Alyssa
"So let me get this straight, you want me to keep this blindfold on until we get there?" Matty asked me. I glanced over at him, taking my eyes off the road for a brief second. His head was back and he peeked under the fabric slightly to look at me.
"Stop peeking!" I said quickly, lightly slapping his arm. "Yes, you have to keep it on so you don't ruin the surprise."
"I have never made you go in completely blind." He whined.
"Well that's your own doing, I'm telling you now Matty if you ruin this I'll be pissed." I said firmly. I wanted to give him a surprise for once, to make him feel excited about something. If he ruined it now by being impatient then I would be gutted.
"It's uncomfortable and weird Alyssa." He groaned like a child.
"Just stop whining, we're nearly there anyway." I rolled my eyes, not that he could see it due to his visual impairment at the moment.
"Fine." He gave in. "All I'm saying is this better be good enough for me to be blind for half an hour."
"Oi, that just makes me feel nervous that it's not good enough for you." I shot back at him.
"I'm joking, I'm sure whatever you've got planned will be amazing." He looked in my direction, even though he couldn't see me his smile made me smile in return.
"As long as you don't spoil it for yourself by looking." I said in a warning tone as I caught him tilting his head back again. "I should've tied you to the fucking seat." I groaned.
"Now that would be kinky, maybe save that one for later." He said with a cheeky grin spreading across his face. His eyebrows wiggled slightly underneath the blindfold.
"We'll see how this goes." I said with a chuckle.
Once we got there I stopped the car, it wasn't far from where we both lived so luckily for him he would be freed from his prison sooner than he thought. "Did you stop driving or did you hit some lights?" He asked.
"We're here." I told him.
"Thank fuck for that because this is bugging me so much." He moaned.
"Well give me a minute and all will be revealed." I said. I got out of the car and walked around to his side and opened the door. "Give me your hand." I demanded, he reached out into the air obviously having no idea where I was exactly. I took it and pulled him out of the car. He stumbled a little due to having no vision.
"Can I take this off now?" He asked impatiently.
"In a minute, you're gonna have to trust me here." I said to him.
"Oh no, you're not gonna fucking guide me or something." He sounded like a fucking child at this point.
"Do you not trust me?" I asked him.
"It's not that Alyssa, you could trip over a flat surface so how am I supposed to believe you can walk and somehow guide me safely." He said with worry laced in his words.
"Have a little faith in me, I'll be careful okay." I told him confidently. I wasn't really that sure of myself because he's not wrong, I am incredibly clumsy but I couldn't let him think he was right on this and ruin the surprise.
"I swear to God if I fall over because of you." He chuckled.
"You don't believe in God." I rolled my eyes.
"I do now for this purpose." He mumbled. "Right let's go then." I shook my head at him and started to guide him towards the gates. I read the sign and smiled to myself. I discovered this place maybe a month after I moved to London, a coworker suggested it because she knew I wasn't used to the rush of city life. She told me it would be a nice place to get away from it all and get back in touch with nature.
When Matty told me he wasn't doing okay last night, I realised that maybe he needed an escape that wasn't substance based. As much as he would like to pretend he's not been using drugs and alcohol as a means to cope, I know that he has. It might not work, it could possibly go right over his head but I had to try.
I just wanted him to know he wasn't alone, no matter how lonely the world could feel at times.
I stopped walking when we got to the entrance of the gardens, it was beautiful out due to the end of summer. The leaves weren't quite ready to fall off the trees yet but you could see them begin to brown. The flowers at the gates were beautifully bloomed, welcoming any visitors on their mission to see nature. Matty didn't realise I stopped walked and slammed into my side.
"See this is why I didn't trust you, there was no warning there." He moaned.
"Shut up." I laughed, turning to face him. "Before I take the blindfold off I want to say something to you and you have to let me talk. None of your butting in shit." I told him firmly.
"Okay..." He said hesitantly.
"The reason I've brought you here is because I know you're not doing okay, even before you said it to me. So I decided it was time that I show you somewhere that makes me feel more like myself when things get too much. I came here after the bullshit with Lax." I told him. "After we broke up, both times." I chuckled. "I even came down here when we had that argument about who drank the last bottle of wine months ago." He laughed at that one, probably picturing the ridiculous fight we had that night.
"A classic in my books." He grinned.
