LILLIAN
MY eyes shot open as if there was a war going on outside. It felt as if sleeping had become a hazardous thing. My heart beats faster by the minute and there is a buzzing in my brain. I didn't drink so I couldn't understand the reason why I felt this way.
Damien pulls me closer to him and I felt his hands under the sheets trying to grab my boobs.
Right. We had sex last night.
. . . .
Last Night
"You told her?" Damien comes behind me and wraps his hands around my waist.
I nod, turning my phone off and set it on his nightstand. I went into his room to talk to Brena after I saw her text message.
I feel like something is wrong so I'll make sure to go and see her tomorrow morning.
"Only that it was my father but I didn't go into details. I'm tired." I throw my head back to rest it on his right shoulder.
He kisses my cheek. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this shit." I whisper then pull away to turn around and face him.
With one hand on my waist, Damien uses his free hand to wipe the tear that was starting to gush out. "You ain't got nun to be sorry bout. I wanna be here witchu and shit happens feel me?"
He pulls me into a hug. "Everyone gotta deal with life somehow. I'm just glad I was witchu tonight." He says calmly and hugs me tight.
The way he said it sounded so genuine. There was a lot of concern surrounding his deep voice. It made me feel at peace. My heart skips a beat against his chest.
In his embrace, the world came to a halt. Right now at this moment, there's no time and I'm problem-free. There's nothing, just us.
The sound of the rain starts to fade away as my mind calms down. Almost peaceful at least for now but I wonder how could it be that I haven't seen such care like this before?
His body feels warm. It feels like home. This was the feeling I've deprived myself of for years.
Please God let this be real.
We pull apart and gaze deeply into each other's eyes. Damien's eyes are full of passion. I can feel it. I hope he feels it too.
He must have sensed the curiosity and affection I felt because with no words being spoken, we were able to communicate with each other.
I trace his lip lightly with the tip of my thumb. His hand reaches for mine and they interlock. I lean in and my forehead rests against his. I close my eyes before I speak.
"Thank you," I say in barely more than a whisper.
"For what?" He responds, his voice low and husky.
"For not leaving me tonight." My voice wavers from being stimulated by the tension between us.
Immediately, my lips brush against his before he leans in and smashes his lips into mine passionately. Damien pulls back slightly and moves his lips to my neck, planting soft kisses all over. I let out a small whimper in anticipation.
He works his way back to my tender, smooth lips. Suddenly, he stops. "You sure?"
I nod and smile, answering his question. I try to wrap my hands around him but he grabs them and stops me again. I look at him as if he was crazy.
"What?" I pout.
He laughs quietly. "I'mma need you to say yes because I ain't trynna have an-"
I roll my eyes. "Oh my God. Yes, Damien just shut up and kiss me." I whisper.
He picks me up without breaking the kiss and places me on the bed. As we kiss, Damien pulls my thick sweater up, over my head. I feel the little sparks of static dancing all over my skin.
I'm not sure whether they're from the chills coming from the small opening in the window or from where his hands gently grazed my skin. Either way, it's a pleasurable feeling that sent shivers to my body bringing me to complete bliss.
I felt his hand move up my thighs, leaning in to kiss my neck. He comes back to press his lips on mine as he slides his tongue in and out of my mouth, fighting for control.
. . . .
Present Day
As he tugs on my nipples, I tilt my head now looking over my shoulder. "Good morning to you too," I say quietly.
He presses his body against mine purposely so I could feel his wood harden on my buttocks. "Morning from us baby girl," Damien says coyly, trying to peek my lips but I used my hand to block it.
"I need to go brush my teeth." I toss over and look him in the eye, "and so do you." I smile.
"Whatchu' trynna say? My breath stink?" He pulls away with his face screwed up sounding offended.
"No. This ain't the movies where you just wake up kissing people." I reply sharply.
He smacks his teeth, "man fuck that. I'mma kiss you whenever I want and however I want." He basically just ordered me.
I look at him in slight surprise as he peeks my lips.
Who did he think he was?
"Can you pass me my phone please?" I ask him pointing to where my phone was.
He reached for it and handed it to me as he got off the bed. I watched him walk towards the bathroom admiring his figure from the back. He knew I was staring.
"Stop looking at my ass." He warns jokingly then turns around walking backward.
My eyes trailed down to his dick while I switched my phone on. Licking my lips, I focused on every detail on him.
"You looking hungry over there. I'mma cook you something when I finish." He teases with a smirk and I bit my lips and tucked them in holding in the laughter that itched to come out.
I wanted to join him in the shower but if I did, I wouldn't be going to Brena.
When the door closes, my phone screen pops up and I insert my passcode. Immediately, messages began coming in. Some from Rachael and then a notification containing a voicemail from an unknown number popped up.
I saw that the area code was from Brooklyn.
