Harry’s POV
3 MONTHS LATER
I look up at the sky, admiring how blue it is and enjoying the brightness of the world. The birds chirp in the trees and a slight glisten form the sun, peeps through from behind the clouds. I can appreciate small things like this again, I stopped appreciating them. I stopped appreciating everything for so long, but I’m back in a place where I can enjoy them again.
My head is clear again, no longer clouded by the pain and hurt. My blood flows through my veins freely, nothing controlling my actions or my thinking. The alcohol and drugs are no longer controlling me and I am no longer dependent on them.
I lost everything, almost everything and everyone. I pushed every person who cared away and all I was left with was one friend, one person. Louis. It was only when he refused to stick around any longer that I realised I had to change. I knew then I had to get better. I had to kick the drugs and the alcohol, I had to be myself again.
It was hard, so hard to try and move on. I spent months blaming myself and wanting to kill myself because of what happened. I wanted to pain myself, pain myself for what happened to Daisy. The guilt will never leave me completely, but I know how to handle it now. I know that what happened wasn’t entirely my fault. I can stop it from consuming my mind now and my every thought. I know now she was the one who filled her veins with that deadly substance, not me. It was her and I never made her do it. She had a choice and she chose the wrong one.
I went to rehab and I got better. I did it properly this time, I took it slow in getting better. I made sure this time that there was no way I would ever go back to that life again. I really believe this time I can stay clean, but I know I have to take it each day at a time.
I got out a few days ago and I have started on making amends with everyone. There were some friendships that were easy to fix and some that I am still working on. That’s why I am here today, I am here to start fixing the last piece of my puzzle. I know this will be the hardest one and that’s why I have taken my time to start fixing it. It isn’t going to be easy, it’s going to be painful, but I am willing to go through that to make everything ok again.
I walk up the path, reaching the white wood door. This is all that separates us and my heart races at the thought. It thumps against my chest furiously, making me breathe deeper than I normally would. I lift my hand and knock loudly on the door and I wait patiently. It’s only moments later that the door opens and I see Niall standing at the other side, staring back at me curiously.
“Hi” he says “What are you doing here?” he asks.
He instinctively opens the door fully and allows me to walk inside his house, shutting the door behind me. I haven’t been here in a long time, but it’s exactly the same as I remember.
“Is Sienna here?” I ask, running my hand through my hair.
I feel awkward being here, it isn’t easy doing this. It’s even harder doing it with my friend here and knowing what is going on.
“Erm yes” he answers “I don’t think she will want to see you though” he tells me.
She has done well in avoiding me so far, but she can’t avoid me forever. I don’t blame her for that, I treated her terribly. I was drunk the last time I saw her, but I still knew what I was doing. I still remember all of the hurtful things I said to her. I still remember her kneeling in the snow, begging me to love her and I said I didn’t. I broke her, destroyed her. I didn’t care back then, I didn’t care about anyone, not even myself.
“I just need a minute to talk to her” I say, hoping she is a better person than me and she will give me a chance.
“I’ll check with her” he says.
He walks away, leaving me alone in the hallway and he heads off upstairs. I stand awkwardly waiting and I stare at the picture frames on the wall. I stare at a photograph of Sienna and Niall together. I’m not sure when it was taken, but they both look really happy. If I didn’t know them and I had just seen that picture I would think they were together. They’d have beautiful children and the stupid thoughts in my head make me feel sick. I can’t imagine her being with anyone else, nobody other than me. I know I have messed up, so many times, but I know it isn’t too late for us. It will never be too late for us.
A few minutes later Niall walks down the stairs and Sienna follows closely behind him. My heart races as I see her and the palm of my hands start to sweat. She is still wearing her Disney character pyjamas and I hope I haven’t woken her up. She rubs her eyes and she looks tired. She still looks perfect though, like an angel. Niall smiles at me as he walks into the living room, leaving me and her alone in the hallway together.
“Hey” I say nervously.
“Hi” she says, looking at me strangely.
She crosses her arms across her chest defensively. I smile lightly at the cute cartoon images on her pyjamas, she never wore them when we were together. We always slept naked or just in our underwear. I miss those days so much, it was simple back then. It was all much simpler than it is now.
“What do you want Harry?” she asks, getting straight to the point.
She doesn’t say it horribly like I deserve, she should be screaming at me now, but I am thankful that she doesn’t. I don’t deserve a second of her time, I am glad she is giving me a few minutes though. I can tell though she wants me to get to the point and to then leave her alone.
“I wanted to talk to you” I say, swallowing the lump in my throat.
I am terrified of trying to speak to her and having this conversation. It has been a long time since I have spoken to her properly, like she deserved. It has been too long since I have given her the time and attention she deserves.
“Ok” she says, standing still with her arms crossed “Go on” she urges.
“You look well” I say, scratching the back of my head.
I really need some courage to say what I need too. I haven’t felt this nervous and on edge in a long time. That proves to me how important she is, if she wasn’t I wouldn’t feel like this.
“So do you, you look like you again” she smiles lightly.
I knew she would still say something nice to me, even after everything I have done. I don’t deserve her niceness, I never have. I can tell though that she isn’t finding it easy to be nice to me today. I just hope what I say next makes it all easier for her.
“Thank you” I say gratefully “Is there somewhere where we can talk more privately?” I ask.
I don’t like the thought of Niall being able to hear us, it is only making me feel more nervous. She turns to the living room door and closes it shut, ensuring who is inside can’t over hear us.
“This is as private as you’re going to get” she tells me.
I nod and I bite down on my lip, trying to work out in my head how to start this. Everything I had planned to say has completely left my head.
“Can I say sorry first?” I ask.
She raises her eyebrow at me “Yes, you can”.
This apology is long overdue and I should be doing some serious grovelling to get her to forgive me.
