Chapter 22
December 2013
It had been three weeks already since the boys had left and three weeks since I had moved into my dorm, preparing for the January term. I have a roommate whom I consider a friend now, plus new people at work, and some people that live in the same hall as me. I've been trying really hard to distract myself with school and being social. Riley and I had gotten super close since Niall and everyone left, and I don't mind it in the slightest.
Speaking of Riley, the day he, my mother, Shae and Connor helped me move into my dorm, Riley had met Connor. They seemed to have hit it off great, I never even suspected Riley was gay. I knew Riley well enough to know he was a good guy. Each time I've hung out with Riley, Connor would call and they would talk with me as though Connor was actually here.
I had been moved into my dorm with this girl from Wolverhampton named Alana Noles. She was a very laid back girl but she was serious when it came to her video games. She kept all her games under her desk that was locked unless she was in it. She and I had only one class together this upcoming term, but that was enough for us. I mean who would want to have four classes together and then come home and have to share the same room as them? We have the common trait of staying up until three in the morning.
Since uni wasn't beginning for another two weeks and it was almost Christmas, I was paying a visit to Riley because he said that he had something he wanted to show me. So Riley texted me his address and I was now making my way over to his flat after my final class.
When I got to the address I took a double take, it wasn't a flat: it was an actual house. It was a two-story house with large windows, a large garage, and a large front door. I got out of my car and I hesitantly walked towards the house. I knocked on the door twice and waited.
A woman in her early fifties came to the door and she looked me up and down.
"Ms. Lydia?" she said in a thick Italian accent.
"That's me." I smiled slightly. She moved to the side, letting the door open more and I was exposed to the inside of Riley's house.
I was standing at the bottom of two staircases that went up to the second floor, with a marble table with a very big arrangement of flowers, and the large walkway between the two staircases opened up to the end of the house.
Footsteps echoed off the stairs and I looked up to the top. At the top in casual gray sweatpants and a dark jumper, stood Riley with his phone in his hand. He smiled and walked down the left staircase. He came and stood in front of me and opened his arms.
"Welcome to my home!" He exclaimed, turning towards the stairs.
"How in the hell can you afford this?" I gaped, still looking around.
He shrugged and put his phone in his pocket.
"I'm not just a pub owner." He chuckled.
"What else do you do? I want to join." I laughed, touching the marble railing.
"Want to know what I do? But you have to keep it a secret."
"Of course I'll keep it a secret."
He smiled and nodded, and then proceeded to go upstairs again.
We got upstairs and he went to the right and walked down the hall. He opened the second door on the left and let me through. He closed the door behind us and he led me towards a bookshelf. He reached towards the top shelf and felt around until he found what he was looking for. He pulled a book, but it didn't come out of its place. Instead the shelf came out and I jumped back.
"It's alright, Lyd. Don't worry about it." He smiled, opening the shelf completely.
Behind the shelf was a dark space. Riley walked in and switched on a light. When the light came on I was lost for words. It was a large room with stacks upon stacks of plastic wrapped items. I stepped inside and took a look at the items. Some were white, some were green and some were odd colors.
"What is this stuff?" I asked, touching one of the packages.
"You're so innocent Lydia." He laughed, "That right there that you're touching, is weed."
"What?!" I yelled, yanking my hand away. "Why do you have weed in your house?"
"Not only weed, silly." He smiled, pointing to the white packages, "That's cocaine, and then that over there is ecstacy."
"Oh my god, Riley. You're a drug dealer."
"And distributor."
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." I repeated, looking around.
"You said you wouldn't tell, so please don't. It's how I make so much money."
"Drugs are disgusting, Riley." I replied, rubbing my face.
"Have you ever done drugs?"
"No, and I don't plan on it!" I exclaimed.
"You can't say it's disgusting if you've never done it."
"I most certainly can."
"Lydia, you have to swear not to tell anyone about this. Regardless of how disgusting you think it is."
I sighed, "Of course, I won't say anything."
"Especially to Connor, okay? I don't want him to think I'm a junkie or anything because I'm not."
"I won't tell him, but don't you think it'd be best that he knew how you are making so much money and your only job is owning a small pub."
