First Impression: great concept!
I think you did a great job with the start; you really added the mysterious effect to the story and it was a great hook. As the reader, I definitely wanted to learn more about what happened to the main character and why she needed this diary. I also really loved the descriptions of Nathan! I could definitely picture the "dreamy-ness" and how there was attraction from the beginning! There were some punctuation errors and run-on sentences (an overuse of commas), but these are easy fixes! I also noticed some plot discrepancies; for example, how did she know where her first class was if she was at a new school? This could be part of the fictional aspect, so it is not a major issue, but I would definitely go back and read through to fix any plot holes! Lastly, I felt that it was too sudden for Hashley to start trusting Nathan so quickly. It would have been more realistic if she was more hesitant!
Overall, the story was a very enjoyable read. Amazing job on character descriptions!
Please remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)
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- bluecrayonlady