The air in the hallway seemed to outmatch my tank top and shorts, and definitely my body as I recovered from my drunken decisions. I walked gingerly down the hall, hands wrapped around my elbows, moving up and down to try and help me forget about the temperature, and towards the lit opening at the end.
The layout of the pack house was very simple, indeed. The guest wing was just off of the entry way, with the kitchen and common areas in the opposite direction, and the living spaces of the permanent residents on the floors above the ground level. I emerged from the darkened hallway that was the guest wing, distancing myself from my unit's rooms, and crossed the grand entry way. I turned as I walked to look out the front windows, but darkness denied me anything to look at beyond the reach of the front porch lights. To my left, I turned once again to see that the back yard was entirely vacated, with only ghosts of the evening's party still in attendance.
I stepped into the grips of the bright light that illuminated the large kitchen, and was forced to squint my eyes as the brightness was very harsh on my poor half drunk eyes.
I shielded my eyes with my left hand so that I could only see the floor, but it didn't matter. I knew this entire house like the back of my hand. I'm not afraid to admit that I've always been the type to midnight snack, so I knew the kitchen with my eyes literally closed.
I grabbed a cup from the nearest cabinet and walked towards the fridge with my eyes still down cast, almost reaching it until I heard a gasp.
Startled, I jumped, "Oh, you scared me!" I exclaimed, the hand that had been shielding my eyes clapped at my chest. My shock, however, was quick to give way to irritation. Drunken, unfiltered irritation.
'Oh,' I thought, 'this interaction will be something I shall regret tomorrow'.
My right eyebrow raised and my lip literally curled up in disgust at the couple before me. There he was, my goddess given mate standing before me. His shoulders always did look good in whatever shirt he chose to wear, I could see this clearly as he had his back facing me and his body situated between a pair of legs. This was it, this was everything I'd been anticipating for the past four years, everything that had occupied my thoughts for the last week. It's just like I imagined.
Everything except for his hands resting on said pair of legs. The girl I'd seen earlier in the back yard was perched on the counter of the island. Her manicured nails left her own chest as she reached down to stop Brighton's hands from going any further up her tanned legs. Her eyes sought mine as she exclaimed, "Hey Danny! Goddess, look at you, you look great!"
My eyebrows gathered at the center of my forehead as I tried to figure out how I was supposed to know this girl. Her hair was caramel brown and straightened so that it reached her elbows. She wore jean shorts that covered her belly button, but a shirt that showed some of her stomach. Staring at her brown eyes, where were kind of far apart in an adorable sort of way, I saw nothing at all about her appearance which raised any bells in my slow functioning brain.
I couldn't just say that though. Even drunk-off-her-ass Danny knew 'Do I know you?' would be the way to go only if I wanted to cringe myself out of my pants. No, I opted for the much safer, much more understandable, blame my absence route.
"I'm sorry, it's been so long. I almost didn't recognize you!" My hand reached up to my scalp as if scratching it would make the memories come out of hiding or something. My face portrayed artificial relief, all counter balanced by the obvious confusion in my eyes. I still had no idea who the hell this girl was. I mean, our pack wasn't even that big! I had only assumed she joined after I'd left.
She giggled and shifted away from Brighton. The ass still hadn't bothered to acknowledge my presence, but I wasn't too surprised. An ass does what an ass does, I guess.
"Well, I kinda ditched the glasses and the braces," she explained, tossing some hair over her shoulder.
My head tilted to the side. The tip of her nose, under the thick layer of foundation reminded me of how - "No way!" the level of my voice had raised uncontrollably in excitement, "Allison, oh my god!" I became speechless taking in her transformation.
The Allison Dirkman from four years ago had been my faithful gym partner. Both of us had been misfits in that class, ironically enough. High school hadn't treated either of us well. She was the scrawny nerd, and I was the, well... somewhat of the opposite.
"Danny I can't believe it's you either. I mean god-lee! What are they feeding you at that place? And can I get me some?" we laughed together. It was that sense of humor that got me through high school. I mean, I knew my body looked different now that I had been training so intensely for so long. I think I had grown a bit too. All in all, I don't think I would've fit into my old clothes, but it was hard to tell since I didn't have a need to try them on at all. Allison and I weren't the closest of friends, that was reserved for Charlotte and Kenny, but she was undoubtedly a great friend of mine back in high school. We did have a lot in common back then, both of us uncomfortable in our own skins and struggling to fit in.
"I've been living off of iron nails, thank you for asking." I grinned at her. All irritation I had felt previously was wiped away at my reunion with my good friend.