"Of course, let me go tell my boyfriend that I'm a drug dealer that keeps his shit behind a bookcase in my house. No, I can't tell him what this job is." He said sarcastically.
"What's a better excuse?"
"I don't know."
I shrugged and walked out the hidden room. Riley followed me and closed the bookshelf and we walked out of the room and downstairs.
"So was that what you wanted to tell me?"
"Yes it was. You're very trustworthy."
"Thank you Riley. But, I don't really feel comfortable being here."
"I get it. Oh, and by the way Lyd, marijuana takes the edge off of stress. So if you ever need a chill moment, come to me."
"I'll keep that in mind." I said, rolling my eyes.
Esmeralda was waiting for us at the bottom of the steps and she smiled when we got to the bottom. She walked me to the door before opening it and bidding me a farewell. I waved to Riley as I got to my car and I got in. He was a drug dealer and distributor, what a weird surprise.
I drove back to my dorm with this new information embedded into my brain. I mean it was very interesting how he kept his stuff hidden but it was also quite worrying to think about him getting caught with that much in his possession. I'm glad he added that he wasn't a junkie because if I had seen that before getting to know him I would have thought he was lying. In a way this is a conflicting moment.
When I walked into the dorm, Alana was sitting on bed with her feet on the wall and a controller in her hands. She looked from her small telly to me.
"Where've you been? I thought we were going to play Bully?"
"I had to stop by a friend's place for something. We can play now if you'd like." I replied.
"Not now, I am exhausted."
"Sounds good, I think I'm going to go into town anyways." I replied.
I dropped my school bag onto the ground and I plopped on my bed.
"Are you taking a nap?" Alana asked.
"Yes."
"I'll set my alarm so it wakes us up in half an hour."
"That would be very helpful."
And before I knew it my eyes were getting heavy and I was passed out with my shoes still on.
----
The half hour came too soon. Alana's alarm blared through the empty dorm, both of us groaning in response. I heard Alana throw off her sheets and get up and go into our bathroom. She turned on the water and the rhythmic sound soothed me back to sleep within seconds.
----
"Oi, Lydia. You went back to sleep. It's now seven ten. You slept for another hour. Geez, I knew I should've made sure you were up before I went to take a shower."
I groaned, and turned away from the concrete wall and slowly opened my eyes. Alana was standing in front of me and her face was delicately covered in makeup. She nodded when she saw I was awake so she turned and walked back to her bed.
"Why are you so dressed up?" I asked groggily.
She was wearing a strapless, tight-fitting black dress that barely went down to her kneecaps and tall, black heels. She didn't do anything extravagant with her hair; it was in a simple ponytail.
"I have to work tonight."
I crawled off my bed and went into the bathroom. I re-braided my hair and brushed my teeth before I walked out to change into clean clothes. My clothes were somewhat still in my suitcase and some were in the drawers, so it made it difficult every day to try and find something to wear.
I found a black t-shirt and a gray jacket in the top drawer, but to no avail did I find jeans in those drawers. I crawled over to my suitcase and tossed aside the clothes I didn't need, until I finally found some dark blue jeans. I closed the suitcase and started to remove the clothes I had been wearing all day.
I tossed the dirty shirt into the hamper I brought from Niall's and began to remove the other dirty clothes when my phone rang. I hobbled over with my pants at my ankles to answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, babe." Niall's voice sounded through the phone.
"Hi there. How was your show last night?"
"You mean the one that is tonight? You still haven't figured out the time difference, have you?" he laughed.
"No, I haven't to be honest." I smiled, pulling up my pants.
"What are your plans for tonight?" he asked sweetly.
"I'm going into town to just shop. Be careful at the show, with your knee and all."
"I am, trust me. Slowly starting to get off the crutches, so when I'm back to you I can hug you and not worry about having to pick up my crutches this time." He chuckled, a smile evident in his words.
"I miss you." I said softly, taking a seat on my bed.
"I miss you too, Lyd. You be safe out there shopping, alright?"
"I will do my very best. Call me when you can!" I smiled.
"I will. I love you, see you soon."
And before I could say it back he hung up. He has started doing that whenever he calls because he says I don't get to use them up whilst he's gone, but he gets to say it to remind me. I understand it, and I like it.