"Anyway, this place holds a part of my heart that I can't really describe to you Matty. The only reason I've never told you about it before is because I never felt you needed the solace within it. I always felt like you had your own ways of handling yourself, I still do but what I'm saying is, I want to share this with you now. I want to share a part of me that might somehow help you." I explained to him, a smile crept up on his face. "It might not mean shit to you but I wanted to try, okay?" I said to him. "I'm gonna take off your blindfold now." He nodded slowly.
I reached up behind his head and untied the bandanna that was covering his eyes and pulled it off his face, stuffing it into my jacket pocket. His eyes squinted at the sudden brightness. I watched him slowly open his eyes fully and look behind me. "This is beautiful." He said softly, inspecting the inside of the garden.
"I wasn't sure if it was something you would particularly like but like I said, it was worth a shot." I said to him, he diverted his eyes to look into mine.
"Alyssa you could've taken me to a dump and I would still be grateful because you thought that deeply about how I'm doing. This is amazing though, thank you." His eyes were filled with many emotions, I broke out into a smile.
"Let's go inside then." I told him. He grabbed my hand and I turned to start walking inside when he pulled me back into his arms. He threw his arms around my waist and hugged me tightly, resting his head on my shoulder. I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him back.
"I love you." He mumbled into my jacket. His voice was muffled but he sounded like he was on the verge of tears.
"I love you too." I said whispered in return.
"Okay enough of me being sappy, I want you to show me this place now." He chuckled and lifted his head. I smiled at him and then kissed him softly.
"I would love to." I said.
-
Matty
Alyssa walked beside me slowly as we strolled through the gardens. It was such a thoughtful thing for her to do, to show me something so close to her heart like this. I would be pissy about the fact she took so long to show me it but the fact she saved it for a time that she truly felt I would gain something from it touched my heart on a deeper level.
She was so happy to be here but for once this trip wasn't to benefit her own mental health but my own. I think that's what made it more emotional for me. I've spent the last few months scared to tell her how I've been feeling yet she stayed in my life and held onto me. I don't think anyone has ever done that for me. It's clear that she suspected I was struggling in some way but she still didn't give up on me. In my life I don't think I've ever been with anyone that could look at me the way she does, even after all I've put her through.
I watched her bend down and look at one of the lilies intently. A smile spread across her face and she looked up at me. "What?" She asked.
"I'm just happy right now." I told her. She looked away but I still saw the light blush flash across her cheeks.
She stood up straight and grabbed my hand again. It caused me to smile to myself, mainly because the quietness around us gave me the mental capacity to appreciate the small things. Like holding her hand, feeling how soft her skin was against my calloused hands. How tiny her hand was within my own.
The light September breeze blew a gust of wind in our direction, the smell of her shampoo hit me. Another small thing that in most situations I wouldn't really notice. If anything this trip made me realise just how important Alyssa is to me. Not that I take her for granted on a daily basis but recently I got so wrapped up in my own head that I was forgetting the girl beside me. Forgetting just how amazing she really is.
There was a pathway that led down to some grass, trees were scattered around the place. We decided to walk down there and find somewhere to sit down. Alyssa stopped beside a tree and dropped down to the ground quickly, crossing her legs in front of herself. I followed her actions and sat down facing her.
"So what do you think?" She asked me with curious eyes.
"I like it, not what I was expecting but it's really calming actually." I told her.
"Good, I would be pretty disappointed if you weren't happy with it." She chuckled.
"I think it means more to me because it means something to you though." I said to her, she nodded with a smile on her face. "Knowing that you come here when it gets too much is kinda comforting in a way."
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"Well the only other place you've ever shown me was the beach in Brighton but you sorta hate it back there now, plus you don't live in Brighton. So knowing you have somewhere closer to home now is comforting for me." I told her. "We all need places like this to sit and think in, I've shown you my favourite spot. Now you've shown me yours, I feel a little more at ease."
"I was always a bit skeptical of bringing you here in the past, I thought it would be too lame for you." She grinned.
"Why would you think that?" I raised an eyebrow at her.
"Matty you took me to an airport to watch planes go overhead, I didn't think a garden full of flowers and nature would be as exciting or cool as that is." She laughed.
"But that is very me, it's chaotic and dangerous." I said. "This place is you... it's beautiful and relaxing." I smiled. "I feel sorta at home here actually."
"You're such a mush sometimes." She chuckled, shaking her head.
"Hey, you brought me here so you have to deal with my cheesy bullshit. I wouldn't be feeling this cringey if you didn't bring me to a fucking secret garden." I laughed in return.
"Okay, you have a point." She rolled her eyes. "I'm glad you like it though."
