During the next coming month, me and the human met at least two times a week outside of our classes. Most of the time it was the human who took the initiative for our dates, but on the rare occasions, I suggested that we could do something together. The curious thing was that no matter what we did, whether it was going out listening to a band play at a small club or just spending time together talking in Marc’s dorm, we always had a good time. Even though I still watched his neck most of the time when he was speaking, I had to admit that his company was not the worst company. He often made me laugh and I could still talk to him about everything. Well, almost anything. There was merely one thing that had not been brought up. My plans about making him my personal snack machine.
Every single time I went to meet him, I always thought to myself; today I will ask him over and over again. But the same thing always happened. Marc was his charming self and I “forget” to ask him yet again. When I was not spending time with Marc, the guilt towards Ray was building up since I never came back with blood, and when I was spending time with Marc, he made me feel almost guilty for dating both him and Ray. It was not something he mentioned directly, but he gave me several hints that even I couldn’t misunderstand. He even seemed jealous when I barely mentioned Ray’s name. Being torn between the two “men” was exhausting and several times I thought about telling Ray that we should drop our plans. Then I realized that if our plans were dropped I would have no reason to see Marc anymore. I did not want to admit it even to myself, but the feeling I got when I thought about not dating Marc was pure panic, like I wasn’t getting enough air. I did not wish to reflect over these feelings, so I pushed them aside and focused on a way to sneak the word donor into a conversation.
——————————————————
“Gabrielle, we have to talk about the human.”
It had been exactly four weeks and five days since mine and Marc’s first date. Me and Ray had of course spoken about him before, but I could feel that Ray was more serious tonight.
“What about Marc?” I asked in a suspicious voice.
Ray made a face and said in a tone I could not place:
“Since when do you call the human by name?”
I was surprised by myself. When had I started to refer to the human as Marc? Two weeks ago, after or first date? I had no idea. Since I could not answer his question, I ignored it.
“It was something else you wanted to talk about, wasn‘t it?”
He pointed to the couch and I sat down with a suspicious expression on my face.
“This is going to be difficult for you to hear Gabrielle, but I am saying this for both our sakes. I have a strong feeling that you are in love with the human.”
My brain wasn’t working and his information wasn’t getting through to me.
“What are you saying?” I said with an angry snap. “You can’t be serious.”
The expression on Ray’s face told me that he was definitely serious, but I was determined not to believe him. This was crazy talk.
“I wouldn’t tell you this if I did not have strong evidence.”
“Name one!”
“You haven’t asked the human to be a donor yet, even though you’ve had plenty of time to do it. You’ve been happy in a way since you started dating him that you have never been with me. When you talk about him your eyes light up like they never do when you talk about me. Do you want me to continue?”
The anger inside of me started to build up like a wall and soon it was going to crash down on Ray.
“I have only known him for a month Ray, don‘t be absurd!”
“It doesn’t matter. I knew the first time I saw you that you were my destiny. I just wasn’t yours”
“Ray..”
Seeing the being I had spent the last 40 years with hurt made me feel uneasy. Was I supposed to feel bothered too? Sad even? All I was feeling at the moment was confusion. Marc was a human. Beneath me. I could not have feelings for a human. Ray was the one that I was supposed to be with. Anything else was unacceptable. And very wrong.
“It’s alright Gabby. Somehow, subconsciously, I already knew that I had lost you. Promise me that you will go to him tonight. You have to figure out how you truly feel.” My head was now blank of all the fury occupying it and I had almost begun to protest when he added: “If not for your own sake, then do it for me. Please. Gabby, I do not wish to spend my existence with somebody who does not want to spend it with me.”
My frustration was hard to control and to keep myself from saying something that I might regret, I only said a tenth of what was going on inside my head.
“I will do this for myself and I will prove you wrong!”
I stormed out through the door, didn’t even bother to bring a jacket to seem human, and ran as fast as my legs could manage.
——————————————————
“Who is it?”
Even for me the voice was frail but I could still tell that it was Marc behind the wall.
“Gabrielle.”
“Well don’t just stand there come on in.”
I was surprised to see that he was not standing behind the door waiting for me as he usually did.
“I’m in here”, his voice called from the bathroom.
Without thinking about my nerves eating me up from inside I opened the door. When I saw him in the bathtub, I was unsure of where to look. If I had been human, this would have been an opportunity where my checks would have turned blood red. He didn’t speak and when I glanced at him again, I noticed that there were more than enough bubbles to prevent an awkward situation. This made me feel less uncomfortable but also, surprisingly, discontent.
“Why are you here so late? Sorry it’s just that you’ve never been here after eight before.”
I had no idea what the time was and I could not care less.
“I needed to find out the answer to some questions”, became my vague answer.
“Like?”
He watched me closely and put shampoo in his hair at the same time. He did not appear to be uneasy or embarrassed about the situation and I could understand why. When he reached up to put the shampoo bottle back on its place, I could see his well-marked muscles on his stomach flex.
“Gabrielle?”
I woke up from my trance and remembered why I was really here.
“Marc do you…like me?”
He smiled and I could detect glitter in those heartbreaking eyes.
“Of course! Why do you think I have been spending so much time with you?”
“Are you in love with me?” I asked in a manner-of-factly voice.
His smile faded and he got a stern yet dreamlike look in his eyes.
“I think I’m falling for you, yes.” He placed one of his wet hands on my left cheek. “How do you feel about me?”
This was it. Now I would finally find out the truth. I cleared out my head of every single rational thought and placed a light kiss on his warm lips. I had kissed him numerous times after our first date but that had been different. Then I had kept my guard up and treated it like it was my job or duty. Now everything was out in the open. I had never felt so exposed or vulnerable before. My intention had been to keep the kiss brief but like we were two poles of a magnet, I felt drawn to him and could not tear myself away. As his hand grabbed my neck and pulled me closer, my heart was on the verge of explosion. A heat wave spread from my chest through my entire body and suddenly I launched myself back against the bathroom door. My teeth were nearly exposed and I no longer had any doubts. I was in love with the human.
——————————————————
I started to run through the naked desert while a million thoughts occupied my brain. How could I have fallen for a human? A mortal. I needed to leave this place and never come back. I was going to lie to Ray, tell him that I had no feelings for the human and make up a story so that he would agree that the best thing for us was to leave California. I would do anything. I would even tell Ray that we could apply for another college, maybe on the east coast. And then I would never see the human again, forget all about him and bury my feelings so deep down that they would slowly rot away. The thought of never seeing Marc again forced me to stop running.
Exhausted, I sat flat down on the dry soil. Did I really want to throw away this love? Even though he was only human, I could still feel now that my love for him was strong. And he was so much more than a human. He was kind, caring, listened to me when I spoke and made me laugh. Before Marc, I had thought that I in some way had cared very much for Ray, but I had only been deceiving myself. I had settled for him. But the real question remained. Was I willing to settle again, now that I knew how real love could feel? After several hours sitting on the ground, I started my run back to campus. I had now realized that I had no choice. I knew what I had to do.