Colt's POV
"Please, Amanda, don't make me go over it again," I plead, throwing a pillow over my face in frustration.
"I just don't understand," she says dumbfoundedly. "I know Brooke. Sweet Brooke. Nice Brooke. Kid doctor Brooke. And she ends up being a monster Brooke? I just don't understand."
Yeah. Me neither.
Tossing the pillow to the floor, I sit up and face Amanda once more on my laptop screen and throw my hands up in exasperation. "Tell me about it."
Her gaze softens, and she reaches out to touch her screen. "It'll be okay, buddy, I promise you."
I cast my eyes down, so humiliated that I didn't see what was going on right underneath my nose. "I know."
Johnny, who's laying down pressed against my side, perches his head on my thigh, his droopy eyes staring up at me. I ruffle the fur between his ears and swallow thickly.
I bet this is my karma. What goes around comes around.
"Does anybody down there know what happened?"
I shake my head.
"Are they ever going to?"
I nod. "Eventually." Johnny breaks our gaze, and I return mine to Amanda. "I just need to figure out what I'm going to do with myself, ya know? I want to have a plan first."
Amanda cracks a smile. "Sounds like a plan, Stan."
I snort through my nose. "Yeah, I guess so."
"So..." she trails, "What are you going to do? Are you going to stay in Georgia for the time being, for forever? What's going to happen?"
What's going to happen? I've been asking myself that for a bit longer than I'd care to admit.
I can't stay here forever, I mean I do have a life that I created in Boston. I can't just... abandon it.
Realization dawns on me and I look to Amanda with wide eyes.
"I'm not going to make the same mistake twice, I'll tell you that right now. Listen Amanda, it's been an enlightening experience with you, as always. But I've got to go," I say hurriedly, bouncing off the bed.
"Good luck!" she calls, just before the screen goes dark.
I close my laptop and get dressed quickly.
My feet thunder down the stairs as Dad tosses me my car keys, hollering, "Don't know where you're going but don't be stupid!" after me. If I wasn't in so much of a rush, I'd laugh.
Jamming the keys into his truck, I peel out of the driveway and speed to Josie's house.
The five minutes it takes to get there feels like five eons, and somehow every traffic light senses my anticipation and turns a blazing red.
Finally, finally I manage to swing into her drive after making sure that James's truck isn't anywhere to be seen. Not that I'm trying to go behind his back, but this would be a helluva lot easier if he were somewhere else.
Before I know it, I find myself on the front porch, totally debating my life decisions.
But I'm cold so I knock anyways.
The door opens seconds later to show a hopeful, exuberant Josie.
"James did you change your... oh." Her eyes dull and her body sags when she realizes it's me like she'd just realized the vending machine was sold out of her favorite candy, but I ignore the punch to the gut anyways. "Oh, uh, Colt. I wasn't expecting you." She glances behind me, scanning the horizon before focusing—and I use that term loosely—on me.
Cocking my head and raising my hands as if to say "Surprise!" I plaster on a smile and nod. "Yeah, it's me." I clear my throat when I don't get anything out of her. "Are you uh, are you okay? I can always come back later."
She too puts on a fake smile and shakes her head. Opening the door wider for me, she gestures for me to come in. "No I'm good. Everything's just fine." The door closes behind me, and Jake trots over to me to sniff me before sitting at Josie's side. She blows out a deep breath from her mouth, glances around the room, and claps her hands down low by her hips. "What can I do for you?"
I take in her frazzled appearance to try to put the pieces together. Her hair is a mess on her head, and her clothes look slept in. There are mascara smudges beneath her eyes, telling me she's been rubbing her eyes a ton.
Did she get into a fight with James? Did they break up?
It's really not my business, but I want her to know that I'm here for her.
"What happened, Josie?" I ask her bluntly, and her breathing stumbles as her eyes widen.
"I, what? Nothing happened?"
The pitchy voice tells me otherwise.
She wraps her arms around herself and walks over to the couch. She sits on the very edge of it like she's waiting to shoot up at any given moment. Her knee bounces up and down in a quick rhythm, radiating anxiety.
I take a seat on the chair perpendicular to her and place a hand on her knee to stop it. "Tell me what's wrong, Jo."
She bites her bottom lip, obviously debating whether or not to dive into it. "James is moving to Berlin and he asked me to go with him," she rushes out, biting her lip again.
It takes a moment for her announcement to register within me, but when they do, I begin to panic. Before I burst, I force myself to calm down.
"Really? When?"
She rubs her face and nods. "About three hours ago. Got into a huge argument about it too. Like really big. And then you know me. I'm on my sixth cup of coffee, black. Not doing so hot, Colt. I'm not doing so hot," she rambles anxiously.
Josie's always been on the go, so she and more than one mug of coffee don't mix very well. Which is why she liked the alcohol. It slowed her down.
I have to get her moving.
I stand up and reach my hand out to her. "Let's go for a walk."
She doesn't hesitate. "Okay."
She leaves my hand hanging and marches straight for the door, but I grab her arm and stop her.
"Coat first, freeze later," I remind her. I dig through her closet and grab her a jacket, helping her with it. "There."
We leave Jake in the house before we set off at a brisk pace.
I haven't seen Josie like this in a long time. I mean, I saw her emotionally wrecked a few months ago, but this is different. She's not sad or depressed or even pissed off, but instead anxious and nervous.
And then it dawns on me that she's probably worried that history is going to repeat itself and that she's going to be abandoned.
"Hey Josie?" I call.
"Hey Colt?"
"James isn't going to desert you."
She stops mid-track and blinks at me, and in seconds, she's completely sobered up. Swallowing thickly, she shakes her head minutely. "You don't know that."
