Tharn's
"Thye is acting kind of weird." I told N'Kan when she visited the house the day after Thye and Thoss went home late. I'm not that dumb not to notice that he's avoiding me. He even slept on his room saying that he has something to do. I told him that I can keep up and wait til he go to sleep but he insisted. I couldn't sleep last night worrying about his pale face and hoarse voice. He's even grumpier so I had no choice but to let him. It was past midnight when I heard Thoss went to his room and it took the former almost an hour before going back to his own room. My suspicion strengthens when N'Kan came today without any reason. Telling me that she came to visit me since Thye and Thoss are at school. She's even avoiding my gazes while talking to me and she never did that. That's why I know that something was up. It was then I remembered the red mark that I saw on Thye's palm yesterday. He immediately took his hand back when I tried holding it. I also felt weird while staring at it. It makes me feel uneasy. Terrified perhaps, upon seeing the mark. "I'm also wondering if Thye had scalded his hand yesterday because of the red mark I've seen in his right hand." I saw how N'Kan became uneasy because of what I said so I went on with my monologue hoping that I can get something from her. "I'm really worried about him, N'Kan. I think there's something wrong." I said as I looked at her straight in the eyes. Her eyes began to move sideways. She even scratched her neck indicating that she's feeling tensed. Sweat all over her face.
'Bingo.'
"You know that you're not a good liar, N'Kan. And you know that I don't want someone who keeps secrets from me. What are you doing here and what's wrong with my perosn?" I said. She became nervous and so do I. I don't feel so good about this whole thing. Something happened yesterday and that has something to do with the love of my life.
"A-ah, err, N'Thye asked me to keep you company while he's at school." She answered while wincing so I furrowed my brows as I stared at her suspiciously.
"That's not the only question I asked." I said darkly. She started fidgeting her fingers as her cold sweat covers her face. "Tell me, N'Kan. And I promise not to tell Thye about your confession." I tried convincing her so she looked up to me trying to look for assurance so I nodded at her before sighing.
"P'Tharn. Please promise me not to do anything unnecessary after I told you this." Kan said. She's tensing up, meaning that Thye's problem is pretty serious.
'But why does he wants to keep it from me?'
"P'Tharn." Kan called me before I was able to drift from my thoughts.
"That's for me to decide after you tell me what's going on." I said and she seems to be hesitating. "Tell me, N'Kan. Before I lose my sanity for thinking what's wrong. I'm being anxious about this whole thing. And I can't stop myself from worrying about that boy. So please, I'm begging you. Tell me what's happening." I'm in the verge of crying thinking about all the possible things that's going on. She looked at me, probably contemplating on what to do but she sighed in defeat as she looked at me. She gathered all her guts before telling me what's going on and I can't do anything but to feel helpless.
'Is this what you get from being the reincarnation of my husband, Ai'Thye? You don't have to deal with it alone. I'm with you, Ai'Thye. I'll save you.'
Thye's
"Par Kan? Grandpa Tharn?" Thoss called as we entered the living room but nobody answered. We both looked at each other curiously.
"Ai'Tharn?!" I called my spouse hoping that he would answer me but to no avail. There's no Par Kan nor Tharn to welcome us. I'm starting to worry as I look around the house but there's no trace of any of the two.
"You should take a seat first, Ai'Thye. I'll look for Par Kan at the kitchen." He said as he assisted me towards the couch. "I'll also get you some water." He said as he walk towards the kitchen. I rested my head against the couch and closed my eyes to relax. "Ai'Thye, Par Kan left a note saying that she has some matters to attend. She said that Grandpa Tharn is taking a rest on the master's bedroom!" Thoss shouted from the kitchen. I groaned as my answer. I heard his footsteps going back to the living room. "Here's your water." I opened my eyes before sitting properly as he hands me the glass of water. I places the glass at the center table and he sat beside me. "It's pretty late na." He said and I nodded before looking around the house. It's pretty dark since it's already past 10:00 pm. I sighed. "You miss him, do you?" I smiled bitterly before looking at him. I can feel my eyes welling up.
"Yeah. I miss him so bad." I almost whispered. "But I just can't..." I paused for a second to stop myself from puking. "I just can't let him see me at this state." I said as I hold back my tears. Thoss patted my back to console me. "I can't let him see me suffering from my nightmares."
"We both know that that's not the main reason why you are avoiding Grandpa Tharn, Ai'Thye." I looked at Thoss because of what he said and he smiled before sighing. "You don't want him to find out about the mark and your nightmares because you're scared that he might save you. You're scared because you know for a fact that he won't think twice on saving you and risking his very own existence." I don't know what to answer. Because he's right. Tears started to fall down my cheeks as I let out all my frustrations.
"I just don't understand, Ai'Mung. Why do I have to suffer from this kind of dilemma? I don't want any of this. I just want to be with Tharn. I just want to take care of him the way Type did. I want to show him how much he means to me just like Type. I want to be the same as Type." I said while crying and all he can do is to stare at me. Trying to find any comforting words to console me.
