As much as I tried to fall asleep, it just didn't happen. My mind was racing at a million miles. My heart was telling me one thing, but my mind was telling me another. What was it that he really wanted out of me traveling with him? Did he just want someone there for when he needed them, or was he looking for something more? Did the reason even matter to me?
I took a deep breath as I looked up into his tattooed face. I took my finger and traced his dagger tattoo before running it along his jawline and down to his neck. I was in awe with this man. Everything about him was perfect for me. It wasn't his persona that I liked, it was him... Austin.
If I decided to finish the tour off with him, it wasn't because I wanted to live the rock star life. To be honest that was my biggest fear of traveling with him. I wanted to go with him to get to know him, to be there for him.
And okay, the sex was fucking amazing too. I could live with that for the next several months. I laughed at myself at that thought. Of course there was something sexual between us as well, I couldn't deny it. One touch, one look and I was going wild.
I pushed myself slowly up off of his chest so I wouldn't wake him as I put a kiss softly on his lips as I made my way towards the couch, pulling my cellphone out of my pocket.
I sank down and pulled my knees into my chest as I started texting the only person I knew would help me make this decision.
"Hey sis! Thanks for checking in on me! What if I got kidnapped or something?" I hit the send button and looked at the time.
9:00am she should be up by now.
I looked out the window at the bright Pittsburgh morning as I waited for her to text back.
"Sorry! I didn't want to interrupt anything ;) but I'm glad that you are alright!"
I laughed quietly as I started my text back.
"I really feel the love Rach."
"<3 anytime sis! Soooooo, tell me! I need the tea!"
I took a deep breath as I tried to figure out how to wrap last night/this morning into one simple text.
"It was nothing short of amazing to be perfectly honest. Austin is a really great guy. He seems very caring, very humble and very genuine."
"I'm rolling my eyes over here. I know you are holding out on me."
"Okay okay, so maybe I am."
"Well spill it! I saw that hot make out session in the club you can't tell me it stopped there"
"You're right, it didn't. And it's totally not like me, I just completely lost control of myself. But I have no regrets about it, it was amazing"
"Damn girl, you had sex with Post Malone. Fuck. I never thought you had it in you."
"It really isn't like me, your right."
"So now what? Are you still there with him?"
I looked over my shoulder to see him still sleeping comfortably on the bed. I smiled as I turned my attention back to my conversation with Rachel.
"Yes I'm still here with him. He's sleeping right now."
"And why aren't you sleeping next to the beautiful man?!"
I let out a sigh.
"I haven't slept yet Rachel, there is something weighing heavily on my mind"
"???"
"He asked me if I would travel the rest of his tour with him..."
"WHAT?! Lex this is HUGE!"
"I know, but I feel like it is so unreal. I literally just met him last night, and now he wants me to travel with him? This shit only happens in the movies, it feels too good to be true."
"What is your heart telling you?"
"It isn't just my heart, it's my mind too."
"Okay, but that isn't what I asked you."
"My heart is telling me a million times yes. I want to get to know him more as Austin. I want to know what he is like outside of his rock star persona. Talking to him last night didn't feel weird, it felt natural. Like we were best friends that lost touch with each other and now we're back together picking up right where we left off. I feel comfortable with him. He's perfect for me and he's fucking gorgeous."
"Aww Lex. So then what is the problem?"
"It's my mind Rach. He tells me I'm the most beautiful and genuine girl he has ever met but my mind keeps telling me he's just saying that to get me to go with him, to save him the trouble of finding someone after each show. Then there is his lifestyle. There were so many people at the hotel last night. He walked in with such ease and confidence and I felt nothing but anxious, I don't know if that is something I'm ready for. Or if it's something he wants."
"So that is just something you would have to tell him."
"Then there is school. Can I just pick up and leave all of that after how hard I worked for it?"
"You didn't have a problem picking up and traveling the world by yourself and lying to your parents that you were at school for months before they found out.... how is this any different?"
I rolled my eyes knowing she had a point.
"Okay, true. But..."
