ყ/ŋ'ʂ ℘ơ۷
Words couldn't describe how much it hurt.
'You can't understand how it feels until it happens to you,' I understand that now. And it's true.
You couldn't even begin to imagine the amount of pain I felt. It was not one emotion, but a concoction of many.
They all continued to pile up inside me, to flow into my whole body and make me something I was not. Change was inevitable, and I wanted it to happen.
Forget remorse. Throw away sympathy.
Make me something that could not feel.
Make me something that couldn't be hurt. Make me something that can't get heartbroken. Make me something that will kill without mercy.
Make me into the monster I was always destined to be.
Just take away the emotions that made me this weak. Tear them from my grip.
I don't want to be weak anymore.
Fill my lungs with the thirst for blood and revenge. Flood my head with aggression and irrational wrath.
Wash out all my weaknesses. I don't want to be weak anymore. I want a heart of stone.
I want to be an unbreakable wall. I no longer want this fragile mind.
It's not just heartbreak....it's self hate. Maybe if I'd tried harder to find a way out, then people would believe I was hurting. Maybe they'd see that I need help.
That's just what I want to purge from my head. I don't want regret, or sorrow, or sadness.
What I said to Garaki was the most I'd said to anyone.
The doctor was working for Shigaraki. And I wanted in on the plan they were forming.
"I want you to make me into a weapon," I muttered, removing the dirty bandages from my legs and upper arms.
The hospital gown hung loose on my pale, scarred skin that clung to my bones. My skeletal figure was hidden from view, the gown shielding it and only revealing my calves and pin-like arms.
"I don't want to feel this pain anymore, please take it away,"
Needles, wires, metal.
I felt them pierce and tighten on my skin. The operation table was cold under my slight weight. The doctor held a fluid in an injection needle in his hand.
"This is the last day you'll be human anymore," he warned.
Stop with the shitty story of no turning back, I don't want to feel this regret anymore.
"Get on with it dammit," monotone spilled from my mouth.
He put the anaesthetic into my neck, the sharp needle spilling a dark drop of scarlet as it retracted from my skin.
I felt the liquid push me over the edge into the void of unconsciousness.
It felt like I was falling.
Like I was pushed off the cliff of humanity, doomed to ever fall down the crevasse of eternity. Falling. Down, down.
Nothing could stop it now. Humanity and emotion was soon to be purged from me, and I was sure to never miss it.
~
Third Person's POV
She woke up, sitting upright and raising from the table. Her eyes were blank. Her shoulders hung limp to her neck, her head faced to her lap as her hair covered her face.
It slowly burned and flowed downwards, bubbling at the top.
Calm. That's what it displayed, but you couldn't say the same for her face.
Her eyes, despite being directed towards her lap, showed a blank tiredness, her half-lidded eyelids portrayed no emotion whatsoever.
She pushed herself to the side, so her legs hung from the table, limply. Her hair, still bubbling contently and swirling on her head, was the only conveyer of emotion left. Her face was like a wax mask, never to change until it was destroyed.
~
𝕊𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝 𝕎𝕖𝕖𝕜𝕤 𝕃𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕣
Y/N wasn't Y/N anymore.
Killings and disappearances had heightened within the streets near UA. And now, for once, the pro heroes couldn't do much about it. Before they knew it, someone ended up dead in an alleyway.
~
"Tell me the code," Y/N repeated.
The captive struggled and cried in the bound rope and chair. He shook his head violently, the left temple bleeding and battered from the baseball bat discarded to the side.
Y/N sighed, now spinning a pair of scissors around her bloody fingers.
"I need the code for the security system, and you resisting is not going to get you anywhere, you'll just die slower," she sighed again.
He made a noise through the tape. Hopping off of the counter, she stopped spinning the scissors. She tore off the tape from his mouth and aimed the scissors at his neck.
"You're not getting the code, you'll have to kill me," he spat.
"Oh I plan to," she said bluntly, "but, first, I need the code,"
He laughed, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth.
"Well, good luck,"
She stared at him, a cold stare, one that could make anyone crack because it hosted no emotion. But he remained stoic and sturdy, persistent to keep his mouth zipped shut.
"I see," she finally spoke, "you need motivation,"
She pulled out a picture from her pocket, and watched as the colour drained from his face.
"You're the eldest brother, right?" She asked, "you love your siblings' smiles, don't you? So how would you feel if they had no faces to smile with...?"
She took the scissors and slowly cut along the paper, one of the people's heads slowly being sliced with the material. She leaned in to his ear.
"Each minute you spend disobeying me, each one of your siblings looses their head..."
His eyes were wide... betraying his work or saving his family...the latter was all that mattered.
"The code is 9275! That's the code!" He cried out in defeat, his head hung low.
She looked behind her, the dark, box room had a one way mirror, where the rest of the members watched and waited.
She cut off the rest of the picture and threw it to the side.
The baseball bat was picked up, and she walked back to the captive. The bluff has been a success.
"We don't know where your family is, but thank you for cooperating," her eyes showed no mercy, as she brought the bat behind her head.
However, just before she swung the bat, he cried out someone's name.
Someone that made something spark inside of the attacker.
"What did you say...?" She loosened her grip.
He said the name again.
Lowering the bat, Y/N was confused. Why would he say a random name?
Little did he know, he was slowly slicing through the rope around his wrists with sharp shards of copper that broke through his skin. A quirk that wasn't useful, only for repairing pipes in rooms, but in this situation, it was his only hope.
The bat lowered, she grasped it by her side, her knuckles turning white.
"Why would you say that name?" She asked, confused.
"You know her," he whispered.
I know her...
"Who is she?" Y/N demanded.
Her chest felt heavy, like something was tugging at her heart, and her eyes began to water...
The rope fell to the floor in a loud thud, the captive's hands brought up to his face, which triggered the genetic response planted in Y/N's brain. She rose the bat, and swung violently down onto his head, shattering his skull as blood splattered all over the dark, dingy walls. She then hit again...and again....and again...until all his limbs were crushed, and the walls were painted crimson.
Her chest rose and fell in deep breaths.
"I...don't know her,"
She threw the bat at the wall and barged out of the door, slamming it behind her.
Dabi and Spinner ran after her.
They chased after her as she climbed up the drainpipe and towards the rooftop, heavy rain pouring from the dark, cloudy night sky.
"Y/N!" Spinner yelled, surprised by her speed that wasn't displayed before.
"No!" She screamed, which caused the two to freeze in place.
She turned around, her cheeks flooded with steaming tears, her eyes filled with insecurity and confusion. None of the coldness...no emptiness was in her face.
"Who is she..?" She cried out.
The pair of men stared in shock.
"Why did he say her name, how do I know her!?" Y/N continued to yell.
The buildings they stood on were illuminated by one faulty street lamp, and her tears shone in its faint light.
"Just leave me alone..." she muttered, as she turned around and ran.
And she kept running, until her spot came into view, a makeshift tarpaulin tent set up.
She crawled into the small space, out of the rain, as her hair hissed in contentment as the water no longer battered it.
She brought her shivering knees to her chest, the same look of confusion and fear plastered on her face.
"...do I know her...?"