"So then the piece of string goes outside and he, you know, roughs himself up a bit, splits a few ends and whatnot," James is saying as I walk with him, Sirius, Peter, Lily, and Mary to class, the others having not done eating, "And then he goes back into the bar, and goes up to the bartender and asks for a drink. And the bartender says 'aren't you that same piece of string that came in here earlier?' And the piece of string says 'no, sir, I'm a frayed knot."
I burst into giggles at his dumb joke, and Sirius looks at me in amusement as no one else laughs, Lily just rolling her eyes in annoyance.
"You're very easily amused," he says to me as James beams in appreciation at my laughter.
"That was funny!" I say, "I mean come on. I'm afraid not? I'm a frayed knot? That's well thought out."
"Finally." James grins, "Someone who appreciates good humour around here."
"Okay, okay," I say, "I've got one."
"Oh I can't wait for this," Sirius says, chuckling as he shoves his hands in his pockets and winks at a girl that walks on by.
"Right, so there's this set of twins, okay? And they get adopted at birth. One of them goes off to Egypt, where a family names him Amal, and the other goes to Mexico, where they name him Juan." I try not to laugh before I say the punchline, but it's hard, "And so they grow up with these families, and eighteen years later their biological mom is sitting at the table when she gets a letter from Juan. It's a photo of him and a message just telling her about his life. She thinks it's great, right? And she's showing her husband and all that and she goes 'I just wish Amal would send me something like this, just so I could see what he looks like', and the husband shakes his head and says 'honey, come on. They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
I burst into laughter and so does James, Lily snorting and Sirius chuckling lightly as I double over with glee.
"I'm using that," James says, grinning as I try and contain my cackling.
"Okay, that one was better than yours, Prongs," Sirius says, using some strange nickname that I decide not to question as he addresses his best friend.
"What? It was not." James runs a hand through his hair, and I grin.
"Okay I have another one—"
"No!" They all groan, Sirius shoving my face away as I grin.
"Fine." I roll my eyes, "I'll tell you later, James."
We've made it to the dungeons, where our Potions class is starting, a few people already having dwindled inside. Slughorn isn't in the room yet, but a group of Slytherins are, including Mandy, Dolohov, and Severus Snape.
Lily immediately goes over to Snape and plops down next to him, them sparking up a quick conversation as James glowers in his direction.
"That's ice cold, man," I say, patting him on the back with pity as we walk over to take the empty seats next to Lily. I sit next to Mary, Sirius and James in the seats to my right while Lily and Snape sit on Mary's left. Soon Remus walks in and takes the seat next to Peter as I strike up easy conversation with Mary. Dorcas and Alice grab a seat next to one another, and Marlene hasn't even shown up yet, not as the rest of the class arrives, chattering about everything and nothing.
"Hey Milton!" I turn to see a boy named Mulciber sitting with a girl named Emma Vanity, both of them glaring my way, "What's it like being a filthy Gryffindor, huh?"
"What's it like inside your asshole?" I shoot back, "I mean, you do spend most of your time with your head up there."
"Oh!" Sirius laughs, whooping loudly as James howls.
"Someone get Mulciber some ice for his burn!"
The Gryffindors laugh as I turn back around, only for a crumpled up piece of parchment to hit me in the back of the head. I turn back to glare at him, but he just gestures to the paper, a knowing smile on his face.
I roll my eyes, picking up the parchment before turning back to the front and unravelling it, staring down at the crude drawing inside and immediately feeling queasy.
It's a moving animation that Mulciber clearly drew, which pictures me, half naked, being sliced to pieces by him. My face blanches as the picture plays over and over in front of my eyes before Sirius peers over at it and I stuff it away.
"What was that?" He asks, frowning. Mary is luckily distracted while talking to Lily, and I shrug.
"Just some old notes."
He clearly doesn't believe me, but he lets it go, and I'm grateful, even more relieved when Slughorn walks in, a chipper smile on his face.
I dare to look back at Mulciber, and immediately regret it. He's smirking at me, his eyes hooded with obvious evil and his pen tapping against his paper as he stares. I roll my eyes and look away, trying not to be fazed by his disturbing drawing and instead focusing on the class as it begins.
***
The rest of the day is full of me avoiding Slytherins and Gryffindors alike. Even some of the other two houses have been shoving me in the hallways. I've turned down two more interviews from other newspapers and radio channels, not wanting to get into the same pickle I did with Rita Skeeter. I'm already terrified for tomorrow, when the new edition of the Daily Prophet is to be sent all around Britain, my shocked expression probably on the front page.
I've been tripped, pushed, and hit with things all day, and I've had enough.
"When are people gonna get over this?" I groan as Marlene flips off the guy that shoved me into the wall and Lily smiles at me softly.
"It's been one day," Lily says after Arithmancy, while we head back to the Common Room to tackle the homework we already have, "people just don't like things they aren't used to. Give it time."
"Plus, you've got us," Marlene says, nudging me and smiling, "You're not completely alone."
