Mabigat ang bawat paghakbang ko patungo sa opisina. My eyes also felt heavy because I just cried endlessly until I let myself to sleep last night.
My heart is hurting because of what he did. I did expect kaya nasasaktan ako ngayon. I just thought that he is better than this. I will understand naman if there's something that came up just for him to ditch me like that.
Kahit ni isang text o tawag man lang paggising ko ay wala akong natanggap mula sa kanya that's why I just decided na i-off na lang muna ang cellphone ko para makapagconcentrate ako sa mas mahalagang bagay, and that is my work.
I am here in Manila not because of Raphael. I am here because I needed to manage my family's shoe business.
Please keep that in mind.
I just buried myself with paperworks na hindi ko na namalayan ang oras.
Adrian is walking towards my table carrying a paperbag in his hand. Inilapag niya ito sa mesa ko nang tuluyan na siyang nakalapit.
I eyed at him confusingly.
"Dinalhan kita ng lunch. Ala una y media na pero hindi pa kita nakitang lumabas dito sa office mo upang kumain," he said with just a hint of small smile on his face.
I stared at him. "How do you know?"
"Ah." Nagkamot siya sa batok niya. "Nakita ko kasi kanina na wala 'yong usual na paperbag na dala mo kapag may dala kang lunch," pagpapatuloy niya kaya tumango na lamang ako.
"Sige. I'll get going. Hinatidan lang talaga kita ng pagkain."
"Adrian," pagtawag ko sa kanya nang makatalikod na siya sa akin at magsisimula na sanang maglakad palabas.
"How much is this? Babayaran na lang kita."
"Huwag na. It's my treat, Miss Reyes," he said at magpapatuloy na sanang maglakad nang magsalita na naman ako.
"Pwede mo ba akong samahan muna sandali?" I asked with the tired voice I have.
Maya-maya pa ay humarap na siyang muli at binigyan ako ng isang mainit na smile.
At least his smile can still soothe my aching heart even just for a while. I guess I needed a person like him for today. Maybe he can uplift my mood although that is still uncertain given this weariness of mine.
"Ikaw? Did you eat already?" tanong ko sa kanya habang inaasikaso ang food na kanyang ibinigay.
"Yes," he answered as he sat on the couch near on the window of my office. Nagtungo na rin ako roon dala ang pagkain at utensils.
I started eating silently nang makaupo na ako sa blush pink na ottoman. I can feel his gazes on me pero pinagsawalang bahala ko na lang iyon. I just wanted na may kasama ako para hindi paulit-ulit na bumalik sa isipan ko 'yong nangyari kagabi. It is like that my heart is being pricked by a sharp needle a thousand of times as I remember what happened last night.
I have never been stood up like that before. It pains me to know how he can easily crushed my heart into pieces.
"Mavic, if you won't mind. Can I ask a question?" he asked while having his stares on me kaya naman ay tumango na lamang ako sa kadahilanang hindi ako makapagsalita sapagka't puno ang mouth ko.
"May nangyari ba?"
I looked at him before I sighed.
"I got stood up," sagot ko sa tanong niya pero naguluhan lamang siya until I saw his face lits up na parang may naalala.
"You mean, the dinner?" he asked. I just shrugged before I continue eating.
"Hindi ba talaga siya dumating? Baka naman nagkasalisi kayo," he said that's why I just shook my head.
"Naghintay ako sa kanya hanggang sa magsarado 'yong restaurant."
I heard him mutter some curses.
Honestly, I feel touched dahil kahit hindi pa naman kami matagal magkakilala ni Adrian ay nakatagpo ako ng isang kaibigan sa kanya. I can feel that his care to me is genuine. I just hope Raphael also cares to me just like how Adrian cared for me also.
I don't want to compare but maybe pain really do blocked the mind in thinking rationally.
He sighed before he looked at me again. "Baka may nangyaring emergency or what."
"Maybe." I shrugged my shoulders. "Pero ano ba naman 'yong i-inform niya ako para naman hindi ako mukhang tanga kakahintay kung darating ba siya. He didn't even bother on saying sorry to me this day."
"Mavic, hindi naman sa pinagtatanggol ko si Raphael pero kilala ko 'yon. Hindi niya gawain ang pagditch kaya sigurado akong may dahilan siya."
"Adrian, I know he's your friend but I guess no words can console me right now," I said pagkatapos ay tumayo na dahil katatapos ko lang kumain.
"If you need someone that you can talk to, just tell me. I am all ears."
Hinarap ko siya at nakita ko na ring nakatayo na siya.
I gave him my small smile. "Thank you." I said before I go back to my table and continue working. Even if I'm in pain, I should not neglect my duties especially for now that this has become a way of escape for me to cease on thinking about him.
