Songs:
Over my head ~The Frey
18 acoustic instrumental ~one direction
Impossible ~Shontelle
•••
Tiny, gentle patters were flaked against the window, slowly building with each that hit. A sudden stream of chills itched their way up my spine so I pulled the warm covers up further, cuddling into Niall's comforting embrace.
I know it's only been a month that we've been dating, but to be honest, it feels like so much longer. We've known each other for about four months now, and it's scary just to think about how fast I fell in love with this little Irish asshole.
I never thought it would happen. I don't think he did either. When I first came across him in that frat house, I kept telling myself that I wanted nothing to do with him. I wanted him to disappear off the face of the earth, but now... Now I'm so happy. I never thought that Niall would be the one to make me feel like this.
He's so..so, Niall. He's beautiful and perfect and just an absolute sweetheart. He cares so much and he's such a gentleman. He may come from horrid childhood, but man has he changed. And it all really did show me that even though you may have came from an ugly past, you can still be perfect in your own way.
"Morning, beautiful." Niall whispered, kissing my forehead as his fingers ran through my knotted, messy curled hair.
"Morning." my voice was hoarse and my throat felt like it held razor blades after everything that happened last night. "It's snowing." I whispered, smiling as I pressed a kiss to his bare chest.
"I see that." he smiled and pulled me closer, staring out the window above my head. "It's been a long time since those blinded were opened, and I'm kind of glad they are right now." I hummed against him, turning around in his grip so I could stare out the window too.
It was so pretty as it lightly fell against the window, turning into a small little drop of water. Frozen one second, then a puddle next.
Niall spooned me, his arms tightening around my torso as his cheek rested against my head. Our shared body heat was so comforting, providing me the perfect morning.
"You're so warm." Niall swooned, snuggling into me further. I giggled and rolled over, tucking the sheet around my bare chest. "I could just lay here forever." I giggled again as I felt his head snuggled in the crook of my neck, burying his face like a chipmunk in a fuzzy sweater.
I blushed as he moved the sheet out of his way and instead, wrapped himself around me and then laid the blanket over us. I felt smothered, but I loved it nonetheless.
My fingers tangled their way through his messy, dyed blond locks, feeling it curl around my fingers. It really was getting long and I keep forgetting to make a hair appointment for him. Although, I kind of like it like this because not only it is soft and fluffy, but it makes him look younger.
"I love you, Niall."
"I love you too, Khlo." he smiled up to me. "No matter what." He added. My stomach fluttered at his words and I smiled as I watched his face lean up to give me soft kisses. "Can I play you something?"
I looked at him confused before he answered by standing up and walking over to his dresser. He pulled on his briefs and grabbed his guitar, sitting on the edge of the bed. I nodded excitedly and smiled, looking over to him.
I'd only ever heard him play once and that was so long ago. He was so good! I remember watching how his fingers danced across the strings like they were the most delicate things in the world. I enjoyed it.. a lot.
Yes, I was with Luke at the time and I was trying to push Niall away, so I didn't act like it, but I think deep down inside I really did want us over Luke. I think Luke was just my go to because I didn't want Niall to hurt me even though I was hurting myself by staying away.
I really regret that decision.
"What's the name?" I asked as he started to tune it and get it situated on his lap.
"I don't know, I just have this melody in my head that I can't get out." I nodded my head. I relaxed my body and shut my eyes as I heard the first chord that was strummed lightly, echoing through the air like silk.
His fingers started to move and I instantly smiled. It was so beautiful.
He lightly hummed along with the instrument, sending me into a paralysis as I found myself in a little happy place in my head.
He continued for a few more bars and I never wanted it to end. But after about a minute it finally did. After all, all good things come to an end.
"That's all I got right now." he set it down and smiled towards me before moving to lay on my, supporting himself with his elbows by my shoulders. "Shall we get up and get some breakfast? I'm sure everyone else is up by now."
"No..." I whined, tightening my arms around Niall's upper back. "I just wanna lay and cuddle."
"We've been cuddling." he chuckled, his chest vibrating. "I'm hungry. C'mon I'll make you anything you want."
I giggled at his brightly smiling face, keeping my eyes trained on his. "Anything?"
"Anything." He looked up for a second than back down. "Maybe anything can be our always." I laughed and shoved him off if me as I sat up.
"Please don't quote my favorite book. You'll just ruin it." I shook my head, smiling. Niall laughed loudly, standing up to put on his briefs. He tossed my bra and underwear over to me, along with a shirt and pair of shorts.
"Then start to fucking trust me!" Niall and I both looked to each other with furrowed eyebrows before glancing to the closed door.
We quickly got dressed, hearing Gemma's voice echo behind the thin walls.
