Lion Heart | Chapter 18
⎾ We Must Bleed ⏌
Declan softly tapped his fingers on the wood table, his eyes never leaving the door. They were all waiting for his uncle Tyrion to arrive, and his grandfather was adamant that he would only release the news that came in the letter that arrived that night when all the family were present. He trailed his eyes from the door to the man, his cold eyes not betraying a thing, Declan knew that it had to be something serious otherwise he wouldn't summon them all while it was still dark outside. Joffrey was practically vibrating on his seat, the excitement palpable on his features. His mother while not showing the same enthusiasm as Joffrey still had a small smirk on her face.
He told them the contents of the letter, The thought made Declan bite his tongue firmly and his throat close slightly, he knew that his relationship with the man wasn't the same, he could feel Tywin's eyes in the back of his head every time that he was in the presence of the Tyrell family, his new fondness for them seemed to have put a wall between grandfather and grandson, I'm not a child anymore, He continued his line of thoughts, He can't use me like a puppet anymore and it's not giving me any more attention because I'm not what he wanted of me, he will ignore me until I'm of use to him again.
He trailed his eyes back to the door when his uncle Tyrion entered, the new Master of Coins had dark circles under his eyes, a sign that he was taking his duties seriously.
This family will draw all that we are until we are only a shell of ourselves and of no use to them.
Finding Joffrey's excitement as disturbing as Declan his uncle started to speak "You killed a few puppies today?"
"Show him" Joffrey said happily, he and his uncle shared a look, both thinking that whatever was in that letter could not be good "Come on, show him!"
His grandfather was impassive as he handled the letter to Tyrion, who looked at it and started to read it out loud "Roslin caught a fine fat trout. Her brothers gave her a pair of wolf pelts for her wedding. Signed Walder Frey" He then looked at Joffrey "Is that bad poetry or it is supposed to mean something?" He questioned.
"Robb Stark is dead! and his bitch mother" Joffrey said while laughing.
Declan's breath got caught in his throat, his hands turning into fists as he tried to even his respiration.
"Write back to Lord Frey, thank him for his services and command him to send Robb Stark's head. I'm going to serve it to Sansa at my wedding feast" Joffrey told Grand Maester Pycelle.
Declan practically growled as he turned to face Joffrey, his whole body vibrating with fury "Shut up! One more word and I'm going to kill you with my bare hands!"
There was a moment of utter silence as everyone seemed shocked by his words, except his grandfather who apparently was expecting such behavior and was eyeing him with judgmental eyes.
Never enough, His mind kept repeating in a loop inside his head, while he heavily breathed.
"What did you say?" Joffrey demanded, the smirk now gone and replaced with anger.
"He didn't mean it" His mother was quick to interfere, while Declan's relationship with his grandfather seemed in a never-ending downfall the one with his mother had reached a place of mutual peace where both parts seemed to ignore the other actions.
Declan knew that if she had to take a side it would not be his.
Never enough, The voice inside his head said again, he could feel a pressure in the back of his skull, a powerful headache slowly coming.
"She is no longer yours to torment" Tyrion stated, taking Joffrey's attention from his brother. But it only served as a reminder to Declan that now Tyrion was to marry Sansa.
Sweet little Sansa whose trust had been placed in Declan. Sansa whose family was almost all dead. Sansa that would be used to keep the North from attacking them. Sansa who should have been living a life like in those fairytale stories that she read as a child.
He did this, The thought came like an arrow in his brain, Frey killed them to please grandfather because now that Tyrion was going to marry Sansa Tywin could not have anyone on the way of taking the North from himself while he keeps his hands clean and ends the war, He was starting to get dizzy, it was too much.
"Everyone is mine to torment" Joffrey simply stated, but Declan was no longer paying him attention "You do well in remembering that you little monster"
"Oh a monster, perhaps you should speak to me more softly then. Monsters are dangerous and just now Kings are dying like flies"
Two threats to kill the King in less than 30 minutes. It only made the room grow tenser.
