Kind soul, Dwight. He remembered. The night closed in. No more light in the windows. He changed the buzzing, dim over heads bulbs out. Made it brighter. Gave me a flashlight. I was glad I healed him, even if Pretty Bird didn't like it.
He let me have drinks. More than I should have. But it was nice. The voices were quieter. I was more confused, understood even less, but whiskey promised I didn't have to care. Forgot I was waiting. Forgot I was lost.
I played with my flashlight at the ceiling, lying on a booth with half my head and hair dangling in the aisle.
After it got dark, a couple other customers came, each one had gotten a beam of light in the face from me the second they walked in. Just so I could laugh.
Dean was no different.
He winced and shielded his eyes with his forearm.
"Ah! What the f-..Hazel!?"
I clicked the button off, smiling. Laughing. "Dean."
He had to smile too, walking over to me.
I rolled, instead of sitting up. Fell under the table. Laughing. Crawling out and jump-hugging Sad Sword. Almost knocking him over.
"Heh, ok, ok...I missed you too," he said, putting me down with a scowl, "Are...are you drunk?"
"No."
Lies made me sway sideways.
"Yes," came the deep reproach of my angel walking up behind him. I just giggled. Whiskey said I dont have to care. He took my arm firmly and made me come with him to sit at the far end of the bar. Dean followed and took seat opposite side of me. Trapped in overbearing sandwich. Too much care.
"What happened to sober living, Haze?" my brother asked, not quite as upset.
"Mm...whiskey has soul. Her songs say I can be calm."
He pouted a satisfied lip. "Can't argue with that."
"Dean," Cas chided him.
"What? She was sober for..." He stopped. He was being careful. Locked his mind. Clever sword finally learned. "For a long time. Its not heroin."
"Herion has no soul...songs are empty notes on false strings."
"See? Soul food."
Pretty Bird gave up with a shake of his head. "I'm just concerned she might...think she needs it."
"It does make the voices quiet..." I hiccupped, not helping my cause.
Dwight tried to pour me another. Angel took it away.
"I'm sorry, Hazel, you had your fun but that's enough."
"She's not a child, Cas..."
Sweet brother. Always on my side. Touched his face. So young outside. So old inside.
"No, but she..." Angel was being careful too, "can't be left to her own devices."
Whiskey told me to be angry. Whispering insults and paranoia in my head. I slapped the bar.
"Why!? Why are your colors so careful? Something is wrong...wrong with me? I dont...I dont understand..."
Whiskey was running scared. Voices coming back. Lost my place in the book.
"Take it easy," Dean said.
"No, no,no...not easy," I slurred stubbornly, "you have secrets and worries and sad little songs about me and I want to understand!"
Cas stood from his stool, because I was crying now. Guilty. Sorry. Forgot his walls. God, no, don't cry...
"I...I dont know what to tell you, baby..." he admitted sadly. Called me baby. Never used that before. Just fell out of the sad places of love.
"The truth," Dean suggested, "as dumb as you can make it."
"What truth!? So lost...I don't belong...pieces missing.."
My angel wrapped me up tight in himself. "Shh...ok. I'm sorry...I'll tell you."
Dean excused himself and went elsewhere.
But it wasn't needed. Cas ushered me outside to the side street with him. It was dark. I wouldn't let him go.
"Hazel, " he began, hesitant and afraid. He tucked my hair behind my ear, lingering hand resting on my neck, "Do you...remember anything, before the bunker?"
I focused hard. Fuzzy thoughts, like the frayed ends of cut fabric, the other side empty. "Henry...Henry. Winchester...The Old Evil...we ran...Angry Bird."
He shuddered. He didn't do that often. Waiting for more.
"I dont...where is it? Where is the peice!?"
"Listen," he said, trying to be strong. His heart was aching. Burdens dragging it down like anchors. "I She...she took you away. You were gone, for a very long time. In Hell."
"But...No...That doesn't-"
"I know, it doesn't make sense."
So sad. Sometimes birds could cry.
"Hazel when we found you, you weren't ok...You were dying, afraid...and...not in your right mind. "
"Right mind? Minds are right and wrong..."
"No you were broken...Worse than ever. Your power was beyond out of control. You ran away...and you hurt people."
"No..." I backed away till I hit the wall, "how are you lying? You can't..."
"Because I'm not," He closed the distance, "Not anymore. I didn't want to tell you any of this.. But Hazel...you're still not right. Do you understand?"