"How can I trust you when all you do is whore around?!" Shit. Kayden was here.
"Why are you so assumptive!?"
We carefully pried open the door, seeing Liam standing with wide eyes near the bathroom as Gemma and Kayden stood a good four feet apart by the couch.
"Oh, I don't know, Gemma." he spat, sarcasm dripping like turpentine off his tongue. "Maybe it's because I fucking called and called last night- not receiving any thing from you! Then come to find out you were sleeping in the same room as him!?" He shot Liam a glance causing Gemma to roll her eyes.
"Oh my god, you're so annoying! We went to a club and got drunk so I crashed on their damn couch! I didn't do anything!" Her cheeks turned to fire from anger as she pushed against his chest, his eyes suddenly narrowing at her.
"So it's okay? It's okay not to answer me?" he started walking towards her as she suddenly started to back away and I noticed Liam start to shift uncomfortably, as if he was ready to pry Kayden's head off. "Maybe I'll go out and get drunk then go sleep in a girls room. Maybe we'll share a blanket and I can kiss her cheek. That's alright, yeah?"
"Kayden.." she whispered.
"No, Gemma! That's okay with you? Because it's not fucking okay for me! It'd be different if Harry was here but he's fucking not! How can I trust you when you're sleeping around with these fucking pricks?!"
"I'm not sleeping around! GOD!"
"Really? Are you sure because you've been sneaking off with him for a while now!"
"We're fucking friends, damn it! He has a fucking girlfriend!"
"So if he didn't you would be sleeping with him!?" Kayden screamed in her face.
"Did I fucking say that?!"
"You didn't deny it!"
"I wouldn't go behind her back! Why don't you fucking believe me!" Gemma's voice started to crack, but she was quick to hide it.
"Because you do shit like this Gemma! You're so fucking... FUCK! Sleep with him. Go a head because I'm fucking done with your shit!"
"Back off, Kayden." Niall's voice made me jump as I glanced to him to see him making his way out of the room.
"Niall.." I whispered but he quickly brushed me off, starting to walk over to them.
"Go away, Niall. I don't need your help!" Gemma spat at him, still staring at Kayden as he hovered over.
Niall walked over to him, pushing Kayden away from her. "I said to back off of her." He spat, his voice full of venom.
"Leave us alone, Niall!"
He ignored Gem, still turned towards Kayden. "Show a girl some respect!"
"How about I show her the door instead, because I'm done!" He pushed Niall back by his shoulders, walking towards the entrance.
"Kayden..." Gemma whispered.
"No, Gemma! It's been weeks!"
"But I'm not doing anything!" She groaned, tossing her head back.
"Doesn't matter now, does it?" His voice was suddenly calm. "We're over, Gem." He gave her a last look before exiting through the door and slamming it shut.
The dorm was silent, all of us just staring at the door. I felt my chest tighten and I wanted nothing more than to smash her into a hug, but by the look of her face I knew it wasn't going to happen because she looked as if she was ready to explode. Whether into tears or anger.. I wasn't so sure.
"I'm sorry, gem-" Niall started, but was quickly cut off.
"You just costed me my fucking relationship, you asshole! We could have worked this all out!"
"Gemma, he needs to learn how to respect you. That wasn't-"
"Show a girl respect, Niall? Oh that's rich coming from a guy who made a bet for beer and weed over a girl's virginity!" her eyes shot over to him and he just stood still, his face falling into a panicked look.
My heart stopped as my eyes instantly went wide. I felt a burning heat in the pit of my stomach. I suddenly had a funny feeling that this was the bet that Luke had brought up a couple weeks ago. There was a sudden motive to vomit as Gemma's eyes met mine.
"Gem-" Niall went to speak up in a low voice, but was suddenly cut off by Gemma, herself.
"No, Niall." She turned to me. "He didn't tell you, did he?" I shook my head, looking back to Niall who just glared at her.
I took a deep breath in, letting a shaky one out as my mind went absolutely blank.
"Ni-all?" My voice cracked and my heart just completely shattered as he glanced up to me with a sullen look in his eyes. "W-was that girl me?" I really didn't want to know the answer, but by the look in his eyes I knew it was true.
There was no denying it.
Oh... my god.
"Khloe, please hear me out." He rushed and stepped towards me while I absentmindedly took a step back. I noticed his face drop as he came to a stop, but so did mine.
He made a bet on me. Not just on me, but on my virginity... For dugs and alcohol...
Are you kidding me?
"Y-you... you made a bet? With Luke?" I felt the first hot tears stream down my cheek, quickly followed by a second that I had blinked away.
