Her Pov
Smile here, Smile there.
I'm so tired of smiling to everyone even though I am not really that happy to smile.
Wave here, wave there.
Flashes of cameras were bombarding the whole venue of my interview.
I am tired of all of these attentions being given to me.
I'm tired because all of this doesn't make sense. Because the one whom I wanted to show my smile was nowhere to be found.
The one whom I like to wave at weren't here.
The one whom I love to received an attention with isn't right here.
The one whom I like to offer my song could not be here to hear it.
The one who happened to be my man isn't with me.
Its because he's gone. My 12 : 51
~ * ~
"Ms. Erika, what motivates you to write the lyrics of your song? "
Tanong ng isang babaeng reporter na nakatayo sa isang podium kung saan nakapatong ang mic para makapagtanong sila sa akin tungkol sa kanta ko.
Nginitian ko muna siya bago kinuha ang mic na nakapatong sa kaharap kong mesa. " First of all, the reason is somewhat personal but I hope that you wouldn't mind it at all. Second, I just feel like it to write my song's lyrics slowly for good quality. " I politely said and smiled again. Nakita ko naman na agad na i-tinake-note ng ilang mga taga media reporters ang naging sagot ko. Marahan nalang akong bumuntong-hininga dahil bigla ko nalang naalala ang huling pag-uusap namin bago siya mawala.
May panibagong reporter na naman ang umabante papunta sa podium at nagtanong. " Ms. Erika how about your other songs? Connected din po ba ito sa naging motivation niyo for making your track 12 : 51 ? "
I pick up my mic and said yes while showing them my ' smile ' . Madami pa ang naging tanong nila, halos magkakasunod at madalas ay tungkol lamang sa naging rason ko kompletuhin ang mixtape ko hanggang sa dumating na ang oras na inaasahan. Ang isang live performance ng aking title track. Ang nag-iisang rason kung bakit kailangan kong tanggapin at mahalin dahil kung hindi dahil sa nangyari sa amin, may KAMI pa akong matatawag. Ang KAMI na unti-unti ko nang ibinabaon. Ang KAMI na siyang nagturo sa akin ng aral na pahalagahan ang lahat ng oras ko sa mundo, ang dahilan kung bakit unti-unti akong bumabangon at tinutupad ang pangarap kong muntik ko nang baliwalain, Isang aral na masaktan man ang puso ng ilang ulit, meron at meron pa rin ang tamang panahon kung saan unti-unti itong maghihilom ng kusa at magiging lakas mo para sumulong sa isang labang alam mong talo ka na pero ipinaglaban mo pa rin hanggang sa huli.
Tumayo na ako mula sa upuang kinauupuan ko ay naglakad na papunta sa gitna ng stage para kantahin ang kantang inalay ko sa kanya... Sa pinakahuling pagkakataon...
Scrolling through my cellphone for the twentieth time today
Reading that text you sent me again
Though I memorized it anyway
I can still remember how I spent my previous month inside my room, checking minute by minute if I got a new message from him. Every night that I spend my time reading our conversation but I ended up crying myself to sleep.
It was an afternoon in December
When it reminded you of the day
When we bumped into each other
But you didn't say hi 'cause I looked away
My mind flashed back to 11th day of December, 2 months ago. When I was running to catch the bus that I must take for me to not be late coming back home because my brother would probably kill me if I come home late surpassing my curfew limit but then I fell on the floor, making me loosen my grip to my stuffs and then it scattered to the ground, some of my music sheets also came flying around the corners of the street. He helped me pick up my things and attempted to apologize for his clumsiness. I just nod at him as i quickly gather up my things. He also tried to say hi to me but all I can think of is how to catch that bus which is slowly riding down to the busy road in the street, and what would I say if my brother asked me why Am I late due to my late-coming home.
And maybe that was the biggest mistake of my life
And maybe I haven't moved on since that night
I can feel my heart pounding so fast, causing me to be teary eyed. I still can't forget your eyes, your eyes that shines bright while seeing my existence, Your smile, Those beautiful sweet smile you gave to me while talking to me innocently.
'Cause it's 12:51
And I thought my feelings were gone
But I'm lying on my bed thinking of you again
And the moon shines so bright
But I gotta dry these tears tonight
'Cause you're moving on and I'm not that strong to hold on any longer
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Because of time, 12:51 everything happens. Just because of 12:51, I got my happiest time of my life. Also because of 12:51, I have faced my greatest downfall.