“I am really sorry for everything that happened. I know sorry doesn’t take back everything I have said and done, but I really do mean it” I say genuinely.
“Ok” she says simply.
I don’t know if she has accepted my apology fully, I just have to hope she has. I’m not exactly in the position to ask and challenge her on it.
“I know I have fucked up too many times. I know I don’t deserve anything from you, but I have to try” I say.
She stares at me questionably and she takes a small step away from me. I can see it in her eyes, she knows why I am here. This isn’t just about forgiveness, it is about so much more.
“Don’t” she says shaking her head.
“Don’t what?” I ask.
“Don’t say what you are going to say” she tells me.
I can’t help it though, I need to say it. I need to say how I feel, because I can’t live with the regret of not saying it.
“I have to say it” I tell her “I love you and I’m not letting you go this time”.
“Why?” she snaps angrily “Why do you always have to do this? Why do you always end up coming back to me? Why couldn’t you have said this to me months ago? Why couldn’t you have said this back to me when I said it to you? Why? WHY?” she ask angrily, hands outstretched beside her.
She throws all of these questions at me and I wish I could tell her why, I don’t know why I did it. I don’t think I will ever know why.
“I was stupid, so fucking stupid” I say desperately.
I need her to realise I made a mistake and that I won’t make that same mistake again. I am a different person now, a better person.
“Yes you were” she snaps.
“I have punished myself every day since that day” I tell her.
She half laughs “Am I meant to feel sorry for you?” she asks “What about me? How do you think I felt? You broke my heart! You broke me!”
“I know, I just need one more chance. I need one chance to prove to you that I have changed and that I can make you happy”.
“You’re too late” she says in frustration.
I can’t be too late, I can’t be.
“Please” I can’t fight the emotion anymore “I love you, you have to let me prove how much I love you”.
“I loved you and you didn’t care. You didn’t care when I was on my knees in the snow, begging you not to leave me. You still left me” she doesn’t show any emotion other than anger.
It scares me how unemotional she is, I had wanted to use her emotion in my favour. I wanted to show her that we still loved each other, if we were both still willing to cry over one another.
“Ok” I say, lowering myself to my knees.
I don’t care if I look like an idiot, I will beg her on my knees for forgiveness. I will do anything for her to forgive me, even if it means making a fool of myself. I will even out our scores, I will beg her just like she begged me. I will do anything she wants me too, I will do anything to get her back.
“Get up” she says shaking her head.
I don’t though, I want to prove to her that I have changed and that I am willing to do anything for her to forgive me again. She moves to me, grabbing my arm and pulling me up to my feet. She quickly lets go of me, once I am up on my feet.
“Listen to me” she says firmly “I meant it, you are too late”.
I refuse to believe her, so I just shake my head.
“I can’t be too late, please” I plead.
I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to stop myself from crying in front of her. I don’t want to cry anymore.
“I’m with some else” she tells me, avoiding my eye contact.
Her words shatter my heart, it breaks and it lays broken in front of her. I can see the guilt in her eyes and I know she isn’t enjoying this. She isn’t enjoying telling me this. She doesn’t want to hurt me, even after all the times I have hurt her. She isn’t cruel like me, she is a good person. I wish I had been as good to her as she has been to me. I know things would be different now if I was.
“No” I whisper “Please no”.
“I’m so sorry” she says quietly, her eyes welling with tears.
There is so much more I need to say to her, but I am stopped as I hear his voice.
“Sienna” he says.
My heart nearly stops as he starts to walk down the stairs. Her eyes glisten with tears as do mine as everything starts to make sense. I step backwards, it hits me like a ton of bricks, realising we are over.
“Hey mate” Liam says smiling at me. He walks to her, wrapping his arm around her waist and he wears just his boxers.
I feel like I am going to be sick, putting all the pieces together and realising she is with him.
My Sienna is with Liam.
“I guess the cats out of the bag” he smiles gesturing between the pair of them “We’re together” he states the obvious.
I don’t speak, I can’t say a word. The pain is too much to deal with. He seems completely oblivious to how devastated I am, but she isn’t. She knows how terribly painful this is for me, maybe because she was once in this position with me.
“Give me two minutes” Sienna says to him.
He nods, smiling at me and he runs back upstairs, without saying another word.
“I’m so sorry” she says, looking to the floor.
“It’s ok, I understand” I lie.
“I didn’t want you to find out like this, I wanted to come and tell you myself” she says.
She doesn’t owe me anything, not even an explanation. I nod, fighting back the tears.
“I best be off” I say, trying to hide the fragile and broken tone in my voice.
“Ok” she says.
I turn around and I walk to the door, I need to get out of here.
She walks behind me and as I open the door, I feel her hand on my arm. The familiar touch sends shivers through me and a desirable burn that only she can create.
“Take care of yourself Harry” she says, meaning it.
I nod, her hand is removed from me and the burn disappears, but I can still feel her imprint on my skin. I walk outside and I hear the door close behind me. I walk quickly down the street, heading as far away from here as I can.
I let the tears fall once I turn the corner and I don’t care who can see me. It hits me immediately that I have lost the best thing I ever had. I have lost something that it took me so long to see was everything I needed. I have lost the only person who has ever loved me for me. I have lost her to someone who has claimed to be my friend. He was stealing her from me the whole time I was trying to get better.
I may have lost her now, but that doesn’t mean I have lost her forever. I won’t give up, I can’t give up. We both know this isn’t the end, I’m not giving up on her and I hope she won’t give up on me. I know we will be together again. It’s written in the stars, she’s mine. I will be with her, fate will bring us together again. Liam might be in our way for now, but he won’t block us forever. Sienna will be mine again, she will always end up being mine. She’s my star and I’m her sky, that isn’t something that can just disappear, even if she wants it too.