"Khloe, I-" he stopped himself, his eyes searching my face for something. I don't know what he'd find though. I felt like I was dying by the second. My chest tightened and suddenly felt like it was caving in and my heart was shriveling up into a tiny particle; no longer beating. As the silence settled in the room, it confirmed that I was getting stabbed repeatedly.
"You knew about this?" I turned to Gemma as her face fled with guilt.
I felt a dagger pierce right through my skin and into my heart as I watched her mouth open, still not saying anything.
"Oh my god." I shook my head, backing away from the three frozen figures in the living room.
"Khloe, I'm so sorry."
"Are you?! Are you really?" I was screaming, but I couldn't hear myself over the ringing in my ears.
Niall is the cause for Luke's actions.
Niall is the reason Luke 'cheated' on me.
Niall is the reason Luke tried to rape me.
And Gemma knew that, but didn't tell me.... I think that's what hurts most.
"Khloe-"
"Who else fucking knew?!" I threw my hands into the air.
"Khlo," Niall stepped forward and my eyes shot to him as he tried to grab ahold of me.
"Get off of me! Don't fucking touch me!" I growled and pushed him away, wrapping my arms around myself. "Who the hell knew about this!?"
"Can we please go in my room and talk?"
"I don't want to talk, Niall!" I felt the build up and couldn't help it as I bursted into tears, closing my eyes shut tightly so I wouldn't have to see his face. The back of my head it the wall and I just wanted to sink into a deep, dark hole.
I hurt so badly. So, so, so badly.
"Just tell me who knew..." I whimpered, biting my lip.
"Everyone, but Harper because she wasn't around at the time." Liam whispered. Liam.
Oh my god, I'm going to be sick.
I felt my knees buckle and I couldn't hold myself up anymore as I slid down the wall, my hands moving over my face as my body shook from the violent sobs.
I could hear Liam sigh and someone walk away before a door was slammed shut just making me cry harder.
My heart physically dropped to my feet and I felt like my veins had been ripped apart. Everything inside me burned as if it was on fire.
I wanted to be mad, but I was in so much pain that I couldn't.
I trusted all of these people.
Every single person that I had became friends with.
They all knew and no one bothered to tell me... no one.
Niall. I love him so much and I don't know what to do...
Granted this was before he and I started dating, but it's not right.
No matter when it was, you don't do that to a person.
I just... I feel so... so used. I feel gross. Worse than when I did when Luke tried to rape me. This hurts so much more because I was stabbed by someone who I actually love. Someone who I thought I could trust.
People who I thought I could trust.
I just let the tears stream down my face, one after another. I didn't know what to say, or what to do, or how to feel.
How am I supposed to feel?
"Khlo," Niall bent down pulling my hands away from my face. "Baby."
"Don't call me that!" I screamed and pushed him away. I noticed his watering eyes and it just made me hurt worse and want to cry even more. "Go away, Niall!"
"Goddamn it, Khloe!" He yelled and stood up to turn towards Gemma. "Thank you so fucking much, Gemma! THIS IS WHAT YOU FUCKING WANTED, RIGHT!?" He bellowed in her face. "FOR ME AND KHLOE TO FALL APART, RIGHT?! What the fuck do you have against me?!"
"Everything, Niall! You're fucking disgusting! She's your goddamn girlfriend!"
"But you don't want her to be, yeah? You don't fucking like me with her and I don't fucking know why! It's like your fucking jealous or something!" He screamed, turning and slamming his fist into the crème wall. The sound echoed and the wall vibrated against my back, resulting in my crying even harder.
"Niall, what the fuck?!"
Niall pulled his bloody hand back, not even being affected by the impact. "What the fuck is it, Gemma! Why the fuck did you have to started this shit!?"
"Well maybe you shouldn't have put a fucking bet on her! She's a person, Niall!"
"You don't think I don't fucking know that! That's why I wanted to fucking forget about it because I didn't want to see her get hurt!" He screamed back, his face growing as red as his hand, but it quickly became foggy as my vision blurred from all the tears.
"You're a coward, Niall!"
"Fuck you! You can go screw yourself!" He stormed into the kitchen, Gemma following behind.
I plugged my ears, hearing Niall's loud and threatening voice quickly turn into my dad's, and Gemma's turn into my mom's. It was as if I was in high school again, listening to my parents fight about me. Gritting my teeth, I scrunched my eyes together trying to rid of the noise.
I started to cry harder not getting the sounds away as they continued to scream, their voices getting closer again.
I quickly scrambled to my feet and raced past them to get to the bathroom. I slammed the door shut and locked it, sliding down until my bum was on the tiled floors and my knees were pulled to my chest. I hung my head low, letting the tears just pour.
