January 30th.
Billie's POV:
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madisonvoyage: this is me looking at my dog taking a shit on the concrete🙄
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Maddie's currently doing a fitting because the Streamy Awards are tomorrow and she's nominated. I'm going, I have to miss dance to go. But I would miss dance in a heartbeat.
I can tell Maddie's stressed about something, I don't know what. She's been happy ever since she got back from London and I am so happy that she's been happy, but something's eating at her.
I was laying downstairs on the couch with Milo, I have a meeting later tonight with my family about tour. I'm so excited for tour.
Maddie came down the stairs and grabbed a piece of paper off the island and started writing something, I got up off the couch and made my way over to her. I wasn't paying any attention to what she was writing, but I wrapped my arms around her waist and placed a kiss on her neck.
I started watching her write, I still wasn't paying attention to what she was writing.
Billie: "You have neat handwriting."
I started paying attention to what she was writing, it was a pro and cons list. I was looking at the cons, and there were already more cons that pros. One of the cons that caught my eye was 'I can't go on tour with bil'
Billie: "What are you doing?"
Maddie: "Making a list of cons so I can show Kenzie so I don't have to do it."
Billie: "I'm confused."
Maddie: "Basically, I had an offer to model in London for three months-"
Billie: "That's amazing! Do it!" I smiled.
Maddie: "No, let me finish. I leave a week before you leave for tour."
Billie: "So you wouldn't go on tour."
Maddie: "Probably not."
Billie: "You could go on the last month."
Maddie: "I wouldn't go at all."
Billie: "Why?"
Maddie: "Because, we're not gonna see each other for three months. Which means we're going to have to rebuild this, and I wanna do it when I have your full attention, not when you're on an arena world tour." She sniffled.
Billie: "What are you talking about?"
Maddie: "Before I leave, I assume that we're going to get rid of the title again. Then we're not going to talk as much-"
Billie: "You're tripping for no reason shorty."
Maddie: "So were not going to get rid of the title when we leave?"
Billie: "I doubt it." I smiled.
Maddie: "What do you have planned?"
Billie: "I've said too much, tell me about your modeling thing."
Maddie: "I got the offer while I was in London, I don't have to do it, Kenzie told me that there was only shit scheduled until early February and from then on out I could do whatever. She's not forcing me to do it; I mean she's forcing me to make my own decision and I would rather her make me go than make me decided on my own, but I know that you're not going to let me go on tour because now you know about this and you're going to make me choose my career over you but I don't wanna do that."
Billie: "I'm not going to force you to do anything, if you wanna go on tour, then go for it. But if you wanna do the modeling thing, then I'mma be here to support it."
Maddie: "Please tell me what to do." She stared into my soul as she said that, I can tell that she's really lost and she doesn't know what to do.
Yeah we both say that we want each other to choose our career over one another, but let's face it. I would never choose my career over her, and she wouldn't either. That's why she's so torn about this.
Billie: "Obviously, I want you to do it. Because your career is important and I refuse to fuck that up."
Maddie: "But I wanna go on tour."
Billie: "Shorty, you have to realize that I'm 18, I'm going to be touring for a long ass time and I have a dream that I'm trying to fulfill. You're not going to able to go on every tour or attend every show, because I have a career and so do you. Even when we're married, I would still want you to choose your career over me. I will always want that, because you deserve to be successful. I will be the last one to fuck up your career and if I do, I will never forgive myself."
Maddie: "But what's more important? My happiness or my career?"
Billie: "Say you don't do this and your career gets damaged, then you'll be sad about it and then I'm going to feel like shit for it because you went on my tour."
Maddie: "I have to go."
I am so glad that she realized that on her own, yeah I wanted her to go on my tour and yeah I wanted it to be just like the last, but when she told me that she could go on tour. In that moment, I knew that she was telling the truth. But I knew she would get some type of offer in London. But even if she's not going on my tour, I'm still going to support her even if she is thousands miles away from me.
Billie: "Yeah." I said softly.
She wiped her eyes, and turned around. She looked at me, and I wrapped my arms around her. She hugged me tightly, and I hugged her back. I had my head rested on top of hers, I could feel her crying. I don't want her to cry over this, I understand that she wants to go on tour and I understand that she doesn't want anything to happen with us. Nothing is going to happen to us, I promise you.
She looked up at me, she had tears on her cheeks. I took my hands and I patted her tears, she had makeup on and I didn't want to ruin it. I kissed her forehead and she smiled.
Maddie: "Who's going to be there to make me feel better?"
Billie: "You're strong, but I'm always there."
Maddie: "How?"
Billie: "My hoodies, and your necklace. I'm always there, you just gotta think about it a little bit." I smiled.
Maddie: "I have to write them an email confirming that I'm going."
Billie: "Do it."
Maddie: "I don't want to."
I let go of her and I walked over to her laptop, I grabbed it and walked back over to her. I opened and I saw that her profile picture is me and her, I smiled at the picture.