Brighton chose that time to turn around. Our eyes met and all of my previous irritation returned as drunk Danny's tendency for drunken mood swings reared it's ugly head. His nose, which had recently lifted from the Allison's neck blushed first. Then the rest of his face did to frame increasingly wide eyes. He looked like he had just been caught and the next words out of his mouth were going to be, 'it's not what it looks like,'. I internally chuckled at my antics. Boy my imagination really was wild. My brain couldn't figure out what he was on, and then came his eloquent speech, "shit".
My eyes narrowed as I watched his own drag the distance from my eyes all the way to the ground where I stood and back up again. My mouth literally opened involuntarily, as the only thing I could think was, 'is this even happening right now?' My nose scrunched up to complete the look. I was completely over this interaction, and it had only begun 10 seconds ago.
"Right," I said. My mind was reeling as fast as the beer would let it.
I decided I would end this interaction with a turn of my shoulder towards my previously forgotten goal. I began filling my empty cup from the water spout on the door to the refrigerator.
The water line rose painfully slow. Allow me to emphasize just how painfully, as my adrenaline seemed to wear off any effects from the beer of that night. I was in fact, hyper aware of my surroundings, and my brain seemed to be working in over drive.
Was what I think was happening really happening right now? My grip tightened on the plastic cup as I took it away from the sensor.
Allison, completely unaware of the awkwardness that had entered the kitchen, didn't skip a beat, "It's so good to see you again, I'll bet you're so excited to be home! I think we all missed you." She was always that sweet. It was what I loved about her, but god, right now she could really be dense.
No, that was wrong of me. She didn't have a prayer of knowing what was happening. Neither Brighton nor I had told anyone really when we found out that we were mates. I had only ever told Charlotte and Kenny. Not even my parent's knew. I knew that they would do something psychotic to make him pay, when all I wanted to do was forget the rejection all together. He on the other hand, well I had always wondered why I had been rejected in the first place. Now, standing in front of him four years later, I believed I had my first clue.
And I was one thread away from coming unhinged. I'd never had a good temper, and looking at Allison, pleasantly settled on the counter top, I knew that this wasn't the time or place for it to make an appearance. Unfortunately, I had the tendency to put class over fun, and I did tend to have a lot of fun when my temper reached its limit.
I yanked out my last drop of pleasantness and offered it to her with a, "It's strange being back, that's for sure. Maybe we can catch up soon, I've got to go, uh," good one, Danny you're about as graceful as a circus clown when you're angry, "I'll see you around". I gritted the last words out as if Brighton's unrelenting stare was forcing my teeth together with an iron grip. The feeling was quite literally scraping against my last nerve.
Why the hell was he staring at me like that. The fact that I believed I had an inkling as to why was the last straw. I needed to leave before I unleashed my wrath. I didn't want Allison to get caught in the cross fire.
I turned and hauled ass out of the kitchen. My hands shook violently. The water from my cup sloshed over the brim and splashed down on the hard wood floor of the guest wing hallway but my focus was on getting to the exit.
After bursting through the doors, the cool night air assuaged my anger for only one moment. It was enough for common sense and my dry tongue to kick in long enough for me to down what was left in my cup in one single gulp before my fingers snapped the plastic into pieces.
My ribs expanded and contracted but my mind wouldn't let me notice.
I kept replaying over and over the way his eyes had dragged over my body. He seemed surprised. Surprised at what?
I began to pace towards the tree line with my fingers knotted in my scalp.
Was he surprised at how I looked? Oh, not just how I looked. He was surprised at how skinny I was, wasn't he?
And what about the way his skin had flushed?
I felt the overwhelming urge to sob for only a moment.
I began to jog. The trees couldn't meet me soon enough.
I couldn't bring myself to picture it, and I couldn't help myself either. The way his face looked as he had looked at me. For the first time in four long years, too.
He was disgusting, repulsive, and scum of a human being. That's what I had told myself ever since the day my heart had been ripped out, but I had known it was a lie. Brighton had rejected me for personal reasons, or whatever the hell else idiots rejected their mates for. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that I had been spot on in my rationalizations.
The way he looked at me tonight in the kitchen was what I had wished for with every ounce of my being for four years.
He had actually wanted me.
I broke into a dead sprint, not slowing when I entered the tree line.
No, this couldn't be. Everything I had wanted for the past four years was finally mine, but my stomach wanted to wretch, and that was unrelated to what I had ingested.
The pounding of my bare feet on the forest floor nor the burning in the bottom of my lungs were any match for the hurt I was feeling in my heart. It was like I was seeing everything clearly for the first time. The worst thing to ever happen to me, the turning point in my life, the defining event; my rejection by Brighton Richmond had been triggered by seemingly one thing and one thing only.
And that reason began and ended with the size of my pants.