Felix screamed as I hoisted him into the air, his arms hanging onto my tightly as I flew us up and up into the sky. He was much louder than his brother, swearing like a sailor as he begged me not to drop him. I didn't, but the kid didn't stop screaming until I landed on top of the tall skyscraper I had taken his brother to before. Felix's legs were like jelly, much like Milo's had been, and face pale. He leaned over on his knees, sucking in breaths as he apparently tried not to vomit.
"Uh, you okay, kid?" I asked, Felix nodding, but the motion only made him grow paler. "I'll give you a minute, but when you're not about to throw up climb up here." I pointed to a ladder behind me, which lead up to the concrete stair box. Felix took a minute or two to swallow back his vomit, before climbing up to meet me. I sat crossed legged on the concrete, wings resting softly behind my back.
Felix just stood there awkwardly, before I snickered, patting the space next to me. The boy blushed, dropping down, legs tucked in to his chest.
"So is this your, uh, spot, or something?" Felix asked, voice a little nervous as he peeked at me with a sideways glance.
"Well, the building belongs to the bank, pretty sure," I said jokingly, pointing at the bank logo behind us. Felix managed a laugh, wrapping his arms around his knees, resting his chin there as he turned to look at me fully.
"I can see that. I mean, this. The rooftop, this spot. It doesn't seem like anyone else comes here, or can even get here," Felix said, noting the rusted door to the roof.
"Yeah. It's a shame, though. Look at the view. It's a waste if no one gets to see it," I said, smiling behind my mask. It was hard to convey emotion, anything I say hidden behind my mask and goggles, so I had to try and smooth my voice - gravelly and very Christian Bale - to sound more comforting than normal. "The view is probably happy that it's been admired now, even if only by three people."
"Three?" Felix asked, eyebrows pinching slightly. I could see where his question was going, and I didn't quite get why I was so nervous. I mean, he technically already knew what I was going to tell him, but I wasn't going to drag this on any longer and get the poor kid's hopes up.
"Yeah," I said, holding up three fingers and wiggling them playfully, my metal talons reflecting the moonlight. "You get to claim lucky spot number three, following me and my boyfriend."
"B-Boyfriend? You have a..." Felix asked, sounded like he had been winded. He flinched at the word, the movement almost imperceivable. He couldn't quite hide the disappointed look in his eyes, his knees shuffling closer to his chest as he hugged himself tighter. I felt bad for letting him down, but it was better to do it now before he got any more invested in his fantasies.
"Mhmm. Is that surprising?" I asked, acting casual - maybe borderline too casual, considering the way Felix's expression only soured a little more. "Didn't think someone like me could get a boyfriend, huh? Such little faith in me, kid."
"No, that's not what I... I just didn't realise that you, um, were taken," Felix mumbled, blushing as he pulled the sleeve of his hoodie over his knuckles, pressing them to his face to obscure his expression. "Does he know about your..." Felix pointed at my wings, and I chuckled.
"Yep," I said, voice fond. "Naturally, he was the first person who found out, granted it was accidental. He had been there when Maggie and Piper popped up. Plus, these guys are pretty hard to hide, I'm sure he would've found out sooner or later." Felix nodded at my words, a little glumly. He seemed to think through his next words thoroughly in the silence that spanned the next few moments, nursing his bottom lip between his teeth.
"He sounds pretty understanding," Felix finally said, offering me a forced smile, and I nodded. "Have you, uh, been together for long?" My hesitance at his question made Felix fret for a bit, quickly adding a "sorry, that was probably too personal. I mean, it's not like we're... friends."
Wow, okay. So I basically friend-zone him, and he stranger-zones me back? I'd call him a petty bitch, but he's just about as awkward as Milo, damn.
"Not friends?" I echoed, snorting. "Damn. Here I was thinking we had bonded after I saved your life and took you to my special spot. You're breaking my heart, kid." I nudged Felix with my wing teasingly, the boy looking surprised, before breaking out into a genuine smile that lit his whole face up. He was a pain in the ass, but he shared Milo's face, and when he wasn't scowling at me he was quite pretty, in a cute, innocent kind of way.
"Friends," Felix repeated, and I nodded, brushing my wing against him again, making him laugh.
"Yeah, you know. Like the Ned to my Spiderman," I said, Felix's eyes crinkling as he laughed, exhaling deeply, the tension seeping from his shoulders. I found myself relaxing a bit more as well, no longer worried about Felix's apparently feelings for me, the boy seemingly resigned to reality.
I really didn't hate the kid. I never did - found him annoying and was ruffled by his hatred for me at times, yes - but I never hated him. In fact, the Felix I saw in front of me now was pretty nice; shy and awkward like his brother, but not as stern or stoic, at least on the outside. I was growing pretty fond of him, ignoring the fact that he basically bitches about me to me whenever I see him as Black Dove.
"So, you were going to talk to me about why you don't wanna go home," I said, nudging him with my wing again. Felix sighed, nodding, head dropping to his knees again. "Something about your brother getting a boyfriend?"
Which I am very happy about, might I add.
"Yeah, he told me today. Well, told me isn't really accurate. More like confessed after I caught him about to bone his... boyfriend. Ugh."
"Oh, awkward," I said, drawing out the word, my mind flashing back to the sinking feeling when Felix had opened the door and found me straddling Milo. Very awkward. Also hilarious. But mainly awkward. "What did your brother say to you when he 'confessed', as you put it."
Felix's face scrunched up, shoulders heaving.