I shook my head. He didn't make sense anymore. "How do you know? I'm...I'm not..." Difficult thoughts pressing on the glass. Can't get through.
"I know it's hard to understand, but the reason you feel...lost, is because I took away Hell. I took away the bad songs. Now only I remember. "
Crying again. Still don't understand. Distant voices saying its true. My voice saying its normal. Everything a mess. Pages torn and scattered through all the rooms. "You...you're saying you made me...wrong mind?"
"No..." he whispered, hooking an arm around my neck and waist and bringing me in, "I didn't. I made you forget the fear, sweetheart...you were so scared...I did it because I love you. I couldn't leave you like that. You understand? "
"Yes..." I cried, rubbing wet eyes on his tie, "I'm crazy...I'm not Hazel...broken peices. They don't fit anymore..."
"You're wrong," he disagreed more lightly.
I looked up. Finding shaking smiles and loving eyes. "What?"
"You're wrong. You're not crazy.. I think...I think you just, see everything so clearly that...its too much."
"Right mind fell into wrong places..."
"But it's still you. The same loving, compassionate, stubborn, rebellious pain in the ass that I fell in love with."
I pulled away enough to rub my eyes roughly, getting itchy from the tears.
"You're crazy." I said, making him laugh.
"So I've been told."
"I dont...bother you?"
"No. I just worry more. That's all."
"Ok," I straightened myself out, remarkably accepting.
"Ok..?" he echoed in disbelief, "you're alright?"
"How should I know?" I snapped a little.
"Good point..."
He let me get myself right without his help. Settle my sobs to breath. He made sense again.
"Cas?" I said
"What, love?"
"I'm gonna-"
Too late. Whiskey had enough of my tears. Enough of the chocolates.
☆☆☆☆☆
Dwight made me coffee in the middle of night. Its what crazy people do, I supposed. And drunk people. Still hard to think. Hard to believe. No way of knowing what's crazy and what's not. Just trust the Pretty Bird. Trust Dean.
My Dean. Secondary guardian. Great place to rest my head. Always smelled of leather, liquor and Baby's engine grease. Sometimes like sweat and blood.
Pretty Bird left, trying to find Dwight a woman. I should of told him he likes men. He was gone a long time. But I had Dean. Firm shoulder to lean on and close my eyes.
He didn't talk much. So I listened to the inside. Happy I was ok. Sad that I wasn't. Trying to get used to my new normal. He wasn't like Cas. He didn't understand my broken words. Though he tried.
"Nodding off?" he asked, shifting with a nudge underneath me.
"No. Just listening," I replied, "you have a big heart."
"Fucking curse, if you ask me," he scoffed, sipping more beer. He fell quieter. Looking over the back of my head. Beer loosened his heart strings. Played softer songs. Kisses on my hair when no ones looking.
"You sure you're alright?"
"Alright is subjective. Who is alright?"
"Uh...Ok...Good point? I think."
Castiel returned, through the door this time because more patrons lingered at night. He walked up to Dean on the other side, not wanting to disturb me. My head did feel heavy. Didn't want to move.
"Anything?" Dean asked, "you were gone long enough. "
"No. There was one female but..."
"What?"
"I don't think she was female..."
Tired laughs under my breath. They still didn't know, "Anything here?"
Brother shrugged under me. "Free drinks. You're buddy over thinks you saved his life."
"We did," I mumbled, "I can heal the hurts now."
"Noooo..." Angel reminded me with scorn, combing a hand through my hair, "you can't. "
Felt so nice. Sweet touches fighting back the coffee. I could sleep if I wanted.
"What's she talking about?"
"Apparently, she figured out how to use the grace to heal, just like me. But its not safe. It hurts her too. Burns off like fuel and doesn't come back."
Dean was surpised. Scared of just one more thing that could hurt me. It never ended with me and Sam. So tired of guarding...
"What happens if she burns it all?"
"I dont know," Cas admitted, "nothing good..." Changed the song, "Do you think it's wise to be drinking on the job?"
"What show have you been watching?" Dean answered; I giggled.
"Talk to me...Are you sure about this?"
Pretty Bird let go of my hair and sat with Dean.
"I mean, it's one thing me and Sammy slamming the gates to the pit, but you -you're - you're boarding up Heaven, and you're locking the door behind you."
"Yeah. I know."
"You did alot of damage up there, man. You think they're just gonna let that slide?"
"Do you mean do I think they'll kill me? Yeah...they might."
I snorted with arrogance. "They can try..."