"Ai'Thye." He called me as he pat my back. "You know that you don't have to try hard on becoming just like Grandpa Type." I looked at him and he smiled at me. "Because you're just the same. You are Grandpa Type. And Grandpa Tharn wouldn't have love you if you're not the one. And even though I can't see him, I know for a fact that he's the happiest when he's with you. You're his person." He said and I was taken aback. "Either Type or Thye, you are just the same person he had ever loved in his lifetime." He added and that's enough for me to stop from crying and let out a smile. He's right. Tharn loves me. And he knows how much I love him too. To a certain extent that I am willing to suffer from the nightmares as long as he stays with me. "I think we should call it a night, Ai'Thye. I'll go check on you later." Thoss said and I nodded as we both stood up. I'm starting to feel anxious about what will happen later if I try to sleep but I can't keep myself awake. I can't die from sleep deprivation. Neither from nightmares.
We went upstairs but instead of opening my bedroom door, I stared sadly at the master's bedroom door. I can feel Thoss staring at me but I couldn't care less. I miss Tharn. I miss sleeping with him. I miss his kisses. His hugs, his touch, his laughs. Everything about him.
"You know you can check on him before going to sleep, Ai'Thye." Thoss whispered and I smiled wryly as I looked at him before I shook my head.
"I might not be able to stop myself if ever I talk to him." I said as I opened my bedroom door. I heard Thoss sighed before going inside his own room. I leaned against the door after closing it and once again let out my frustrations by crying. I slowly sat on the floor and hugged both of my knees as I cover my mouth to stop myself from sobbing. Few more moments and I began to pull my hair.
'Why the fuck is this happening to me?! Can't I just be happy with my person?!'
I looked at the mark on my palm and all I can feel is hatred. Hatred towards the person who gave me this.
'What did I do to deserve this? Isn't it enough that I can see some dead people suffering?'
I leaned my head against the door and looked around the room. There's no way I would let Tharn sacrifice his own existence just to save me.
"This time, Ai'Tharn. Let me be the one to protect you. Let me win this battle for you."
***
I can see how the kidnapper carried the young Thye towards the building. He's holding him recklessly like a fucking sack of rice.
"N-no!" I shouted but he didn't hear me. I followed them inside the abandoned building and saw how creepy and dirty the place is. The kidnapper proceeded upstairs and I followed him. I saw how he threw my young body towards the chair and tied me tightly as if I could escape from this dreadful situation. Then he stood up as he fish his phone on his pocket and face towards my direction I don't know if it's possible but he's staring at me.
"Well, well, well. Look who's here?" He mockingly said as he took his gun from his back and aimed at me. "Are you trying to save yourself, Nong? I'm sorry but if I can't have the little boy, might as well just take you with me. Let's go to hell together!" I was startled when he screamed. His eyes slowly turning red. I tried stepping back but my feet felt numb. I just stared back at him with wide eyes as he walk towards me, his gun still pointing at my direction. "Weaklings like you deserves to die, Nong. We'll go to hell together." He then clicked the gun's safety before aiming at me. But before he could even pull the trigger, I heard a familiar voice calling my name. I looked at the owner of the voice and saw him. The man who had saved me from my nightmares when I was Type. The soldier who fought for me back then as he tried to save me from my past. I remember it clearly. How he watched me every night just so he could stop me from having nightmares about the prick who molested me. And I can clearly see that he's here in my dreams to save me again. Even if it costs him his own existence.
'N-no! This is not happening. Tharn is not dream walking. He's not risking himself just to save me.'
But who am I kidding? The man who's holding my hand while we ran out of the building is none other than my person. He's saving me. He's taking me away from that dreadful situation just like the old times. He really is my soldier.
And when we thought that we had lost the kidnapper, we both looked at each other. And realization hit me.
"Ai'Tharn! Why did you do that?" I said while panicking. "You don't have to!" I screamed because of frustration as I see him smiling at me. I began to cry nonstop. "Ai'Tharn! Why?! Why?!" I said as I held both of his hands and put it on my face just so I could feel him. Just so I could keep his touch. He smiled at me as he tried to wipe my tears.
"You know that I would do anything just to save you from your traumas, right?" He said and I shook my head and cried even more.
"But I might lose you after this! I can't lose you, Ai'Tharn! I can't live without you! You're such a cheater! Why do you always have to go ahead of me?! Why do you always want to leave me?!" He was stunned because of what I said. Tears started to fall down his cheeks as he held my face up to face him.
"You know that leaving you is the last thing that I would want to do. But nothing can stop me from saving you, Ai'Thye." He said as he pulled me in for a tight hug. "Even if it cost me my existence. I'll always choose to save you. I am your soldier." He whispered against my ear. He said that, right before he vanished into thin air. Right before he left me standing there while crying.
'I don't think if he was really able to save me from my nightmare. Cause I realized that the real nightmare that I could ever have is that of losing him.'