"You know, the first thing he said was 'don't get angry at Culver'," Felix said, scoffing bitterly. "Not even a 'sorry I didn't tell you' or an explanation. Like that was the only thing that mattered."
My heart fluttered at Felix's admission despite myself, and I was suddenly glad for my mask as I couldn't bite back the smile growing on my face at Milo's actions.
"I guess that's not what you wanted to hear," I said slowly, Felix rolling his eyes. "But, doesn't that just show that he really cares about his boyfriend? I wouldn't say it's a bad thing, your brother getting a boyfriend he cares about."
"I don't care that he has a... boyfriend, I just don't like that particular person being his boyfriend," Felix said, huffing. Lovely.
"Right, the... drug addict guy with all the STDs," I said, Felix nodding. "He can't be all that bad, right? I mean, from what you've told me, your brother seems to be a really nice guy." Really, really nice. I'd know. "Surely you can trust him with his decision on who he dates?"
"I usually would, but it's like he's blinded by that guy," Felix said, and I wanted so badly to laugh giddily, but held it back. Barely. "It's almost like he's a different person when it comes to him, like he's not my brother at all. He never used to get into trouble, but since he became friends with that guy he got into fights, started slacking on his studies. And now he's been staying out late and coming home at weird hours because of him, making me and my mum worry. He's not like the older brother I grew up with at all."
"Grew up with," I repeated, rolling the words around on my tongue. "Isn't that just it though, kid? Growing up. People can't stay the same forever, your brother included, no matter how much you might want him to."
"Yes, I know that," Felix said stubbornly, groaning.
"Then why don't you try to accept that. Properly. To give your brother's boyfriend a chance. I don't know, maybe if you tried to get to know him, you might not hate him so much," I said, Felix biting his lip, shoulders crumpling. "Hey, I'm not... trying to put you down or anything. Just from what you've told me," and from how you've treated me, "I just get the idea that the guy hasn't actually done anything to you, so maybe try to be a little less hostile? He doesn't seem to have actually done any harm."
Yep. Harmless, like a flea. That is me.
"You're... basically saying that I've acted like a dick for no reason, huh," Felix said, slumping even further.
Yeah, kinda.
"Not exactly," I said, Felix frowning. "You love your brother, and you're trying to protect him because you believe in him. I'm all for that. I'm just saying that, um, your brother knows what makes him happy, and apparently his boyfriend does that. Instead of fighting it, why not try and be happy about it?"
"I guess I can try. It's not like I haven't realise that my brother and I only fight about Culver. And contrary to what you might think, considering you seem to only see me when we're fighting... I really don't like fighting with my brother. So, yeah, I guess I can try to... not hate him. As much," Felix mumbled, and I felt a surge of happiness swell inside at how easy that was, until Felix knocked it down. Hard.
"It's just... I know my brother could do so much more. But he's holding himself back because of that guy," Felix continued, playing with a rip in the knee of his jeans. "He... He applied for uni overseas. You know, MIT. Engineering. He got in, but he didn't go, and chose to just stay here and go to his mediocre uni. I had asked him about it, and he just shrugged and made up some bullshit excuse. But I already knew. I overheard him talking to Mama, and apparently his best fri- boyfriend now, ugh - was having issues with his girlfriend at the time and was struggling so he didn't want to leave."
Oh.
I didn't know that.
My heart thundered, aching. I knew that Milo had applied to MIT, considering his interest in engineering and technology, but he had told me that he didn't get accepted. I was shocked, to say the least, considering how smart I knew Milo was. I had never doubted that he would get in wherever he applied, so when he said he hadn't been admitted I didn't believe him at first. But he had never hidden that kind of thing away from me, or lied about anything important.
But he did lie?
"I'm sorry," I blurted out, Felix giving me a confused look. "I mean, you brother... your brother doing that for m- his boyfriend. That's, uh, that's kind of heavy. But... your brother must've thought about things carefully to make that kind of decision, right? It would've been what he wanted. He... he's happy with the decision he made, right?"
I babbled, mind whirling at the revelation Felix had provided me, and I knew that what Felix thought was me trying to console him were just empty words trying to convince myself that it wasn't true. That I really wasn't holding Milo back from his potential. From... being more. All because I was someone he felt like he couldn't leave alone, because I hadn't been okay after Lark. Because I was someone that couldn't handle being alone, but never had to be, because Milo was always there.
A shackle.
An anchor.
A burden.
Needy.
Milo could be studying at MIT right now, achieving great things, but instead what was he doing? Looking after a needy boy running around in almost-spandex, a wannabe superhero.
It seemed so stupid, all of a sudden. The tacky suit, the shitty code names, the idea that I had gotten stuck in my head that I could help people. That saving cats and walking old ladies across the street was actually so important. The fire was one thing, but what had that really been? I was just saving a close friend from dying. Anyone would have done that, even without wings. The firefighters saved people like that every day, and without any superpowers. Didn't that only make them even more heroic than I was pretending to be?
But who was I pretending to be?
A hero?
What a joke.
"I don't know," Felix said, shrugging. "Mama says that Milo has never been so cheerful, which... is good. I don't like Culver, but I'm not blind. It's just... when is that going to run out? His boyfriend doesn't have a great track record with relationships, so when they break up, isn't my brother going to realise that he gave up everything to be left with nothing? He'll regret that he could have gone to MIT, graduated from a prestigious uni and done more with his life. It's just a waste, isn't it?"
"A waste, you say?" I murmured, peering over at the view that didn't seem as wasted in comparison to the person viewing it.
That's pretty sad.