"Settle down, Sybil," Dean scolded lightheartedly, "So this is it? E.T goes home?"
Lifting my head was hard. So heavy.
"Birds fly south but...they come back. Pretty Bird is coming back...?"
Secrets and songs hiding. No easy answer.
"As soon as I can," he promised. Empty promise. He didn't know.
Quiet, tired sounds of sorrow from my chest. He moved behind me, holding a cheek so he could catch when he put me too sleep.
☆☆☆☆☆
Woke up on my own. Face sticky from the bar. Coffee went cold.
Dwight was busy talking in hushed, sweet voices with a man. I missed it.
Sniff out the brother and lover. Follow the tethers of blood and light.
Outside.
Angel cutting angel's hand. Cupid was willing and hopeful. Dean saw me first. But he was on the phone with the prophet. Cupid saw me next. Kind eyes. She smiled at me before Castiel turned around.
"Hello, Hazel. "
"Love Bird knows my name...?"
"Of course. We all do," she said with a wink, "Unlike the rest of our kind, Cupids want the best for you. And him. We're your biggest fans."
I grinned shyly. "Love Birds are too kind..."
"Wait a minute..." Cas disrupted the sweet notes, "this...this isn't, your doing, is it?"
The Cupid laughed. "I said we're cheering for you, not suicidal. Believe me, some of us wanted to intervene and push it along, but purposely setting one of our own up with a human? Death wish...No. You did just fine on your own. If you were a Cupid, Castiel, you'd understand just how rare and precious it is to have what you have. A perfect union without help..."
"I do understand," he said gratefully, letting me wrap around him from the side, "thank you, again, Gail."
With a respectful nod, Gail flew away. Dean was still frustrated on the phone with Kevin. Distracted. Desperate to help. Worried for Sam. For everyone.
The prophet wasn't finding what we needed.
I was distracted too, listening. Wishing I could help. But I had my own tablet. Still had to make it safe. That was my business.
Suddenly my feet stumbled back, Cas yanking my waist till I was behind him.
Angry Bird was back.
"I'm not here to fight you, Castiel, " she said sincerely, "not anymore."
"Where is Metatron?" he shot back, unconvinced.
"He told you he was going to fix Heaven, didn't he? Murdering a Nephilim, cutting off a Cupid's bow - it's a lie, all of it. I've been in his head."
Angry Bird wasn't angry. She was scared. Can't hear her songs, but I saw her face. Both faces. Shaking inside.
"You've been in all our heads, that's the problem..." My Bird was still angry. She hurt my head too. That was worse for him. He wanted so badly to kill her for that.
"No, Castiel, you're wrong," she said calmly.
He just shook his head, waiting for Dean to inch closer and get in front of me too. Over protective. She didn't scare me anymore.
"This is what you do," he sneered, "You twist things. I am trying to fix Heaven. Metatron is trying to fix heaven!"
"Metatron isn't trying to fix anything!" she insisted, "He's trying to break it! An act of revenge for driving him away."
Dean leaned in closer to me.
"Hazey...is she lying?"
"I dont know...Angry digging...stumbling in what she didn't understand..blocked the parts that see the birds fly..."
Naomi softened, ever slightly.
"I am sorry for what I did to the Seer...when she was already broken enough. "
"You got one coming for that, don't worry," Dean retorted.
Storm was rolling in. Dark clouds grumbled and moaned whispers to me. Stop. Stop. We have to stop. I watched them. They wanted to cry. So scared for us. But no one was listening.
"Skies are telling sad truths..."
Dean looked at me, searching for understanding. Trusting me. "So break it how?" he asked Naomi, trying to consider possibilities.
"Dean.." Cas warned. Don't fall for her tricks, he was saying. Don't listen. She only wants to win the game.
"Expel all angels from Heaven," she explained, "just as God cast out Lucifer."
"Cast you out?" Dean repeated, "to where? Hell?"
Not So Angry Bird shook her head.
"Here. Thousands of us, walking the Earth..."
"Lies," Pretty Bird spat.
His sword found his hand, making a decision to advance and destroy. Heard enough. Hurt enough.
Dean stopped him. Grabbed his arm.. Thunder rolled above. Yes. Stop.
"Wait!"
"We should listen to the skies..." I murmured. Still no one listened.
Naomi sighed. Sad Bird. Shamed.
"Our mission was to protect what God created. I dont know when we forgot that...I think...that idea died with Selaphiel long ago. She always believed..."
She looked to me. Shamed eyes. Sorry faces. Then to Sad Sword. He was listening. He wanted to believe.