"Thank you." I said in a more serious tone. "I appreciate this a lot."
"You're welcome." She smiled.
"No I mean it. Not just for bringing me here Alyssa, I'm so grateful that you've never given up on me when God knows I deserve it." I said quietly. "I've taken for granted that you care so much about me and hid how I've been handling myself from you."
"It's not always easy to be honest about how you feel, sometimes it just takes the right situation to push it out of you." She said, picking at the grass at her feet.
"I've had a lot of issues with it in the past and I just get scared to be transparent about these things. Too many people have taken it at face value and bailed the second they got a chance." I frowned slightly, she looked up at me with a similarly sad look on her face.
"Then they truly lost at the end of the day because you're worth so much more than your dark days Matty." She said with the softest sounding voice I've ever heard from her. "You can't have one without the other and truly have a happy life, it makes us appreciate the good days more."
"When did you get all philosophical?" I shot her a grin.
"Matty I learned that from you." She said firmly.
"When did I get all philosophical?" I asked myself this time.
"I am forever in alongside the boys in jumpers on bikes from schools and cars with autumn leaves falling sparse across the mid-afternoon. She blazed about how culture language is an operating system, a simple interface rendered feeble and listless." She said with a smirk on her face. "When tested with divinity or a true understanding of the human condition."
"Right okay." I rolled my eyes at her.
"I never did understand the duality of art and reality living life and treating it as such but with a certain disconnect. To touch that cajoles at the artist with comfort and abandon and between the spires and rolling roofs of the white city." She continued on, mimicking my voice more as she went on. "That orange English light cast only one, singular shadow."
"You done?" I shot back at her.
"For you are not beside but within me." She grinned from ear to ear, a proud look on her face.
"How the fuck did you remember that so easily?" I shook my head, completely in shock at how effortlessly the words slipped out of her mouth.
"You for one should know that I love poetry and sometimes your words are my favourite." She smiled.
"I can't believe how in love with you I am." I grinned at her.
-
"I hate doing interviews with you." George groaned loudly.
"Why?" I asked in shock. I wasn't really that shocked, I knew he hated it because I couldn't shut the fuck up.
"You know why." He narrowed his eyes at me, I rolled mine in return.
"I'm not that bad, stop being a piss baby about it." I shot back at him.
"Well stop saying stupid shit." He tilted his head at me.
"They asked me if I was single George, it's a bit personal." I shrugged.
"You didn't have to go on a rant about it, you laugh it off and give a simple answer in return." George told me. He was right but it always bothered me when we were doing interviews and they would direct it to me and my love life. Sometimes I think I deserve it because a lot of my lyrics come from romantic relationships and situations that could spark a conversation about that subject. It didn't mean that every single interview should have a section dedicated to my relationship status though.
"Well I just can't be arsed with it George, it gets frustrating to have those questions fired at me every single time we do any form of promotion." I whined.
"Just gotta hope no one comes for you on Twitter for it." He smirked at me.
"Right let's go, we're gonna be late for our dates if we don't move now." I told George, he rolled his eyes at me for changing the subject so drastically. Although he knows I hate being late for things if I can actively avoid it.
We caught the tube that would take us to meet the girls. For some reason we fell into a weird pattern of double dates, something that I didn't really notice happening at first but it was nice. I enjoyed spending time with Alyssa at the same time as with George. It also meant that we could be cheesy couples without Ross and Adam getting fed up with us, especially since Ross and Chelsea broke up recently and he was on a mission to hate anything remotely romantic.
We walked into the restaurant, George was the first to notice where they were sitting so I followed his lead. "Well would you look at that, you're early." Alyssa smirked up at me.
"You make it sound like I'm always late." I rolled my eyes then gave her a quick kiss before sitting down next to her.
"Nah but you're never early." She said.
"There's a first for everything." I shrugged and grabbed the menu.
"So how did the interview go?" Nessa asked both George and I.
"It was all going great until that drama queen had a bit of a hissy fit." Both Alyssa and Nessa directed their attention to me but I just kept looking through the menu, avoiding their burning gazes.
"What got your knickers in a twist?" Nessa asked. I looked up and sighed.
"They asked me about my love life, once again." I shut the menu over and placed it on the table.
"You act like that's something new." She rolled her eyes.
"Which makes it worse, that it still keeps happening." I said in frustration.
"I think what you said was funny though, even if it was awkward." George chuckled, looking up from his menu.
"What did you say?" Alyssa asked me with a curious gaze.
