song: Maniac by Conan Gray (and that girl from the end of the fucking world, I love her)
Also Tanya's school outfit thoooooo.
Talk about good girl gone bad.
THIS IS A LOOONGGGG chapter
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"Miss Tanya, are you awake yet" Mary calls out as she opens the door to my room.
And I'm sitting on my bed, fully dressed ready to go.
she looks taken aback "oh, good morning. breakfast's ready"
"Morning"
she turns to leave but stops for a second "aren't you supposed to be in uniform already?"
"It's a free day, and they don't really care"
I turn to look at myself in the mirror.
I was wearing a tight black crop top, with camo pants. I put on white sneakers and straightened my hair. I knew the second I'd arrive at school like this, everyone will freak out.
Hell, I was freaking out.
I looked like a bad bitch, which was what I was going for. you know, if I wanted to seduce a criminal.
It was such a change from my softie tendencies. But I kinda liked it. It'll give me the confidence I need to get through the day.
I was a little worried though. The bruises had already started fading away, but someone might see them under the crop top.
I decided to cover than up with foundation, and take a chance.
When I was ready, I walked downstairs to find my mom having breakfast. I sit down too, my plate overflowing.
I basically inhale the whole plate
"someone's hungry today," my father says coming down the stairs
well shit, he hasn't left yet.
"Why aren't you in uniform?" he asks me.
"It's a free day today"
"I'll be calling and making sure"
Of course. I'm too unreliable to believe.
"Is Winston here already? I'll be late" I blurp out quickly.
"It's Winston's day off today. Father will be driving you," my mother says.
I get up all of a sudden.
he already picked up his keys and opened the front door. he spares me one glance. "come on Tanya"
I get in his car reluctantly as he turns it on.
"your bag looks practically empty " he starts, looking at me through the rearview mirror
"yes" I answer plainly, looking out the window, watching the cars go by
"It wouldn't look like that if you actually did your work"
"no"
"no what? Is it such a challenge to speak full sentences." he pushes on irritatingly. couldn't he stop talking? his voice was so harsh, aggressive. the kind that would give you a headache instantly.
I didn't need this in the morning.
"no, it would"
"Oh really. if that's the case then tell me, what did you do in history last Friday"
shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup.
shut up.
"I don't remember"
"so you don't remember what you were laughing at with your guy-friends"
I clench my jaw, my hands turn into fists. my nails dig into my palms.
" how do you even know that? It was one time"
"I practically bought all your teachers. they tell me everything"
"I don't even remember what we were laughing at, ok?"
" BUT YOU SOMEHOW REMEMBER TO PICK UP YOUR PHONE FROM LEO'S HOUSE" He yells.
I don't answer.
school seems like years away now.
"ya, now she stops talking. that shut you up didn't it. other than that, you've got a big-ass mouth for everything" he mutters.
miraculously, we finally get to school. He parks the car and turns to look at me.
"Stay in line, or I swear to god, I'll show up to school and put you in line myself , in front of everyone."
I turn away from him to open the car door, but he locks it. he leans in. his face stone cold.
"Would you like that?"
"No" I whisper, I was terrified someone was gonna see me like this.
"NO, WHAT? LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU"
I flinch. Why did he have to drive me today-
"I understand" I choke out, looking at him
he stares at me for what seems like forever, before turning to the front, and unlocks the door.
I practically run out.
I stop in front of the school gates. I look at my phone. 10 minutes for school to start. I peak through the gates. the hallways are crowded.
Usually, I would love a grand entrance like this.
But right now, I didn't wanna face it.
I pull out my phone and AirPods from my bag, and put on some Lana del ray music.
I turn away from the gates and start walking to the back of the school building. My eyes start watering as I walk back to the road, crossing the street to get to the gas station behind our school.
I needed coffee.
I walk towards the Starbucks in the gas station, but as I peer through the glass doors, I see a bunch of kids from my school.
I didn't want to socialize right now. Also, it's too obvious that I'd been crying.
There was also a McDonald's, and it looked pretty empty.
I take a deep breath, wiping my cheeks before opening the door.