After walking up to her, I squeeze her shoulders gently. "Yes, I do."
Her big blue eyes turn down sadly. "How, Colt? How do you know that?"
I sigh. How do I know that?
"Because... because he's a nice guy."
"You were a nice guy. Dad was a great guy," she counters in a whisper like she didn't even mean for the words to come out. Her saying John abandoned her stings because it's not even remotely the same. Whether she meant for me to hear them or not, I continue.
"He told you he was going, Josie. Hell, he even asked you to go with him, didn't he?" I ask rhetorically, but she nods anyway. "A guy who was going to just leave wouldn't do that. You're getting wrapped up in your head, Josie May." Her eyes spark when I call her that. "You are so strong. You've come too far to be going backward again."
She breathes in my words, thinking, processing. I know she'll come to the right conclusion because that's who she is. She might struggle for a bit, but only because she's human.
"Old insecurities die hard, I guess," she chuckles humorlessly. "I come so far and then, whenever it's just you and me, Colt, I crumble." She shoves her hands in her pockets.
I scratch the back of my neck. "Old habits die hard. We've always seen right through each other, Jo, and we've never hidden from one another, never had to have our guards up around each other. I don't know if that will never not be the case."
"The truth is that it's always been you, Josie May, it always comes back to you."
I suck in a sharp breath at the unfairly returning memories.
"I know. I don't think that'll ever change either," she agrees.
We silently agree to keep walking. A couple of blocks of silence later, I ask, "So Berlin, huh?"
She kicks an innocent rock and it soars away from us. "Yeah. Supposed to leave a month from today. That's where his job wants him to go. That's where he wants to go."
"Is it where you want to go?" I ask tentatively.
Her face crumples in as she ponders my question.
"Maybe. I've never even been out of the state, much less the country. I don't want to leave everyone, but it would be a nice change of scenery if I'm being honest."
I bet it would be. She could use a change of pace after all of the shit she's been through here. And even though I'm selfish and don't want her to leave after we just started talking again, I'd be a dick if I didn't encourage her to do what's best for her.
"So then what's stopping you?" I ask bluntly. "You wouldn't have to stay forever, and you know you're simply expected to visit."
She snorts. "Yeah, that's a given."
"So why hold back?"
She's silent for a moment that lingers a little longer than what's comfortable. She bites her lip and looks down, almost like she's ashamed.
"Josie?" I prod.
"I can't just leave, Colt. That's not how it works. I mean, my family's here. And the house. And what if..." she cuts herself off, but I prod her to continue. "What if I don't want to come back?"
Shock courses through me as she stuns me with her revelation. Never return? Josie May? I don't buy that.
I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and grab her wrist, pulling her to a stop with me. "Look at me, Josie." She does, and an ashamed blush flourishes across her cheeks. "You aren't me. You're going to go to Berlin and eat German sausages and have fun. Every Thanksgiving, every Christmas, Easter, birthday and yeah we'll throw Halloween in there cause why not, you're going to come back to Oak Bend and spend those special moments with your family and friends, and you're not going to regret any of it. When it's time to come home for a visit or for good, you'll know."
She flashes a watery smile at me and squeezes my hands in hers. "I wish you knew when it was time to come home, Colt, I really do," she murmurs, and I sniff quickly and clear my throat.
"Me too, Josie, but that's not how it happened. I believe that everything happens for a reason." I wipe away a tear streaking down her cheek with my thumb. "I think this is our time to grow apart and not be so reliant on each other, but you already know where your happiness comes from, Josie May." I touch my index finger to her chest, right above her heart. "From inside. You don't need me or James to make you happy. That's just plain fact."
We come to a mutual understanding then and there, and we walk and talk about lighter subjects. I never get to tell her about my plans, and maybe we're better off for it. At least for now maybe.
When we arrive back at her house, I walk her up to her front door. She removes her hand from its spot in the crook of my elbow and faces me. She stares at me hard before pulling me into a hug.
I don't hesitate in gripping her back, knowing it might be the last time we ever get the chance to do this again.
"I'm going to miss you, Colt," she murmurs into my neck.
I roll my lips between my teeth to stop my chin from quivering and say nothing, just squeeze her tighter to me. I'm glad she's made the best choice for her.
When we feel satisfied with our goodbye, we pull apart one last time.
I kiss her lightly on top of her head for a fleeting second before stepping away from her. "Go inside—" I clear my throat. "—go inside before you get frostbite."
She nods at me and cracks another small smile at me. "I'll see you around, Colt."
I nod. "Bye, Josie."
--
I'M SO SORRY I KNOW I'M LATE AND I HAVE NO REASON FOR IT OTHER THAN I WAS BUSY AND WHEN I HAD TIME TO UPDATE I JUST WANTED TO SIT AND DO NOTHING I'M SO SORRY!!!!!!!!
So now that's out of the way, there was a lot going on here.
Berlin anyone?
Do you think she's right in leaving, getting a nice change of scenery?
What do you think Colt's plans that he didn't tell Josie are?
Now I had my cousin, who's never had a traumatic experience before, read over this before I hit publish, and he said Josie gives him emotional whiplash, like she's okay then she's not and then she's fine again, and I would like to explain something. Healing isn't linear (Thanks, Tumblr). You don't wake up and decide to be okay again. There are going to be obstacles that throw you for a loop and challenge your recovery. Yes, Josie had a bit of a stumble there for a moment but she pushed. through. it. And that's what healing is. That's what this journey is. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
Okay, well, till next time, folks!
Vote and comment if you liked this chapter!
XX Blondie XX