I slipped on my shirt and the cardigan, and put on some deodorant and perfume. I looked around the room for my over the shoulder satchel, in case I ended up buying something I could put it in there instead of carrying it. I unplugged my phone from the charger and made my way downstairs.
I made sure I had grabbed my dorm keys before I walked through the glass doors. It took me nearly ten minutes to find my car. But eventually I did, and the seats were freezing. These December nights aren't very nice.
When I was inside and the engine was warming up, the temperature outside came up on the dashboard: 2˚ C (35˚F). God, it's a lot colder than I thought it would be.
I started my way out of the parking spot and made my journey into the center of town. The streets weren't very busy tonight, some people were walking instead of driving. When I got out of the car, the air hit the bare skin of my hands and I shivered like crazy, it's much colder than I expected it to be.
Before I got the chance to turn back on my decision to get back in the car and head back to the dorm. My thoughts were soon interrupted when I bumped straight into someone, causing them to grunt and swear, whilst I fell on my arse.
"Ouch, oh, that one hurt," I groaned, rubbing my hip. "I'm sorry about that, I wasn't paying attention to where I was looking."
"No worries." Said a familiar voice. Fuck.
I stopped rubbing my hip, and slowly looked up to the person's face. It was no other than the notorious Xavier Evergood. He extended his hand to me, but I refused it quickly, standing up and beginning to walk the opposite way I was initially walking.
"Hey, Lyd, wait up!" he called, grabbing my hand but I jerked it from his grasp and stomped away, "Oh come on, I'm trying to help you!"
"I don't need your charity." I retorted, thrusting my shoulders back and my head up high. The wind was blowing in my direction, causing each whiff of cold air to pierce my cheeks.
"It's bloody cold out here, at least come inside and let me buy you a drink. I need to talk to you." He called, sounding distant, so he stopped following me, about damn time.
"I don't need a drink. I have plans."
"With whom? Niall is out of town for another few weeks, Riley is caught up with some secret lover, and neither Shae nor Connor have time to drive here. So, whom might you be hanging out with on this lovely December night?"
I stopped in my tracks and turned on my heels towards him. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets and his face was downwards to, I assume, keep his face safe from the sharp stabs of cold air. I stopped two feet in front of him and crossed my arms.
"You need to stop stalking me." I said firmly. Xavier chuckled.
"I'm not stalking you, Lyd. Your boyfriend is in a worldwide known band. And I've known about Riley's secret lover since I heard him talking on the phone." He said, raising his eyebrows. Something about Xavier's whole demeanor was different from the last time we had an encounter.
"What are you doing out on the streets anyways?" I asked, dropping my stiff arms slowly.
"I happen to still live on this street. I could ask you the same thing though, it's as though you want us to bump into each other." Xavier smiled.
"That's the exact opposite of what I want, actually." I said coolly, adding a small smirk at the end. Xavier laughed awkwardly, and looked up at the sky.
"You still hate me, don't you?"
"Do I have a reason not to hate you?" I shot back, stiffening my arms around me again. But my action came off as a shiver instead of a sign of warning because Xavier reached out his hand to my arm. "Don't touch me!"
He looked hurt for a second, but he quickly recomposed himself with a gentle smile on his lips. He took off the jacket he was wearing, it was my favorite jacket of his. He stepped hesitantly towards me and seemed to be attempting to put the jacket over my shoulders.
"I'm good, keep your jacket." I muttered, stepping to the side. He sighed, and moved closer to me and draped the jacket over my shoulders. Something about this action made my chest tighten, it felt weird.
"Come on, Lyd. Let me take you to the shop right down the corner and we can talk a bit, sound good?" Xavier sighed, shoving his hands back into his pockets. I looked at him and thought for a moment: would it really be a good idea to go to a café or something with him? Or just walk on as if nothing happened? "It's freezing out here, don't you want to take this inside?"
"Where are we going?"
"Soho, the coffee shop right on the corner." He replied, taking out one of his hands to point behind him. I looked over his shoulder and sighed. It's bloody freezing.
"Fine. But only for a few minutes." I said, letting defeat course through my body, but I would like to think that it was the excitement of being in warmth. Xavier smiled and started towards the café. I walked beside him, but with enough distance between us so that no one thought we were together.