"Well they asked if I was single because there was rumours I just went through a messy break up, which is like 6 months old news at this point." I said a little too dramatically. "And I just said it wasn't really relevant, I could be shagging Katy Perry and it wouldn't be anyone's business at this point."
"Fuck sake." Alyssa groaned and shook her head.
"Well I'm right, it's no one's business who I'm dating or if I'm even dating anyone." I defended myself. "All they have to do is take a look at my social media and see I'm not fucking single, any fan out there that is genuinely wondering if I am is a bit thick if they can't see that I have a girlfriend."
"Some people don't follow social media though." George pointed out.
"Then why would they care so deeply to know if I'm single or not?" I shot back.
"I didn't say it was a logical thing but people are nosey." He rolled his eyes at me, placing his menu down on the table.
"Well they never ask about you or the rest of the guys, so it's annoying." I sighed.
"Probably because we don't prance about on stage topless, thrusting our hips in everyone's faces." George returned. I gave him a glare, which made everyone laugh.
"Where the fuck is the waiter, I need some wine." I mumbled.
-
Alyssa
I ran my hand over Allen's fur and he tried to lick my hand in return. "You're excited tonight." I said to him, not that he had any idea what I was saying. We were lying on Matty's bed, waiting for him to get home from a meeting with Jamie before about their BBC Philharmonic performance in a few days. He laid his head down on the pillow next to me and he looked somehow sad. "Are you missing your dad?" I asked him. "He'll be home soon then we can attack him with kisses together." Allen let out a groan and it made me laugh.
It was moments like these that made me want to move in with Matty again, waiting for him to get home and cuddle in bed together while Allen would try to barge in between us. I'd grown an attachment to this dog, he brought Matty happiness and in turn it felt like he was my own dog due to how much time I'd spent with him over the months.
The front door opened and Allen's ears perked up quickly, he looked over at the bedroom door in anticipation. "I'm home, now where are my babies?" Matty called out in the hallway.
"See I told you he would be home soon." I said to Allen, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. Matty's footsteps led him to the bedroom door, he opened it and strolled in. His smile grew the second he saw us on his bed. Allen jumped to his feet and ran to Matty, jumping up on his legs.
"I've missed you." Matty said in a baby voice to Allen as he placed kisses all over his face. He looked up at me. "And I guess I missed you too." He said in a jokey tone.
"We've been waiting patiently for your arrival." I shot back at him.
"It was a long day, I'm sorry." He said with a slight yawn, I could tell he was tired from the look on his face. He walked over to the closet and opened it, I watched him closely as he took off his hoodie and put on a hanger and closed the door over. "You know what I realised."
"What did you realise?" I asked in return.
"We missed our anniversary." He said with a pout.
"No we haven't." I raised an eyebrow at him.
"Yeah we met a year ago in August, that was almost a month ago now." He shot back.
"That's not our anniversary though." I laughed.
"It should be, who wouldn't want to celebrate the day they met me?" He said with a cocky tone to his voice.
"You're a bit up yourself tonight." I chuckled.
"Nah." He smiled. "But really, we met over a year ago... think that's mental."
"What a year it's been." I said with no enthusiasm whatsoever. He gave me a fake shocked look then dived onto the bed on top of me.
"Take it back, it's been the best year of your life." He said putting all his weight on me.
"You would like that wouldn't you? A little ego boost." I laughed as I tried to push him off me. I looked up at him as he straddled me, holding down my arms above my head with one of his hands. He begun tickling me, causing me to laugh loudly. This made Allen perk up and jump onto the bed. "Matty stop it." I called out.
"Just say meeting me was the best thing that ever happened to you and I will." He giggled more as he tickled me. Allen started pulling at Matty's shirt to make him stop.
"Even Allen thinks you're mental so stop." I said through my laughter. He stopped tickling me and looked at me with a pout on his face.
"This isn't fair, you two always gang up on me." He groaned.
"Well maybe it's cause you deserve it." I grinned at him, pulling my hands out of his grip. I reached up and grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him down so our lips could meet. Allen clearly didn't like it because he started barking at us.
"Can you not be a cock block?" Matty looked at Allen, who in return just gave him the puppy dog eyes.
"I think you've lost this round." I laughed at his sudden frustration.
"I always do." He mumbled, climbing off me and lying down next to us. Allen climbed on top of him and laid down. "I love you mate but you're killing my vibe." He said to Allen. I looked at them both and laughed even more. It was such a lovely moment, something I appreciated more than most.