"I want nothing more than to see you shut the Gates of Hell, but I told you that you could trust me. If Sam completes those trials, he is going to die."
"What are you talking about?"
"I saw it in Metatron's head. It was always God's intention; the ultimate sacrifice. As for you, Castiel, I beg of you, stop this path. Metatron has been neutralized. If you want back in, truly, I will listen."
Shamed Bird flew away.
Pretty Bird was unsure. Held me for comfort. Telling himself it was all for me. That he was right.
Dean put the phone back to his ear.
"Hey, right now, talk to me, is she lying!?"
"I don't know.." scared little prophet said.
"Well find out!"
"She's lying.." Cas insisted. Too angry to believe.
Dean was frantic. He believed.
"Take me to him!"
"Dean-"
"Take me to him now!"
☆☆☆☆☆
Dropped down outside the old church, where Red King was bound and punished. Sad Sword rushing inside to the Soft Stone.
I moved to follow, but Castiel gently caught my face and halted me.
"Hey," he said, quiet over the angry sounds of the sky, "I have to go."
"No...why?" I whined.
"I have to try to save Metatron. I have to finish this." Soft fingers touched over my lips and the scar on my cheek. "I will come for you, I promise."
"Heard this promise before..." I whimpered, trying to look down.
That hurt him. He pulled my gaze back to him. "Look at me. I promise. Everything will be alright this time. I have a job to do. Yours is here, with your brothers."
I sniffled, staying still to feel loving lips take over mine. Noses brushing together. "I love you."
Cold when he left.
☆☆☆☆☆
{Castiel}
It never hurt any less, leaving her when she was sad or afraid. But this was important. For her. For my family. I had to get to heaven.
I went to Naomi's office. The only place I knew where to start. But to my horror, she laid dead on the floor, that awful drill of hers driven deep into the back of her skull. Blood pooling beneath.
I wanted to be pleased. But something didn't feel right.
I felt a sudden new presence in the otherwise empty room, and turned to see Metatron. But the second I faced him, he had an angel blade on my neck.
"She told you I lied, didn't she? You should've listened to the bitch."
"What is this? What are you doing, Metatron!?"
He grabbed my coat and yanked me hard into the chair I feared. The chair of my nightmares. Its magics snapped to life, metal cuffs clamping over my arms. I struggled. But it was vain. This was angel technology. There was no escape.
"You promised..." I hissed, bitterly betrayed.
"Shhh...Castiel. I want you to stop thinking about master plans. Heaven and angels, and all this. That doesn't concern you anymore."
He slammed my inclined head down .
"Don't. She needs me!" I cried out, watching his blade swing closer towards me. He ignored me. I was going to die. In heaven. Rightly so, maybe. But she needed me...it wasn't fair. Not now. Not like this.
But he didn't kill me.
He pressed the tip to core of my throat and lightly cut across.
No...
A cold set in, like bleeding out, watching my grace flow out in a wispy stream into a vial he held in his other hand.
"These were never trials, Castiel. This is a spell. And what I'm taking from you now... your essence, your Grace.. is the last piece."
"Don't do this...Selaphiel wouldn't want this!"
"Too bad you killed her," he taunted, healing the cut me made with a light touch, "now something wonderful is going to happen, for me and for you. I want you to live this new life to the fullest. Marry Hazel. Make babies. And when you die and your soul comes to Heaven, find me. And tell me your story."
"I'll kill you first!"
He smirked.
"Now go."
☆☆☆☆☆
{Hazel}
Dean threw open the doors, with me close behind. Running from angry skies. Something was very wrong.
Sam was surpised. Startled and panting. Dying. Ready to finish. We were just in time.
"Easy there, okay just take it easy," Dean said, getting closer, "we got a slight change of plans."
I scurried into the devil's trap, following the songs of broken souls and regret. So helpless. So human. Red King not so red anymore.
Relieved to see me.
"Sparkles..." he whispered when I touched his bloody face.
"What?" Sam exclaimed, "what's going on? Where's Cas?"
"Metatron lied," Dean told him, "you finish these trials, you're dead, Sam."
Sam stared as if his brother spoke another language. "So?"
So many songs. Head spinning. Skies screaming at me. "Sparkles...?"
His songs were louder. Easier to focus.
"I'm so sorry...Everything was my fault. I wanted Purgatory. I convinced him..."
"Hush," I said, grabbing his head and pressing it to mine, "calm your storms. You can be empty again."