"There is not buts... it seems like your heart has made the decision for you. Now you just have to let him know what's on your mind."
"So your saying I should do this. I should tell him when he wakes up that I want more than anything to travel with him"
"Yes.. that is exactly what I am saying. Lex, your mind is pretty much made up and you just don't even realize it. Just relax and go with what your heart is telling you for once. Don't look at the bigger picture, focus on the right now. And right now whatever your reasoning is, you want this. Plus, it's only a few more months."
I sighed as I knew she was right. I didn't really know what I was hoping for by doing this, I just knew that I wanted this, I wanted him more than ever. As crazy as it was I had made up my mind.
"You're right Rach. Thanks girl <3"
"Anytime, isn't that what I'm here for? When would you be leaving?"
"Early tomorrow morning"
"Am I going to get to see you before you leave?"
"LOL well I need to go back to the apartment to get some clothes. Unless I want to be a grunge groupie who doesn't shower and wears the same outfit everyday"
"haha good point! Just let me know when you are on your way"
"Sounds good. I'm going to try to get some sleep... this is a rough life"
"it's your life for the next couple months. So buckle up sweetheart and enjoy the ride. Love ya!"
I quietly pulled myself up off of the couch as I tiptoed over towards Austin. I knew how tired he was, but after looking at his expression yesterday when I told him I needed to sleep on it... I couldn't keep him waiting any longer.
I crawled up next to him as I bent down and put a soft kiss on his lips.
"Morning Austin," I said sweetly.
I watched as his eyes slowly opened, a big smile appearing on his face as he pulled me close to him reciprocating the kiss I just gave him.
"Morning Lexa," he said almost relieved. "How did you sleep?"
I laughed quietly, "well I uh... I didn't" I said shyly.
He looked at me concerned, "How come?"
"To be honest, since you asked me to travel with you that is all that has been on my mind. I waited for you to fall asleep and then I sat on the couch for what felt like hours just mulling over everything in my mind."
He sat up as this was all starting to fall together for him. He grabbed my hand in his as he was waiting for my answer.
I swallowed hard as I bit my lip and focused my attention on him.
"Austin, I want nothing more than to get to know you for who you are, not for you being Posty even though he's pretty great too. I know we just met, but I feel so comfortable with you. Whenever I talk to you it's like we have been friends for years, but just lost contact and are now picking up right where we left off."
I noticed a small smile appear on his face as he squeezed my hand gently.
"But there is also the fact that this lifestyle is all new to me. I can't lie to you, walking into that room here last night was the most overwhelming feeling I have ever felt. You handled it with such ease and had such confidence about you walking into a room of your employees, your friends and fans. Meanwhile I was hovering in a corner inside my head trying to take it all in and wondering what the hell these people were thinking of me."
He nodded his head.
"I know Lexa, it wasn't right for me to throw you into the wolves like that, but if I wasn't drinking I'd be just like you"
I shook my head with a smile.
"No you did what you always do Austin, but if I can't get a grip on myself and I start shying away from these after parties, is that something you are going to be willing to deal with?"
He grabbed my hands as he looked into my eyes.
"Lexa, if that is the only thing that is making you hesitant to any of this, then yes that is something I can deal with."
I looked at him intently.
"Are you sure Austin? You wouldn't feel a bit neglected that Danielle is there with Smitty and everyone else has someone there with them, but where is Austin's girl? Oh she's in their room because she can't fucking handle this shit."
He took a moment to think, which to be quite honest I respected.
He looked back at me as he intensified our gaze. I held my breath waiting for him to respond.
"Lexa, we will get through this together. You need to do whatever makes you feel comfortable. The last thing I want to do is put you in a position that you are not comfortable."
I ran my hands through my hair as I exhaled and then let out a laugh as I looked at him.
"Then if you are sure you can handle that, then.. yes I would love to join you on the rest of your tour."
He smiled like a five year old boy on Christmas Day when he saw the gift he asked for sitting right there under the tree.
"Seriously!?"
I nodded my head as I laughed.