Someone chucks an empty cartridge of ink at me, and it bounces off my forehead.
"As much as I wish that helped," I say, catching the small container and hurling it back at the girl that threw it, a Hufflepuff with a unibrow, "It doesn't stop these assholes."
We arrive at the portrait hole, and the Fat Lady looks down at us, her gaze landing on me suspiciously.
"Oswald," Lily says, and it swings open as I grin triumphantly, waving as the lady falls out of view.
We enter, my eyes scanning the area before finding none of our friends here, except the Marauders, and I've found that my roommates always have something to complain about with them. Especially Lily and Marlene about James and Sirius.
So they head upstairs to find the rest of the girls, and I'm about to follow, when Sirius sees me, beckoning me over to where he sits. I eye his smug smirk, narrowing my eyes in suspicion as I approach him.
"I don't like that look on your face," I say as I sit down on the couch next to him and raise an eyebrow in question.
"What look?" His smirk turns into a grin, and I cross my arms.
"This look." I copy his expression, and he bursts into laughter as James nods.
"Yeah, that's Padfoot." He nods, also referring to his best friend by a strange nickname. I've found that the Marauders all have nicknames for each other. Remus is Moony, James is Prongs, Peter is Wormtail, and Sirius is Padfoot.
"Why am I here exactly?" I question.
He nods behind my shoulder, "You said you wanted to get Deighton back, I think now is your chance."
I look behind me, and sure enough, Richard Deighton has fallen asleep in a nearby armchair. A grin breaks out onto my face, and I turn back with glee.
"Okay, we need to plan fast," I say, immediately tying my hair back and cracking my knuckles, pulling out a piece of paper and a quill, "I want this to be big and embarrassing."
Sirius turns to James, "I told you she would want to get revenge."
James nods, "That's the Slytherin in her."
I grin, and soon enough all four boys have gathered around me, Moony even contributing loads to the plan as we quickly come up with a scheme and Deighton snores on. I tug off my robes, rolling up my sleeves and rubbing my hands together before quickly realizing my mistake.
I look up in alarm at the Marauders, yanking down my right sleeve and feeling relief flood through me when I see that none of them saw the word written on my arm. I shake my head slightly, snapping myself out of my own daze of sudden fear and standing to my feet as the plan is done.
Fifteen minutes later and we've got all the supplies, the five of us hidden in our spots in the common room as I sit myself down in a chair about five feet from where Richard sleeps, moving it to face him directly.
I glance at Sirius, who stands behind the wall over Deighton's shoulder and nods at me.
"Expelliarmus," I say softly, flicking Richard's wand right out of his pocket and into Peter's hand before pointing my wand again, "Incarcerous."
Thick ropes wrap around the boy's arms and legs, binding him to the chair and abruptly waking him up. I sit back in my chair and smirk as he gasps awake, looking around in confusion and struggling against his confines until his eyes land on me and narrow to slits.
"Milton? What the hell are you doing?"
My smirk grows, and I cross my arms, lifting one shoulder in a casual shrug, "Call it . . . taking out the trash."
All of a sudden, James comes in with Sirius, whooping loudly and holding a large bucket, which gets dumped over Deighton's head and covers his body.
"What the hell?" He shouts as honey covers every inch of him, dripping down his robes and through his hair as he struggles against his confines.
Before he can say anything else, Sirius grabs another bucket from Remus and dumps it on top, feathers covering the honey and sticking to his body. I stand up, grinning as Richard swears and pulling out a camera that Alice let me borrow, as she's into photography. I take a snapshot of Deighton as a banner falls behind him, Remus's scrawl spelling out, in large black letters, the words RICHARD DEIGHTON IS A COCK.
The Polaroid comes out of the camera, and I shake it as everyone in the common room laughs, most people having turned their attention to us once the commotion got too loud.
"You're dead, Milton," he says threateningly, but I'm not scared, just pouting in pity.
"What was that, Richard?" I ask, "Try speaking out of your mouth and not your ass, then maybe I'll understand."
People howl around me, Sirius grinning and high-fiving me as he takes the now developed photo displaying the live action performance of what just happened. He walks over to the bulletin board, where notices explaining things like Quidditch try outs and band auditions are posted. I watch as he sticks the picture up and casts a spell, making me quirk an eyebrow.
"It'll be there forever now," he says with glee, "I use this to glue things to my bedroom wall in order to annoy my mother."
"Excellent," I say, grinning at our handy work as everyone laughs at Richard, who struggles against the confines and growls at everyone. Even a few of his friends ridicule the situation, not even helping him out as they point and cackle.
"And now . . ." He grabs the camera from me and walks back over to Richard, telling him to say cheese before snapping another photo, taking the Polaroid out of the bottom, and handing it to me, "A memorial of your own. Your first prank as a Gryffindor."
I beam at him happily, taking the photo and shaking it as it quickly develops, Richard's glare staring up at me and making me giggle.
"This one's going down in Hogwarts history," I say happily, and Sirius smiles down at me.
"That makes two of you."