"I could have your tongues out for saying that" Joffrey stated to both Declan and Tyrion.
Cersei tried to calm Joffrey while Pycelle was telling Tywin how unacceptable that behavior was when Joffrey shouted.
"I am the King!"
"Any man who must say I am the King is no true King" His grandfather finally said "I will make you understand that when I finally win the war for you"
"My father won the real war! He killed Prince Rhaegar! He took the crown while you hid under Casterly Rock!"
Declan's eyes widened, it seemed that Joffrey registered his words too by the look upon his face.
"The King is tired, see him to his chambers" Tywin calmly said.
Declan watched as Joffrey weakly tried to stay but finally their mother's words made him leave. Slowly all members of the Council left, leaving only Tyrion and Declan with Tywin in the room.
"Walder Frey gets all the credit" His uncle started "Or the blame I suppose, depending on your allegiances. Walder Frey is many things but a brave man no. He never would have risked such action if he didn't have certain assurances"
"That he got from me" Do you disapprove?"
"I'm all for cheating, this is war, but to slaughter them at a wedding..."
"Explain to me why it is nobler to kill 10.000 men in battle than a dozen at dinner"
"So that why you did it? To save lives?" Tyrion questioned.
"To win the war, to protect the family. Do you want to write a song for the dead Starks? Go ahead, write one. I'm in this world a little longer. To defend the Lannisters, to defend my blood"
"This family will be the death of us" Declan whispered, his senses finally coming to him, the pressure on his skull no longer unbearable.
It seemed that both men heard him.
"You have gone soft, Declan" Tywin stated, clearly displeased with him "You spent too much time with the Starks and now with the Tyrells. You are forgetting who your true family is"
"How can I forget that when being a Lannister seems to be the only thing that I am" He told his grandfather while looking him in the eyes.
When he was little he was afraid of those eyes, but not anymore, not when all the rest of the respect that he held for the man was gone. His grandfather narrowed his eyes but Declan gave that no attention "I have sacrificed everything that I am in order to keep this family alive while all that I gain back from it is pain"
"You are far from what I excepted" He told him coldly "You are letting your emotions control you"
Declan scoffed "You wanted me to be the shadow of the man you once was, act as you pleased, another paw in your game"
"You are nothing like me. I can see that I made a mistake thinking that you would do better than the rest. Perhaps I should rethink your position as my heir" He spoke calmly.
Blackmail, He thought bitterly, Another way to try and keep him in line.
Not anymore.
"Do as you please. Now if you excuse me I'm going to retreat for the night" He didn't wait for a response, his feet already carrying him downstairs.
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When Declan got to the bottom of the stairs Loras was still waiting to escort him back to his chambers. He dismissed him without stopping his steps, claiming that he didn't want to be disturbed.
He went to the garden of the castle, the night enveloping his figure and making him disappear from view. He only stopped when he was distant enough to be sure that no one was near him and then he screamed.
He screamed for Ned Stark that died as a traitor, for Arya that was still lost, for Sansa that lost all, for the newly dead Starks, for Myrcella that was away because of the problem that their family caused, for Tommen who was still too young and innocent to understand what was happening and who their family really was, but he screamed especially for himself, to pour all the pain inflicted on him out, for the lives that he took in the name of his family, for the choices that he had to make to keep them safe, for the lies that now easily could roll out of his tongue and for every piece of himself that he lost so that others could maintain whole.
When he was done he collapsed on the grass exhausted, he could feel the sweat on his forehead and the soreness on his throat from screaming. At least his head was feeling lighter. He was so tired that he didn't realize he wasn't alone until a hand landed on his shoulder, making him flinch away immediately and his head turn.
"Margaery" He said breathlessly.
She didn't seem to mind the lack of proper welcome "Declan" She said quietly, to not disrupt the sudden silence.