"Hi, welcome to Macdonalds, what can I get you," a young dark-haired woman at the counter asks.
I clear my throat "Um, a French vanilla cappuccino please"
"Size?"
"Large"
"of course, anything else?"
"no that's it, thanks"
I pay upfront and turn to sit on one of the 2- seat tables.
I pull out my phone. 2 new missed calls from Lindsay this morning, and Ally sent me texts telling me to answer Lindsay's calls.
Lindsay was always used to driving us to school on most days. She was probably wondering why I wasn't home.
I hear the door of Macdonalds ring.
"morning, James." the lady at the counter says.
I look up from my phone to see a dark-haired boy walk in.
"Hi Lori. Is dad here yet?"
"No, not yet"
"I'll wait for him, then"
"Go ahead, did you have breakfast yet?"
"Nope,"
"I'll get you some breakfast then"
"What would I do without you, Lori"
he turns and I see his face.
Omg.
it's the cute boy from the MacDonalds drive-thru window.
Was this the same MacDonalds Lindsay took us to on Friday?
he sees me looking at him and stops, surprised
"oh, It's you" he exclaims, smiling.
that damning British accent.
I smile back. "Hey"
"mind if I sit here?" he asks, gesturing to the chair across from me.
"not at all" I shrug, playing it cool.
"um, I don't know if you remember me- ?"
" you know, I never did get your number" I joke
he laughs. "I was gonna write it on the receipt or something, but I was afraid it would go to one of your friends instead . no offense"
"well, they're not here now"
"so it seems" he chuckles. The dimples. Oh lord.
I also notice he had an ear pierced on one side, with a silver earring. Damn. Why was it so hot in here all of a sudden.
"So, you work here?" I ask,
"Mostly on weekends. My dad's the manager, so I come here often"
"oh cool, I'll be coming here often too, than"
why was I still flirting? I don't know, I can help it.
his smile widens, his dimples more pronounced.
The counter lady, Lori, walks over to us and places my cappuccino on the table. I thank her, as I get up.
"Well, I gotta get to school. I'm late enough as it is" I tell him.
"ya, sure"
I give him one last smile, before grabbing my coffee and walking out. That was nice. I smile to myself as I walked away.
Harmless flirting never fails to brighten my mood.
I hear the door bell ding again behind me. "wait" James calls out, running towards me.
"you forgot your receipt" He hands it to me and walks back inside.
what was that about, it's not like I needed it.
I look at it and smile. he wrote his number on it. with a smiley face.
then I stop smiling.
It's not like I'll actually call him. right?
Oh shit. Lindsay was right. I do catch feelings.
I stuff the receipt in my back pocket and finish my coffee .
***
As I walk back to school, I go over my plan. I was officially late for my first period, physics. I had physics with all my friends.
namely, Kaylo.
The thing is, last week, Aidan played this prank and he dragged Kaylo with him. Long story short. They both got detention for a week.
Meaning, I needed to get detention.
Why? Because it'll be my only chance to talk to Kaylo alone, without anyone getting suspicious.
I've never gotten detention before, but I guess there's a first time for everything.
I make my way to class. I was definitely late. I peer through the window. the light was dimmed, Mrs. Nelson sat on her desk, showing the class a video. In a normal situation, I could easily sneak in without her noticing. But that would ruin the point.
and besides, I loved dramatic entrances.
Lord forgive me.
I take a deep breath and throw the door open.
there, now I had everyone's attention. I forced myself not to look at my friends.
Mrs. Nelson pauses the video and the lights switch on."Miss Darling. what time do you call this"
here we go. Nothing angers the teachers more than a smartass. So that was my tactic.
I look at the clock on the wall. "I call it 7:15, but some people call it a quarter past seven"
a few chuckles go around the room. but I'm focused on Mrs. Nelson. she wasn't sitting anymore.
"I'm aware of how to tell the time, Thankyou very much. but if you could tell the time so well, you would know that you're 15minutes late."
I nod, widening my eyes "Yes, I'm very aware."
the chuckles were getting louder.