Billie: "What's your password?"
Maddie: "Take a guess."
I typed in our anniversary and it worked, I smiled and I went to her email. I had no clue who she's supposed to be emailing, so I did as much as I could. She took it from me and started to type up the email, she backspaced a lot. She kept making jokes about the situation, but in the end there might have been more cons about going. But the pros outweighed the cons, because going on tour isn't going to help her career like this, and it's not going to pay her like this is.
I know that she's not doing this for the money, she would be doing it for the experience and I really do believe that it would help her career. It might not be good on her mentally and my biggest fear is her shutting me out when she's thousands of miles away from me.
But she hasn't shut me out in a long ass time, I'm letting the past control my thoughts. I feel like she's also doing that, because it's taken time to adjust to her new mindset. Because I learned how to help her, and now that she's happy and thriving I'm still here for her, but it's not the same way.
She was reading over the email, and she hovered over the send button. She sent it, she confirmed it. She's not going on tour with me.
She closed her laptop and looked at me, she wrapped her arms around me again and gave me another hug.
Maddie: "I have to call Kenzie and tell her I'm doing it." She sniffled.
I let go of her and she grabbed her phone, she called Kenzie and put it on speaker.
Kenzie: "Hello?"
Maddie: "I'm going to do the modeling thing in London." She wiped her eyes.
Kenzie: "Yeah?"
Maddie: "Yeah."
Kenzie: "I know the decision was hard, and I know you thought really hard about it. I really do believe you're making the right decision and I'll be there every step of the way."
Maddie: "Yeah yeah."
Kenzie: "I know you were looking forward to tour, but Billie will be going on so many more tours and you'll get to go on another one. I promise."
Maddie: "I know."
Kenzie: "We'll meet later in the week and discuss everything."
Maddie: "Okay."
Kenzie: "I love you kid, you're doing the right thing."
Maddie: "Mhm, I love you too, bye."
Kenzie: "Bye."
Call Ended.
She boosted her self on the counter and I stood in between her legs and placed my hands on her hips, she ran her hands through her hair.
Maddie: "I really don't wanna do this."
Billie: "I know, but listen to what Kenzie said. I'm 18, I'm going to be going on so many more tours. You'll get to go on another one."
Maddie: "That's not the reason I wanted to go."
Billie: "Why did you wanna go?"
Maddie: "I'm scared that if I don't go then everything's going to crumble." She looked down at me.
Billie: "Maddie nothing is going to crumble, everything's going to be fine. And you won't necessarily go three months without seeing me, I have three shows in London at the end of this tour."
Maddie: "The end. Might as well be three months."
Billie: "I promise that nothing is going to crumble, I'm not going to lose the love I have for you and I'm not going to forget about you. How could I?"
Maddie: "I don't wanna move my whole life to London."
Billie: "This is going to benefit your career so fucking much dude."
Maddie: "I don't care."
Billie: "I know."
Maddie: "I really have to move everything to fucking London."
Billie: "Are you going to take Milo?"
Maddie: "Have to, Kenzie and Holden are going to be in London with me."
Billie: "You could buy a house out there just to say that you are that bitch."
She raised her eyebrows and smiled at me, "Now that's an idea I can vibe with."
Billie: "I question your mentality sometimes." I laughed.
Maddie: "Dude, imagine the flex. Imagine me saying that I own a house in another fucking country."
Billie: "Now you're excited."
Maddie: "What if this causes me to get more and intense offers? And I won't have any fucking free time."
Billie: "I'm not saying that you have to do this, I think you should sit down with Kenzie and try to come up with an end goal. Because right now you don't know what you're doing and you don't know what you wanna do, and it's eating at you. I think you should stop doing so much, because like you're so talented at everything you fucking do. So like say these next 6 months, you focus on modeling and then the next amount of time you focus on clothing or whatever. Because like I said, I want you to be able to say that you've done everything that you could've with your career."
Maddie: "I'm trying to do everything now, so I can be done with it."
Billie: "You're not going to accomplish everything if you're doing it all at once, I'm not underestimating you or anything. I just want you to have fun and to be able to say that you've done everything, and once you've done everything that you can. You can choose what you wanna do and I don't know, I just want you to have structure so you're not like this."
Maddie: "I see what you're saying, this doesn't start for another month and a half. We have time to figure everything out." She looked down at me, I stood on my tippy toes so I could give her a kiss. After the kiss she wrapped her arms around me, it wasn't a hug. I know Maddie's hugs. She was just holding me, she calmed down. I don't know what she was doing, but I'm not mad about it and helped her calm down.
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tell me why i have an idea for a third book, but before i started writing this one i promised myself that this would be the last book.
idk why everything hits me all at once, and i hate it because it makes me sad and i've been so happy for so long. but i'll get over it, decided to update this because the comments make me unbelievably happy🥺
thanks ily
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