It took some time for him to calm himself enough to form a clear thought "What are you doing here? I told Loras that I wanted to be left alone, he had no business going after you to gossip about my whereabouts"
His rude words didn't seem to faze her, she lowered herself on the grass by his side and simply said "You were ignoring me"
He didn't have an answer to that, because it was indeed true. Margaery had been the one to fill Sansa's head with ideas of a future in Highgarden, she was the reason that Sansa was going to marry Tyrion. He knew that she would be safer with him than Joffrey but the thought of her marrying him and Margaery going behind his back was too much for him to handle.
She sighed when he didn't respond "I thought you were a younger version of Lord Tywin from the stories that I had heard while on Renly's camp. But you proved me wrong when I met you, your sweet words and strong hands were a nicer picture" She then looked at him "I had taken you as a friend, was I wrong?"
He didn't look at her as he answered "I don't think that I have true friends. Everyone wants something from me"
"What it is that you think I want from you?" She questioned silently.
He turned his head to look at her eyes "You open your mouth and sweet words come rolling, you are a pleaser, even my brother couldn't find in himself to hate you. You find your way around people and you become what they want from you so that you may gain something. You want my friendship because I'm influential and may help your house gain power when I become Lord of Casterly Rock. You want my friendship because you like knowing that you are desired for both the King and the Prince. You want my friendship because you know that a King is not really the one who holds the power but the one who holds the gold and I am that man"
She was silent for so long that he thought that she would leave.
"Maybe I want your friendship for all of that and because I desire your company" It seemed that even alone they could not stop talking quietly and whispering "You are not your grandfather, Declan. There are people who respect you for who you are and what you have done and not because they are frightened of the power that you hold"
"I am so much like him that I tried to deny it, because the thought of being like him frights me. I made a man been killed for a crime that he did not commit, I killed innocent men to maintain my family safe even when I knew they were wrong and I lied so many times to others and to myself that I no longer know what the truth is"
She slowly rested her hand on top of his, her slender fingers moved and interlocked with his while her head went to rest on his shoulder "If you were anything like him you wouldn't be here now questioning your actions. You are a good man forced to be bad in order to survive, there is no shame in that" The way her thumb was moving against his knuckles was soothing him "Maybe someday we will be able to act how we want for the simple fact that we can and not because is what people expect it from us" She said quietly against his neck.
He sighed, letting his head rest on top of hers, he then gently squeeze her hand "Maybe".
✧ ————— ✧ ————— ✧
She could think of a million other places that she would wish to be right now, and none of them were here.
The Great Sept of Baelor was crowded with people waiting to see Lord Tyrion marrying Sansa Stark, it was a circus, none of the people really cared about the ceremony, they all wanted to see the dwarf making a fool of himself.
She looked at Declan that was by her side, wearing a stoic mask to cover how tense he really was.
She wasn't sure of his history with Sansa Stark.
The man standing with her undoubtedly had a very protective nature regarding the girl, truly everyone that wasn't fool enough to believe in the pathetic story of a traitor's daughter had at least pity towards her, but Declan's seems too deep engraved, like old tree roots, so definitely there was more to his protection than pity. She deeply wanted to know more of their history because it seemed that only them bared them, not even Margaery's friendship and sweet words were enough to make the girl talk.
She hoped it didn't have anything romantic there.
She could easily see Sansa and Declan married and happy, were the circumstances different maybe that could be their story. She had no doubts that Declan would be a good husband, he cared too much about others' well-being to be anything else, that was his greatest qualities and the cause of most of his pain.
She slowly moved her hand to brush against his in hopes of calming him but he retreated his hand so fast that it was a wonder that people hadn't noticed the movement. Since their encounter in the gardens he had stopped avoiding her, her family was pleased that he had returned to being near them like before. She knew she was being selfish for wanting his company, she hadn't lie to him, she sought his presence in a way that scared her to no ends, but she wasn't ready to lose him and his easy smile.