I don't even know what to think. I just want to cry and cry and cry.
When I woke up this morning, all I could think about was how much I loved Niall. About how much he'd grown as a person. About how much he'd changed.
I woke up happy and thinking I was the luckiest girl in the world. Never did I think that in just a simple, short hour that would all turn around on me and bite me in the ass. Never did I think that this would come out.
I was a sobbing mess, my hair sticking in my face. I picked up the closet thing to me, which happened to be a plastic cup, and chucked it straight ahead, watching as it slammed off of the sower wall and fell into the tub.
I just cried and cried. I couldn't help it.
I felt betrayed by everyone..
Everyone who'd I'd loved and who I'd trusted with my life.
I just can't believe that no one told me. Not Louis, not Harry, not El, not Gemma, not Zayn, not Liz, not even fucking Liam. Liam!
He's the least I would've expected to hide it. But then again, the only person we really can trust is ourselves.
Our closet friends are the one to hurt us the most, our minds are the ones to trick us into thinking other wise, and our loved ones are the ones who comfort the thought with fake smiles and butterflies. God, how naive can we really get?
I just... Fuck, I'm so oblivious and stupid!
I'm fucking.....FUCK!! I choked on one of my sobs just causing me to cry out even harder.
"Khloe-" Niall whispered, pounding his fist against the door. "Khlo, please listen." his voice cracked and I could hear him slid down the door so he was sitting how I was.
I sobbed harder, my chest shaking violently.
"Khloe" Niall sighed, "you're not the only one hurting, baby." Yes, because you really sound like this is hurting you just as bad as me.
"I-I don't want to talk about it." I choked, coughing after.
"Then don't talk, please just listen." he pleaded, his head falling against the wood. "I didn't know what I was getting myself into, K. I wasn't meaning... I never wanted to hurt you." Well you fucking did. "Besides, you can't really be mad because this was before we even started dating."
You did not just fucking...
I stood up and violently wiped my tears away before I pulled open the bathroom door. Niall jumped to his feet, surprised at my actions.
"That doesn't give you the fucking right, Niall! You barely even knew me then!"
His eyes widened then narrowed, turning almost black.
"I knew that I was fucking jealous as hell that Luke wanted you!"
"So you think that it was fine that you made stupid bet over something that I actually valued?!"
"I wasn't meaning to hurt you!"
"How, Niall!? Because right now that's all I'm fucking feeling! You did fucking hurt me, along with all of your little friends who somehow knew but never bothered to tell me!"
"Khloe, I still love you." Rolling my eyes here.
"Well your love is shit, Niall!"
I noticed his eyes suddenly narrow into a glare, the scowl setting in as the anger pulled his chest up, clearing his face of melancholy. "Excuse me? My love is shit?" He laughed a bitter and cold laugh and I just wanted nothing more than to suddenly smack him. "You're the one who claims you love me, but you won't even fucking listen to me as I try to explain myself!"
"I don't need your fucking excuses, Niall! You did it. Period! There's nothing you need to describe or explain!" I started to turn my back on him before I stopped myself and turned around again. "You finally won, Niall. You got my virginity. Was it everything you expected and more?!" I shook my head, steam blowing through my ears at how pissed off I was.
"Yeah, actually." My heart stopped for the nth time today. "It was better than I thought it was going to be!" He yelled after me, causing me to come to a halt. "You were so fucking desperate, it was great to watch you plead for attention. Fucking amazing actually. You were so fucking easy." I felt the knife that was already in my chest start to twist in an agonizingly slow circle, ripping me at the seams.
I turned on my heel, suddenly wishing I didn't as I noticed the smirk on his lips.
"I'm actually surprised that Luke had such a hard time with you in his room. For I had you melting under me within seconds. You were like putty in my hands, baby."
That's all it took for me to march up to him and slam my palm against his cheek, releasing a loud echo amongst the room. "You're a fucking sick bastard. I hate you so fucking much." I spoke lowly, the back of my eyes burning, but I wasn't going to cry anymore. He wasn't worth my tears.
He's nothing but a sick asshole, and I was stupid for thinking that he's ever going to change. Once a disgusting frat boy, always a disgusting frat boy.
Everyone always thinks that there are such things as second chances. That people really can change.
They don't change. They just get better at hiding.
I'm over it.
I'm over him.
OMFG Niall's a dick. I'm crying! If I was Khloe, I'd be beating him over the head with a damn metal pan right now.
Gosh, he's such a little prick.
Okay, more to come soon! Love you all! Don't forget to vote, comment, and share with your friends! I love you guys so much!!! Xx :)
Also, follow Khloe and Niall on Instagram:
@Khloesparks_fn
@niallhoran_fn