"nevermind the fact that you're AWARE. why are you late for my lesson?."
"maybe you all are just early" I shrug
Aidan was howling with laughter, while Lindsay's jaw was so wide open, it was practically touching the floor.
"That was not the intended meaning, miss darling, and you quite know that!"
I narrow my eyes intently "Do I though?"
Angelina snorts, before covering her mouth swiftly.
"I'll ask you one more time miss darling. do you have a reason for being late?"
I sigh in mock exhaustion "I was late because I was enjoying NOT being here"
the whole class was hysterical at this point. Meanwhile, Mrs. Nelson looked like she was preparing to light me up with just her eyes.
"Well I hope you enjoy detention too" she flares her nose at me.
I got what I wanted, right? So I should just stop.
But for some reason, I wanted to keep provoking her. Being bad was addicting . I can understand how you can fall in love with the adrenaline rush.
I wave a hand dismissively "That's not necessary."
"Miss DARLING-" she starts
"I mean, technically, I'm early for tomorrow"
the whole class was roaring with laughter at this point. And I'm pretty sure someone was clapping.
"Miss Darling, I'm giving you one last chance. sit down quietly, or I'll be calling your father."
and all of a sudden. my body turns cold at the mention of my father. Was she threatening me with him?
This bitch-
"I'm sure he'll be flattered you have his number and all, but he won't be interested in 50 year old bats. Especially since he's married."
I was no longer playing games. My face was stone. my fists clenched.
"PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, MISS DARLING"
"Aw so soon. well goodbye then"
I turn to the class and wave dramatically. The whole class was laughing, waving back, someone was whistling in the back.
and I bow all the way out of class
I had to admit. Being popular was so gratifying. it's like I could do no wrong.
***
I make my way to the principal's office.
I charm my way into making him believe that I was late because I was sick, and then proceeded to politely remind him of my father's generous donations to the school.
In the end, I get off with one detention after school, then I'm sent to the nurse's office.
I tell the nurse, Jody, about how I wasn't really sick, but that I went through a really bad break up. she sympathizes with me, naturally. she even lets me sleep for 2 periods.
too soon, she's shaking me awake. "Its break."
"Thanks, Jody" I get up and start putting on my sneakers.
"Tanya, you can't hide in the nurse's office forever. you might wanna talk to the school counselor about this"
I genuinely felt bad for using her this way. what's worse, I've been doing that a lot lately. Manipulating everyone.
"Thanks, Jody, but no thanks. I'll be fine" I flip my hair a couple of times before leaving.
***
I make my way to the cafeteria and I'm instantly greeted with applause.
I get my lunch and make my way to our iconic table in front of the huge window. Everyone's already sitting there. Lindsay, Ally, Aidan, Leo.
Kaylo too.
"Hey guyssssss" I squeal, sitting down between Aidan and Ally. Lindsay across from me with Leo and Kaylo.
"TANYA"
"Where've you been?"
"We thought you died"
"What WAS that with Mrs.Nelson"
"you are a GOD"
I thought I braced myself for this. I open my mouth to start explaining myself, but Lindsay stands up all of a sudden and speaks first.
"Tanya Hayes Darling, where the hell have you been since Friday midnight."
I notice her wearing her pink crop top with 'Goddess' in sparkly letters and black skinny jeans.
I stand up too "Lindsay Bree Lopez, I was in my room from Friday midnight up until today morning"
"And do you have a witness to confirm this claim"
everyone else in our table was alternating between looking at me and Lindsay. We were all used to being weird like that.
"yes, ma'am. My teddy bear can testify on my behalf"
"Which one, exactly. I'm aware that you have 27 different teddy bears in your possession"
"I CAN CONFIRM THAT STATEMENT" Ally adds, giggling. she was wearing a huge purple hoodie as a dress and lama earings.
"the one named after Cole Sprouse, ma'am" I answer.
"Don't listen to him, He's a charmer," Aidan says, playing along. he was wearing a casual sweatshirt and pants.
"I CAN CONFIRM THAT TOO" Ally repeats.