The voicemail was from last night at around 11 pm. I clicked play and immediately I was shocked hearing the word, hospital. Why was Brooklyn Hospital Center calling me?
Hello, Ms.James. My name is Dr.Allen calling from Brooklyn Hospital Center. Brena Phillips was rushed in an hour ago and she was involved in a car accident. Please call me back at this number and come in as soon as possible.
"Damien!" I screech with tears streaming down my face.
I threw the covers off me and got out of bed. I winced due to the pain coming from my inner thighs. My whole body was hurting. I started searching for my sweatpants and sweater.
Damien rushed out as the door squeaked open. He held on to his white towel with a blue toothbrush in his right jaw.
"Yo what happened? Why you crying?" He walks closer to me.
My brain froze and I couldn't hear anything. I only felt his hand hold my shoulders.
"What's going on?" He stood in front of me with distress twirling his eyes.
The fear settles on me like a tape over my mouth and nose. When the air gets by it, I was able to respond as my own weeping sounded like a wretched child, sharp from the inside.
My shoulders heaved with emotion, unwilling to back down. "Brena got into a car accident. We have to get to Brooklyn Hospital Center." I manage to say in a raspy voice.
Damien takes the toothbrush out of his mouth as his eyes widened. "Fuck." He groans. "Aigh, we out."
He tosses his towel on the bed and pulls out fresh briefs from his drawer. I run to the bathroom to clean up and rinse my mouth quickly. I asked him for a pair of boxers.
He gave me a blue pair and I wore it along with his sweater and my sweatpants. I couldn't find my sweater and I don't have the time to search for it either.
We got inside the car and he knew exactly where to go without help from the GPS. Thank God we were in Brooklyn because if I was in Long Island by myself it would have taken me longer to get there.
The ride was silent but Damien held my hands. The sky was dewy as fog overtook the clouds because of the rain from last night. My emotions matched the weather. No sunshine, no rainbows just fear, anticipation, and anger.
I let go of Damien's hand as cold sweat gleamed on my furrowed brow when we arrived at the hospital.
I've always hated hospitals. The way they smell, the food they serve. I hate everything about it.
With my hands braced tightly in front of my stomach, I fiddled with my nails before weaving my fingers in and out of each other.
As we ran towards the entrance, we heard the sound of the ambulance arriving. They brought in a patient out on the gurney, and the woman looked dead. Blood everywhere, a lot of commotion going on and I couldn't stand it.
Ms.Victoria died in a car crash and now Brena's in the hospital because of the same thing.
I stopped and ran to the corner to throw up on the grass. Damien rushed over to me and rubbed my back trying to calm me down. Once I felt less nauseous, we ran back inside and went straight to the front desk to speak to the nurse.
While signing in, the doctor who stepped out of the ICU department must have overheard us as we asked the nurse for details.
"You're here for Brena Phillips?"
The tall, brown-skinned doctor with a rounded top with temple fade, a mustache with a goatee and light brown eyes, asked us calmly as he took off his reading glasses. He looked very young.
I read the name on his lab coat, "Doctor Allen. Yes, I'm Lillian James you called me several times yesterday. I'm sorry my phone was off." I look away feeling guilty. "Where's Brena? How is she doing?"
"No problem at all. She's stable now actually. Are you two family members?" He stares at me and Damien.
Looking up at Damien, I turn back to the doctor. "No, he's my boyfriend. I'm her family member." I point out.
It's the truth. I've always felt like Brena was my older sister more than a best friend. She's always so protective of me. She means so much to me. I can't stand to lose her. I just can't.
"Okay follow me." He replies.
We follow the doctor to the elevator and go up to the 8th floor. My chest felt tight and it got worse when the elevator dinged and I realized what I said downstairs.
Did I just call him my boyfriend?
"Sir, you can take a seat right over there. Once she can have visitors both of you will be able to go in." Dr.Allen told Damien, pointing to the waiting area for visitors.
Getting closer to the room, the doctor tells me that she's unconscious and I could talk to her but I shouldn't expect any response. I was given 30 minutes with her and then I'd have to leave for the day.
We finally reached the door and it was brown and dim. "Well, here we are," the doctor smiles kindly and opens the door wider.
Walking in, the image displayed in front of me was indescribable. Brena looked so fragile and lifeless. If it wasn't for the oxygen mask she could be mistaken for dead.
All I heard were the monitors and I saw the ventilators attached to her bedside. She was wearing a cotton blend white hospital gown with a triangle shape and circles designed all over.
A cervical brace was worn on her neck. An old TV set hangs from the ceiling near the window behind her giving a view of the lower level and more patients being brought in.
"She's going to be fine. It's a miracle she's even stable." He pats my shoulder.
"I'll leave you two alone. If anything the nurse is outside." He gives us a sympathetic smile and walks out.
I slowly walked to the bed and pulled the chair closer so I could sit. The IV drips were inserted into her right hand which was cold as I lifted it up to place it in mine.
