, i didn't proofread this! also, the fact izzy doesn't even notice she's letting jj in is v on brand. love her, but she's a little dumb.
also i'm putting this in every chapter that rafe is in: so i don't know who needs to hear this, but rafe IS a toxic person. he's a toxic person in the show and he's a toxic person in this fic. i wrote him like this because it's canon to the show. his and izzy's relationship should NOT be romanticized. i am not romanticizing them, and you shouldn't either. so please don't romanticize them. it's not cute. it's not romantic. it's wrong.
thanks for reading!