"I am sorry for bumping into you back there," He said, smiling slightly, "I wasn't looking where I was going, but I am glad I did bump into you. I've been meaning to call you."
Gross.
"Why?" I asked, keeping my first thought to myself.
"I've been meaning to apologize.... For everything." He said softly. I looked over at him but he was occupied by looking at the ground.
"It's, uh, fine, I guess? Over and done with." I replied, unsure of exactly what to say. How exactly am I supposed to accept the apology of the person who physically and emotionally hurt me for almost a year?
"No, I fucked up pretty bad, Lyd. I can admit that, I know I can. I've come to terms with my anger: I'm going to anger management, I'm not drinking anymore, hell not even champagne for my mother's engagement party!" he exclaimed, smiling by the end of his statement.
"I'm proud that you're doing all that, I just-"
"You just don't know if you can truly forgive me for what I did," He sighed, slowing his walking pace. Why would he slow down? The café is literally a block away now? And might I add: it's bloody freezing, "I respect that, I do. I just want to make it up to you somehow, but showing you how much better I am after months of being in my own guilt for what I did to you."
"Xavier, can we please save this for when we're inside the café? I am starting to lose feeling in my nose." I whined, wrapping my arms tighter around myself.
"Oh, right, of course." He nodded, picking up his pace again. His strides were long and quick, making things difficult for me considering our difference in size.
Within seconds we were at the door of the Soho Café and the shop was filled with people. Xavier grabbed the door for me, and followed me inside. The second the door closed, the warmth inside the coffee shop took over my body and I started to regain feeling in my fingers and nose. Xavier placed a light hand on my back to lead me to a booth, but the second he saw I was uncomfortable with his action he removed his hand from me.
Xavier and I sat opposite of each other, forcing me to look at him the entire time we were here. He placed his hands on the table as if he were in an important conference, and he repeatedly opened his mouth to say something, only to shut it right after.
"Go on, spit it out already." I said, getting tired of watching his attempt at conversation.
"You look stunning." He blurted out, sighing with relief once it was out. I was taken back by his nervousness for something he could say in his sleep without trouble.
"Uh, well, thank you?" I laughed awkwardly, putting a piece of hair behind my ear. He smiled, and looked down at his hands on the table. Before he could embarrass me again, luckily a waiter came.
"Evening, my name is Joseph, and I will be serving you, along with every other customer in here. What can I get you?"
"Uh-"
"We would like two raspberry Danishes, and two black coffees. But do bring a small mug of milk when you bring them." Xavier interrupted, nodding at me as if to make sure he was right.
"That was simple, thank you. I'll be right back with everything for you." Then Joseph was gone. I turned to look at Xavier, and he smiled.
"You remembered." I said softly, feeling a little heat rise in my cheeks.
"How could I not? You threw a fit every time someone brought you a strawberry Danish instead of raspberry. The coffee is simple to remember, you're picky as hell about the amount of milk you pour in." he laughed, running a hand through his hair.
"That's right...I did do that." I smiled sheepishly, twirling my thumbs. Xavier looked at my hands and furrowed his eyebrows.
"You're nervous about something. Why? Is it because of me? Oh, fuck. It's me, isn't it?" he exclaimed, his eyes getting wide. I shook my head quickly, and quietly told him to shush.
"How do you even know I'm nervous?" I questioned softly. Xavier's small freakout caught the attention of a couple beside us.
"You always twirl your thumbs when you're nervous. You did that before any scary movie we watched," He replied, shrugging. I decided it'd be best not to reply. "Well, uh, how have you been?"
"I've been okay, I guess. How about you?"
"Nothing has really changed; I still have matches each week and I still live in that old flat." He laughed.
Things felt a little uncomfortable after his remark about my appearance and my coffee. We sat in silence for a good ten minutes before he coughed and looked over my shoulder.
"So, it seems we are one of the last people in the shop." Xavier stated, looking behind him to make sure he was right. I turned to look behind me as well; we were alone in the shop besides the two baristas behind the counter.
"It seems so." I replied, sipping my coffee.
