I couldn't remember falling asleep, just waking up.
Of course, I could remember. My whole body was shaking and it felt like someone was ripping my skin off my body. I rolled off the bed and hit the next bed with my face.
I couldn't get up. The only thing I saw were hands touching my face and some screaming my name. Some weight was felt on my legs, but I could not see who or what it was. My brain kept logging in and out. My eyes were burning and I tasted blood, but could not tell if it came from my lip or tounge.
Someone picked me up from the ground, dropped me on something else. I still didn't stop shaking and my limbs felt like they were collapsing.
Then I smelled rosemary and my consciousness returned with a slap in the face. "Lilli. Can you hear me? You need to wake up."
I opened my eyes a gap wide and smelled something horrible. Corrosive and rotten at the same time. My eyes opened with a jolt and I saw Doctor Begbie waving around with some object in front of my nose.
Without hesitation, she shoved a white doctor's coat, a mouthguard and a blue surgical chasm into my hands. "What..." "No time for questions." She said. "Put this on right now!"
We were in a small room, full of shelves with some bottles of medication on them. Dr. Begbie pulled me up. "Come on. We don't have time."
My whole body hurt and cracked every time I moved, but I did what I was told and touched things over. Meanwhile, she put her open hair together into a bun. Then she put a badge around my neck.
"I'll explain everything to you when we get out of here, but we can't waste any time. They soon make their rounds." She said, and I nodded as a sign that I had understood. We stepped into the dimly lit hallway, but as my legs failed me, she took over most of my weight.
"Don't say a word!" She admonished me. I kept my gaze fixed on the ground. The PSF we passed simply dodged without asking any questions. Doctor Begbie yelled in the back that she had to take me home and apologized again and again.
I only realized that we had arrived outside when cold drops of water landed on my head. The huge headlights were always left on overnight. Otherwise there were only those in stadiums that I always saw on TV, because I was a huge baseball fan.
I was perhaps still a little dazed by the pills I had taken, but the crunching gravel and the voice screaming behind me, I didn't imagine.
"You guys all right?" I felt myself tense and also Doctor Begbie's eyes widened. I tried to stand up, but my legs were still numb.
A second later, I sat on the ground staring at the feet of a PSF soldier. He knelt before me.
I heard Dr.Begbie to inhale deeply and then turn to the PSF solider. "Doctor Carter was in very bad shape, so I'd like to take her home. I put the mouthguard on her so she wouldn't infect anyone. Could you help me carry her in the car?"
I heard the the man's voice, but very weak. "But if she's sick..."
"It's quick, too." I noticed him throwing out a snort and reluctantly lifting me up. I tried to resist the urge to lean my head against his chest. But I had no choice, because I could hardly keep it up. He is not on your side. He's one of them.
The radio suddenly came to life and a crackling voice sounded. "I've got you on the screen. Do you need any help?"
"No, no. Doctor..." He picked up the badge that hung around my neck. "Doctor Carter's not well and I'm just helping her get in the car." I felt the warm upholstery of a seat beneath me. "All right. Tell them to go straight to the gate. The camp authorities will wave them through."
From the corner of my eye I saw Doctor Begbie with a trembling hand trying to push the key into the ignition lock. The green numbers on the dashboard showed me that it was 2:30 in the morning. The tires turned on the gravel and the engine came to life.
"Cover your face as best as you can." She turned on the radio and it played some country song. I've loved country music since I was a little kid. The beautiful lyrics and the slow music touched my heart.
I heard someone talking to her and then we drove out into the night at full throttle. The slow music and the slightly pattering rain on the car roof carried me over to a gentle sleep.
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When I opened my eyes, the sun was just rising. From the radio sounded quietly Wouldn't it be nice from the Beach Boys and the heating blew warm air into the car. As I tried to sit up, I looked out the window and was close to tears. After six years, when I woke up, I no longer saw the barrack's barren walls, but the snow-covered, beautiful landscape.
"It's really beautiful, Lilli, but don't forget to breathe." As I pulled the mouthguard off my face, I looked at Doctor Begbie, who smiled softly at me.
I got a little sick, which she also noticed and handed me a water bottle. "You haven't been in a car for a while, have you?" She laughed, but she was right. I noticed the movement of the car more clearly than before.
"Uh...Doctor Begbie..." "Call me Cate.", she interrupted me with a rugged tone. I flinched in terror. "Sorry, I'm a little tired and I could really use a coffee right now. What were you gonna ask?" She said.
"Dr...uh, Cate. What's going on?" I tried everything to make my voice sound stronger.
"Have you ever heard of the Children's League?" "A little" I answered quietly. If the rumors are true, the Children's League is an anti-government group. Among the younger ones who came to the camp later, it was claimed that the League was trying to undermine the camp system. For me, however, what that was just a fairy tale. I mean, there couldn't be such a great thing.
"We are an organisation that is committed to helping children. Most people don't realise that the camps are total bullshit, because the white house is displaying these flagship children, like the president's son. That's why John Alban, former advisor to President Gray, founded the League after his daughter died and he learned what happening to the survivors." My eyes widened at every word she said.
"Our job is to get you out of the camps." She continued. "The ones at the top of the scale, the oranges and reds are classified as too dangerous. Lilli, you're special. You will be feared and those like you will be killed without hesitation."
I've always had a certain sense of what's happening to those like me, but hearing it from someone's mouth is a thousand times worse. I got goose bumps all over my body.
"I'll protect you!" I was speechless, I couldn't say in shock or fear. A thousand questions flew through my head. Why does she want to protect me? Why did she get me out? Why isn't she afraid of me? "How?", was all that finally came out of my mouth.
It took a while for her to answer. "You know, I used to know a girl who was like you." Was? "What happened to her?"
Cate looked briefly down and a single tear ran down her cheek. "I couldn't help her, but I'll do anything to help you." She said sadly. "I'll never hurt you or yell at you or starve you. I will protect you with my life. I'll never quite understand what you've been through, but I'll always listen if you want to talk. You know what I'm saying?"
Something warm preapered in my chest. I wanted to thank or hug her, but the words stuck in my throat. In the end, I just smiled. We drove on through the beautiful landscape until I noticed something.
"Where's everybody?" The road was swept as if empty. No car drove by and I didn't see any people outside.
"Most of them have moved to the big cities to find work. No more children, no more economy. Because honestly, there are... there are very few of you left."
I sat up very quickly. I think I threw up. "Are you still sick? We had to give you a high dose of penicillin to create seizure symptoms. Believe me, if it had been any different, I would have done it differently. But the symptoms had to be so severe that the PSF would bring you back to the infirmary."
"Thank you. I'm serious." Cate put her hand on my shoulder and slowly slid down my arm. She knows what I am. She knows what I am and was not afraid.
"Where are we going?"
"We're joining the League at their headquarters in Los Angeles. When we get there, you can decide for yourself if you want to stay."
The feeling of freedom was spreading in me and my heart was beating so fast that I thought it was about to jump out of my chest.
"Do you really know what you want?" Cate asked me out of nowhere.
I didn't know how to answer that question. I wanted to be in a place where I didn't have to be afraid of being killed. I wanted to go somewhere where I could learn to control my power. The only thing I knew was where I didn't want to go.
"Take me somewhere, no matter where." I said. "I just don't want to go home."