"Miss Darling, you are under arrest" Lindsay decides.
I gasp dramatically "On what charges?"
"Leo Garcia, would you do the honors," Lindsay asks him.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Leo says, speaking for the first time. He wore a polo shirt with dark pants and a silver chain necklace.
"Fine. Tanya Darling, we find you guilty with hypocrisy"
"hypocrisy?" I frown, confused.
"HYPOCRISY" Ally yells.
"Apparently you have time to go meet Leo, just because he had your phone. but other than that, you didn't see any of us. Negligence of friendship."
"NEGLIGENCE" Ally slams her hands on the table in agreement.
I throw a quick glance at Kaylo.
No one else knows we met up this weekend. He raises his eyebrows at me but says nothing. The gesture clearly meant 'keep quiet'.
"you are also found guilty of heartbreak"
"heartbreak?" I ask.
"HEARTBREAK" Ally yells. Apparently, Ally's only job in this court was yelling out the keywords being said.
"you still have unfinished business with our very own Leo" Lindsay smiles suspiciously.
Oh no. When I told Lindsay, I expected sympathy from her. But she was setting me up.
All of a sudden, Leo turns to me. "Did you TELL them?"
"I only told LINDSAY. I-I tell her everything"
I raise my hands defensively.
I am literally never ever telling Lindsay anything again in my life.
Meanwhile, Kaylo was watching the whole thing as if it was a mildly interesting movie, while eating his fries.
I wanted to slap that smug smile off his face.
"what do you plead," Lindsay asks me.
"I plead innocent"
"Liar"
"GUILTY" Ally shouts.
"Miss Tanya, we find you guilty. your sentence is 7 minutes in heaven with Leo. Since we don't have a closet, however, we will settle for the janitor's closet."
"wait, what? Lindsay, this is just a joke right"
"EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY" and suddenly I'm being marched with Leo out of the cafeteria, as the whole gang parades us towards the janitor's closet.
"Guys I'm not doing this" I plead, throwing death glares at Leo. He was probably enjoying this.
"Me neither" He denies, shaking his head.
"come on, we're all the way here, already" Aidan argues.
"Plus, you owe it to him"
"YAY, PEER PRESSURE" Ally squeals.
"ugh fine, let's get this over with" I give up, grabbing Leo's collar and dragging him in the janitor's closet with me.
"Have fun, but not TOO much fun," Kaylo tells me as he pulls the door closed.
"Fuck you" I call after him. Idiot.
The closet wasn't very spacey, but there was enough space for us to have a few feet apart, as long as we stuck to the wall.
The only force of light was a small window on the wall. Other than that, it was pretty dim.
"Hey" I whisper.
"hey," he whispers back, looking at his feet.
I sigh, feeling trapped. What was I supposed to say? You shouldn't have kissed me Leo. It really complicates things. So let's forget about your total humiliation when I rejected you, and go back to being best friends forever .
I've dated guys before. But it was always the same. I would flirt for fun and end up getting bored quickly.That was my system. Actual romantic involvements and commitments. they scared me.
I was scared.
"Leo, I can't date" I blurp out.
he looks up, surprised. "what?"
"I can't date anyone"
"why not? "
"its a family thing"
"But you've dated before," he tells me.
technically, My father would never approve of me dating anyone ever. all my relationships were done behind his back, which was no easy feat.
nonetheless, if he had to choose a boyfriend for me one day for god knows what business reason, he'd pick Leo. He was close friends with the Garcias. And plus, it would cover up the supposed 'scandal' about me being at Leo's house at night.
"My father wants to send me to a boarding school. He thinks I'm getting too distracted here. I'm fighting with him about it, at the moment, but I don't want to give him another reason to send me away. "
at least that wasn't a lie. even if it wasn't the main reason.
"What the hell. That's not fair" He looked furious.
"I know."
"fuck, Tanya. I'm so sorry. I had no idea"
"It's fine, honestly"
"And I probably made it worse by having that party. And then my parents found your phone-"
"Can we just forget about it. please?"
his eyes soften.