Staring at her, I could hear the battle she was going through in trying to breathe. Brena's in pain. A lot of pain. "Bren..." I whisper stroking her hair.
"You're going to be okay." I lay my head on the side of the bed near her.
My eyes shifted to the side and became glazed with a sparkling layer of tears. As I blinked, they dripped from my eyelids and rolled down my cheeks. Biting my lip tightly in an attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from her mouth, my heart sank.
"Please God. Please.." My lower lip quiver. "She's all I got. Help us get out of this. Please, God." The words slowly made their way out of my mouth.
"I know you hear me. Don't leave me, Bren..." I begin but what followed was engulfed in the tremors as the rest of my speech disappeared.
My chin trembled while my breathing became heavier. I was gasping for air that simply wasn't there. My throat burned to form a silent scream.
Crying for the next few minutes, the tears refused to come out as I laid with Brena. Soon after, a short light-skinned nurse with an upturned shaped deep blue eyes knocks on the door.
"Hey, It's time to go. We have to check her vitals." She says quietly.
Pulling myself up to standing, I used my sleeves to wipe my face. "Can I stay tonight please?"
I asked the nurse while staring at Brena for a couple of seconds. I brush my thumbs on the back of her hands.
"Maybe tomorrow. The doctor will let you know when you come back." She walks closer and checks the IV drip.
"I love you. I'll be back tomorrow." I kiss her forehead with my eyes closed as a salty tear slid down.
Releasing my lips, I sighed heavily and walked away.
Damien gets up to his feet when he sees me walking towards him. With his arms open, I ran into them and sobbed into his chest unceasingly, hands gripping onto his jacket. He held me in silence, rocking me slowly as my tears soaked him. Batting my lashes that were heavy with tears, I pulled away and sniffled.
"She's gonna be fine baby girl. The doctor said everything is looking good for her. What you wanna do now?" He holds my face in his hands.
I stay quiet for a second before responding, "Take me to her house first and then mine. I have some calls to make."
Without saying anything, he nods and kisses my forehead and hugged me before we departed. Once the nurses handed me Brena's belongings and I had to speak to the police so I could reach out to Brena's car insurance. She was driving the Lexus when it happened. I'm going to take care of the costs. I just want her to be fine. Wasting no time, we drove to her house.
My fingers were jumping rhythmically as I inserted the key into the door. I never found it so difficult to open a door before. Especially when I knew she wasn't in there.
Stepping inside felt foreign to me. It smelled like Brena. I climbed upstairs to her room in search of her laptop.
There was a box, an envelope and a phone on the floor. I walked over and picked them up placing it on the bed. Although I was tempted to touch, respecting her privacy was far more important.
Logging into her laptop was easy, it was her mother's birthday. I went straight to her school email and forwarded her professor's email addresses to me. As soon as my mind went to her mother's company because of work, I remembered Desmond.
Putting the rose gold colored MacBook Air by my side, I brought out my phone and called Desmond. The longer it took for him to answer, the more anxious I got.
"Hello, Ms.James this better be important if you're calling me this earl-" He answers the phone with a flat tone.
"Brena got into a car accident last night. She's at Brooklyn Hospital Center." I rush out to say as my voice thickened with emotions.
Desmond was quiet. "Are you there?" I ask nervously.
"Still here. Is she allowed to have visitors?" He asks but his voice becomes tight.
"No. The doctor told us not yet."
He remains quiet once again. I know he's shocked. "Thank you, Lillian. I'm on my way there." He says.
"They aren't letting her see anyone remember?" I reply.
"That's fine. I'll wait there. Talk soon. Cheers." He says calmly but his voice sounded wobbly.
After ending the call, I took her laptop, some fresh clothes and left the house. Once I got into the car, we headed straight for my house and I emailed my professors along the way.
When Damien dropped me home, he told me he would be staying with me for the time being so he returned to his place to grab clothes and other items that would be needed.
While he was out I decided to shower. As I stepped into the bathroom, my toes flinched as they touched the cold marble floor. Both my heart and my mind feel fractured.
I don't think I could ever get that picture of Brena out of my head. I twisted the metallic knob to release thousands of warm drops from the shower. I dip my toe to check the temperature before going in one foot at a time.
As my hair darkened from being soaked, the drops trickled down my back and my eyes fell closed every time the images floated into my mind like photographs.
Throwing my head back, the water sprinkled on my face as I held my breath. Bringing it back down, I press my head and hands against the wall and the tears resumed.
Every ounce of energy in my body has vanished. Life is such an unpredictable journey. You can't expect to be happy every day. I need to be strong for myself and for her. At this point, there isn't much to say or do. Knowing Brena, she'd tell me to keep praying.
"Please God..save her. Save my best friend. Save my sister." I whisper with a knot forming in the back of my throat.
__________________________
05.14.2020