'That's my only wish.'
I don't care if you don't forgive me. I'm going to kill the child. Otherwise, you'll die. And you know that, too, so why...….
'I hope you'll love this child.'
Why are you smiling like that?
Knowing that it was a thing of the past, Claude could not hide his sense of oblivion from the visions that came before him.
He knew better than anyone what had happened afterwards.
In the end, Claude couldn't kill the child. Before Diana died, and after she died.
He could never forgive himself.
So he sealed his own memory. He didn't think he'll be able to live with it.
And now that he finally opened the tightly closed door of his memory.
Claude still couldn't forgive himself. It's been a long time since then.
* * *
Countless memories and emotions that had been forgotten have filled the enclosures like the tide, and then once again escaped. Meanwhile, Claude felt as if he had become a worn stone.
Sending a pestering Felix to Ruby Palace, he was all alone in his room.
It was because of the memory of a dead Diana, that he sent Felix to Ruby Palace as the child's knight, also a new caregiver.
But just there, Claude didn't intend to do anything more than the basic needs for a child's growth.
'As you loved me, please cherish this child I'm leaving behind.'
May be another time, when you grow out of your ears? Claude was being sarcastic.
It's a stupid thing. Did you think that will ever be possible In my lifetime? You'll just have to marvel at the mere fact that I didn't kill the child with these hands.
Claude lay down on the sofa and raised his hand to cover his eyes. I wondered if I could hide the image of the woman whom he had been constantly reminiscing and then harassing him.
Maybe it's because he hasn't slept well for a while.
So after that, Claude fell asleep in that state.
* * *
Tuck!
He opened his eyes again when he felt something flying into his forehead and hitting him. A person? I was just taking a nap when I wondered who dared to come into his room and disturb his sleep.
Claude opened his eyes.
Then he could see what was going on, the child was standing up in front of him with her hands raised.
Claude still hadn't fully woken up, and in a slightly dazed he thought why was the child here now.
Oh, come to think of it, I told Felix to bring the kid when it's time for dinner, but....
"Come on, lullaby...."
Then, suddenly the child lowered her hands stiffly and began to poke his chest. Claude just looked at her face because he still can't comprehend the current situation.
"The moon smiles down on you. Goodbye to the day. The baby smiles at the stars too."
The child's wry singing tickled his ear.
"Tomorrow will bring a brighter morning. So dream a pretty dream. Sleep tight, my child."
Perhaps it was because of my mood, so while listening to the song, my head seemed to clear up a little.
"What song is that?"
"It's a song to say 'bye bye' to bad dreams."
When I asked her slowly, she answered immediately.
Did she think he was having nightmares because he was sleeping in an uncomfortable way? But the child's posture as soon as he opened his eyes was quite puzzling.
Claude looked at the child who had patted his chest.
"Good morning, Papa!"
Just then, the child smiled broadly at him and said that.
At that moment, he felt an incomprehensive tightness. Claude stared at the child, unable to speak for a moment.
It seemed to me that it was Felix who let the child into his room. Claude ignored the small agitation in his heart and told her they will have dinner in his room.
"You must have been doing well, seeing from your expressions."
Then he peeped at the face of the child sitting at the table.
Perhaps because she had fallen into the lake a while ago, the child's face showed some signs of illness. In Claude's eyes, she should be more grateful than before, when he was younger he looked like he hadn't even had a bowl of porridge in his life.
Claude just acted coolly, pretending not to remember.
Shortly after he left the lake alone that day, he heard that the child cried a lot. Now, she would have been dead if Claude hadn't pulled her out of the water, other children would have been terrified.
And then Claude remembered that he just looked at the child asking for help in the water, and he didn't budge from his seat.
I then thought that such psychological factors must have been the reason for the child's serious illness. Still, Claude never visited her.
It was good to say that I didn't have the time to do that after what happened on the lake, Claude was hardly in his right mind.
He was carried away by a raging storm in him, and then, in a terrible sense of loss and pain, he smashed everything in the palace like a madman. And in the end, he was half unconscious, struggling with severe pain, feeling like his head is splitting in two.