And I saw you with her
Didn't think you'd find another
And my world just seemed to crash
Shouldn't have thought that this would last
And maybe that was the biggest mistake of my life
And maybe I haven't moved on since that night
I intently closed my eyes while I started sing this second verse, trying to stop my tears from building up. I felt the pang on my heart and it hurts. It still hurts. I can feel that my voice will crack so I breath in and out to pull myself together.
'Cause it's 12:51
And I thought my feelings were gone
But I'm lying on my bed thinking of you again
And the moon shines so bright
But I gotta dry these tears tonight
'Cause you're moving on and I'm not that strong to hold on any longer
As the sky outside gets brighter
And my eyes begin to tire
I'm slowly drowning in memories of him
And I know it shouldn't matter
As my heart begins to shatter
I'm left to wonder
Just how it should have been, yeah
I make myself smile, a happy and contented smile but I will just fooling myself if I say my smile obey what my mind says. I, then opened my eyes to witness these people in front of me was being kept in silence, feeling every words that I'm singing. But my heart is still hoping to see someone, still searching among these huge amount of audience listening in front of me.
12:51 and I thought my feelings were gone
But I'm lying on my bed
I'm not thinking of you again
And the moon shines so bright
But I gotta dry these tears tonight
'Cause you're moving on and I'm not that strong to hold on
I stop singing for a while since I'm plotting to my mind that I will be able to get over him. I won't let him ruin my dreams. I will make him instead as an inspiration in making my life productive and successful. I am not weak, I promise to pave my way to fully awaken my stronger side and if that time comes, I know that you would be proud and so Am I.
'Cause I'll prove you wrong that I can move on through this song
So much stronger
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
~*~
I Immediately hovered my bed once I got home. I'm so tired. All those camera flashes and smiles are so tiresome!
I fished out my phone from my sling bag with a wide smile and started playing my song for the nth time since me and my brother produced it. And as I mentioned the word ' Brother ', I immediately locked my eyes to my walk-in closet.
My smile vanished as I slowly advances towards my closet, tears starts swelling up from my tear ducks and as I open my Closet, I saw my beloved brother, covered with his own blood, still fighting against life and death.
" Oh brother, why are you bleeding? Why did you not attend my interview today? "
My expression change when he start grunting madly at me, I then looked at him poker faced and he suddenly moved back to the very corner of my closet.
I slowly walked towards him, making him shiver in fear. I smoothly caress his soft and pale white skin as I reached his face out to removed the fabric covering his mouth and once that he get rid of that piece of cloth, He made the biggest regret of his life.
" How dare you spit on my beautiful face, you jerk! " I shouted as I pulled out a machete in one of my drawer and separated his body to his dumb head. Blood splattered everywhere and my face didn't escape from the bloody fountain made by my stupid brother.
I licked my lips causing me to have a taste of my brother's blood. My throat went dry and I can't stop myself from taking a sip on my bloody fountain. I bathe with blood and feeling myself to satisfaction.
~*~
After celebrating my music release with the use of my now-deceased brother, I proceeded to my best friend / boyfriend's room and their I can smell his spoiled rotten flesh aroma with a mix of his filthy metallic smell of his dried blood scattered to the floor.
" Hi boyfie~ are you enjoying your rest? Oh I guess you are not. "
I pull his current girlfriend's hair from the inside of the cabinet beside the big portrait of me and my boyfie. I faced Rina, Gyro's girl who he chose to be with instead of me.
" Wanna play ? " I can see her horrified expression while I was stitching her skin alive.
After this night, I will surely kiss and hug my brother and boyfie for making my dreams come through even though I would never be able to talk to them anymore. When the time reached my favorite hour, 12:51.
~*~
AFTER 1 WEEK
IN ANOTHER PRESSCON
Smile here, Smile there.
I'm so tired of faking my smile to everyone even though I am not really fond to smile.
Wave here, wave there. Argh! My hands were aching waving to these stupid morons.
Flashes of cameras were bombarding the whole venue of my interview. Again.
I am tired of all of these attentions being given to me. I just want to squeeze their eyes out and let their blood gush through my body.
I'm tired because all of this doesn't make sense. Because the one whom I wanted to show my smile was nowhere to be found. Because their dead.
The one whom I like to wave at weren't here. Because their inside my closet and tucked in my guess room.
The one whom I love to received an attention with isn't right here. Because again, Their dead.
The one whom I like to offer my song could not be here to hear it. Because I didn't allow them.
The one who happened to be my man isn't with me. Because he Cheated on me.
Its because he's gone. My 12 : 51
Because I killed Him.
_________________
[ a/n Mabagal po akong mag-update. but hope you'd like it ]