"I believe it closes soon... want to get out of here?"
"And go where?"
"How about the London Eye? Have you ever been?" he questioned rather excitedly.
"I mean that sounds fun and all but it's cold and-"
"I can run to my flat and get another jacket for myself so you can wear that one, if that's what you're worried about." He interrupted. I huffed softly and let my shoulders sag.
"I guess we can do that."
"Sweet!" he smiled, standing up. He walked over to the counter to pay for our coffee and Danishes. When he was handed back his change, he waved me over, letting me know that we could leave. I followed behind him as he opened the door, the air feeling colder than before.
"Do you want to come to my flat too, or just me run alone and meet you right here?" Xavier asked, tucking his hands in his pockets.
"I think it would be best for me to stay here." I answered truthfully. It was bad enough that I had spent this much time with him, let alone the chance of paparazzi finding me with Xavier, and Niall getting the wrong idea. I wouldn't want to risk the paps to see me just as I was walking into his flat.
"Suit yourself. Stay right here, okay? I shouldn't be gone too long." He said, backing away towards his flat. I nodded and found a spot to sit. I heard Xavier's footsteps fade off into the distance, and I began to wait for him to return.
Was it even a good idea to stop and listen to him when he said he was sorry? I doubt he even meant it. But what if he was genuine about it? Maybe he wants the pub to be less tense when he and I have the same shifts. But something about this all gives me shivers. Or is that the cold air?
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket as I came to the conclusion that this wasn't that bad of an idea. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone carefully, making sure I didn't drop it. I unlocked the screen and clicked my messages.
From Niall: Hey darling, I hope you've had a nice night, I heard that it was freezing in London? Are you sleeping with your Niall bear since I can't be there? I've slept with the bear you sent me when I was in LA every night. I really miss you. I can't wait to be back home with you so I can hold you. I hope you read this when you wake up and smile that beautiful smile. –N
I couldn't help but let the smile his message brought take over my face. Niall honestly knew how to make me feel like I meant something to him and that made me love him so much more. I decided since he thought I was already asleep I would reply in the morning, and with that I slid my phone back in my pocket and rested my forehead on my knees.
After five minutes of sitting on the curb of the street I finally heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked up to see Xavier with a thick jacket on, and he stopped beside me, extending his hand.
"I didn't take too long, did I?" he asked, pulling me up from the curb.
"Not nearly as long as I thought you would be gone." I replied, rubbing the dirt from the street off my bum.
"Now, how about that London Eye?"
I nodded, and we were on our way down the block. We walked a few blocks until we were at the entrance of the London Eye. There was a line in front of us but it was rather short. Xavier peeked around and raised his hand and waved at someone towards the front. I looked to where he was looking and saw another man walk forward smiling.
"Oi Xavier! How've you been, mate?" The stranger exclaimed, giving Xavier a bro-hug.
"I've been great. Avery this is Lydia, Lydia this is Avery." Xavier said, introducing us.
Avery's eyes went to me and they went wide. He looked back to Xavier then back at me. Avery opened his mouth to say something, but closed it and furrowed his eyebrows. He smiled half-heartedly.
"Pleasure to meet you." He said, extending his hand out.
"Likewise."
He nodded and turned to Xavier and he motioned his head to the side telling Xavier to come over. Avery and Xavier stood next to each other and Avery spoke slowly.
"Is that the same Lydia?" Avery asked softly, glancing over his shoulder to see if I was watching them. I turned away when he looked over.
"It is, but we're okay." Xavier replied, crossing his arms. Avery nodded and he turned casually back towards me.
I had my phone out and I pretended to not notice that they had been talking. I took a picture of the London Eye as they turned around and they looked at me.
"How long is the wait usually?" I asked, putting my phone in my bag.
"Usually twenty minutes."
I nodded and wrapped my arms around myself; it was still chilly, even with this jacket on.
"I could get you guys to the front quicker though." Avery said, looking at the line.
"He works with the London Eye." Xavier explained. I nodded.
"Come on." Avery announced, walking forward.
"Xavier, I don't want to cut in front of all these people!" I whispered, looking at the little kids.
"Don't worry, they don't mind." He replied, shrugging. He took the sleeve of the jacket and pulled me to follow Avery.