So it was only in the short time a while ago that Claude could say he had slept properly for a little. So it's not only the child but also the current Claude, whose face is dark and rough.
But of course, if he was in a good condition. He still didn't have the slightest intention to visit Ruby Palace to check on the child's condition.
"Heheh. Papa is prettier, too”
The child just smiled at him as if nothing had happened recently. It was as if she had already forgotten what had happened in the lake. Of course, the child could not have actually forgotten about it.
When the child looked at him smiling, Claude was speechless for a moment.
He kept an eye on the face of the child who started eating.
The face features had a slight resemblance to the woman in her memory. Since they were mother-daughter through blood, it was only natural.
While watching the child, Claude felt conflicting feelings at the same time.
A burning hatred on his heart and flame towards the person before one's eyes.
He finished his dinner after watching the child eat, barely touching the food.
* * *
It was very cruel, but Claude often agonized when he saw the child.
Let's just kill her today.
I think it's better to just get rid of her now.
When facing the child, sometimes there was an intense desire to kill.
Although he did not show any signs on his expression, he sometimes wondered if he was going crazy because of the intense pain he felt that was stabbing his head when he is in front of the child.
The dismal voice inside him whispered, not missing an opportunity.
'If you kill her now, it'll be easier.'
'Simple way. Just put a little mana in your hand and stretch your hand forward.'
The voice was so tempting that there were times when he really wanted to act on that impulse.
But each time, Claude managed to suppress the intent inside him and let the child go. He knew this was a side effect of black magic.
After Diana died and he massacred everyone in Ruby Palace, he wanted to get rid of the child as the last thing. In the end, he turned away without taking her life.
What Claude did was just bury his own memories below the surface. In the last few years, he had been at peace, forgetting everything, even though he was engulfed in a terrible void.
* * *
"Papa, I'm glad to see you!"
a clear morning
Claude stepped on the green grass and stared at the running child. Maybe she can jump up and down like that because she doesn't know the scary thoughts he has. The evidence is shown by the child's shiny face being spotless.
Suddenly, the child stopped, as if she just remembered.
"Thank you for inviting Athy to tea time."
Was it Mrs. Eloise? It seemed to be a new way of greeting. She must've been taught by a new etiquette teacher.
However, no matter how much she imitated an adult, the child was a child. Claude thought it's quite cute to see her wearing lace and holding on to her inflated skirt and pretending to be a lady.
Felix, who had followed the child, was already smiling warmly. The courtiers around them were also looking at the child with an awed look. Their faces were the same as Felix. Claude didn't understand why.
Soon after, the child looked up again and grinned at Claude. But Claude didn't know how to react in this situation. His eyes flinched a bit.
"Felix."
Claude wasn't a hard to understand fellow. So, he called Felix without saying another word. It meant that the child should be seated in the chair. The child is so short that she cannot go alone in front of the refreshment table. But if Felix wouldn't reach her to do so. Of course, there was no choice for Claude but to raise the child himself to the chair.
At that moment, Claude didn't miss the sight of Felix looking at him with shining eyes.
It was as if he was saying, 'How come you can't see this cute little thing?'
What was amazing was the fact that the courtiers who were spying on Claude with quite subtle eyes, agreed with Felix.
When Claude thought about it, the child was quite charming. He thought it was amazing that a child like this could be born from him. Of course, Claude took a dry attitude whenever he treated the child.
"Good morning, Papa!"
The child in the chair, with the help of Felix, smiled broadly at him again. Claude was silent at the usual strange greeting.
It was half hour in the morning. Usually, refreshments were held around 3 or 4 p.m., a little more time after lunch. But Claude started calling for the child to the palace at this time.
He didn't admit it, but why did this change happen? It was only a month ago when the child woke him up from his sleep at Garnett Palace.
It was then that the child told him 'Good morning'. Of course, it was actually evening, not morning, when the sun was coming to an end, and Claude corrected the child with it.