"Look at him!" Sam shouted,
ignoring the fact that I appeared so affectionate, "Look how close we are! Other people will die if I don't finish this!"
Red King pressed back. He had tears.
Our hushed little tunes were unnoticed. "I told you to run. Why didn't you run?"
"Family, Fergus...Family. "
I let him go. He understood.
"Think about it. Think about what we know, huh? " Dean tried to persuade, "Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But I can't do it without you."
"You can barely do it with me. I mean, you think I screw up everything I try," Stone argued, "You think I need a chaperone, remember?"
"Come on, man. That's not what I meant. "
"No, it's exactly what you meant," Sam deflected, "You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you guys down. I can't do that again."
"Sam..." I cooed sadly. He was ready to die. He wanted to die.
"What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another-another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just – "
"Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? " Dean was hurt, for himself. He made our brother feel this way.. maybe I did too..."Because none of it, none of it... is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some shit that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy...come on. I killed Benny to save you..."
"Broken Fangs is dead...?" I whimpered. No one answered me. Red King touched my hand. Just wanted to feel someone. He was so cold.
"I'm willing to let this bastard, and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you," Dean desperately continued, "Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you. "
Sam, grunting and afraid, held his bleeding hand hard. Shaking. Breaking inside. "How do I stop?"
Blood drips to the floor. Glowing lights are fading.
"Just let it go..." I said gently.
"I can't. It's in me... You don't know what this feels like."
Dean stepped forward, took his hemorrhaging hand and wrapped a bandanna around the gash.
"Hey, listen,we will figure it out, okay, just like we always do. Come on."
Sword and Serpant share love of the ages, holding each other tight. Tears stream down my cheeks. I had to share love too. My brothers...My place is here. My family. Too long had I been running. Hurting and hiding.
Fergus let my fingers go so I could run to them. Squeeze my way in between their arms.
"Stupid boys..." I cried.
"Come on. Let it go, okay? Let it go, brother," Dean coaxed when we parted, the glow in Sam's arms was almsot gone.
"See?"
We thought it was done. But trials did not want to let go so easily.. Breathing shakily, Sam doubled over in pain.
"Sam!? "
He collapsed his weight into our support.
"I got you, little brother. You're gonna be just fine."
We dragged him outside. Hearts pounding.
Serpent roared in agony as we slumped down to ground against the Impala with him.
"Sam!? Soft stone...You are strong...please..." I burried myself in him, holding him down as if I could stop the cracks of the deep places from spreading.
Dean tried to hold his face, looking for eye contact. But Sam was slipping away. Alive but getting lost.
"Cas!?" Dean cried to the sky in open prayer. Our brother was wheezing now, barely breathing. Barely holding on.
"CASTIEL!?" he roared again.
Something severed inside me. Ripped off like a limb. A lifeline. I felt smaller. Bigger piece was gone.
"No,no,no..."
I looked to the sky, hearing the whir of energy soaring in the distance. Lights of paradise crashing. Falling. Burning.
Secret voices came through my lips.
"Soldiers of the skies will fall..."
Dean looked too, after hearing me.
"No Cas..."
Sam gasped, not so lost for a moment, eyes following ours.
"What..what's happening?"
The sky was bleeding with fire. Illuminated our faces with their glow like flames.
"Wings breaking, burning..." I murmured in horror.
"Angels...they're falling." Dean translated.
We watched. Like others might watch a meteor shower for fun. We watched the birds falling and scorching for fear.
"Pretty Bird..." I whined, hustling to my feet. He wasn't there. He wasn't falling.
"Hazel wait!" Dean hissed, "what are you doing?"
"Find him...Can't feel him..."
"Can't..." he trailed off, realizing what I meant, then took my hand, "we have to help Sam, Hazey. Please don't go. Don't leave me."
Conflicted. Sorrow. Uncertainty. Why can't I feel him? Lights in my chest were all alone now. Visions lost to me. Too tired. Too many colors.
"We broke so much..."
He pulled at me. I had to come down to my knees. Couldn't look up anymore.
"We always fix it, don't we?" he said breathlessly.
"Broke the rules. Broke each other...broke the sky..."
"Look at me!"
Oceans of green are bleeding, begging the seas of gold. Screaming; dont go. Not now. "Sam...needs us. We have to go. Are you with me?"
Serpant is fading. Deep places collapsing. Lights want to sleep. Love matters. Love stops death. Family broken but forever.
"Always."
☆☆☆☆☆
{End of Book 2}