I didn't look at the people we were passing, but I could hear them muttering about us. When we got to the front of the line there was no use in turning around to say, "Excuse me but we're going to cut in front of you now."
Xavier looped his arm around my waist but I wiggled out of his grasp. He looked down at me and shrugged. When the wheel came around with an empty car, Avery led us to it and shut the door behind us. The man at the controls gave Avery an ugly look, but the wheel went up.
There are no chairs to sit in whilst you're in the compartment, but there was a railing you could hold when you looked outside. London was lit up bright and it looked beautiful.
"Have you ever been on this before?" he asked as we were going up. I shook my head.
"I haven't. I never got to come over here." I responded, looking at Big Ben from the window.
"Lyd?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry about everything I did to you," He said softly. I turned towards him slowly. His eyes were fixed on the skyline of London, but he took a small glimpse at me from the corner of his eye. "I want you and I to be okay, that's it. I don't expect you to forgive me and take me back someday; I just want us to not feel so on edge when we work together."
So I was right? He just wanted work to be less awkward for us. But he most certainly wasn't getting off the hook that easily.
"I believe that you're sorry, but I can't just forgive and forget the past eight months I had with you." I sighed, closing my eyes.
"I know, and I am so terribly sorry about that. You're all I talk about in anger management, because you're the only person I ever fucked over and hurt physically." He exclaimed.
"I said I was proud of you for going to anger management, but I can't just forgive you instantly.I flinch every time someone even tries to touch my face or touch my arm; you kind of fucking wrecked me." I exclaimed, my chest starting to clench up. Xavier shook his head frantically and stepped towards me.
"I'm so sorry that I fucked up, I am so, so sorry. I will try everything and anything to make you trust me again. Please just tell me that you'll let me try." He whined, ducking down to be face-level with me. I looked out the window and sighed.
"Give me some time to come up with an answer." I said, gripping the railing.
"Of course, take all the time you need." He nodded, stepping back slowly. The ride back down to the ground was silent and it felt tense.
When the doors to the compartment opened and Avery was there waiting to greet us, Xavier stepped out first and said something lowly into his ear. I walked on to let them talk secretly, making my way back into town. Before I even got to the street to crossover, Xavier came up and walked beside me. Again there was nothing said between us.
I eventually was able to see my car, so I began to walk slower. I wanted to give him an answer tonight but I doubt I could. Xavier looked over at me and sighed almost silently. He looked at his watch then back at the street.
"I miss talking to you." Xavier said softly.
"Xavier, please don't." I sighed, wrapping my arms across my chest.
"I'm sorry, Lydia. But I do! I don't even mean relationship wise, just as friends." He exclaimed.
"I have to go." I muttered, stepping off of the sidewalk and waiting at the curb to cross the street.
"Lydia, please-"
"I'll see you at work tomorrow." I said, checking the road before sprinting to my car.
I was in my car within seconds, and Xavier only stood on the curb and watched. Only when I had pulled out of the parking spot and was on the way back to my dorm, did I realize I still had on his jacket. But it was too late to turn around and give it back to him, I'd look like a fool.
Without letting tonight's events reappear in my mind, I made it to the dorm building within no time. Mindlessly, I walked up to my room and unlocked the door. Alana wasn't there so I could come in and strip without fear of her walking in from the bathroom. With my pants and my shirt off I crawled into my bed and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
NEXT MORNING
"And you two hung out?" Riley asked, leaning over the bar towards me. It was almost noon and the pub wasn't full yet so Riley and I had some time to talk before shifts started.
"All night," I sighed, resting my elbows on the wood. "I felt uncomfortable with how nice he was."
"Let me get this straight: you weren't afraid of him, but you were only uncomfortable with being around him because he was being nice?" he questioned, setting down the rag in his hands.
"It does sound odd, doesn't it?" I groaned, letting my head fall on my hands.
"Don't beat yourself up about it. But you might want to come up with an answer soon, because he's here now."
To my dismay the door opened and Xavier walked in. He looked around and spotted me, a small smile breaking out on his face. He began to walk over and my heart began to race. He would be expecting an answer: but do I have one for him?
END OF CHAPTER 22