"of course" he smiles. And it was so genuine, so reassuring that I felt like I was gonna burst from the guilt.
I would've felt better if he'd just hated me. He should just hate me.
" I truly am sorry" I repeat. It was like I kept apologizing to satisfy my own guilt, not him.
"Listen, Tanya. I've had feelings for you for a while now. But I'll always be there for you, in whatever way you need me. boyfriend. best friend. whatever." He shrugs.
I didn't deserve him. I truly didn't deserve him. I felt a lump rising in my throat. Fuck. I'm not getting emotional.
Maybe it was selfish of me and unfair to him. to manipulate his feelings this way.
but I still want him with me forever.
I lean in and he wraps his arms around me. and we hug. And for that moment, at least, I felt like everything was ok.
"So are we gonna clear things with the cult outside ?" I whisper to him
"but Ally was so happy playing cupid"
"and can you not bring up the boarding school thing? I'm not even sure yet and I don't wanna stress them out"
"deal. but only if you promise to stay."
"I'll try."
Then the door opens, and Kaylo's standing right there. He did not look happy.
"Time's up, kids"
we step back from each other.
"See that wasn't so hard, was it?" Aidan greets us, his head popping out from the door frame.
"go to hell," Leo tells him, but he was smiling.
"Guess it's my turn in 7 minutes in heaven." Aidan says, winking at Lindsay.
She just rolls her eyes.
I walk out, towards Lindsay and Ally and I stop them before they say anything.
"no, we did not kiss. But we're good. we talked it out, and we fixed things"
Ally frowns, confused. "How did you fix things WITHOUT kissing?"
We stare at her before we all burst laughing, just as the bell rings.
I'd hate to admit, but I was grateful for what Lindsay did. It gave me a chance to clear things up with Leo.
***
The rest of the day was boring, in comparison to what happened in the first period. But I still felt the relief of having Leo back.
and too soon, the last period bell rings, and I'm already making my way to the English room, which becomes the detention hall after school.
I peer through the door window. There were a couple of people sitting already, including Aidan.
Kaylo was sitting by himself in the last row.
Bingo.
I open the door. Aidan glances up from his phone
"oh yeah, the princess got in trouble today, I forgot," he says.
I give him a death glare. I didn't have time for his teasing right now.
I sit at the very front seat, just as the teacher walks in.
"Ok, so all of you are obviously here for a reason. in fact, most of you, have made a habit of being here" he says, looking specifically at Aidan.
Aidan just bats his eyes innocently.
"anyways, you're all gonna be here for a while so, I want you to use this time to write an essay on discipline"
I hear sighs go around the room.
"I'll be back in an hour. and I want you all to be done by then" and then he leaves the class.
as soon as he leaves everyone goes back to whatever they were doing. Does the teacher genuinely believe we're gonna write an essay?
Besides , I had other plans.
I take out a sticky note from my bag and write on it-
'Meet me in the janitor's closet. asap'
I fold it a couple of times before poking the girl beside me
"hi," I smile at her.
She blinks at me a couple of times in disbelief "Oh, hi "
"I'm Tanya"
"Yeah, I know who you are" she smiles. Her smile was every exaggerated. overwhelmed.
"Can you pass this note to that boy at the back?" I ask her.
"of course, sure!" she exclaims. like I'd just asked her to be my best friend .
"Thanks, love," I say handing her the note. I made sure to make it harmless, so even if she opens it, which I'm sure she will, she'll think we were just hooking up or something.
Then, before she starts passing the note, I get up and walk out of the class.
***
I go back to the janitor's closet and close the door behind me.
And I wait.
I wait for a while. Long enough to start getting anxious.Was he even coming? Did the note even reach him?
And all of a sudden, I'm hyperventilating. what the hell was I thinking? what was I doing here? I can't do this.
but just as I'm about to leave, the door opens.
And Kaylo walks in.
****a.n****
*cue the suspenseful music* dun dun DUN
My life is so stressful these days, I swear, this book is more like therapy to me.
•hope you enjoyed the chapter though
•press the star icon to vote 💫
~stay safe stay home
~lulu
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