I just hope he's ok. At least that even though I'm hurting, I am also worried about him. That's how important he is to me right now. And I am afraid that my love and care for him will never be reciprocated by him. Or maybe, I am just overthinking on things again.
He said that he likes me but I want something that will assure me of those words because honestly, I am starting to doubt him.
What if Ivy is right?
What if Raphael is just playing games with my feelings?
I shook my head just to erase those thoughts of mine. Wala namang magandang maidudulot kung patuloy ko pa ring iisipin ang mga bagay-bagay.
Nakabalik na ako ng condo ko but still walang paramdam ang abogadong 'yon sa akin.
I know I am mad at him but why can't he even say a simple sorry to me? I'm not asking for an explanation, just a mere apology is enough yet even just for once, he didn't tell me anything. Even his shadow is not appearing on my sight. Patapos na man lang ang araw pero wala pa rin akong nakuha sa kanya.
Is he playing with my feelings? Dahil ba gustong-gusto ko siya kaya niya nagagawa ang lahat ng ito?
Naibagsak ko na lamang ang talukap ng aking mga eyes dahil sa tiredness na nararamdaman, physically and emotionally.
The next day, I just did my normal routine before I go to work. Once, I'm ready ay bumaba na ako sa parking lot but I halted nang makita ko si Raphael.
He immediately felt my presence kaya agad siyang napalingon sa akin. Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanya and I continue sa paglakad para makapunta sa car ko.
Mabilis niyang naharangan ang daanan ko for me to stop on walking at naiinis na tumingala ako dahilan upang magtagpo ang aming mga mata.
"What are you doing, Raphael?"
"Let's talk, Victorina."
I raised my brow at his statement.
"We have nothing to talk about," saad ko at magpapatuloy na sana sa paglalakad but hinawakan niya ang wrist ko at agad akong hinatak papunta sa kotse niya.
"Victorina, I'm sorry," he said when we enter his car.
Inikot ko na lang ang aking mata.
"Look. I know na kasalanan ko dahil hindi kita nasabihan man lang na hindi ako makarating doon sa napagkasunduan nating dinner." He paused. "It slipped from my mind dahil sa pag-alala kay Luisana."
Napatingin ako sa kanya dahil sa nangyari. Curiousity eats me. Now, I have an answer to my question...
"What happened to her?" I asked and worriedness is masked in my voice.
"She was abducted the day na magdi-dinner sana tayo."
Kahit may nagawa kaming lokohin ni Luisana ay hindi naman niya deserve mapahamak. She's a kind woman and she doesn't deserve the bad things in this world.
"Where is she?"
"She was save yesterday."
I sighed in relief. "Thank God."
I'm glad that there's nothing bad happened to her.
"Can I see her?" I asked.
"Sumama siya sa kapatid mo sa San Diego," aniya dahilan upang tumango ako sa kanya.
I don't want to talk to him anymore. Si kuya na lang ang tatanungin ko later tungkol sa nangyari kay Luisana.
At si kuya!
Nagpunta pala siya rito pero hindi niya man lang ako naisipang bisitahin. Iba talaga kapag hibang sa isang babae na kahit sister niya ay kaya niyang makalimutan.
Gosh! He doesn't even told me a thing!
Unbelievable.
"Are you still mad?" he asked but I remained silent.
I understand him na nagkaroon siya ng emergency but sana ti-next niya man lang ako tungkol sa nangyari. The time and effort I gave is wasted. Even my dignity is being tarnished. I look like pitiful that night. The look that I don't want to feel from someone.
"I texted and called you countless of times yesterday but you weren't answering."
Mali ko rin naman 'yon dahil sinadya ko talagang in-off ang phone ko but I just wanted to be away from anyone else kaya hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa naiisip na i-open iyon.
I heard him sigh.
"Victorina, please forgive me. Nataranta at nag-aalala lang talaga ako sa kapatid ko noong isang gabi hanggang kahapon kaya hindi agad kita na-contact. I know I have my fair share of faults and I am not saying these things to make excuses. I just wanted to tell you the reasons why."
Alam ko naman na it's a valid reason and I understand that. Nasaktan lang kasi talaga ako kaya may konting tampo pa ako sa kanya.
Well, I guess I needed to understand him more. Siguradong may mas malalaki pa kaming problems na maaring kaharapin once na maging kami. I know that I love him so much that I am willing to face any obstacles as long that I am with him.
Yes, I am even imagining myself by his side forever.
I just looked at him, gave him my small smile and held his hand.
"I understand and I'm sorry din if I'm being difficult."
After I said those words, his arms enveloped me into a tight embrace.