It's been almost a year since Tiffany died, the news of her death was a shock to everyone in the world, it became a headline in other countries and Sones all over the world prayed for her and honored her in their own ways, Girl's Generation was on a stand still for a while, everyone in SM were grieving, Tiffany Hwang is not just a K-Pop Idol, she was more than that, she was a hard working person, a great friend, a supportive member, a reliable teammate, a wonderful daughter, a loving sister, a kind selfless person, a walking angel in short.
She was beautiful inside and out, everyone took it hard but no one took it harder than her 8 sisters, especially her dear best friend and lover Taeyeon. She locked herself in the dorm and stayed in her room most of the time, the news was all about Tiffany's death, and in SNS it was also about her so she just grieved silently in her room.
Taeyeon would constantly visit Tiffany's room and just lay in her bed, smelling Tiffany's scent calmed her down and made her feel safe.
As time passed the news gradually died down and the girls resumed their career and lives, they stayed strong and continued on as a 7 member group, they released a new album, Taeyeon and Seohyun released a solo album, Hyoyeon and Sunny continued their radio hosting, Yuri is guesting and hostig in variety shows, Sooyoung and Yoona continued their acting careers. The girls won awards and in every award they received they would always include Tiffany's name and thank her.
The girls would still tear up when asked about Tiffany but they made sure to smile and remember the good times with her. SNSD will never be the same again, but life goes on...
........Somewhere
Taeyeon's POV
"Hey Pany-ah....(sigh)..I just released my first full album yesterday...I missed you today again, I miss you every day....(kneels down)...How are you? Say hi to your mom for me okay? Hmmmm~....if you were here we'd be out driving and listening to the album and singing our hearts out...It's funny 'cause when I filmed the MV for the title track 'Fine' I actually almost cried on set hahaha...it was kinda embarrassing really...." I took a deep breath and looked at the her grave
Tiffany Hwang
1989-2016
A Loving Friend, Sister, Daughter
"Even if other people tell you otherwise, if you just believe in yourself, you can do everything..."
She said that when we did a variety show a few years ago, it absolutely describes her and what she's been through; she's a tough mushroom that's for sure.
It's a simple engraving, the company built a small shrine for her where fans could pay their respects rather than come here, it's a private cemetery, I told Mr. Hwang that he could take her and bury her in the States with her mom but he declined the offer and said 'I know Stephanie would want to stay here, she stayed here till the end, this is where she achieved her dream with all of you, made her own legacy and most importantly this is where she found you, her happiness is here, her happiness is you Taeyeon-ah.' I broke down when Mr. Hwang said that, I visit her almost every day and as promotions got more hectic I had trouble coming everyday but I made sure I would visit her once or twice every week.
"Yeah so...I just wanted to talk to you...talking to you here calms me down and....being here makes me feel your presence and warmth, you did promise to be here when I visit your right?....anyways I'll play the title track and we'll listen to it together...like we always do but in a different situation but still....it's a kind of break-up song, about a girl who couldn't move on..." I take a deep breath and sat down near her grave..."But it kinda reminds me of you...anyways here it is..I hope you like it, then again you always said you'd love every song I sing so.."
(Cue Fine by Kim Taeyeon)
I listened to the song play as the breeze comes....
.....and memories of her flash through my mind as I listen to the song...
On a piece of ripped paper
I wrote down how I feel about you
It becomes clear somethin' bout you
..hmmm I tried that actually and I just cried remembering your smile..
Yeah you're similar to me but different
..you're everything I'm not we're opposites and yet, you're everything I need....
I wonder if you're the same as me now
I get my hopes up
....always hoping that one day you'll just walk in my room and smile at me...
When a day, a month, a year passes
We each live different lives
..more like different worlds....but even if we're worlds apart I'll still keep loving you Pany-ah..
I'm not like that
It won't be easy for me
...it never will be...
You keep taking up every day of my life
..every second...when I'm sad, angry, confused, depressed, lost...I'd recall our moments together, cry a little 'cause I miss you but after that I feel calmer...
It's not time yet
I keep repeating it to myself like a fool
I can't swallow the words that are in my mouth
It's not fine
Ah- Ah- Ah- Ah- It's not fine
...It's not...loosing you never will be..
I tie my hair up
And I clean my messy room
I'm looking for somethin' new
...more like looking for someone...You..
Sometimes when the overpowering feeling of
Feeling like I have to do something
Forces me to move
...I go here to talk to you...hoping to feel your presence..
After a day, a month, a year
....I miss you even more every day, your smile, your warmth...everything about you..
I thought I'd be smiling and thinking back on it
I'm not like that
It won't be easy for me
You keep taking up every day of my life
It's not time yet
I keep repeating it to myself like a fool
I can't swallow the words that are in my mouth
It's not fine
Ah- Ah- Ah- Ah- It's not fine
Meaningless jokes, talking back and forth
I look like I'm fine among people
...but I'm really not...
I smile pretending like I'm dull
...but in reality I fell like a lost a part of me...like there's a huge piece missing...
I try to turn away from the shade that is you
...I can never forget you...and the pain will never disappear..but I accept that your gone...but forgetting you will never be an option.....I love you too much to do that..
I keep thinking of
Our last moment
...when I held you in my dream, and we cuddled together...your beautiful smile will forever be engraved in my mind and heart Pany-ah...
Our breakup was simple, all we said was goodbye
It's not time yet
I keep repeating it to myself like a fool
I can't swallow the words that are in my mouth
It's not fine
Ah- Ah- Ah- It's not fine Oh-
Ah- Ah- Ah- It's not fine.
..without you...I will never be fine....
While listening to the song I recalled the precious moments we had together like the day we first met, became roommates....when she first met my family and went to my house...when we first travelled abroad, met her family....the day we started dating, our first kiss, our first time....your last words to me...
Pany-ah...I miss you so much... I thought as I stood up and looked at her grave....
...I looked up and stared at the sky as tears fall down my cheeks...
If you could hear me Pany-ah....I love you...I always will...then I felt a warm breeze as if someone was hugging me and I swear I heard Pany-ah's voice saying 'I love you too Taetae~"...
After that I felt a little bit calmer and relieved, the manager is already calling for me since lunch time's almost over and I still have schedule...i bent down and touched her grave one last time "I have to go now Pany-ah, I'll try to visit you again tomorrow if I can okay? I love you my Pany-ah~" I said as I stood up and walked to the van...
As I was nearing the van I looked back and I stopped in my tracks, I saw her, standing there with her beautiful eye-smile looking at me, I was a little shocked but I just smiled back at her and waved goodbye then went inside the van...I love you...
Taeyeon didn't know that Tiffany was actually there with her, listening to her. She's always there whenever Taeyeon would visit her as she promised she would and besides that she just couldn't leave her....She hugged Taeyeon from behind and whispered in her ear...As Taeyeon looked back she let Taeyeon see her and smiled at her.
'ByeTaeTae..see you...I miss you and I love you so much..I'll always be here when you need me Tae...'
Tiffany bent down and looked at the picture Taeyeon left for her, she smiled and then she eventually disappeared...
A picture was placed by her grave...it is the first ever picture they both took together when they first became roommates years ago. She laughed a bit seeing their baby faces and chubby cheeks, there was something written at the back 'The day I found my Soulmate!'
End.