It angered her the way his family treated him, they couldn't see his potential the way she could. If Declan was to be her husband instead of the brat he calls brother she knew that they would be unstoppable, the thought alone was enough incentive for her to keep him close. Soon she would lose him, she would be Queen, she would not jeopardize that for him, nothing would get in her way, not even for him. She would be The Queen, it wouldn't be easy with a King like Joffrey but she would make it work.
Declan will be a pleasant memory, she will remember the way his smiles made her stomach feel funny and how his eyes would crinkle with the action. He will be in Casterly Rock with a fool wife that would not be able to make him the best version of himself but he would be pleased with the peace of being away from Joffrey and Cersei. He would come from time to time to visit them and respond to his King and she would eye him while next to her husband, imagining the if's that would never be.
It would be enough.
She turned her attention to the door when it opened. Sansa appearing in her wedding dress looking like she was going to a funeral. Declan tensed even more when he caught sight of Joffrey approaching the girl, this time he didn't flinch away when she reached for him.
They slowly walked, she didn't miss the barely turn of head Sansa made to look at Declan. Then Joffrey handed Sansa to Tyrion. She had to fully grasp Declan's hand when Joffrey took away the stool from Tyrion.
The boy was despicable.
She watched as the ceremony went, it was a shame that Sansa had to marry a man like Tyrion. He was smart yes, but a dwarf, people would make him remember who he is and now that Sansa became the wife of the dwarf she was sure that people would make her remember that as well.
She hoped that the feast would make Joffrey more tolerable.
Declan opted to sit with her family table, if Cersei's eyes were powerful enough she was sure that her head would already be exploded by the way the woman's eyes were boring into her. After all, Margaery had not only stolen Joffrey's attention but Declan's as well.
Declan seemed more calm now, having a conversation and laughing with her family while his uncle poured his own weight in wine.
"Time for the bedding ceremony!" Joffrey shouted.
Declan's eyes immediately went to his brother and his hold on his knife and fork went stronger.
"There will be no bedding ceremony" Tyrion drunkenly said.
"Where is your respect from tradition uncle? Come, everyone!"
Before Joffrey could pass their table Declan was standing and grabbing his wrist, the action made the King stop as he angrily looked at his brother.
"He said that there is not going to be a bedding ceremony. Let Lady Sansa leave" Declan tried to calmly say.
"There will be if I say" Joffrey stated.
Suddenly Tyrion stabbed the table with his knife, making everyone's attention go to him "Then you will be fucking your own bride with a wooden cook"
Margaery grew uncomfortable at the mention of hers and Joffrey's bedding, even if unconsciously Declan stepped closer to her.
"What did you say?" Joffrey questioned quietly and then as anger took upon him he questioned Tyrion again, but louder "What did you say!"
"I believe we can dispense the bedding, your Grace. I'm sure Tyrion did not mean to threaten the King"
Tyrion laughed and then proceed to drunkenly apologize to Joffrey, making fun of himself to calm the boy King before taking Sansa's hand and leading her in uncertain steps away from the room.
"Lannisters certain do know how to make themselves the center of attention, don't they?" Her grandmother whispered to her.
Margaery could only dread what her wedding would be if this one was any indication.
✧ ————— ✧ ————— ✧
Hello everyone! I hope you guys are all safe and healthy!
It's been a while since I last updated and you guys can't imagine how grateful I am for those who are still around and waiting for my updates!
I hope to post more frequently now, I still have other priorities but got inspired by your love for my story and decided to write and ease a little of this quarantined life!
I would also like to dedicate this chapter to all of you who haven't give up hope on my story, especially BrinleyWalker whose kind words made the want to write and inspiration come back to me!
PS: I would like to hear what character points of view you would like for me to write, Declan will always be the main pov but I do like to write others as well, feel free to comment!
Also, who do you guys think is going to be Declan's end game relationship?
Take care and stay safe!
xoxo